The_razors_edge Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 23 minutes ago, Helzibob said: So I’ve bitten the bullet and I’ve got myself on tinder and plenty of fish. It’s so bloody time consuming, I spend half my time deleting messages and blocking people. Tips and hints please? I had a message yesterday from someone who’s user name was cervicalslammer. I mean WTF?!? Have you actually read this thread? This is probably the last place to come for advice. Your inbox is about to be inundated with dick pics by all the deviants on here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjcc Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Helzibob said: I had a message yesterday from someone who’s user name was cervicalslammer. I mean WTF?!? When is your first date then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Helzibob said: So I’ve bitten the bullet and I’ve got myself on tinder and plenty of fish. It’s so bloody time consuming, I spend half my time deleting messages and blocking people. Tips and hints please? I had a message yesterday from someone who’s user name was cervicalslammer. I mean WTF?!? Thought I’d deleted my username......apologies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 2 hours ago, Helzibob said: cervicalslammer Pics or it didn't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjcc Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 2 hours ago, Ulysses said: Pics or it didn't happen. Probably quite an awkward picture to take. The lighting is no doubt terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamboz Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 Cervicalslamner sounds a charmer. Guaranteed he has small dick syndrome and is overcompensating with his username. Also I’d imagine that if anything it would be his fat gut doing the slamming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur Morgan Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 This thread never fails to amuse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 8 hours ago, Ulysses said: Pics or it didn't happen. His message was tame compared to his user name. I took the picture to show my colleague, also the line saying “don’t be scared ??”. I’m chuffing petrified. Online dating is a ruddy minefield. I have learned from this thread that I need to up my steak pie game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bindy Badgy Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 11 hours ago, Helzibob said: So I’ve bitten the bullet and I’ve got myself on tinder and plenty of fish. It’s so bloody time consuming, I spend half my time deleting messages and blocking people. Tips and hints please? I had a message yesterday from someone who’s user name was cervicalslammer. I mean WTF?!? I assume you're female? Tinder is a waste of time. All guys get are bots trying to get them to go to cam shows. All of my female freinds say all they receive is sexually explicit messages. Bumble is much better. I've managed to meet some genuine females that I spoke to on there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadJock Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 On 13/01/2018 at 13:52, New York Fleapit said: I get talking to this bird, her name escapes me. We talk on the phone, she sounds good, well spoken, bright enough. She lived in Livingston. Her family owned an Italian restaurant somewhere in Bathgate or Broxburn, I forget where. i remember the exact night. It's the night Arsenal played Newcastle and Bergkamp scored that magical goal. I know because while she was talking to me in the bar I was watching the game. That to me is pure class (if you a footi loving guy anyways) why let paying attention to someone ruin a good game, you sir are a legend in my eyes. 2 things i learned from this thread 1. never seek dating advice from Kickback users 2. some folks are willing to let a steak pie go to waste Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 1 hour ago, Stokesy said: I assume you're female? Tinder is a waste of time. All guys get are bots trying to get them to go to cam shows. All of my female freinds say all they receive is sexually explicit messages. Bumble is much better. I've managed to meet some genuine females that I spoke to on there! Yep, female. I really don’t want to pay for membership. Is Bumble free or charged for? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 12 hours ago, Helzibob said: So I’ve bitten the bullet and I’ve got myself on tinder and plenty of fish. It’s so bloody time consuming, I spend half my time deleting messages and blocking people. Tips and hints please? I had a message yesterday from someone who’s user name was cervicalslammer. I mean WTF?!? Tip: Have multiple photos, include a full body shot and at least one with an open mouth smile. Things we'll assume: If you only have one photo = she's probably rough and has posted the one photo she looked good in about 5 years ago. Only closed mouth smiles = she has teeth like a row of condemned houses. Only head shots = she is obese. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 1 minute ago, Ray Gin said: Tip: Have multiple photos, include a full body shot and at least one with an open mouth smile. Things we'll assume: If you only have one photo = she's probably rough and has posted the one photo she looked good in about 5 years ago. Only closed mouth smiles = she has teeth like a row of condemned houses. Only head shots = she is obese. Would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 1 minute ago, Ray Gin said: Tip: Have multiple photos, include a full body shot and at least one with an open mouth smile. Things we'll assume: If you only have one photo = she's probably rough and has posted the one photo she looked good in about 5 years ago. Only closed mouth smiles = she has teeth like a row of condemned houses. Only head shots = she is obese. I’m a bit on the chubby side. I know most women avoid full body pictures and put on heavily filtered pictures. I made the decision to put on natural pictures and I put on 3 full length ones so they show the “real” me. Not saying I’ve not chosen pictures I like of myself but they are all me, no photo shopping or clever editing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bindy Badgy Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 5 minutes ago, Helzibob said: Yep, female. I really don’t want to pay for membership. Is Bumble free or charged for? It's free. It's the same basic idea as Tinder but females have to send the first message for some reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 2 minutes ago, Helzibob said: I’m a bit on the chubby side. I know most women avoid full body pictures and put on heavily filtered pictures. I made the decision to put on natural pictures and I put on 3 full length ones so they show the “real” me. Not saying I’ve not chosen pictures I like of myself but they are all me, no photo shopping or clever editing. Good start. Photoshopped ones are obvious. And snapchat style filtered images (especially ones that add animal ears etc.) instantly scream '####ing idiot'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 3 minutes ago, Ray Gin said: Good start. Photoshopped ones are obvious. And snapchat style filtered images (especially ones that add animal ears etc.) instantly scream '####ing idiot'. Anyone who still uses those filters that add ears, noses and such should be shoved into an industrial blender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 2 hours ago, Helzibob said: His message was tame compared to his user name. I took the picture to show my colleague, also the line saying “don’t be scared ??”. I’m chuffing petrified. Online dating is a ruddy minefield. I have learned from this thread that I need to up my steak pie game. The boys obviously a gynecologist with a penchant for heavy metal. Give him a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 54 minutes ago, MadJock said: That to me is pure class (if you a footi loving guy anyways) why let paying attention to someone ruin a good game, you sir are a legend in my eyes. 2 things i learned from this thread 1. never seek dating advice from Kickback users 2. some folks are willing to let a steak pie go to waste Haha, thanks, man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 43 minutes ago, Ray Gin said: Good start. Photoshopped ones are obvious. And snapchat style filtered images (especially ones that add animal ears etc.) instantly scream '####ing idiot'. Even worse I’ve come across men using those filters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 30 minutes ago, New York Fleapit said: The boys obviously a gynecologist with a penchant for heavy metal. Give him a chance. No picture though. That’s always a red flag isn’t it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 7 minutes ago, Helzibob said: No picture though. That’s always a red flag isn’t it? Oh it's a must. Ask for one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjcc Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 4 hours ago, Stokesy said: I assume you're female? Tinder is a waste of time. All guys get are bots trying to get them to go to cam shows. All of my female freinds say all they receive is sexually explicit messages. Bumble is much better. I've managed to meet some genuine females that I spoke to on there! Ah bugger. How do I explain to my girlfriend of 4 years that she is an fact a bot? And where do I get the links to her cam shows? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bindy Badgy Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 2 hours ago, gjcc said: Ah bugger. How do I explain to my girlfriend of 4 years that she is an fact a bot? And where do I get the links to her cam shows? I assume Tinder was OK four years ago? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 I've chatted to quite a few lassies on Tinder and most have seemed OK and pretty genuine. If they stop chatting though they don't seem to delete the match....thats kinda weird....or maybe I've been beaten to the punch with kidnapping and killing them. Anyhoo, I Was getting on famously with one lass chatting into the early hours and I'd been asking her what tinder was like for a lass. Said that she did get a lot of crude stuff sent. I said I'd try not to be the only genuine guy so sent her a picture saying "Here's my junk"......it was a picture of my bin. She deleted our match after that. Apparently sense of humour isn't that big of a pull for women......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 6 hours ago, Helzibob said: Even worse I’ve come across men using those filters. Daza...Nap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riddley Walker Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 7 hours ago, Helzibob said: Even worse I’ve come across men using those filters. Absolute filth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcap Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 4 hours ago, Stokesy said: I assume Tinder was OK four years ago? Tinder was a meat factory 4 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 On 2/10/2018 at 11:21, Bigsmak said: It's almost like it's your duty.. your mate wouldn't want his wife being all sad and unloved... And, as a mate, he must have thought you were a top bloke.. See that'd put me right off. