Online Dating

[redjambo]

22 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Just be yourself. That way you have more chance of meeting someone you actually like.

[gjcc]

52 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Be yourself.

Ask a random question "when doing your colouring in at Pizza Hut, do you prefer felt tips or crayons?"

 

Dont be one of those that just says " Hey  "

 

[Alex]

1 hour ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Hi, I'm 24 and live with my parents seems to work for some.....

[Alex]

1 hour ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Hi, I'm 24 and live with my parents seems to work for some.....

[redjambo]

40 minutes ago, gjcc said:

 

Be yourself.

Ask a random question "when doing your colouring in at Pizza Hut, do you prefer felt tips or crayons?"

 

Dont be one of those that just says " Hey  "

 

 

Just out of interest, and I'm not trying to chat you up, which do you prefer?

[Helzibob]

42 minutes ago, gjcc said:

 

Be yourself.

Ask a random question "when doing your colouring in at Pizza Hut, do you prefer felt tips or crayons?"

 

Dont be one of those that just says " Hey  "

 

 

Definitely don’t start with hey. Had a wee starter for 10 question but think I might need to refine it some. It’s just so time consuming. I’m getting close to accepting I will be eternally single and I’m actually ok with that.

[redjambo]

7 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

 

Definitely don’t start with hey. Had a wee starter for 10 question but think I might need to refine it some. It’s just so time consuming. I’m getting close to accepting I will be eternally single and I’m actually ok with that.

 

If that's *really* the case then you probably shouldn't bother with dating sites.

 

However, if you're just psychologically preparing yourself for the fact that you might be rejected, or that the dating site thing might not work, and you would actually like to be a relationship, at whatever level of commitment, then do stick with it but be more positive (if you do it in a negative frame of mind then people will pick up on that). If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but at least it could be fun meeting new people!

 

Edited March 27, 2018 by redjambo

[gjcc]

12 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

Just out of interest, and I'm not trying to chat you up, which do you prefer?

 

Felt tips for sure, the crayons in Pizza Hut are a bit like drawing with a half brick. 

 

What you wearing?

[Barack]

13 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

 

Definitely don’t start with hey. Had a wee starter for 10 question but think I might need to refine it some. It’s just so time consuming. I’m getting close to accepting I will be eternally single and I’m actually ok with that.

Your female friends not given you any advice?

 

 

 

 

[redjambo]

2 minutes ago, gjcc said:

 

Felt tips for sure, the crayons in Pizza Hut are a bit like drawing with a half brick. 

 

What you wearing?

 

True, but I feel that my true creativity can sometimes express itself better with crayons.

 

I'm just back from my latest dive so I haven't changed out of my frogman's suit yet. I can send a photo if you want.

 

So, would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

 

 

[gjcc]

2 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

True, but I feel that my true creativity can sometimes express itself better with crayons.

 

I'm just back from my latest dive so I haven't changed out of my frogman's suit yet. I can send a photo if you want.

 

So, would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

 

 

 

Oh, so you're wet? *winky face*

 

Probably the horse sized duck. Easier to handle one than 100. Plus a horse sized duck couldn't get off the ground for air attacks and it's bite wouldn't be too strong. 

 

Would you rather sweat jam or have sausages for fingers?

[redjambo]

1 minute ago, gjcc said:

 

Oh, so you're wet? *winky face*

 

Probably the horse sized duck. Easier to handle one than 100. Plus a horse sized duck couldn't get off the ground for air attacks and it's bite wouldn't be too strong. 

 

Would you rather sweat jam or have sausages for fingers?

 

*** Contact Now Unmatched ***

 

[gjcc]

4 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

*** Contact Now Unmatched ***

 

 

**dishonestly Tells pals redjambo got too clingy so I cut off all contact**

 

**posts pics of his frogsuit on revenge p**n site.**

 

**lowers standards and goes for someone with low self esteem and supports hibs**

[redjambo]

1 minute ago, gjcc said:

 

**dishonestly Tells pals redjambo got too clingy so I cut off all contact**

 

**posts pics of his frogsuit on revenge p**n site.**

 

**lowers standards and goes for someone with low self esteem and supports hibs**

 

[Helzibob]

1 hour ago, Barack said:

Your female friends not given you any advice?

