Morgan Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Jack. What size is yer barrel because the bottom is being scraped...... Ach. Feck it that one is quite good What size is yer barrel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Way before my time mon ami. Kind regards Pinnochio Ooh you little liar! All the best George Washington x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandyk Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Our new Eastern European cleaner is crap. Dust and dirt everywhere. She is a Slovak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackford Hearts Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 I told the tramp I'd never seen another quite like him. He begged to differ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 How do you fins Will Smith in the snow? Like for the fresh prints. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my sixteen brothers and sisters, but they didn't know either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeftBack Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 The teacher gave her primary class an assignment. Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. Susie said ?We live on a farm and I was collecting eggs from the hen house one day. I gathered the eggs and put them in my basket and set off running toward the house. While running I tripped over a rock and smashed all of the eggs.? ?So what?s the moral of the story Susie?? Asked the teacher. ?Don?t put all of your eggs in one basket,? said Susie. Nex xt it was Billy?s turn to go. ?We also live on a farm,? said Billy. ?We have incubators to help our eggs hatch. One night there was a thunderstorm and lightning knocked out the power to the incubators.? ?So what?s the moral of that story Billy?? Asked the teacher. ?Don?t count your chickens before they hatch,? said Billy. The teacher turned to Little Johnny. ?Do you have a story to share?? ?Yes miss. My Dad told me a story about Mum once. She was a pilot in the Gulf War, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn?t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. ?Good Heavens,? said the horrified teacher. ?What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?? ?He said don?t mess with Mum when she?s been drinking.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Mummy mummy. Are Pans People robots? No dear. Why do you ask? Because Daddy said he's screwed the arse off of one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martoon Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 A primary school teacher asks her pupils for a sentence containing the word "contagious". First kid says she had a cold recently which was very contagious. Second kid says she has an infectious laugh which is very contagious. The teacher, beaming with pride, points out a wee lad at that back. "Our next door neighbour was mowing his lawn and my daddy said it would take that contagious". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martoon Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Wee kid playing with the family rottweiler in the garden. The dog suddenly goes feral and begins attacking the child. Next door neighbour rushes out and kills the dog with a baseball bat. The family then rush out and thank him profusely for saving the child. The neighbour goes back indoors and an hour later a journalist turns up. He writes down his version of events, praises him, and then asks if he supports Hearts. No, the hero replies and the hack says it's a pity. "BRAVE JAMBO KILLS SAVAGE BEAST" would have been a great headline. He asks him if he supports Rangers. No, the hero replies and the hack says it's a pity. "BRAVE BEAR KILLS SAVAGE BEAST" would have been even better. He asks him which club he does support? Hibernian, the hero says and the journalist replies "leave it with me". The following morning the hero rushes to the newsagent, buys the local paper and reads the headline: HIBS B**TARD SLAYS FAMILY PET Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 2 eggs boiling in a pan. One of them says "bloody he'll, I've got a huge crack". The second egg says "be quiet, i m not even hard yet". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) 2 eggs boiling in a pan. One of them says "bloody he'll, I've got a huge crack". The second egg says "be quiet, i m not even hard yet". Jonno and I would like to say !!!! Edited March 1, 2017 by Morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Wee kid playing with the family rottweiler in the garden. The dog suddenly goes feral and begins attacking the child. Next door neighbour rushes out and kills the dog with a baseball bat. The family then rush out and thank him profusely for saving the child. The neighbour goes back indoors and an hour later a journalist turns up. He writes down his version of events, praises him, and then asks if he supports Hearts. No, the hero replies and the hack says it's a pity. "BRAVE JAMBO KILLS SAVAGE BEAST" would have been a great headline. He asks him if he supports Rangers. No, the hero replies and the hack says it's a pity. "BRAVE BEAR KILLS SAVAGE BEAST" would have been even better. He asks him which club he does support? Hibernian, the hero says and the journalist replies "leave it with me". The following morning the hero rushes to the newsagent, buys the local paper and reads the headline: HIBS B**TARD SLAYS FAMILY PET Just read this out to everybody to loads of laughter, brilliant. 