Online Dating

[Samuel Camazzola]

2 minutes ago, adambraejambo said:

I really don't want to name him or give any real clue away....give me "a little time ".and I will think about it last thing I want is "everybody's  talking" about it on here 

? I thought it was someone else and didn't realise he was a drinker. 

[John Findlay]

2 hours ago, adambraejambo said:

I really don't want to name him or give any real clue away....give me "a little time ".and I will think about it last thing I want is "everybody's  talking" about it on here 

Does his brother play in goals for Burnley and England?.

[Toxteth O'Grady]

3 hours ago, adambraejambo said:

I really don't want to name him or give any real clue away....give me "a little time ".and I will think about it last thing I want is "everybody's  talking" about it on here 

Did you have a happy hour with her?

[Der Kaiser]

1 hour ago, Toxteth O'Grady said:

Did you have a happy hour with her?

 

1 hour ago, Toxteth O'Grady said:

  4 hours ago, adambraejambo said:

I really don't want to name him or give any real clue away....give me "a little time ".and I will think about it last thing I want is "everybody's  talking" about it on here 

 

Please tell me this all happened in a caravan......PLEASE!

[iantjambo]

1 hour ago, Der Kaiser said:

 

 

Please tell me this all happened in a caravan......PLEASE!

 

It did happen in a caravan. In Rotterdam no less.

[Maroon Sailor]

We should put the heat on adambraejambo to come out with the name before he sails his ship away

[The_razors_edge]

20 hours ago, adambraejambo said:

I really don't want to name him or give any real clue away....give me "a little time ".and I will think about it last thing I want is "everybody's  talking" about it on here 

 

whatever you do mate, Don't marry her

[adambraejambo]

6 minutes ago, The_razors_edge said:

 

whatever you do mate, Don't marry her

haha yeah i'll sail this ship alone 

Edited July 23, 2018 by adambraejambo

[Samuel Camazzola]

3 hours ago, adambraejambo said:

haha yeah i'll sail this ship alone 

If she has gone back to Canada, you'll be safe to name her now. Jennifer? Alison,? Phillipa? Sue? 

[Samuel Camazzola]

3 hours ago, adambraejambo said:

haha yeah i'll sail this ship alone 

If she has gone back to Canada, you'll be safe to name her now. Jennifer? Alison,? Phillipa? Sue? 

[auldy19]

So I find myself back in the game . Apps are in full swing on the phone !  

My biggest problem is I don’t know if I can be arsed actually dating these women . Don’t think I want a permanent one either ! It’s a lot of effort! Anyone else find this ? 

[Dawnrazor]

1 minute ago, auldy19 said:

So I find myself back in the game . Apps are in full swing on the phone !  

My biggest problem is I don’t know if I can be arsed actually dating these women . Don’t think I want a permanent one either ! It’s a lot of effort! Anyone else find this ? 

Yes, as soon as I was married! 

[auldy19]

4 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said:

Yes, as soon as I was married! 

 

??

[Justin Z]

Date with a rather dirty looking, tattooed beauty of Greek descent last night, at a dive bar here in Arizona.

 

All the pics she put up were pre-the three stone she's put on.

 

F*** off

[auldy19]

3 hours ago, Justin Z said:

Date with a rather dirty looking, tattooed beauty of Greek descent last night, at a dive bar here in Arizona.

 

All the pics she put up were pre-the three stone she's put on.

 

F*** off

 

Haha but did you still plumb it ??

 

what part of Arizona ?

[Justin Z]

5 hours ago, auldy19 said:

 

Haha but did you still plumb it ??

 

what part of Arizona ?

 

No, somehow I have gained some self respect in my later years

 

The Phoenix metro area.

[Samuel Camazzola]

13 hours ago, Justin Z said:

Date with a rather dirty looking, tattooed beauty of Greek descent last night, at a dive bar here in Arizona.

 

All the pics she put up were pre-the three stone she's put on.

 

F*** off

The David Brent suggestion needs to be adopted where pictures should include them holding a copy of a current newspaper. 

[auldy19]

On 30/07/2018 at 01:58, Justin Z said:

 

No, somehow I have gained some self respect in my later years

 

The Phoenix metro area.

 

Hahaha I admire your self restraint ! 

 

I did some damage in Tucson many years ago . Only had to open my mouth and let the accent flow ! Birds were seeking us out  for a chat ! 

