Phil Dunphy Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 So what are women looking for in an online profile? Dick pics. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walrus Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Dick pics. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRWJambo1991 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Met my girlfriend on oasis.com and we celebrated being a year together the other day. Now have a flat and dog together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Top tip - Custom make some half size 50p coins to make your dick pic more impressive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Lithuania Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Top tip - Custom make some half size 50p coins to make your dick pic more impressive. Great advice. You sound like a man who knows what he's talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim747 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Top tip - Custom make some half size 50p coins to make your dick pic more impressive. Or photoshop a 20p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheetah Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Top tip - Custom make some half size 50p coins to make your dick pic more impressive. Or stick a miniature size can of coke beside your wee fella. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigsmak Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Or just have a big one to start with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie McBlarter Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? She sounds mental Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 So does she have good ching and eccies or not? Potential date clincher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwindonJambo Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? She sounds like an absolutely chronically ill balanced and bitter and twisted heidbanger. Block her number and all other means she may have of contacting you. Stories like this are the reason I will never attempt online dating ever. There's absolutely nothing whatsoever to stop people creating a false impression of themselves and telling white lies. We haven't heard from Lancashire Lou for a while, whose contributions to this thread have often been entertaining. I wonder if she'd had a successful hookup? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Ride her so hard that you can hear the E's rattling around inside her. Then come back on here, and ask Salad's advice for 101 ways to dump a bursd like a boss. Enjoy your experience. Tips. Tips. Tips. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Meet her Shag her Tell her you're names Morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Meet her Shag her Tell her you're names Morgan Feckin rascal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Feckin rascal. Well, if she's any where near fit naebudy would believe it was me would they!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Well, if she's any where near fit naebudy would believe it was me would they!!! That's fur feckin sure. Ride an envelope wouldn't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Lithuania Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? Why do you even have to ask? Just go out, go to hers, get her pumped. Tell her you live somewhere else, definitely. Or just move. Sometimes you have to run away... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbo1874 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Yup GHP and one other thing you should always have a PAYG sim for your phone. Never ever give your real number until you're sure she's not batshit mental. School boy error Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Definitely bang.Definitely do not get involved.Enjoy the ride as I bet she loves it [Mod Edit]! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie McBlarter Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 "Was nice to speak to you tonight. Sorry I've had too many wines" Me: "How many wines you had lol?" "None....why?!!" Ten minutes later: "Many, too many sorry!!" So yeah, I'm thinking a wee bag of swedgers and a trip to Glasgow is on the cards. What could possibly go wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOak88 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Wouldn't get involved Archie. Unless you have a fool proof get out plan. The fact that she is already acting like that before you have even met her is concerning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilr61 Posted December 28, 2016 Share Posted December 28, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? Any mention of a steak pie on the go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irufushi Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Wouldn't get involved Archie. Unless you have a fool proof get out plan. The fact that she is already acting like that before you have even met her is concerning. Wise words, very wise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? Mental bursds tend to be dirty as **** so hell yeah you meet up with her you lucky dog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo dans les Pyrenees Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Wouldn't get involved Archie. Unless you have a fool proof get out plan. The fact that she is already acting like that before you have even met her is concerning. Such good advice except the mention of the fool proof get out plan. This is clearly the 100% green light to go for it with the bunny boiler. Great news is though that where better to come than JKB for such a plan to deal with the dirty crazy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah O Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 She sounds pretty great tbh. Able to cut loose. Politically sound. Mature student suggest intelligent. GHP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitzroy Pointon Posted December 29, 2016 Author Share Posted December 29, 2016 Right, so I enjoyed reading this thread a while back - only fair I contribute now. I went back on POF the other week, and got some really good chat going with this bursd. Mature law student, originally from Edinburgh, now in Glasgow for study. Chat has been fantastic on messaging. Really good communication. Lots of common ground etc. If you have any experience of online dating, you'll know this counts for nothing haha! Yesterday she told me she was a Hearts fan when I said I was off to the football. Aye, you sound far too good to be true now. So she called me tonight as she was back at her flat. First time we have ever spoken. And.... she's absolutely pished out her face. 30 seconds into the call and she wanted to know how I voted in the independence referendum. I said I voted no, as I lived in England for many years, and I do a lot of work down south. Off she went on a mad tirade for about five minutes about stuff I have no idea about. Thankfully I was just sorting my dinner out so I had to end the call. She phones me back a while later. Rants about Brexit. Rants about society ripping off the working class people. "Sorry I'm really drunk. My parents have a total ban on me drinking when I'm there [been there for five days over Christmas] as they don't like me when I'm drunk." "Did you have a period in your 20s when you just went totally crazy on drink and drugs?" "Did you used to take eccies?" "I've never had good cocaine before, everyone always says it's good but it never is. Have you ever had good cocaine?" "One day I might want a child but I don't want a man around" "Are you laughing at me???" (I was not). "Why do you listen to AMERICAN music, and not British music?" Madness, my ears are burning. She was convinced she'd ruined things as