Unashamedly crap jokes (some are pure gold!)

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Watt-Zeefuik]

The doctor told me to treat my skin condition by taking a bath in milk.

 

I drove out to a local dairy to get the milk in bulk and said I need enough to fill a bathtub. The farmer said, "do you want it pasturized?" and I said no, just up to my chin.

[FWJ]

3 hours ago, Watt-Zeefuik said:

The doctor told me to treat my skin condition by taking a bath in milk.

 

I drove out to a local dairy to get the milk in bulk and said I need enough to fill a bathtub. The farmer said, "do you want it pasturized?" and I said no, just up to my chin.

She said “Ernie, I’ll be ‘appy if it comes up to me chest”

[superjack]

Bugs bunny will never accept files via Google drive, he'll only accept a WhatsApp doc.

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Ulysses]

[superjack]

Texan flies into Sydney, gets in a taxi and asks to go to his hotel in Manly, so they have to go through the city and across the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

 

As they’re driving towards the city, the texan sees the Sydney tower, and asks the taxi driver “What’s that?’ Taxi driver says “Mate, That’s Sydney Tower!” Texan asks ‘How long did it take to build it?” Driver says “Dunno! I think about a year”! Texan says “Back home in Texas I own a construction company, and my boys could’ve done that job in 6 months, tops!” Driver nods, impressed!

 

A bit later the Texan sees the Sydney Harbour Bridge. “Hey Fella, What’s that?” Driver says “ Sydney Harbour Bridge, Mate!” ‘How long did they take to build that?” Yeah, Not sure! I think it took about 2 years!”. Texan says “My boys could’ve knocked that up in under a year, Maximum!”

 

As they’re driving onto the Sydney Harbour Bridge, The Texan looks out his window and sees the Sydney Opera House, he asks the Driver ‘Hey Fella, that white building down there, What’s that?”

 

Driver says ‘Fecked if I know mate! It wasn’t there this morning!’

[Section Q]

.....!

 

Edited April 25, 2024 by Section Q

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work.

I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work.

She hung up.

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

Cathy got a job in the Sesame Street factory

Her job was a tester on the tickle me Elmo production line

After 2 hours the foreman went to the factory manager asking them to dispense with cathies services when asked why the foreman stated she’s very slow and is backing the line up.

The manager goes to see what the issues where to his horror he can see Elmo’s all over the floor with clear disruption on the line.

He approached Cathy who was working away oblivious to any disruption he could see Cathy had some red cloth and some marbles she was making little sacks and placing marbles inside the bag then sewing them individually to each Elmo.

The manager said “Cathie I believe you misunderstood me when I said each Elmo needs TEST TICKLES “

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]

I'm selling my pet python on eBay, some bloke just rang up and asked, Is it big?

I said, absolutely massive.

He said, How many feet?

I said, none, its a bloody snake

[Carl Fredrickson]

[Carl Fredrickson]