[Herbert]

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

[FinnBarr Saunders]

20 minutes ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

 

I'm the owner of a jam doughnut factory?

[Herbert]

31 minutes ago, bikerjambo said:

 

I'm the owner of a jam doughnut factory?

 

I'll give it a bash. If you feel a earthquake it's a stamped of fattys coming for me. 

[Ray Gin]

58 minutes ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

Don't hit them with sleazy lines or comment on how hot they are. Just ask them about something on their profile, if you can find a way to do this in a witty manner, even better. If they're interested in you, they'll respond. If not, move on.

[Montgomery Brewster]

2 hours ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

Don’t be dis heartened squire. 

 

I found that that quite a few of the birds were already going out with other guys and when that was obviously not working they would be in touch. It might say that they have been online today but a lot of them are just keeping an eye on their account.

 

Been seeing  a bird met via match.com now for 2 months and she goes like a train. Toot toot.

[Herbert]

1 hour ago, Montgomery Brewster said:

Don’t be dis heartened squire. 

 

I found that that quite a few of the birds were already going out with other guys and when that was obviously not working they would be in touch. It might say that they have been online today but a lot of them are just keeping an eye on their account.

 

Been seeing  a bird met via match.com now for 2 months and she goes like a train. Toot toot.

 

Is she always late and over crowded

 

 

I can't be arsed with going out with them or having anything meaningful I just like to sample new things. I try the nice guy approach but they aren't bothered. 

[Homme]

2 hours ago, Montgomery Brewster said:

Don’t be dis heartened squire. 

 

I found that that quite a few of the birds were already going out with other guys and when that was obviously not working they would be in touch. It might say that they have been online today but a lot of them are just keeping an eye on their account.

 

Been seeing  a bird met via match.com now for 2 months and she goes like a train. Toot toot.

 

Only in your case you've not to mind the gap?

[Montgomery Brewster]

27 minutes ago, Homme said:

 

Only in your case you've not to mind the gap?

?

[Montgomery Brewster]

57 minutes ago, Herbert said:

 

Is she always late and over crowded

 

 

I can't be arsed with going out with them or having anything meaningful I just like to sample new things. I try the nice guy approach but they aren't bothered. 

Heheheheh

 

when you do get chatting , get them off whatever site your on quickly and onto iMessage etc, then your on a home run

Edited August 2, 2018 by Montgomery Brewster

[Samuel Camazzola]

4 hours ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

As them if they like steak pie. 

[Herbert]

46 minutes ago, Montgomery Brewster said:

Heheheheh

 

when you do get chatting , get them off whatever site your on quickly and onto iMessage etc, then your on a home run

That was my old tactic, I have about 50numbers in my phone from girls I've not spoke to in years, I need a burner phone. 

 

43 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

As them if they like steak pie. 

 

Steak costs, they can have mince or veg pie

[Justin Z]

6 hours ago, auldy19 said:

 

Hahaha I admire your self restraint ! 

 

I did some damage in Tucson many years ago . Only had to open my mouth and let the accent flow ! Birds were seeking us out  for a chat ! 

 

Ohhhh I bet you did.

 

This was meant to be the plan for me in reverse over in Scotland. Hasn't quite worked out that way so far

[PumpkinJambo]

I love that this thread is still - kinda - alive!  I’ve had a good laugh at all the updates since I last posted, which was much longer ago than I thought!

 

I’m now engaged to the bloke I met on OK Cupid and we’re in the process of buying a flat.  Wedding early 2020.  

 

I came back to this thread as I only signed up to OK Cupid for a laugh after reading the early stages of this thread!

 

Good luck to all those just signing up now!  Keep your stories coming, they’re far funnier than mine but I wouldn’t swap! 

[Wham Bam Austin McCann]

On 24/03/2018 at 02:51, Jambomuzz said:

Thought I better update before I head to bed.

im alive... just. 

Picked her up in town and drove her home, snuck into her room as parents were still up, awkward. She seemed quite sound to be honest from the car journey, maybe a bit bigger than I had anticipated but she was really attractive.

I quickly found out that this lassie got off on some sort of Dom/sub mini role play kind of shit. Now I’m not really into that stuff but I just went with the flow, assuming I would be the one kinda taking charge.... oh how wrong I was. She was one bossy little *******, but by god she knew what she was doing, I certainly wasn’t complaining. However, in the moment she has scratched my neck pretty badly and now, with work to go in the morning I’m furiously trying to think up an excuse as to why I have hand size scratches down the side of my neck. She apologised for it mind you, so I’ll give her that one.

