Online Dating

[Governor Tarkin]

Just now, Justin Z said:

 

Only the finest, Gov. Coconut oil or gtf.

 

Gentlemen, we have a connoisseur in our midst.

 

 

[SwindonJambo]

17 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

 

What an extremely amusing  piece of prose😂 You have some way with words! Take a bow and thank you 👍

[Dean Winchester]

18 hours ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

Big chebs are over-rated JZ. 

In Jockland they tend to be attached to the more robust of womenfolk.

 

What is probably more desirable is a neat and compact mutton pouch.

 

Unfortunately most of our unattached young internet dating ladies have more children than teeth by the time they exit their teens. This results in gammon vaults which look like someone has violently lobbed a pool ball into a vegetarian lasagne. 

 

In terms of sensation, you'd be better off opening your bedroom window and f&%^$#g the night.

    

[Morgan]

Is it fair to conclude that @Governor Tarkin has made the post of the thread, and perhaps the post of the year, so far?

[Brighton Jambo]

7 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Is it fair to conclude that @Governor Tarkin has made the post of the thread, and perhaps the post of the year, so far?

Absolutely this. My wife just asked why I laughed, safe to say I lied! 

[Morgan]

1 minute ago, Brighton Jambo said:

Absolutely this. My wife just asked why I laughed, safe to say I lied! 

[Greedy Jambo]

13 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

Another great response to add on to your tale.

44 thousand posts of this. 

Get a dug. 

[Brick Tamland]

4 hours ago, Justin Z said:

 

Only the finest, Gov. Coconut oil or gtf.

You’re missing out if you don’t use this stuff...

[Greedy Jambo]

Not enough pictures of breasts on here.

[SwindonJambo]

2 hours ago, Morgan said:

Is it fair to conclude that @Governor Tarkin has made the post of the thread, and perhaps the post of the year, so far?

Definitely. I'm still laughing now 😉

[Locky]

9 hours ago, Brick Tamland said:

You’re missing out if you don’t use this stuff...

You and Justin must have very smooth lengths. Must slide in like a Melody Pop. 

[Locky]

7 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

Not enough pictures of breasts on here.

While I'd tend to agree, that might scare some of our eligible bachelorettes on the forum. And I really want to know more about their perspective of the (w)hole thing!

 

Come on Kickback ladies, there must be one of you who is single and gagging for it. And nothing would make my miserable life happier than you signing up for Tinder and dishing out your soapy gossip.

[iantjambo]

11 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

 

Another great response to add on to your tale.

44 thousand posts of this. 

Get a dug. 

Did Morgan piss in your cornflakes or something? You seem to dig at him quite a bit

 

[Locky]

1 hour ago, iantjambo said:

Did Morgan piss in your cornflakes or something? You seem to dig at him quite a bit

 

Maybe he could start a thread. 

[iantjambo]

25 minutes ago, Locky said:

Maybe he could start a thread. 

Why not? Don’t think he’s hit his daily quota of 350 yet

 

[Justin Z]

5 hours ago, iantjambo said:

Did Morgan piss in your cornflakes or something? You seem to dig at him quite a bit

 

I think he's on permanent seethe at Morgan rightly calling him out for being a gadfly and general annoyance for his own entertainment. Wee lamb.

[EH11_2NL]

Are you pretty much guaranteed your Nat King on Plenty Of Fish? Asking for a friend obviously 😶

[Morgan]

17 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

 

Another great response to add on to your tale.

44 thousand posts of this. 

Get a dug. 

 

6 hours ago, iantjambo said:

Did Morgan piss in your cornflakes or something? You seem to dig at him quite a bit

 

 

Thanks for quoting that post, Ian.  I hadn’t seen it as I’ve had Space Prat on ignore since Saturday. Christ only knows why it took me so long to do so, though.

 

I’m quite happy, however, in the knowledge that when I mean to type ‘tally’ I will do so correctly.  

 

I will not type ‘tale’  

.  

 

4 hours ago, Locky said:

Maybe he could start a thread. 

 

Jesus Locks!  Don’t give him any encouragement. he doesn’t need it.

 

4 hours ago, iantjambo said:

Why not? Don’t think he’s hit his daily quota of 350 yet

 

 

You're thinking he’s cut back like?  

 

56 minutes ago, Justin Z said:

 

I think he's on permanent seethe at Morgan rightly calling him out for being a gadfly and general annoyance for his own entertainment. Wee lamb.