 

 

 

 

 

They've all been married years or gay. They’re even more clueless than me ?.

[Samuel Camazzola]

3 hours ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

As others have said, just be yourself and say whatever feels comfortable to you. 

 

If you really want to post something different, you could ask what their favourite year was - 1998, 2006 or 2012. It should help weed out a few! 

[John Findlay]

16 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

 

They've all been married years or gay. They’re even more clueless than me ?.

You know alot of men then.

[Ray Gin]

4 hours ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Just ask anything related to something you read on their profile. Don't overthink it. Doesn't have to be witty or clever. If the guy's interested he'll just be happy you got in touch. 

Edited March 27, 2018 by Ray Gin

[Bridge of Djoum]

12 hours ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

How about "Tamer of Jambomuzz''?

[chester copperpot]

13 hours ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

 

Lassie asking for dating tips on a football fans forum, what could possibly go wrong...................

 

Over to you lads

 

[Dawnrazor]

14 hours ago, chester copperpot said:

 

 

Lassie asking for dating tips on a football fans forum, what could possibly go wrong...................

 

Over to you lads

 

Work the shaft tickle the bawz!! 

[John Findlay]

15 hours ago, Dawnrazor said:

Work the shaft tickle the bawz!! 

You forgot to say with tongue but, not a bad start .

[Morgan]

19 hours ago, Dawnrazor said:

Work the shaft tickle the bawz!! 

 

3 hours ago, John Findlay said:

You forgot to say with tongue but, not a bad start .

[Barack]

3 hours ago, John Findlay said:

You forgot to say with tongue but, not a bad start .

You ex-Navy boys, eh! Lonely seamen everywhere.

[John Findlay]

20 minutes ago, Barack said:

You ex-Navy boys, eh! Lonely seamen everywhere.

Never a seaman. Radio Operator Tactical, me. ROT for short. Woman in every port and all that.

[PTBCAL]

I have recently separated for good from my wife (mainly due to my depression and anxiety causing me to lose interest in her) so is there a website where girls can look for socially insecure and fecked up individuals ?

 

5-7 years ago I had a blast online but now? I would rather read a book ?. I still same the same old faces from before. Frightening.

 

Essentially like all men I just want someone to boaby now and then with no drama. Too much to ask?

 

Any site suggestions are per above? ?

[Morgan]

12 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

Never a seaman. Radio Operator Tactical, me. ROT for short. Woman in every port and all that.

You got all their names tattooed on your forearm John?

 

[John Findlay]

14 minutes ago, Morgan said:

You got all their names tattooed on your forearm John?

 

Only have the one tattoo. Supercalaflatulisticexpealodocious on my err ahem. Naturally an inch between each letter.

[Morgan]

11 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

Only have the one tattoo. Supercalaflatulisticexpealodocious on my err ahem. Naturally an inch between each letter.

So, it says Suus when you are cold or 'not in the mood'?

 

Thanks for the reply Errol

[John Findlay]

2 minutes ago, Morgan said:

So, it says Suus when you are cold or 'not in the mood'?

 

Thanks for the reply Errol

No. Just S.

[Morgan]

3 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

No. Just S.

 

Christ, it must be real cold in Edinburgh

 

 

[John Findlay]

1 minute ago, Morgan said:

 

Christ, it must be real cold in Edinburgh

 

 

It was late Winter and early Spring. I don't like to boast.

[redjambo]

19 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

No. Just S.

 

[Morgan]

1 minute ago, redjambo said:

 

Hi R. 

 

Or is it wee r?

 

[redjambo]

15 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Hi R. 

 

Or is it wee r?

 

 

My secret is out.

[Morgan]

28 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

My secret is out.

Soz.

[redjambo]

1 minute ago, Morgan said:

Soz.

