milky_26 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 who do boxers not have sex before a fight? they dont fancy each other Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 6 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: It's like that one, what's the difference between jam and marmalade! You can’t leave it there! Come on, divulge. 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, Morgan said: You can’t leave it there! Come on, divulge. 😀 He did, Morgan. The mods must have deleted it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samgolden Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Just back from Holiday in Thailand and I came close to having sex with a lady boy ? Looked like a lady ,talked like a lady ,kissed like a lady It was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car Into the garage I thought to myself “Hang on a Bloody minute “ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 With a second lockdown looming, I see people are starting to pile their shopping trolleys up again. I've just got back from Asda and saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 3 sombreros. I thought to myself, hang on a minute... Hispanic buying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 A bloke goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The barman says, "Why are you drinking so fast?" The bloke says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The barman says, "What do you have?" The bloke replies, "About 75p!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 A husband buys his wife a car for her birthday. "I don't like it," she says. "I want something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds." So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says, "Stand on that you fat fooka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 I had sex with a hooker last night. I must have been pissed... I can't even remember going into the rugby club! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Boy Named Crow Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 1 hour ago, redjambo said: He did, Morgan. The mods must have deleted it. I just googled it, if he posted that punchline, he's a bolder man than me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 7 hours ago, A Boy Named Crow said: I just googled it, if he posted that punchline, he's a bolder man than me! I did and I am😅😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 10 hours ago, Morgan said: You can’t leave it there! Come on, divulge. 😀 Surely it's just something innocent like...I've never been stuck in a traffic marmalade...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Boof said: Surely it's just something innocent like...I've never been stuck in a traffic marmalade...? 😅 something similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 4 hours ago, Boof said: Surely it's just something innocent like...I've never been stuck in a traffic marmalade...? 3 hours ago, Dawnrazor said: 😅 something similar. Ah, of course. That'll be it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Water, as butane is a lighter fluid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 5, 2020 Share Posted October 5, 2020 Did you hear about the Irish shite? It done a Man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted October 5, 2020 Author Share Posted October 5, 2020 1 hour ago, ri Alban said: Did you hear about the Irish shite? It done a Man. Hear about the fly that won the lottery? He bought a shite in Spain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
132goals1958 Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 On 05/10/2020 at 05:05, Smithee said: Hear about the fly that won the lottery? He bought a shite in Spain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 My old aunties used to tease me at family weddings, saying "You'll be next!" The stopped after I started saying the same to them at funerals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 I wanted to set up the Hide & Seek World Championships, but good players are hard to find! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 At this rate, on 31st October kids will be ringing the doorbell saying, "Track and Trace!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 Some girls don't like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to factory settings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 I guessed orange, but it was chocolate. I guessed toffee, but it was peanut. I guessed strawberry, but it was coffee. I was wrong on so many Revels! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 I've quit my job at the cat shelter... I had no choice as they reduced meowers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3fingersreid Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 What do you call a fear of giants ? feefipho-bia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 I once got arrested in America for stealing Tippex. I got sent to a correctional facility... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Probably post this already. Cannae mind. A sausage and egg in a frying pan. The egg says"Ffs its warm in here". The sausage says"Ffs, a talking egg" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 What goes Buzzbang? A lockerbee Sorry, too soon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 54 minutes ago, ri Alban said: What goes Buzzbang? A lockerbee Sorry, too soon? Could be. We'll see what kind of reaction you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 23 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: Could be. We'll see what kind of reaction you get. Probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 8 minutes ago, jonesy said: Wouldn't worry. I think the site crossed the Rubicon when the 'glad Trump caught Covid' posts surfaced. I bit shite, but see if he was bsing, well... Anyway, if it's so bad a joke, take it down, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 46 minutes ago, ri Alban said: I bit shite, but see if he was bsing, well... Anyway, if it's so bad a joke, take it down, please. There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 17 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. Alrighty then! 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 34 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said: There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. Even the one where you say, "I don't like jokes about the holocaust; my grandad died at Belsen." "He got pissed and fell out the watch tower."? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 3 hours ago, I P Knightley said: Even the one where you say, "I don't like jokes about the holocaust; my grandad died at Belsen." "He got pissed and fell out the watch tower."? That might or might not be inappropriate, I don't know. But it ain't funny, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Party at Mapes Hoose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 I went fishing today and ate my maggots by mistake... Now I'm waiting in hospital with baited breath! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narre Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Does Hank Marvin get offered a sandwich every time he introduces himself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muldoon74 Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeftBack Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 On 08/10/2020 at 17:00, Maple Leaf said: There's an adage that says Humour = Tragedy + Time. The question is, "What is enough time?" to make the humour OK? That will vary from person to person but, imo, there is never enough time for events like the Holocaust and Dunblane to become subjects of a joke. All depends on context, and if you personally have a relation to the jokes. Personally i think Lockerbie, Holocaust and Dunblane are way out of order. But im not part of the clique. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 I bought spiderman pyjamas today. I hope he likes them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Boy Named Crow Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 1 hour ago, LeftBack said: All depends on context, and if you personally have a relation to the jokes. Personally i think Lockerbie, Holocaust and Dunblane are way out of order. But im not part of the clique. Ooft, not read that term on here in about 10 years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 8 hours ago, LeftBack said: All depends on context, and if you personally have a relation to the jokes. Personally i think Lockerbie, Holocaust and Dunblane are way out of order. But im not part of the clique. What does NASA stand for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 3 minutes ago, ri Alban said: What does NASA stand for? Cause they cannae find a seat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 My favourite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, until mum hid the urn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 3 hours ago, ri Alban said: What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts. The morning after the plane crashed into Lockerbie, the "in" joke at high school was; What does Bonnyrigg have that Lockerbie doesn't? Sherwood Crescent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3fingersreid Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 19 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said: Need Another Seven Astronauts. The morning after the plane crashed into Lockerbie, the "in" joke at high school was; What does Bonnyrigg have that Lockerbie doesn't? Sherwood Crescent. I better not tell my other Lockerbie joke about the door to door salesman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted October 10, 2020 Share Posted October 10, 2020 1 minute ago, ri Alban said: I better not tell my other Lockerbie joke about the door to door salesman. Go on.......I dares ya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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