Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses Posted January 11, 2024 Share Posted January 11, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japan Jambo Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 On 25/12/2023 at 17:27, Carl Fredrickson said: Two blokes in the pub are talking about what they bought their wife's for Christmas. First one says I bought the wife an Audi and a diamond necklace, if she doesn't like the necklace she can jump into the car and pop down the jewellers to change it. Second one says great thinking I did something similar, I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn't like the slippers she can go **** herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japan Jambo Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 16 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: 6 He was definitely punching. She still looks great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarkus1981_1 Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bauld Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 11 hours ago, Japan Jambo said: He was definitely punching. She still looks great. Early contender for understatement of the year. She was 22 and he was 40. 22yr old Amanda Holden....Les Dennis..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 I’ve finally got a date for my colonoscopy, although she'd probably rather just go to Cineworld. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted January 12, 2024 Share Posted January 12, 2024 On 11/01/2024 at 14:26, Carl Fredrickson said: What do you call a magician who's lost his magic? Ian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted January 13, 2024 Share Posted January 13, 2024 I'm starting a diet on Monday, I find dieting difficult, the trouble is I'll eat anything put in front of me............hence the abrupt end to my Gynaecological career. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted January 13, 2024 Share Posted January 13, 2024 One of my best friends has just been struck off for having an affair with a patient. Damn shame, one of the best vets I’ve ever known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manaliveits105 Posted January 13, 2024 Share Posted January 13, 2024 On 11/01/2024 at 17:18, Dawnrazor said: 6 Definitely one of life's mysteries Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted January 14, 2024 Share Posted January 14, 2024 Pinched from Keith Brown on Facebook. Two Scotsmen go to Hell A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them?" The devil says "Glaswegians? Their kind are normally very friendly, helpful and honest, so we do not see many such men in my dark domain... Hang them in a cage over the lake of fire for now and I shall check on them later." But when the devil flew up to the cage to check on the Scotsmen, he found them happily lounging around with their shirts off. "What is the meaning of this?" The devil cried. "You're supposed to be in torment!" The Glaswegians looked surprised "Naw" they said "it's pure quality taps aff weather here man. It's no drab an' dreich like Scotland, you know that way?" Fuming, the devil flew to the great thermostat of Hell and cranked it all the way to the top. And the next day, the temperature was so high that even the demons were sweating, the stones of hell were melting and the flames from the lake of fire were leaping higher than ever before. So the devil was surprised when he visited the Scotsmen and found that they had somehow procured plastic lawn furniture and Buckfast tonic wine. Raising a glass to the devil, one of the Scotsmen said "Hey big man! If I'd known it was so lovely an warm doon here, I'd've done a whole lot more sinning! Weather's always shite in Glasgae. Always freezin' ma nuts off, you know?" "I see." The devil replied, smiling though clenched teeth "your dismal country has given you a great love of heat. The hotter it is, the happier you are. Well, we'll see about that." So saying, he flew to the great thermostat of Hell once more, but this time, he turned it all the way down. The next day, the lake of fire was frozen solid for the first time, sinners were frozen in blocks of ice and demons huddled in corners for warmth, their teeth chattering. But when the devil visited the Scotsmen, he found them jumping for joy, tearfully cheering "Scotland! SCOTLAND!!!" The devil's jaw dropped. "What? Why? How? I burn you and you are happy! I freeze you and you celebrate! What is wrong with you?" One of Glaswegians turned back and said "Is it no feckin' obvious ye daft bastart? Hell's frozen over! Scotland's won the world cup!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 18, 2024 Share Posted January 18, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 20, 2024 Share Posted January 20, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 20, 2024 Share Posted January 20, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Jazz Emu Posted January 20, 2024 Share Posted January 20, 2024 1 hour ago, Carl Fredrickson said: My next door neighbour is called Bob, but he's a hairdresser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 20, 2024 Share Posted January 20, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 20, 2024 Share Posted January 20, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted January 21, 2024 Share Posted January 21, 2024 Who's the most annoying Spanish team? Must be Betis they've got Fekir in the team Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted January 21, 2024 Share Posted January 21, 2024 On 20/01/2024 at 16:08, The Jazz Emu said: My next door neighbour is called Bob, but he's a hairdresser. Is he French? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted January 21, 2024 Share Posted January 21, 2024 Q. Why shouldn't you insult Italian bakers? A. 'Cos they'll beat the Focaccia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 23, 2024 Share Posted January 23, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 23, 2024 Share Posted January 23, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 23, 2024 Share Posted January 23, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericthepen Posted January 23, 2024 Share Posted January 23, 2024 Posh Lady to bartender "I'd like a G&T, that's a Gin and Tonic" Bartender "Would you like Ice and Lemon with it ? that's frozen water and fruit " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted January 23, 2024 Share Posted January 23, 2024 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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