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Unashamedly crap jokes (some are pure gold!)


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My wife dressed up as a sexy policewoman and put me in handcuffs saying I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

 

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped.

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That thing you do
On 07/12/2023 at 09:51, Ron Burgundy said:

My wife dressed up as a sexy policewoman and put me in handcuffs saying I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

 

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped.

That a true story? Lol

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That thing you do
On 07/12/2023 at 01:47, Carl Fredrickson said:

image.png.dd6b1401d6905f0997891ea0260e9a8c.png

I have it on spotify. And Viva España. My wife isnt keen on that ever since a members club in marbella wouldnt serve her in Spanish, only English spoken.

 

She was disappointed Mexico got conquered by a nation that allows themselves to be conquered by British people on the piss.

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On 03/11/2023 at 07:29, Carl Fredrickson said:
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car…
Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man.
He yells, "Look what you did to my car…!!!”
"You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my…" the old man said nervously, "I don't have that kind of money.”
“Let me call my son…,” he said with hope,
“he trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins..!?!?!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh..?!?!” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp…!!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes," says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road.
When he finished, he walked over to his father and said….
"For the last time dad, I train Seals…
Navy Seals.”
“NOT dolphins..!!”

 

Proper lol that one, and a lot of your others have been great too.

 

On 18/11/2023 at 10:31, Morgan said:

 

:lol:

 

If you're not Scottish you aren't getting that one!

 

Catching up but I confess that one took me a good minute to suss out, but got there eventually.

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Carl Fredrickson
While many complain about life in general and the cost of living etc. I'm sitting in a sofa that costs £2,500, all lovely and warm in front of a fire place that costs £1,700, watching the latest movie on a 90" smart tv that costs £4,500.
Right now l'm so happy, with not a care in the world.
Not even the staff at John Lewis who keep asking me to leave can spoil my day
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39 minutes ago, The Jazz Emu said:

What do you call a trifle with acne?

 

Mouse.

Confused 

need help with that

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3 hours ago, heatonjambo said:

Confused 

need help with that

 

Let me know once you work it out. I don't get it as well. Something to do with mousse perhaps?

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21 hours ago, heatonjambo said:

Confused 

need help with that

 

17 hours ago, redjambo said:

 

Let me know once you work it out. I don't get it as well. Something to do with mousse perhaps?

 

Hello.

 

There are hundreds and thousands of answers to this little joke, and every one of them is sweeter than the previous one.

 

My favourite explanation is that most mice have spots and bowl cut hair-dos.

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16 minutes ago, The Jazz Emu said:

 

 

Hello.

 

There are hundreds and thousands of answers to this little joke, and every one of them is sweeter than the previous one.

 

My favourite explanation is that most mice have spots and bowl cut hair-dos.

 

aad5c85b4ce1a2ae6a709529a836400e.jpg

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