henrysmithsgloves Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 (edited) What's the difference between a penis and a chicken leg???? Spoiler Want to come on a picnic?? Edited August 22, 2023 by henrysmithsgloves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 I've just realised that the last day of this year will be 123123. This is not a crap joke. It isn't even a joke. 🤷♂️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 32 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: I've just realised that the last day of this year will be 123123. This is not a crap joke. It isn't even a joke. 🤷♂️ What, it will be the 12th day of the 31st month?😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 Did you hear about Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder's tennis match? It was endless love Close the thread best joke by a mile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 (edited) I remembered this classic yesterday. Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat? ‘Cos he’s a *****. Edited August 23, 2023 by Tazio For full effect the starred out word starts with a C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 19 minutes ago, superjack said: What, it will be the 12th day of the 31st month?😉 Yeah, I thought about that. North American format for the date. Booo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 3 hours ago, Maple Leaf said: Yeah, I thought about that. North American format for the date. Booo. What? I thought Canadians used the sensible DD/MM/YYYY format? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 11 minutes ago, Boof said: What? I thought Canadians used the sensible DD/MM/YYYY format? Because we're so closely linked with our weird neighbours to the south, we flop back and forward over things like spelling, metric or imperial measures ... and date format. It's very confusing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 4 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: Because we're so closely linked with our weird neighbours to the south, we flop back and forward over things like spelling, metric or imperial measures ... and date format. It's very confusing. I'd just leave them to their idiosyncrasies! Please tell me Z is pronounced zed... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 5 hours ago, rudi must stay said: Did you hear about Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder's tennis match? It was endless love Close the thread best joke by a mile It’s really not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 5 hours ago, rudi must stay said: Did you hear about Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder's tennis match? It was endless love Close the thread best joke by a mile My wife left me for her tennis coach. Love means nothing to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalamazoo Jambo Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 4 hours ago, Maple Leaf said: Because we're so closely linked with our weird neighbours to the south, we flop back and forward over things like spelling, metric or imperial measures ... and date format. It's very confusing. At least Americans are consistent about this stuff 7/24. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 7 hours ago, Boof said: I'd just leave them to their idiosyncrasies! Please tell me Z is pronounced zed... For sure. And buoy is pronounced 'boy', not 'boo-y' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 2 hours ago, Maple Leaf said: For sure. And buoy is pronounced 'boy', not 'boo-y' To be fair, up on the islands here, a lot of folk pronounce it boo-y. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Dastardly Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 On 22/08/2023 at 20:43, superjack said: I was once a zookeeper. I hated it. Everyone on kickback claimed they pumped me. 👏 👏 👏 👏 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 5 hours ago, superjack said: To be fair, up on the islands here, a lot of folk pronounce it boo-y. They just want scare you in a friendly way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 1 hour ago, milky_26 said: They just want scare you in a friendly way Not at all, they scare me in a bad way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 Ben Kensel is in Asda and notices a wee old lady struggling to reach the cornflakes . “Can you manage ?” He asks “Piss off i dont want the Hibs job “ She replies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamstomorrow Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 On 24/08/2023 at 04:42, Maple Leaf said: For sure. And buoy is pronounced 'boy', not 'boo-y' And what is with solder? Soder!!! Wtf! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 1 hour ago, Jamstomorrow said: And what is with solder? Soder!!! Wtf! Almost as bad as aluminum. Bloody colonials. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Maple Leaf said: Almost as bad as aluminum. Bloody colonials. No idea where TF y'all find that extra syllable in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ｕｎｋｎｏｗｎｕｓｅｒ Posted August 29, 2023 Author Share Posted August 29, 2023 24 minutes ago, Led Tasso said: No idea where TF y'all find that extra syllable in there. What's condo short for? (And don't say he's only got wee legs!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Where did Caesar keep his armies??? Spoiler Up his sleevees😔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 12 minutes ago, Smithee said: What's condo short for? (And don't say he's only got wee legs!) Condominium has an "I" as the third to last letter. Aluminum doesn't. (or maybe there's a pun here that I'm missing?