2 eggs boiling in a pan. One of them says "bloody he'll, I've got a huge crack". The second egg says "be quiet, i m not even hard yet". Nice one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Wee kid playing with the family rottweiler in the garden. The dog suddenly goes feral and begins attacking the child. Next door neighbour rushes out and kills the dog with a baseball bat. The family then rush out and thank him profusely for saving the child. The neighbour goes back indoors and an hour later a journalist turns up. He writes down his version of events, praises him, and then asks if he supports Hearts. No, the hero replies and the hack says it's a pity. "BRAVE JAMBO KILLS SAVAGE BEAST" would have been a great headline. He asks him if he supports Rangers. No, the hero replies and the hack says it's a pity. "BRAVE BEAR KILLS SAVAGE BEAST" would have been even better. He asks him which club he does support? Hibernian, the hero says and the journalist replies "leave it with me". The following morning the hero rushes to the newsagent, buys the local paper and reads the headline: HIBS B**TARD SLAYS FAMILY PET Just read that to my wife Mart! Absolutely pishing herself! Brilliant mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martoon Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Just read this out to everybody to loads of laughter, brilliant. :rofl:Nice one Just read that to my wife Mart! Absolutely pishing herself! Brilliant mate Courtesy of my late Uncle Frank from Tranent. A great Hearts man and the funniest joke teller I ever met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted March 1, 2017 Author Share Posted March 1, 2017 Courtesy of my late Uncle Frank from Tranent. A great Hearts man and the funniest joke teller I ever met. Allow me to bring everyone back down again... Two cannibals are sitting eating a clown. One goes "does this taste funny to you?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Courtesy of my late Uncle Frank from Tranent. A great Hearts man and the funniest joke teller I ever met. Uncle Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Allow me to bring everyone back down again... Two cannibals are sitting eating a clown. One goes "does this taste funny to you?" Fair effort mate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martoon Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Uncle Frank Nice one, Morg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Forgive the laziness but this always raises a smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Lyon Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 IPK - excellent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 IPK - excellent! Yep. IPK wins with a joke that is genuinely brilliant but at the same time "unashamedly crap". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Shortly after beethoven passed away, a local drunk was taking a short cut through the cemetery. Whilst passing close to beethovens grave, he thought he could hear some faint music coming from the grave. At this point he ran to get the local Priest as he was starting to get scared. The Priest came over and, sure enough, he could hear the faint music too. By this time they were both scared, so the Priest went to get the local magistrate. The magistrate stood on the grave and could hear the music immediately. After a couple of invites he says "wait a minute, that's beethovens 9th symphony, but played backwards. After a further 20 minutes, the magistrate the said " wait a minute, i can now hear his eighth symphony, again played backwards, now the seventh, sixth and followed by his 4th, 2rd, 2nd". Suddenly, the magistrate realised what was happening. He put his ear to the ground to confirm something and said "I know what is happening here, it's just beethoven decomposing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Shortly after beethoven passed away, a local drunk was taking a short cut through the cemetery. Whilst passing close to beethovens grave, he thought he could hear some faint music coming from the grave. At this point he ran to get the local Priest as he was starting to get scared. The Priest came over and, sure enough, he could hear the faint music too. By this time they were both scared, so the Priest went to get the local magistrate. The magistrate stood on the grave and could hear the music immediately. After a couple of invites he says "wait a minute, that's beethovens 9th symphony, but played backwards. After a further 20 minutes, the magistrate the said " wait a minute, i can now hear his eighth symphony, again played backwards, now the seventh, sixth and followed by his 4th, 2rd, 2nd". Suddenly, the magistrate realised what was happening. He put his ear to the ground to confirm something and said "I know what is happening here, it's just beethoven decomposing. Get out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 2 lorry drivers are talking in a cafe. 1 guy is complaining how he never lasts more than 30 seconds when having cheeky nonsense with the wife. The other guy says try having a tight before hand, y out will last longer. When he gets back in his lorry he's thinking about when and where to crack 1 off before he gets home. He then has a genius idea. He pulls the lorry over in a lay by and gets under the lorry, making it look like he is checking out a problem underneath. Thinking he is safe, he whips out his special little friend and starts to spank the monkey. Whilst working on his pal, he keeps his eyes closed whilst dreaming of what he will do to the wife when he gets home. When he is about to reach the pinnacle of his exercise he feels a tug on his trouser legs. Not wanting to ruin the moment he keeps his eyes loved and shouts "I'll be out in a minute, there's something wrong with my axle". He then hears his reply, "this is the police here mate, you better check your brakes as well as the lorry rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of The Cat Cafe Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Good news, bad news time. Good news: NASA has just named the astronaut chosen for a one way mission to Mars. Bad news: It is not Donald Trump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Shall I take another break from this thread jonno? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Shall I take another break from this thread jonno? Don't you dare, that Beethoven one is a beauty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 What do you give the man who has everything? Penicillin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 He wife asked me to pass her a lipstick yesterday morning but I accidently passed her some glue instead. She still isn't talking to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 He wife asked me to pass her a lipstick yesterday morning but I accidently passed her some glue instead. She still isn't talking to me. Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rousset1 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Forgive the laziness but this always raises a smile: Do you have any more jokes made by smug paedophiles? Jimmy Savile,perhaps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinnybob72 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 A nurse is rummaging around in her handbag looking for a pen when she pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Ach! Some arsehole must have my pen!". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott herbertson Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) That's very good indeed Edited March 10, 2017 by scott herbertson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Shortly after beethoven passed away, a local drunk was taking a short cut through the cemetery. Whilst passing close to beethovens grave, he thought he could hear some faint music coming from the grave. At this point he ran to get the local Priest as he was starting to get scared. The Priest came over and, sure enough, he could hear the faint music too. By this time they were both scared, so the Priest went to get the local magistrate. The magistrate stood on the grave and could hear the music immediately. After a couple of invites he says "wait a minute, that's beethovens 9th symphony, but played backwards. After a further 20 minutes, the magistrate the said " wait a minute, i can now hear his eighth symphony, again played backwards, now the seventh, sixth and followed by his 4th, 2rd, 2nd". Suddenly, the magistrate realised what was happening. He put his ear to the ground to confirm something and said "I know what is happening here, it's just beethoven decomposing. Put to music... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des' Dad Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I have a phobia when I eat German sausage. I fear the Wurst? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des' Dad Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Just went up to the fresh fish counter in Morrisons. He says there are 12 today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des' Dad Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I've just eaten 4 1/2 kilos of maggots and now I wait with baited breath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jb102 Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I was walking to work this morning through the cemetery. There was a guy crouching down at a headstone. I said "Morning". He said "No,just taking a shit". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des' Dad Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 Q. What do you call someone with no body and just a nose? A. Nobody knows! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieh Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 I went for a job interview today. Whilst in the waiting room, this big angry black guy comes out and starts wrecking the room with his Willie. After about 5 minutes he stops and says to me " I'm gonnae stick this up your arse" and to that I said "Thank feck for that, I thought you were gonnae hit me with it " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 (edited) A rather posh bar and restaurant was advertising for a new piano player,several applicants turn up for interviews but when asked to play a piece on the piano they were deemed not good enough. The following day a Glaswegian called Davy came in for an interview. After having a short talk with the manager he's asked to play a piece on the piano, he proceeds to play a beautiful piece of music. Impressed,the manager asks him what the piece of music was called. "It's a piece of music I made maself called 'I ****** my wife on top of a washing machine' ". "Oh really?" The manager replied a little embarrassed, "Do you know anything else?" "Ach aye" Davy replied "This one is called 'Shagging a Nun in the back of a van' " and he proceeds to play an equally beautiful piece of music. The manager is of course completely perplexed but can't deny Davy's ability on the piano and giving that there are no words to the songs,he sees no harm in hiring him providing he doesn't talk to any of the customers. On his first night,Davy is a hit and the customers are all delighted with his music. Later in the evening Davy takes a break and decides to nip to the toilet for a quick ham shank. 45 minutes later he isn't back and so the manager tells the barman to go into the toilet and tell Davy to get back on the piano or he's fired. The barman goes into the toilet and knocks on the cubicle door. "Davy?" "What?" "You better get back out there or the boss is going to fire you" "Aw ****, all right I'm on my way" A few seconds later, Davy is back on the piano. The barman looks over and notices something. He discreetly wanders over and whispers in Davy's ear, "Davy, do you know your dick is hanging out and there's cum dripping all over your shoes" To which Davy replies "Dae a ken it? Ah ******* wrote it" Edited March 10, 2017 by iantjambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted March 10, 2017 Share Posted March 10, 2017 A rather posh bar and restaurant was advertising for a new piano player,several applicants turn up for interviews but when asked to play a piece on the piano they were deemed not good enough. The following day a Glaswegian called Davy came in for an interview. After having a short talk with the manager he's asked to play a piece on the piano, he proceeds to play a beautiful piece of music. Impressed,the manager asks him what the piece of music was called. "It's a piece of music I made maself called 'I ****** my wife on top of a washing machine' ". "Oh really?" The manager replied a little embarrassed, "Do you know anything else?" "Ach aye" Davy replied "This one is called 'Shagging a Nun in the back of a van' " and he proceeds to play an equally beautiful piece of music. The manager is of course completely perplexed but can't deny Davy's ability on the piano and giving that there are no words to the songs,he sees no harm in hiring him providing he doesn't talk to any of the customers. On his first night,Davy is a hit and the customers are all delighted with his music. Later in the evening Davy takes a break and decides to nip to the toilet for a quick ham shank. 