I kind of feel like a little boy now after tonight’s experience and I’ve lost a little bit of manliness. I will say I enjoyed myself, and will file this one under, return for seconds.

Till next time everyone. Goodnight! 

 

Just read through the last 5 pages and this is an absolute cracker. Top notch Sir

 

[Bigsmak]

Its been a year - Anyone want to add to this beautiful thread? 

[JackLadd]

From my limited experience of pof and match years ago it was a waste of time. maybe not if you are an attractive female of any age as the ratio is skewed in your favour and loads of wee boys want a milf of even gilf experience, but middle aged average guy, forget about it.

[redjambo]

On 23/07/2018 at 17:08, Samuel Camazzola said:

If she has gone back to Canada, you'll be safe to name her now. Jennifer? Alison,? Phillipa? Sue? 

 

 

[Who_put_the_ball_in...]

On 31/07/2016 at 09:32, Salad Fingers said:

Need some advice lads and lassies.

 

Been single for about a year now. Between having the kids every Friday and every second Friday/Saturday I have found it difficult to get out there and meet a woman. Anyway I thought I would give online dating a try (nothing fancy, I'm not paying for it yet).

 

Anyway after about a month of talking to some nice and some not so nice girls one in particular messaged me. She was pretty much bang on, nice girl, nice photo, great patter and banter. Anyway what worried me was that she only had one picture. So we continued to chat and I gave her my number. Everything was going well, a little too well and she sent me another picture of her at a party. However it was a screen shot from Facebook and I seen the date at the top, 2011. Continued to chat in the hope that she still resembled that. Then she hit me with he picture from last week of her on holiday, of her and her dad. Now I could have sworn she sent me a picture of her parents. She looked terrible, nothing compared to her profile picture.

 

the problem is now that I don't fancy her. However she has cracking patter and the chat between us is top notch. I'm not the kind of guy to go for a girl based on looks alone but this is taking the piss. I also am not an oil painting myself but I'm still fairly young and I would say handsome enough (just) to do a lot better.

 

Now my question is how to I let her down gently cos I now don't want to meet her.

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

Any port in a storm

[Salad Fingers]

 

Those halcyon days .  My short sortee into the murky world of online dating was both enjoyable and an absolute head ****.  I recommend it to everyone. 

Edited August 12, 2019 by Salad Fingers

[Locky]

On 02/04/2018 at 11:13, tian447 said:

I can contribute by proxy. 

 

My flatmate has been having a bit of a dry patch, and we've all been great friends by relentlessly ripping the piss for months about it.  He has great chat and then always bottles it somehow. We think he's just a massive shitebag, but that's about it. 

 

Anyway, it gets to half past 2 on Saturday night (Sunday morning) so he decides enough is enough and fires a message to this lassie he's been chatting up on Tinder for a few weeks. 

 

Result. She's been away out, and agrees to come round.  Flatmate quickly goes to change his bedding and tidy up his absolute state of a room.  The place is a complete mess and probably contributes to his lack of fandango action, so at least he does one thing right. 

 

About half 3 and the doorbell goes.  I decide to leave him to it, and head off to bed.  My room is right next to the front door, so I obviously hear her come in and there is a distinct lack of chat from said flatmate. I assume they just get fired right into it, and that's about it.  Good lad, dry spell over. 

 

I hear the front door slam shut around 5, which wakes me up.  90 minutes of action, not bad considering he'll be suitably out of practise.  The door then slams again, so he's obviously shown her out the building and come back up the stairs. I go through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water since I'm already up and as I get there, it turns out that his room wasn't the only complete mess in the flat. 

 

Jesus Christ, this lassie made John McGinn look like a beauty pageant winner by contrast. I recoiled in fear for my retinas safety, grabbed a glass of water and got out of Dodge, locking my door in case she tried to pump me as well. 

 

There is a bit of conversation, the door closes again, and then I hear my flatmate lock it and audibly sigh in the hallway.   I get a gentle knock on my door, and there stands the most dejected, defeated looking human being since Pat Fenlon watched his team take it dry at Hampden in 2012.

 

Turns out she looked very different than her profile picture.  It took him 90 minutes to get her to leave, and she was fairly keen on getting him pumped anyway, basically trying to convince him he wanted it. 

 

His dry patch continues and I reckon this one will haunt him for a while.

Reminded me a bit of a story my mate told me a few weeks ago. He got binned off his childhood sweetheart last year, and after a bit of time licking his wounds, he's got knee deep in the dating sites and what not. One night him and his flat mate went out after work for a few pints, and got chatting to 2 American birds. They went through the motions and ended up taking both back to their flat. His flat mate though, ended up passing out so he was left with both these American birds, and eventually managed to get them both in his bedroom.

 

Somewhat preoccupied by the 2 yankee's wanting pumped, it slipped his mind that he'd been out the night before, reeking, and passed out with his KFC. That morning, he woke up and had to nash for work, and as mentioned, had gone straight back out from work again. So, as these American birds are sat either side of him kissing away, he rips the covers back ready to get stuck in to a potential once in a lifetime 3 way. Low and behold, KFC gravy pots and chicken bones lie scattered over his sheets, the gravy stained into them. He tries in vain to get tidied up, but both girls decide to get up and walk out in amongst the horror. 

 

What a ****.

[iantjambo]

Deserves a bump after the revelation that it spawned a marriage😁

 

Get this in the classics admin!

[Samuel Camazzola]

Just read this thread again to kill some lockdown time. What's the criteria for a thread to make it into the Classics as this content is gold? 

 

I can't believe I originally missed the page where @Helzibob advised of her online admirer's profile name! 

 

The "spitting like a chip pan" comment too! 🤣

 

What was the thread that included the story about one of the poster's blind dates in London? 

[Helzibob]

4 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Just read this thread again to kill some lockdown time. What's the criteria for a thread to make it into the Classics as this content is gold? 

 

I can't believe I originally missed the page where @Helzibob advised of her online admirer's profile name! 

 

The "spitting like a chip pan" comment too! 🤣

 

What was the thread that included the story about one of the poster's blind dates in London? 

Did I? 😂

 

I gave up with online dating. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be an elderly spinster with a dog. I’m ok about it too. 

[Samuel Camazzola]

1 minute ago, Helzibob said:

Did I? 😂

 

I gave up with online dating. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be an elderly spinster with a dog. I’m ok about it too. 

Yeah, the guy called "Cervicalslammer" (or something along those lines) 😄 His introductory line was 'Hey'. Not what you'd expect with someone with that title! 

[Helzibob]

1 minute ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Yeah, the guy called "Cervicalslammer" (or something along those lines) 😄 His introductory line was 'Hey'. Not what you'd expect with someone with that title! 

Oh god, I remember now. You would expect so much more from that username, eh?

 

Online dating is a truly awful experience. I would rather be single forever than try that again. 😏

[Whatever]

Cervicalslammer.

 

 

Quite the charmer. I’ll need to have a look at this thread.

[FinnBarr Saunders]

4 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Just read this thread again to kill some lockdown time. What's the criteria for a thread to make it into the Classics as this content is gold? 

 

I can't believe I originally missed the page where @Helzibob advised of her online admirer's profile name! 

 

The "spitting like a chip pan" comment too! 🤣

 

 

Might be better asking Mr Mitchell

 

 

 

[Samuel Camazzola]

3 minutes ago, FinnBarr Saunders said:

 

Might be better asking Mr Mitchell

 

 

 

😁

 

I recall the poster. Couldn't remember the thread it was on though. 

[iantjambo]

12 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

😁

 

I recall the poster. Couldn't remember the thread it was on though. 

This classic story has been told on multiple threads. I’m buggered if I can remember any of them though

 

[Barack]

On 31/07/2016 at 10:16, jack D and coke said:

This thread has potential...

 

On 31/07/2016 at 10:17, Gashauskis9 said:

Classics beckons...

How right you boys were...

 

[milky_26]

14 minutes ago, iantjambo said:

This classic story has been told on multiple threads. I’m buggered if I can remember any of them though

 

this story?

 

 

[Barack]

From page 6 to 10 is phenomenal quality.

 

@Salad Fingers contributions to our amusement were worth it. 

 

I still maintain, that even though you're happily now settled down with another, and with a kid...had you not gone on here and taken our advice, you'd still be munching cold steak pie.

 

Also, special mention in dispatches to @tweegy.

 

Never to be forgotten. And hopefully now allowed to roam free!