Online Dating

[Cruyff]

6 minutes ago, Morgan said:

All I’m going to say is, don’t go to the Rose Street Brewery, whilst she is shopping over the road.

 

 

 She might hunt me down

Just now, Ray Gin said:

 

    Without even meeting you?

Aye

 

[Cruyff]

Just now, Ray Gin said:

 

 

Please tell me you haven't given her your address.  

 

 

 

[Samuel Camazzola]

Is she from West Lothian? 😄

[Ray Gin]

7 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

 

 

 

Good luck  

[Cruyff]

3 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Is she from West Lothian? 😄

Nope. She's from Stockbridge. One of those private school taught lassies. She says she's pissed. I think she's feckin gagging on it.... She certainly might be by Monday....

 

1 minute ago, Ray Gin said:

 

Good luck  

This always happens. Starts of decent, then they lose the feckin plot completely. I'm lucky I'm reay busy or I'd have visited her before now.  I think she's getting impatient and is desperately wanting pumped. 

 

I'd put some pics on of her in lingerie but that wouldn't be very nice. She's got mahoosive chebs though. 

 

[Dawnrazor]

1 minute ago, Cruyff said:

Nope. She's from Stockbridge. One of those private school taught lassies. She says she's pissed. I think she's feckin gagging on it.... She certainly might be by Monday....

 

 

This always happens. Starts of decent, then they lose the feckin plot completely. I'm lucky I'm reay busy or I'd have visited her before now.  I think she's getting impatient and is desperately wanting pumped. 

 

I'd put some pics on of her in lingerie but that wouldn't be very nice. She's got mahoosive chebs though. 

 

 

Pm.....I'll take a pm.....please!!!!

[Greedy Jambo]

2 hours ago, Cruyff said:

Ive joined the online dating club. 😂 

 

Pros - Tonnes of single horny woman trapped at home during the lockdown. My tadger has been busy. 

 

Cons - It seems all the good ones are taken and all that is left are utter nutters. 

 

Some bird just told me she loved me on WhatsApp ffs.

 

 

Any chance i can use your profile pictures? 😂

[Greedy Jambo]

[Morgan]

1 hour ago, Dawnrazor said:

Pm.....I'll take a pm.....please!!!!

Johan @Cruyff has PM’d me already.

 

Yes, they are.

 

 

[Dawnrazor]

3 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Johan @Cruyff has PM’d me already.

 

Yes, they are.

 

 

😥😥😥

[Morgan]

4 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said:

😥😥😥

Like really mahoosive.

 

 

[gjcc]

1 minute ago, Morgan said:

Like really mahoosive.

 

 

Like a pair of big jugs?

[Ray Gin]

1 hour ago, Cruyff said:

Nope. She's from Stockbridge. One of those private school taught lassies. She says she's pissed. I think she's feckin gagging on it.... She certainly might be by Monday....

 

 

This always happens. Starts of decent, then they lose the feckin plot completely. I'm lucky I'm reay busy or I'd have visited her before now.  I think she's getting impatient and is desperately wanting pumped. 

 

I'd put some pics on of her in lingerie but that wouldn't be very nice. She's got mahoosive chebs though. 

 

 

 

Doesn't respect the lockdown. Get her tae ****. Probably riddled with the Covid.

 

[Morgan]

Just now, Ray Gin said:

 

Doesn't respect the lockdown. Get her tae ****. Probably riddled with the Covid.

 

If she’s 19, risk the Covid.   

[Morgan]

2 minutes ago, gjcc said:

Like a pair of big jugs?

Yep.

 

Big buckin wallopers.

 

Like spaniels ears, actually.

 

Ask @Cruyff to send you some pics.  

[Cruyff]

1 hour ago, Morgan said:

Johan @Cruyff has PM’d me already.

 

Yes, they are.

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

 

Any chance i can use your profile pictures? 😂

 no. 

2 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

Fortunately, i'm not that wet behind the lugs so there's no danger of me sending scuddies and finding out it's my ex or some dude. 

1 hour ago, gjcc said:

Like a pair of big jugs?

Big muckle chebs. 

 

 

[SwindonJambo]

Wow! Thanks to Cruyff, this thread's taken a turn!

[Cruyff]

2 minutes ago, SwindonJambo said:

Wow! Thanks to Cruyff, this thread's taken a turn!

I always aim to please 😉

[SwindonJambo]

5 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

I always aim to please 😉

 

Your aim is successful. Please continue 😁 ! 

[Greedy Jambo]

I can beat that but I better no. 

She's got a season ticket. 

[Cruyff]

39 minutes ago, Space Pirate said:

I can beat that but I better no. 

She's got a season ticket. 

Pm pm pm 😂

[Fitzroy Pointon]

 

 

Remember Cruyff......updates!

[Dawnrazor]

3 hours ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

 

Remember Cruyff......updates!

And DO NOT forget to get here to make a steak pie, we NEED a steak pie review...........right👍

[Morgan]

13 hours ago, Cruyff said:

Pm pm pm 😂

Heard from Dolly P today?

[Cruyff]

1 hour ago, Morgan said:

Heard from Dolly P today?

😂 Aye, she apologised for her drunken behaviour. She's not been pie'd off yet. 

 

There was one lassie I pie'd because she lifted weights and I thought her shoulders looked built like a guys. Then after i sort of let her down kindly  saying I don't think we have shared interests or some shit excuse but was still talking pally wise, she sent some photos of her on a recent holiday to Thailand where she was wearing a bikini. Her body was absolutely smokin', her ass was like  decent face too but I couldn't go back on what i said or I'd have looked like a complete tool. 

 

I was like

 

Dolly might still get it if she can keep the heid while I finish my work, which should be Monday. 