 

That's ok, don't worry about it, Morgan. No-one on the dating sites I go on (where my handle is, quite cunningly I think given my actual "wee r" physical situation, "GiiiinormousPecker") will know that I am redjambo on here and see this thread. I always feel it adds spice to any relationship being able to surprise your lassie on your first date. I certainly know how to make my dates laugh anyway.

[Salad Fingers]

5 hours ago, PTBCAL said:

I have recently separated for good from my wife (mainly due to my depression and anxiety causing me to lose interest in her) so is there a website where girls can look for socially insecure and fecked up individuals ?

 

5-7 years ago I had a blast online but now? I would rather read a book ?. I still same the same old faces from before. Frightening.

 

Essentially like all men I just want someone to boaby now and then with no drama. Too much to ask?

 

Any site suggestions are per above? ?

 

POF. Full of mentalists but definitely the place to go if that's what you're looking for right now.  

[PTBCAL]

18 hours ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

POF. Full of mentalists but definitely the place to go if that's what you're looking for right now.  

 That's where I met the Ex wife ?

 

It's well documented here by me of my depression especially over my failed marriage and how I handle apathy at life and increased anxiety.

 

Sometimes I log on POF to see what's happening but it makes me feel worthless and reduces me to self loathing. And actually leads to stress about being on my own at 50 which is crazy as I have young kids but that's how it makes me feel. That's not the site fault or online dating in general but that's how my mind reacts to things like that. 

 

So so while it can work and it did for me 5 years ago I have found that since I was diagnosed  with depression and anxiety it pushes me to a darker place and thus it's not an easy fix for everyone.

 

Sorry if I am rambling but online dating might not work for everyone TBH.

[PTBCAL]

Apologies for bringing what is a fantastic thread down to a more sombre level.

 

Keep up the good work lads as it gives me a right laugh ?

[tian447]

I ****ing love this thread. 

 

It needs to be permanently stickied at the top of The Shed.

 

[dumpson]

On 3/29/2018 at 17:34, PTBCAL said:

I have recently separated for good from my wife (mainly due to my depression and anxiety causing me to lose interest in her) so is there a website where girls can look for socially insecure and fecked up individuals ?

 

5-7 years ago I had a blast online but now? I would rather read a book ?. I still same the same old faces from before. Frightening.

 

Essentially like all men I just want someone to boaby now and then with no drama. Too much to ask?

 

Any site suggestions are per above? ?

 

You're already on said website pal ! 

[tian447]

I can contribute by proxy. 

 

My flatmate has been having a bit of a dry patch, and we've all been great friends by relentlessly ripping the piss for months about it.  He has great chat and then always bottles it somehow. We think he's just a massive shitebag, but that's about it. 

 

Anyway, it gets to half past 2 on Saturday night (Sunday morning) so he decides enough is enough and fires a message to this lassie he's been chatting up on Tinder for a few weeks. 

 

Result. She's been away out, and agrees to come round.  Flatmate quickly goes to change his bedding and tidy up his absolute state of a room.  The place is a complete mess and probably contributes to his lack of fandango action, so at least he does one thing right. 

 

About half 3 and the doorbell goes.  I decide to leave him to it, and head off to bed.  My room is right next to the front door, so I obviously hear her come in and there is a distinct lack of chat from said flatmate. I assume they just get fired right into it, and that's about it.  Good lad, dry spell over. 

 

I hear the front door slam shut around 5, which wakes me up.  90 minutes of action, not bad considering he'll be suitably out of practise.  The door then slams again, so he's obviously shown her out the building and come back up the stairs. I go through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water since I'm already up and as I get there, it turns out that his room wasn't the only complete mess in the flat. 

 

Jesus Christ, this lassie made John McGinn look like a beauty pageant winner by contrast. I recoiled in fear for my retinas safety, grabbed a glass of water and got out of Dodge, locking my door in case she tried to pump me as well. 

 

There is a bit of conversation, the door closes again, and then I hear my flatmate lock it and audibly sigh in the hallway.   I get a gentle knock on my door, and there stands the most dejected, defeated looking human being since Pat Fenlon watched his team take it dry at Hampden in 2012.