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 True story, this evening my mother called and asked if I could talk for a minute. I said "I'll try" but only made it about 40 seconds before I ran out of stuff to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ｕｎｋｎｏｗｎｕｓｅｒ Posted August 29, 2023 Author Share Posted August 29, 2023 31 minutes ago, Led Tasso said: Condominium has an "I" as the third to last letter. Aluminum doesn't. (or maybe there's a pun here that I'm missing?) Aluminium does Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Led Tasso said: 2 hours ago, Led Tasso said: Condominium has an "I" as the third to last letter. Aluminum doesn't. (or maybe there's a pun here that I'm missing?) So does Aluminium. Edited August 29, 2023 by ri Alban Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 On 23/08/2023 at 16:36, rudi must stay said: Did you hear about Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder's tennis match? It was endless love Close the thread best joke by a mile Dis you hear about Stevie wonder and the cheese grater? Best book he's ever read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 On 24/08/2023 at 04:42, Maple Leaf said: For sure. And buoy is pronounced 'boy', not 'boo-y' Some still say aboot, the good auld Scottish version with a different accent, do they not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Always wondered why they used z instead of s in words like organise. Then found out these islands used it, at the time the people started sailing over there. It's planet of the Apes all over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 4 minutes ago, ri Alban said: Some still say aboot, the good auld Scottish version with a different accent, do they not? That's one of the greatest myths that Americans have about Canadians. I've never heard a Canadian say 'aboot'. I've no idea how that got started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 4 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: That's one of the greatest myths that Americans have about Canadians. I've never heard a Canadian say 'aboot'. I've no idea how that got started. It's pretty close Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 7 minutes ago, ri Alban said: It's pretty close Nah. He's having a laugh. It's 'abowt'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 7 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: Nah. He's having a laugh. It's 'abowt'. Just find him quite funny. Needed a reason to post it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 3 hours ago, Smithee said: Aluminium does Because y'all changed it in the 19th century. Aluminum is the original English spelling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 2 minutes ago, Led Tasso said: Because y'all changed it in the 19th century. Aluminum is the original English spelling. We're Scottish and we didn't change anything. 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 3 minutes ago, Led Tasso said: Because y'all changed it in the 19th century. Aluminum is the original English spelling. 41 minutes ago, ri Alban said: Always wondered why they used z instead of s in words like organise. Then found out these islands used it, at the time the people started sailing over there. It's planet of the Apes all over again. I was kind of hinting, bud. 😃 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 A man walks into a library and says, "Hey arsehole, I want an effing book about learning ******* Spanish." The librarian says, "There's no need for that language!" He says, "You're probably right, the ^^^^* all speak English anyway." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Led Tasso said: Because y'all changed it in the 19th century. Aluminum is the original English spelling. So how's about Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Sodium, Magnesium, Potassium, Calcium and a whole load of et ceteras. Even Americium and Californium. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Led Tasso said: Because y'all changed it in the 19th century. Aluminum is the original English spelling. Indeed. https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=aluminum aluminum (n.) 1812, coined by English chemist Sir Humphry Davy, from alumina, alumine, the name given by French chemists late 18c. to aluminum oxide, from Latin alumen "alum" (see alum). Davy originally called it alumium (1808), then amended this to aluminum, which remains the U.S. word. British editors in 1812 further amended it to aluminium, the modern preferred British form, to better harmonize with other metallic element names (sodium, potassium, etc.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 There are 10 kinds of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 6 hours ago, redjambo said: Indeed. https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=aluminum aluminum (n.) 1812, coined by English chemist Sir Humphry Davy, from alumina, alumine, the name given by French chemists late 18c. to aluminum oxide, from Latin alumen "alum" (see alum). Davy originally called it alumium (1808), then amended this to aluminum, which remains the U.S. word. British editors in 1812 further amended it to aluminium, the modern preferred British form, to better harmonize with other metallic element names (sodium, potassium, etc.). How nice to know that it was done to harmonise! (I'd have gone with 'rhyme'). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pans Jambo Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 On 23/08/2023 at 15:57, Maple Leaf said: I've just realised that the last day of this year will be 123123. This is not a crap joke. It isn't even a joke. 🤷♂️ Naw mate, It'll be 311223 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 58 minutes ago, Pans Jambo said: Naw mate, It'll be 311223 Yeah, that's been pointed out to me. Thankfully I posted in the "crap joke" thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartsandonlyHearts Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 15 hours ago, Led Tasso said: Condominium has an "I" as the third to last letter. Aluminum doesn't. (or maybe there's a pun here that I'm missing?) Aluminum is spelt aluminium. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 9 minutes ago, HeartsandonlyHearts said: Aluminum is spelt aluminium. Not originally it wasn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartsandonlyHearts Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 49 minutes ago, Led Tasso said: Not originally it wasn't. I saw that after I posted. 🗽 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 (edited) 7 hours ago, superjack said: There are 10 kinds of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who don't. I told someone this joke to someone and they thought it I was being serious, but it was a bit. Edited August 29, 2023 by Led Tasso Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 9 hours ago, superjack said: There are 10 kinds of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who don't. 1 hour ago, Led Tasso said: I told someone this joke to someone and they thought it I was being serious, but it was a bit. It probably works better in print. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 4 hours ago, Ulysses said: It probably works better in print. My followup is supposed to be a joke too. It may be a crap joke, but I'm not ashamed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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