 

Started speaking to another bird though. It's like a feckin sweety shop.

 

[Greedy Jambo]

I keep getting old dears trying it on with me for some reason.  " oh if i was 10 years younger" haha

[Morgan]

33 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

😂 Aye, she apologised for her drunken behaviour. She's not been pie'd off yet. 

 

There was one lassie I pie'd because she lifted weights and I thought her shoulders looked built like a guys. Then after i sort of let her down kindly  saying I don't think we have shared interests or some shit excuse but was still talking pally wise, she sent some photos of her on a recent holiday to Thailand where she was wearing a bikini. Her body was absolutely smokin', her ass was like  decent face too but I couldn't go back on what i said or I'd have looked like a complete tool. 

 

I was like

 

Dolly might still get it if she can keep the heid while I finish my work, which should be Monday. 

 

Started speaking to another bird though. It's like a feckin sweety shop.

 

 

 

Bad luck with the Lady of Bangkok!   

 

See after Monday?  If Dolly has still managed ‘kept the heid’ until then, give it a wee bash.  A bursd with a heid is worth two in the bush.  

 

Enjoy your sweeties.

 

 

[Morgan]

5 hours ago, Dawnrazor said:

And DO NOT forget to get here to make a steak pie, we NEED a steak pie review...........right👍

We ‘kidney’ possibly have another steak pie saga.

 

Could we?   

 

Steak pie and @Salad Fingers was a meal and a half, back then.

[Justin Z]

Btw my favourite part about dating Scottish women has been the chebs.

 

You lot really have no idea how lucky you are in that respect.

[Ray Gin]

5 minutes ago, Justin Z said:

Btw my favourite part about dating Scottish women has been the chebs.

 

You lot really have no idea how lucky you are in that respect.

 

Scotland's no different to anywhere else regarding the size of women's chebs. 😕

 

[Justin Z]

5 minutes ago, Ray Gin said:

 

Scotland's no different to anywhere else regarding the size of women's chebs. 😕

 

 

I can tell you from anecdotal experience that is completely false, and my anecdotal experience seems to be backed by the available, admittedly pretty unscientific data. Just google "biggest average boobs uk" or something and you'll see what I mean. The north of England and Scotland lead the way in the UK.

 

I googled this after I noticed it from experience, so it wasn't colouring my perception / biasing me from beforehand. Not saying it's definitive, but I'm certainly convinced, and this is an unserious enough topic that I don't really care enough to make sure I'm 100% right.

[Locky]

This thread took a turn.

 

Now I am jealous.  

[Greedy Jambo]

20 hours ago, Cruyff said:

Pm pm pm 😂

 

I was going to send you a wee teaser but you need to upload it from a URL, feck going to the trouble of that. 

[Justin Z]

11 minutes ago, Space Pirate said:

 

I was going to send you a wee teaser but you need to upload it from a URL, feck going to the trouble of that. 

 

Mate that's what you get for being a cheapass and not renewing your paid membership.

[Morgan]

@Cruyff is either having the weekend of his life, or Dolly Big Tits has given him the Marcus.

 

[Ray Gin]

Hopefully they're both respecting the lockdown. 

[Morgan]

@Cruyff doesn’t do ‘respecting the lockdown’ when it comes to mahoosive tits.

 

[Cruyff]

33 minutes ago, Morgan said:

@Cruyff is either having the weekend of his life, or Dolly Big Tits has given him the Marcus.

 

I've just been too busy! 

28 minutes ago, Ray Gin said:

Hopefully they're both respecting the lockdown. 

Yep.

5 minutes ago, Morgan said:

@Cruyff doesn’t do ‘respecting the lockdown’ when it comes to mahoosive tits.

 

I will take one for the team and break the lockdown when im finished my work. 

Then i'll be be motorboating those badboys. 

[Governor Tarkin]

On 09/05/2020 at 18:27, Justin Z said:

Btw my favourite part about dating Scottish women has been the chebs.

 

You lot really have no idea how lucky you are in that respect.

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

Edited May 10, 2020 by Governor Tarkin

[Cruyff]

2 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

 

[Jeff]

7 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

 

Shakespeare, is that you?

[Ray Gin]

9 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

 

 

 

 

[Samuel Camazzola]

11 hours ago, Cruyff said:

I've just been too busy! 

Yep.

I will take one for the team and break the lockdown when im finished my work. 

Then i'll be be motorboating those badboys. 

Just put it down to your additional daily exercise. I don't know how you'd provide an excuse for the social distancing part though... 

[Morgan]

14 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

[cheetah]

15 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

Beautiful

 

[Tazio]

15 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

Pulitzer Prize in the post. 

[Stuart Lyon]

1 hour ago, Tazio said:

Pulitzer Prize in the post. 

Did you not mean the Pultitzer Prize.

[Justin Z]

16 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

Big chebs are over-rated JZ.

 

 

16 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne.

 

I second, third and fourth all the comments above. Bravo!!

 

Keep in mind though this is no different than the States, it's just that instead of their kids having whiny ned voices and being named Liam or Jamie, they're redneck little shits named Micaylee or Jaxyn or Hayleigh.

 

17 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

 

Mate. This is what the chebs are for. And then you're deemed a hero for "lasting so long" to boot.

[Governor Tarkin]

6 minutes ago, Justin Z said:

 

Mate. This is what the chebs are for. And then you're deemed a hero for "lasting so long" to boot.

 

Ah, a soapy-tit-wank man, eh.

 

Excellent. 👍

Edited May 11, 2020 by Governor Tarkin

[Justin Z]

Just now, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Ah, a soapy-tit-wank man, eh.

 

Excellent.

 

Only the finest, Gov. Coconut oil or gtf.