45 minutes later he isn't back and so the manager tells the barman to go into the toilet and tell Davy to get back on the piano or he's fired. The barman goes into the toilet and knocks on the cubicle door. "Davy?" "What?" "You better get back out there or the boss is going to fire you" "Aw ****, all right I'm on my way" A few seconds later, Davy is back on the piano. The barman looks over and notices something. He discreetly wanders over and whispers in Davy's ear, "Davy, do you know your dick is hanging out and there's cum dripping all over your shoes" To which Davy replies "Dae a ken it? Ah ******* wrote it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 A boy is born with no body, nothing at all below the neck, and miraculously survives. On his 18th birthday his dad takes him out for his first legal pint. After downing his first pint, he suddenly grows a torso. Amazed, his dad buys him a second pint. After drinking it, he sprouts a left arm. The dad goes to the bar to get him another pint but the bartender says that 2 pints are more than enough for his first time in the pub. The dad explains the situation so the barman relents and pours the boy a third pint. When it is finished the boy sprouts a right arm. The father then goes back up to the bar and asks for another but the barman flatly refuses. The father then jumps over the bar and swipes a bottle of whisky, and a couple of other customers keep a hold of the barman as they want to see what happens. The boy takes a large gulp of whisky and 2 legs suddenly appear. The while bar bursts out in a round of applause for the boy, who jumps up and starts celebrating. The boy then runs out of the door and across the road where he gets hit by a lorry and dies. The father is distraught and the barman says "I'm really sorry about your son but he should have quit while he was ahead". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martoon Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 A rather posh bar and restaurant was advertising for a new piano player,several applicants turn up for interviews but when asked to play a piece on the piano they were deemed not good enough. The following day a Glaswegian called Davy came in for an interview. After having a short talk with the manager he's asked to play a piece on the piano, he proceeds to play a beautiful piece of music. Impressed,the manager asks him what the piece of music was called. "It's a piece of music I made maself called 'I ****** my wife on top of a washing machine' ". "Oh really?" The manager replied a little embarrassed, "Do you know anything else?" "Ach aye" Davy replied "This one is called 'Shagging a Nun in the back of a van' " and he proceeds to play an equally beautiful piece of music. The manager is of course completely perplexed but can't deny Davy's ability on the piano and giving that there are no words to the songs,he sees no harm in hiring him providing he doesn't talk to any of the customers. On his first night,Davy is a hit and the customers are all delighted with his music. Later in the evening Davy takes a break and decides to nip to the toilet for a quick ham shank. 45 minutes later he isn't back and so the manager tells the barman to go into the toilet and tell Davy to get back on the piano or he's fired. The barman goes into the toilet and knocks on the cubicle door. "Davy?" "What?" "You better get back out there or the boss is going to fire you" "Aw ****, all right I'm on my way" A few seconds later, Davy is back on the piano. The barman looks over and notices something. He discreetly wanders over and whispers in Davy's ear, "Davy, do you know your dick is hanging out and there's cum dripping all over your shoes" To which Davy replies "Dae a ken it? Ah ******* wrote it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martoon Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 A boy is born with no body, nothing at all below the neck, and miraculously survives. On his 18th birthday his dad takes him out for his first legal pint. After downing his first pint, he suddenly grows a torso. Amazed, his dad buys him a second pint. After drinking it, he sprouts a left arm. The dad goes to the bar to get him another pint but the bartender says that 2 pints are more than enough for his first time in the pub. The dad explains the situation so the barman relents and pours the boy a third pint. When it is finished the boy sprouts a right arm. The father then goes back up to the bar and asks for another but the barman flatly refuses. The father then jumps over the bar and swipes a bottle of whisky, and a couple of other customers keep a hold of the barman as they want to see what happens. The boy takes a large gulp of whisky and 2 legs suddenly appear. The while bar bursts out in a round of applause for the boy, who jumps up and starts celebrating. The boy then runs out of the door and across the road where he gets hit by a lorry and dies. The father is distraught and the barman says "I'm really sorry about your son but he should have quit while he was ahead". That's awful, but funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the s?ance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's great. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time, the grass is so green and the cows have such beautiful eyes." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m." Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm now a bull in Montana." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samgolden Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the Divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife ?775 a week," "That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself." Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her Maiden name A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my Intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, because Ive still got mine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the Divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife ?775 a week," "That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself." Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her Maiden name A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my Intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, because Ive still got mine Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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