redjambo Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 10 hours ago, jonesy said: Mod meta jokes. That's all we need What is the JKB mods' favourite road? The autobahn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted May 22, 2022 Share Posted May 22, 2022 On 15/05/2022 at 18:39, SexyCraigGordon said: Was walking down the street n saw these cute wee dugs, asked the man walking them if they were jack Russells n he replied “naw they’re mine” I read a few of those jokes but that really made me laugh. just daft but funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted May 22, 2022 Share Posted May 22, 2022 On 20/05/2022 at 19:43, Kalamazoo Jambo said: Can an admin please explain why my post was removed? My fence just fell over can the mods explain why they pulled that thread? my jumper is now unravelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Boy Named Crow Posted May 22, 2022 Share Posted May 22, 2022 1 hour ago, milky_26 said: can the mods explain why they pulled that thread? my jumper is now unravelling Could the mods please explain what happened to the topic I started earlier? Could fair go some more chocolate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted May 27, 2022 Share Posted May 27, 2022 Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help. "Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped" says the Minister. "No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 3 hours ago, superjack said: Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help. "Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped" says the Minister. "No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight". Had to read it twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 A Regal and a Club are walking down the road and they see a Consulate walking towards them. So the regal say to the club "Let's get out of here, he's menthol" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muppetboy Posted May 29, 2022 Share Posted May 29, 2022 Who can drink 5 litres of petrol without being sick? jerry can Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XB52 Posted May 29, 2022 Share Posted May 29, 2022 On 28/05/2022 at 05:59, Maple Leaf said: Had to read it twice. Glad I wasn't the only one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of The Cat Cafe Posted June 1, 2022 Share Posted June 1, 2022 Three football fans, a Tim, a Teddy Bear and a Hibbie, die and go to heaven (I know, but stick with me). St Peter says to them: "There is one absolute rule, do not step on any of the dogs". Within five minutes the Tim has stepped on a Poodle and, all of a sudden, he is grabbed and chained for ever to one of the ugliest women in Heaven. For ever! Half an hour later, the Teddy Bear steps on a Pekinese and, all of a sudden, he is grabbed and chained for ever to one of the ugliest women in Heaven. For ever! The Hibbie thinks: "I'd better be carful here" and does not move for a whole day. St Peter is impressed and has him chained to one of the most beautiful women in Heaven. For ever! Did I say beautiful? She was like Marilyn Monroe's prettier sister. So the Hibbie says to her: "I can't believe what I did to deserve this". And the woman says" "I can - I stepped on a dog." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted June 1, 2022 Share Posted June 1, 2022 What do you get if you mix a hyena and an oxo cube A laughing stock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chong Posted June 3, 2022 Share Posted June 3, 2022 Lester Piggott's funeral is next Wednesday at 20/1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muldoon74 Posted June 3, 2022 Share Posted June 3, 2022 1 hour ago, Chong said: Lester Piggott's funeral is next Wednesday at 20/1 😂😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted June 4, 2022 Share Posted June 4, 2022 There's a criminal in the chippie. The chips have been salted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 4, 2022 Share Posted June 4, 2022 4 hours ago, rudi must stay said: There's a criminal in the chippie. The chips have been salted I think this has been posted in the wrong thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Boy Named Crow Posted June 4, 2022 Share Posted June 4, 2022 52 minutes ago, Morgan said: I think this has been posted in the wrong thread. Read the thread title again, some (not all) are pure gold... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 4, 2022 Share Posted June 4, 2022 8 minutes ago, A Boy Named Crow said: Read the thread title again, some (not all) are pure gold... Right enough. 👍 It’s just that @rudi must stay has set such a high standard with his erm..... jokes, that I thought he’d perhaps made a wee boo-boo. Thanks for putting me straight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of The Cat Cafe Posted June 4, 2022 Share Posted June 4, 2022 Since there appears to be something Royal happening this weekend... One night the Queen is on a guided tour of Piccadilly Circus admiring all the neon lights and advertising panels. Spotting a wizened looking Scotsman sitting by a brazier wearing a half and half Rangers/Celtic scarf, she goes over and asks him: "What exactly is it you do?" And he replies: "I'm an O watcher." Says her majesty, "An O watcher, how splendid. What exactly does that entail?". The Scotsman points to a neon sign that declares "Countless women use Tampax" and says: "I'm here in case the O goes out". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1953 Posted June 4, 2022 Share Posted June 4, 2022 13 hours ago, rudi must stay said: There's a criminal in the chippie. The chips have been salted And the fish battered! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted June 5, 2022 Share Posted June 5, 2022 20 hours ago, Morgan said: Right enough. 