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Unashamedly crap jokes (some are pure gold!)


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I P Knightley
3 hours ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

image.png.717aeb3b2e249b29b9f37518673c1ad7.png

Gives me the chance to repeat (possibly for the second time) the medical term for a fear of palindromes:

 

Aibohphobia.

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16 minutes ago, I P Knightley said:

Gives me the chance to repeat (possibly for the second time) the medical term for a fear of palindromes:

 

Aibohphobia.

 

WOW

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Carl Fredrickson
2 hours ago, I P Knightley said:

Gives me the chance to repeat (possibly for the second time) the medical term for a fear of palindromes:

 

Aibohphobia.

:clyay:

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rudi must stay

Why's Stuart Kettlewell a popular manager

 

Because he always puts the kettle on

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17 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

Why's Stuart Kettlewell a popular manager

 

Because he always puts the kettle on


You’re confusing him with Polly. 

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rudi must stay
18 minutes ago, Swanny17 said:


You’re confusing him with Polly. 

 

I'm afraid that's gone right over me 

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6 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I'm afraid that's gone right over me 


It’s an old nursery rhyme bud - Polly put the kettle on. Sorry! 👍

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I went to see the doctor, feeling a bit under the weather. She told me 'you'll have to stop masturbating'.

 

Frankly I was shocked! I asked her why?

 

 

 

'Because I'm trying to take your blood pressure.....'

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Watt-Zeefuik

Riffing off Daktari.

 

Look, I'm not some prude, I don't object to sex before marriage.

 

But five minutes before?

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4 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

Why do the Mayans support Rangers

 

Because they've got Oscar Cortez

I’m not so sure the Mayans liked Cortes. 

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Dawnrazor

What do you call a Russian with 3 bawz?

 

 

 

Whodidyanickabollockov.

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superjack

Can someone help me please? There's this poster on here called buster, who I don't even know. He keeps sending me random YouTube clips of 70s band the sweet.

Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way, to block buster!

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Jamstomorrow
46 minutes ago, superjack said:

Can someone help me please? There's this poster on here called buster, who I don't even know. He keeps sending me random YouTube clips of 70s band the sweet.

Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way, to block buster!

Maybe some saddo with a Little Willy.

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superjack
9 minutes ago, Jamstomorrow said:

Maybe some saddo with a Little Willy.

Ooh, listen to the hell raiser.

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43 minutes ago, Jamstomorrow said:

Maybe some saddo with a Little Willy.

 

Was that an obscure B-side? :whistling:🎵

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Jamstomorrow
7 hours ago, Ulysses said:

 

Was that an obscure B-side? :whistling:🎵

Certainly not a ballroom blitz.

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Man goes to the doctor, feeling really unwell. After the examination, the doctor says to him 'I'm sorry, you only have four weeks to live'

 

The guy says 'What? That can't be right! I want another opinion!' 

 

The doctor tells him to lie down on the bed, and presses a button on his desk. A small door opens in the wall and a cat strolls out. It jumps up on the bed, and sticking its front paws out, waves them back and forth above the patient. After a couple of minutes of this, it turns to look at the doctor, shakes its head, jumps back down and goes back through the door which closes behind it. "Sorry' says the doc, 'Same diagnosis'. The guy isn't having it. 'I'm not going on that - get me another opinion!'

 

The doctor shrugs and presses another button on his desk. This time a slightly larger door opens and a large, chocolate brown coloured dog walks out. It approaches the bed and proceeds to sniff the patient from head to toe. Again, after a couple of minutes of this it too turns to the doctor, shakes its head and walks back through the door. Doctor says, 'Sorry, still the same diagnosis'. 

 

The guy is outraged - 'There must be someone else you can ask?'

 

The doctor says 'Sorry mate, There's nothing else I can do. You've had the cat scan, you've had the Lab report......'

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18 hours ago, superjack said:

Can someone help me please? There's this poster on here called buster, who I don't even know. He keeps sending me random YouTube clips of 70s band the sweet.

Does anyone know the way, there's got to be a way, to block buster!

I blocked him last year.

 

It’s great.

 

@Buster HMFC

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17 hours ago, Ulysses said:

 

Was that an obscure B-side? :whistling:🎵

Funny funny.

 

:qqb003:

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Watt-Zeefuik

"Yes, Mr Bond, my agents will kill you with their ninja throwing weapons. You’ll be starred to death."

 

"Shurikanned, not starred."

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I P Knightley
47 minutes ago, Watt-Zeefuik said:

"Yes, Mr Bond, my agents will kill you with their ninja throwing weapons. You’ll be starred to death."

 

"Shurikanned, not starred."

So painful, it's brilliant!

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Watt-Zeefuik
2 hours ago, I P Knightley said:

So painful, it's brilliant!

Yup. I read it, winced, and then a few moments later I thought, "that's gotta go on JKB..."

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