 

Turns out she looked very different than her profile picture.  It took him 90 minutes to get her to leave, and she was fairly keen on getting him pumped anyway, basically trying to convince him he wanted it. 

 

His dry patch continues and I reckon this one will haunt him for a while.

[John Findlay]

29 minutes ago, tian447 said:

I can coptribute by proxy. 

 

My flatmate has been having a bit of a dry patch, and we've all been great friends by relentlessly ripping the piss for months about it.  He has great chat and then always bottles it somehow. We think he's just a massive shitebag, but that's about it. 

 

Anyway, it gets to half past 2 on Saturday night (Sunday morning) so he decides enough is enough and fires a message to this lassie he's been chatting up on Tinder for a few weeks. 

 

Result. She's been away out, and agrees to come round.  Flatmate quickly goes to change his bedding and tidy up his absolute state of a room.  The place is a complete mess and probably contributes to his lack of fandango action, so at least he does one thing right. 

 

About half 3 and the doorbell goes.  I decide to leave him to it, and head off to bed.  My room is right next to the front door, so I obviously hear her come in and there is a distinct lack of chat from said flatmate. I assume they just get fired right into it, and that's about it.  Good lad, dry spell over. 

 

I hear the front door slam shut around 5, which wakes me up.  90 minutes of action, not bad considering he'll be suitably out of practise.  The door then slams again, so he's obviously shown her out the building and come back up the stairs. I go through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water since I'm already up and as I get there, it turns out that his room wasn't the only complete mess in the flat. 

 

Jesus Christ, this lassie made John McGinn look like a beauty pageant winner by contrast. I recoiled in fear for my retinas safety, grabbed a glass of water and got out of Dodge, locking my door in case she tried to pump me as well. 

 

There is a bit of conversation, the door closes again, and then I hear my flatmate lock it and audibly sigh in the hallway.   I get a gentle knock on my door, and there stands the most dejected, defeated looking human being since Pat Fenlon watched his team take it dry at Hampden in 2012.

 

Turns out she looked very different than her profile picture.  It took him 90 minutes to get her to leave, and she was fairly keen on getting him pumped anyway, basically trying to convince him he wanted it. 

 

His dry patch continues and I reckon this one will haunt him for a while.

Dawnrazor is the man for her.

[tian447]

9 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

Dawnrazor is the man for her.

 

A blind, horny teenager would have passed this one up.  Seriously grim stuff!

[John Findlay]

1 minute ago, tian447 said:

 

A blind, horny teenager would have passed this one up.  Seriously grim stuff!

Dawnrazor is still the man for her

[tian447]

9 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

Dawnrazor is still the man for her

 

Now we play the waiting game to see how he defends himself

[dumpson]

This thread !!! 

[Dawnrazor]

1 hour ago, tian447 said:

 

Now we play the waiting game to see how he defends himself

I need not defend myself, I would indeed hump the bursd in question and I've not even read to post or the description of said bursd. 

*edit*

Just read the post, the guy is a complete buffty for shaggin the ugly bursd, out of order and a embarrassment to his fellow man. He should have switched the light of, got her pumped and forgotten her, nobody would have know if she was a bit under par, he could have said his flatmate was over egging the cake on her plugness due to jealousness. 

He had a bursd that was ganting oan the tadger in his room and on a plate and he bottled it, disgraceful behaviour. 

 

Edited April 2, 2018 by Dawnrazor

[Dawnrazor]

12 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said:

I need not defend myself, I would indeed hump the bursd in question and I've not even read to post or the description of said bursd. 

*edit*

Just read the post, the guy is a complete buffty for not shaggin the ugly bursd, out of order and an embarrassment to his fellow man. He should have switched the light of, got her pumped and forgotten her, nobody would have know if she was a bit under par, he could have said his flatmate was over egging the cake on her plugness due to jealousness. 

He had a bursd that was ganting oan the tadger in his room and on a plate and he bottled it, disgraceful behaviour.