👍 It’s just that @rudi must stay has set such a high standard with his erm..... jokes, that I thought he’d perhaps made a wee boo-boo. Thanks for putting me straight. Did you hear about the dancing fisherman? He caught a cod Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 5, 2022 Share Posted June 5, 2022 10 hours ago, rudi must stay said: Did you hear about the dancing fisherman? He caught a cod Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wentworth jambo Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 On 05/06/2022 at 12:00, rudi must stay said: Did you hear about the dancing fisherman? He caught a cod Am I the only one that's ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 53 minutes ago, wentworth jambo said: Am I the only one that's ? No. It's a wooosh moment for me too, but I was too shy to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 1 hour ago, wentworth jambo said: Am I the only one that's ? You’re not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 1 hour ago, wentworth jambo said: Am I the only one that's ? Maybe the joke's supposed to be that he used and eightsome reel to catch the cod? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 7 minutes ago, Meathook said: Maybe the joke's supposed to be that he used and eightsome reel to catch the cod? Well, in that case... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 There was a gent who came around selling used books. I asked him about one title that looked interesting. He had a little trouble speaking so he just said one word, "pithy!" I put it aside and later noticed a terrible stink in the house, and eventually tracked it to the book. The bookseller came around again and I confronted him about it, and he said, "I thaid it wath pithy, why are you thuprithed?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 Doctor Doctor I am afraid for my future Ah well chin up tomorrow's a new day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 35 minutes ago, rudi must stay said: Doctor Doctor I am afraid for my future Ah well chin up tomorrow's a new day It’s definitely the way you tell ‘em. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyJudyJudy Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of The Cat Cafe Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 So, this Hibbie from Leith got married, even though his dad warned him about his intended being almost a spinster at the ripe old age of sixteen. The morning after the wedding the Hibbie shows up at his dad's, alone. “Where's your new bride?”, his dad asked “I threw her out of the house. It's all over between us," said the Hibbie. “Well, I tried to warn you about her being a bit long in the tooth" “Na, wasn't that. I threw her out because she was a virgin”. After a short time to think, the old man puts his arm around his son's shoulder. “You did the right thing, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own kin, she wasn't good enough for you”. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidoug Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 On 03/06/2022 at 18:51, Chong said: Lester Piggott's funeral is next Wednesday at 20/1 Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 Lifted from Facebook ... A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeep says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?" The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence. See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think; therefore, I am', but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bauld Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 2 hours ago, Maple Leaf said: Lifted from Facebook ... A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeep says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?" The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence. See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think; therefore, I am', but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 What did the psychiatrist say to his wife? I want a divorce you're nuts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 Isn't it marvellous the Technology we have Today? I mean if you told people only 40 years ago. That Today we'd have 3d Television. They'd have said,"Oh, that's CHEAP!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobboM Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 2 hours ago, superjack said: Isn't it marvellous the Technology we have Today? I mean if you told people only 40 years ago. That Today we'd have 3d Television. They'd have said,"Oh, that's CHEAP!!" This joke must be well over 11 years old 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 7 hours ago, RobboM said: This joke must be well over 11 years old 🙂 Oops, slight typo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 2 hours ago, superjack said: Oops, slight typo. Too much LSD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 3 minutes ago, milky_26 said: Too much LSD? Maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Burgundy Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 Just watched a film about anal bleaching. All things considered it wasn't a bad film on the hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted June 10, 2022 Share Posted June 10, 2022 9 minutes ago, Ron Burgundy said: Just watched a film about anal bleaching. All things considered it wasn't a bad film on the hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bauld Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 I’ve just joined a dating group for arsonists. It’s great; they send me new matches every day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Did you know, the man who invented the umbrella was going to call it just a brella, but he hesitated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 For anyone who's interested, I will be signing books in Waterstones bookshop tomorrow morning from 9am until security throw me out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 When I lost my fingers in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I'd be able to use my hand again. He said, "Probably, but I wouldn't count on it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the shitter next to me started smoking... It was so disgusting I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 My wife came down from having a bath, gave me a wink and said, "I shaved my pussy in the bath and you know what that means?" I said, "The plug hole is blocked?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 An old lady says to her husband, "My nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago. " Her husband replied, "They ought to be. One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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