she was drunk. I told her she could ring me tomorrow when she's sobered up - mainly as a way to get off the phone. So should I meet up with her or what? Avoid like the plague. Even if she does phone you when she is sober, you know she is a feckin nightmare drunk. The fact that her parents don't like her when she is drunk should set alarm bells ringing straight off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Aye, like you're the one to offer advice. Don't listen to this guy, Archie. JKB has your best interests at heart. Give the girl a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riddley Walker Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 I would avoid her, completely. But it's not me in the situation so I'd say strap a wire on, glue a wee camera to your head and Periscope the shit out your first meeting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 If that's the kind of shite she's coming out with drunk I'd love to hear what she's like swedged So aye, get her pumped and report back to class about it plz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah O Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Pics first tho plz :'> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simo Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 She's a Hearts fan eh. Wonder if she's on here... +1 To GHP and then get the hell out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamie1874 Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 She sounds pretty standard for any girl I have met or went out with (including living with one for 5 years) who is either a law student or a lawyer. All mental cases. Enjoy the ride.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 She sounds pretty standard for any girl I have met or went out with (including living with one for 5 years) who is either a law student or a lawyer. All mental cases. Enjoy the ride.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie McBlarter Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Got a message today saying "sorry I was a wee bit tipsy last night, white wine doesn't agree with me" Tipsy? She was pished. I'm curious to hear what she sounds like sober. Definitely not girlfriend material, and I don't think meeting her would be particularly wise.... but I'm on a night shift tonight with little to do so I might see if she's dirty as well as mental. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Gordons Gloves Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 She sounds pretty standard for any girl I have met or went out with (including living with one for 5 years) who is either a law student or a lawyer. All mental cases. Enjoy the ride.... I can confirm that many of the mature law students i met while doing my degree were indeed absolutely mad. Which was great when i was at student age, living in flats with no phones and mobile phones were bricks carried by yuppies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Lithuania Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Got a message today saying "sorry I was a wee bit tipsy last night, white wine doesn't agree with me" Tipsy? She was pished. I'm curious to hear what she sounds like sober. Definitely not girlfriend material, and I don't think meeting her would be particularly wise.... but I'm on a night shift tonight with little to do so I might see if she's dirty as well as mental. Don't let us down. We need a new protagonist now that Salad has ended his conquest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo dans les Pyrenees Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Got a message today saying "sorry I was a wee bit tipsy last night, white wine doesn't agree with me" Tipsy? She was pished. I'm curious to hear what she sounds like sober. Definitely not girlfriend material, and I don't think meeting her would be particularly wise.... but I'm on a night shift tonight with little to do so I might see if she's dirty as well as mental. Look Archie, 2016 hasn't been great by any measurement. It's certainly made me live for the moment, 2 pints of IPA last night with the dug; escaping the mother in law. I suggest you think hard on this, and report back with full sordid details and piczzz plzzzz asap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Got a message today saying "sorry I was a wee bit tipsy last night, white wine doesn't agree with me" Tipsy? She was pished. I'm curious to hear what she sounds like sober. Definitely not girlfriend material, and I don't think meeting her would be particularly wise.... but I'm on a night shift tonight with little to do so I might see if she's dirty as well as mental. 'Attaboy Kb never ceases to entertain me. Get her rammed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
droid Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 What's there to even think about you've barely even had a ride until you've chucked about an absolute basket case. Also just for the record they're all ****ing mental it just manafests itself at different times/situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 'Attaboy Kb never ceases to entertain me. Get her rammed So crude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealMaroonCF Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Give her a chap at the front door then the back, then bolt. Easy dollars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 What's there to even think about you've barely even had a ride until you've chucked about an absolute basket case. Also just for the record they're all ******* mental it just manafests itself at different times/situations. Are u not happily sorted? Just asking likes as am fecked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie McBlarter Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 She's been pretty restrained and remorseful tonight. Will see what she's like on phone later today. Been messaging back and forth with an apparently nice hairdresser bursd. So ill follow up on that as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theshed Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 She's been pretty restrained and remorseful tonight. Will see what she's like on phone later today. Been messaging back and forth with an apparently nice hairdresser bursd. So ill follow up on that as well. You not asked her what kind of underwear she has on yet? Then ask her for a photo to prove it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaps Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 "Was nice to speak to you tonight. Sorry I've had too many wines" Me: "How many wines you had lol?" "None....why?!!" Ten minutes later: "Many, too many sorry!!" So yeah, I'm thinking a wee bag of swedgers and a trip to Glasgow is on the cards. What could possibly go wrong? Going to Glasgow just to get your hole? That reminds me of a story from certain poster on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumpson Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 This thread has easily been the highlight of 2016 ! Get her pumped !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie McBlarter Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 How do I post a screenshot from my phone? I've had a cold last few days so I went to sleep last night and forgot to put my phone on silent. So I got a load of texts about 2.30. It woke me up so I replied to them, including one from the nutter. Then I went back to sleep... and woke up the morning to a tirade of anger as she thought I was ignoring her. Doing not bad otherwise got some good chat off three nice bursds so hopefully get some dates organised and see how they work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 Please please please get them fired up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.