 

Gadfly is the perfect word for the wee lamb, Justin.

 

His seethe is water off a ducks back to me.

 

 

[Justin Z]

10 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Gadfly is the perfect word for the wee lamb, Justin.

 

It was among the more family friendly ones available

[Morgan]

1 minute ago, Justin Z said:

 

It was among the more family friendly ones available

Feck ‘family friendly’!

 

You should have just gone for it...  

[iantjambo]

50 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

 

Thanks for quoting that post, Ian.  I hadn’t seen it as I’ve had Space Prat on ignore since Saturday. Christ only knows why it took me so long to do so, though.

 

I’m quite happy, however, in the knowledge that when I mean to type ‘tally’ I will do so correctly.  

 

I will not type ‘tale’  

.  

 

 

Jesus Locks!  Don’t give him any encouragement. he doesn’t need it.

 

 

You're thinking he’s cut back like?  

 

 

Gadfly is the perfect word for the wee lamb, Justin.

 

His seethe is water off a ducks back to me.

 

 

He does appear to have a rather unhealthy obsession with you

 

[Morgan]

14 minutes ago, iantjambo said:

He does appear to have a rather unhealthy obsession with you

 

Thankfully, I won’t be seeing any more of it.

 

Bit of a waste of Space, really.

[Sooperstar]

8 hours ago, iantjambo said:

Did Morgan piss in your cornflakes or something? You seem to dig at him quite a bit

 

I've seen him make references to a few people's post counts now, despite him having a huge number over a short period of time since signing up. Very strange.

[Angry Haggis]

“Gammon Vaults” 

 

[Fitzroy Pointon]

19 hours ago, EH11_2NL said:

Are you pretty much guaranteed your Nat King on Plenty Of Fish? Asking for a friend obviously 😶

 

100% 

 

If not you really should just hang up the balls.  

 

However, depends on your standards.  Don't get me wrong there is a lot of nice looking females on it.  But if you want to get your hole and you're willing to lower the standards a bit then you are almost guaranteed to get it.  

 

If you have a car, you'll get your hole tonight.  

[milky_26]

46 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

100% 

 

If not you really should just hang up the balls.  

 

However, depends on your standards.  Don't get me wrong there is a lot of nice looking females on it.  But if you want to get your hole and you're willing to lower the standards a bit then you are almost guaranteed to get it.  

 

If you have a car, you'll get your hole tonight.  

what the hell are you doing with cars?

[EH11_2NL]

2 hours ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

100% 

 

If not you really should just hang up the balls.  

 

However, depends on your standards.  Don't get me wrong there is a lot of nice looking females on it.  But if you want to get your hole and you're willing to lower the standards a bit then you are almost guaranteed to get it.  

 

If you have a car, you'll get your hole tonight.  

Friend says thanks. He's off to grab his car keys

[Cruyff]

21 hours ago, EH11_2NL said:

Are you pretty much guaranteed your Nat King on Plenty Of Fish? Asking for a friend obviously 😶

Get on all the sites, badoo, tinder, pof, they're throwing themselves at you mate, you don't have to do anything, sit back, watch the likes come in and pick your victim(s) .  

[Brick Tamland]

22 hours ago, EH11_2NL said:

Are you pretty much guaranteed your Nat King on Plenty Of Fish? Asking for a friend obviously 😶

100% yes

 But there is a very high chance of meeting Ms Needy, Ms Mental, Ms Bunny-Boiler and a Miss West Lothian first round loser. 

Edited May 13, 2020 by Brick Tamland
Public health warning

[Samuel Camazzola]

56 minutes ago, Brick Tamland said:

100% yes

 But there is a very high chance of meeting Ms Needy, Ms Mental, Ms Bunny-Boiler and a Miss West Lothian first round loser. 

And one from Dalgety Bay! 😂

[Lovecraft]

3 hours ago, milky_26 said:

what the hell are you doing with cars?

Knocking women unconscious.

 

 

[EH11_2NL]

1 hour ago, Brick Tamland said:

100% yes

 But there is a very high chance of meeting Ms Needy, Ms Mental, Ms Bunny-Boiler and a Miss West Lothian first round loser. 

Friend is more interested in meeting Ms Absolutely do anything you want clarty.

[Brick Tamland]

1 hour ago, EH11_2NL said:

Friend is more interested in meeting Ms Absolutely do anything you want clarty.

