milky_26 Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 who do boxers not have sex before a fight? they dont fancy each other Quote
Morgan Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 6 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: It's like that one, what's the difference between jam and marmalade! You can’t leave it there! Come on, divulge. 😀 Quote
redjambo Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, Morgan said: You can’t leave it there! Come on, divulge. 😀 He did, Morgan. The mods must have deleted it. Quote
samgolden Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 Just back from Holiday in Thailand and I came close to having sex with a lady boy ? Looked like a lady ,talked like a lady ,kissed like a lady It was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car Into the garage I thought to myself “Hang on a Bloody minute “ Quote
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 With a second lockdown looming, I see people are starting to pile their shopping trolleys up again. I've just got back from Asda and saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 3 sombreros. I thought to myself, hang on a minute... Hispanic buying! Quote
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 A bloke goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The barman says, "Why are you drinking so fast?" The bloke says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The barman says, "What do you have?" The bloke replies, "About 75p!" Quote
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 A husband buys his wife a car for her birthday. "I don't like it," she says. "I want something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds." So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says, "Stand on that you fat fooka Quote
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 I had sex with a hooker last night. I must have been pissed... I can't even remember going into the rugby club! Quote
A Boy Named Crow Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 1 hour ago, redjambo said: He did, Morgan. The mods must have deleted it. I just googled it, if he posted that punchline, he's a bolder man than me! Quote
Dawnrazor Posted October 1, 2020 Posted October 1, 2020 7 hours ago, A Boy Named Crow said: I just googled it, if he posted that punchline, he's a bolder man than me! I did and I am😅😅 Quote
Boof Posted October 1, 2020 Posted October 1, 2020 10 hours ago, Morgan said: You can’t leave it there! Come on, divulge. 😀 Surely it's just something innocent like...I've never been stuck in a traffic marmalade...? Quote
Dawnrazor Posted October 1, 2020 Posted October 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Boof said: Surely it's just something innocent like...I've never been stuck in a traffic marmalade...? 😅 something similar. Quote
Morgan Posted October 1, 2020 Posted October 1, 2020 4 hours ago, Boof said: Surely it's just something innocent like...I've never been stuck in a traffic marmalade...? 3 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: 😅 something similar. Ah, of course. That'll be it. Quote
superjack Posted October 3, 2020 Posted October 3, 2020 Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Water, as butane is a lighter fluid. Quote
ri Alban Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 Did you hear about the Irish shite? It done a Man. Quote
ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ Posted October 5, 2020 Author Posted October 5, 2020 1 hour ago, ri Alban said: Did you hear about the Irish shite? It done a Man. Hear about the fly that won the lottery? He bought a shite in Spain. Quote
ri Alban Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 On 05/10/2020 at 05:05, Smithee said: Hear about the fly that won the lottery? He bought a shite in Spain. Quote
¼½¾ Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 My old aunties used to tease me at family weddings, saying "You'll be next!" The stopped after I started saying the same to them at funerals. Quote
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 I wanted to set up the Hide & Seek World Championships, but good players are hard to find! Quote
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 At this rate, on 31st October kids will be ringing the doorbell saying, "Track and Trace!" Quote
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 Some girls don't like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to factory settings! Quote
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 I guessed orange, but it was chocolate. I guessed toffee, but it was peanut. I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee. I was wrong on so many Revels! Quote
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 I've quit my job at the cat shelter... I had no choice as they reduced meowers! Quote
3fingersreid Posted October 6, 2020 Posted October 6, 2020 What do you call a fear of giants ? feefipho-bia Quote
narre Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 I once got arrested in America for stealing Tippex. I got sent to a correctional facility... Quote
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 Probably post this already. Cannae mind. A sausage and egg in a frying pan. The egg says"Ffs its warm in here". The sausage says"Ffs, a talking egg" Quote
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 What goes Buzzbang? A lockerbee Sorry, too soon? Quote
Maple Leaf Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 54 minutes ago, ri Alban said: What goes Buzzbang? A lockerbee Sorry, too soon? Could be. We'll see what kind of reaction you get. Quote
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 23 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: Could be. We'll see what kind of reaction you get. Probably. Quote
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 8 minutes ago, jonesy said: Wouldn't worry. I think the site crossed the Rubicon when the 'glad Trump caught Covid' posts surfaced. I bit shite, but see if he was bsing, well... Anyway, if it's so bad a joke, take it down, please. Quote
Maple Leaf Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 46 minutes ago, ri Alban said: I bit shite, but see if he was bsing, well... Anyway, if it's so bad a joke, take it down, please. There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. Quote
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 17 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. Alrighty then! 👍 Quote
I P Knightley Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 34 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. Even the one where you say, "I don't like jokes about the holocaust; my grandad died at Belsen." "He got pissed and fell out the watch tower."? Quote
Maple Leaf Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 3 hours ago, I P Knightley said: Even the one where you say, "I don't like jokes about the holocaust; my grandad died at Belsen." "He got pissed and fell out the watch tower."? That might or might not be inappropriate, I don't know. But it ain't funny, imo. Quote
narre Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 I went fishing today and ate my maggots by mistake... Now I'm waiting in hospital with baited breath! Quote
narre Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 Does Hank Marvin get offered a sandwich every time he introduces himself? Quote
LeftBack Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 On 08/10/2020 at 17:00, Maple Leaf said: There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. All depends on context, and if you personally have a relation to the jokes. Personally i think Lockerbie, Holocaust and Dunblane are way out of order. But im not part of the clique. Quote
superjack Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 I bought spiderman pyjamas today. I hope he likes them. Quote
A Boy Named Crow Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 1 hour ago, LeftBack said: All depends on context, and if you personally have a relation to the jokes. Personally i think Lockerbie, Holocaust and Dunblane are way out of order. But im not part of the clique. Ooft, not read that term on here in about 10 years! Quote
ri Alban Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 8 hours ago, LeftBack said: All depends on context, and if you personally have a relation to the jokes. Personally i think Lockerbie, Holocaust and Dunblane are way out of order. But im not part of the clique. What does NASA stand for? Quote
ri Alban Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 3 minutes ago, ri Alban said: What does NASA stand for? Cause they cannae find a seat. Quote
superjack Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 My favourite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, until mum hid the urn. Quote
Dawnrazor Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 3 hours ago, ri Alban said: What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts. The morning after the plane crashed into Lockerbie, the "in" joke at high school was; What does Bonnyrigg have that Lockerbie doesn't? Sherwood Crescent. Quote
ri Alban Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 19 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said: Need Another Seven Astronauts. The morning after the plane crashed into Lockerbie, the "in" joke at high school was; What does Bonnyrigg have that Lockerbie doesn't? Sherwood Crescent. I better not tell my other Lockerbie joke about the door to door salesman. Quote
Dawnrazor Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 1 minute ago, ri Alban said: I better not tell my other Lockerbie joke about the door to door salesman. Go on.......I dares ya! Quote
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