She’ll be there but may be strongly related to one of the others 

[Brick Tamland]

1 hour ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

And one from Dalgety Bay! 😂

Another strong possibility 😂

[JackLadd]

Male dominated most of these sites. 9 to 1 on tinder, not worth the bother. 

[theshed]

3 hours ago, Cruyff said:

Get on all the sites, badoo, tinder, pof, they're throwing themselves at you mate, you don't have to do anything, sit back, watch the likes come in and pick your victim(s) .  

 

Wish I was single again 😓😓

[Greedy Jambo]

Check all these wanks talking about me, this place is a freak show. 

[weegranty]

Online dating is not for me,18 year married,25 years together in total.Anyway a work mate is late 50's,at least 25 stone,has about 3 teeth and his wife has left him.He has joined Zoosk and has been very busy this last couple of weeks meeting up with all sorts,fair play I say.

[theshed]

7 hours ago, weegranty said:

Online dating is not for me,18 year married,25 years together in total.Anyway a work mate is late 50's,at least 25 stone,has about 3 teeth and his wife has left him.He has joined Zoosk and has been very busy this last couple of weeks meeting up with all sorts,fair play I say.

wife probably left him for someone she met online 

[Sarah O]

7 hours ago, weegranty said:

Online dating is not for me,18 year married,25 years together in total.Anyway a work mate is late 50's,at least 25 stone,has about 3 teeth and his wife has left him.He has joined Zoosk and has been very busy this last couple of weeks meeting up with all sorts,fair play I say.

Who needs lockdown.

[iantjambo]

9 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

Check all these wanks talking about me, this place is a freak show. 

A piece of advice, straight from the playground...

 

If you can’t take it. Don’t dish it out

 

[iantjambo]

8 hours ago, weegranty said:

Online dating is not for me,18 year married,25 years together in total.Anyway a work mate is late 50's,at least 25 stone,has about 3 teeth and his wife has left him.He has joined Zoosk and has been very busy this last couple of weeks meeting up with all sorts,fair play I say.

Well if you’ve been married for 18 years and together 25, then I certainly hope online dating isn’t for you

 

[Whatever]

10 hours ago, Space Pirate said:

Check all these wanks talking about me, this place is a freak show. 

You could always **** off.

[weegranty]

3 hours ago, iantjambo said:

Well if you’ve been married for 18 years and together 25, then I certainly hope online dating isn’t for you

 

😁

[Governor Tarkin]

3 hours ago, Whatever said:

You could always **** off.

 

[Samuel Camazzola]

On 10/05/2020 at 22:58, Cruyff said:

I've just been too busy! 

Yep.

I will take one for the team and break the lockdown when im finished my work. 

Then i'll be be motorboating those badboys. 

It's all gone quiet. Did it turn out to be more Jordi and less Johann? 

[Cruyff]

1 minute ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

It's all gone quiet. Did it turn out to be more Jordi and less Johann? 

Nah, still going fine. I've been speaking to a few lassies.

 

I avoid single mums, chavs, orange bird types etc...

So the lassies i speak to are pretty well educated, sensible types and are not willing to break the lockdown. 🤷😢

 

That said, I'm meeting Dolly Parton tomorrow 🙈

[Greedy Jambo]

21 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

Nah, still going fine. I've been speaking to a few lassies.

 

I avoid single mums, chavs, orange bird types etc...

So the lassies i speak to are pretty well educated, sensible types and are not willing to break the lockdown. 🤷😢

 

That said, I'm meeting Dolly Parton tomorrow 🙈

 

😂 Nothing worse than an oompa loompa with painted on eyebrows.

[Samuel Camazzola]

27 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

Nah, still going fine. I've been speaking to a few lassies.

 

I avoid single mums, chavs, orange bird types etc...

So the lassies i speak to are pretty well educated, sensible types and are not willing to break the lockdown. 🤷😢

 

That said, I'm meeting Dolly Parton tomorrow 🙈

What about the breed Kyle Walker has sniffed out? Willing to breach a lockdown but may cost you. 😂

[Cruyff]

1 hour ago, Space Pirate said:

 

😂 Nothing worse than an oompa loompa with painted on eyebrows.

Absolutely rank. Thankfully, birds dressing up as oompa loompa's was a bit before my time.. 

1 hour ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

What about the breed Kyle Walker has sniffed out? Willing to breach a lockdown but may cost you. 😂

What, Prozzies? Nah. If i had Kyle Walkers money though, then most guys would i suppose. He can afford 10's on his salary.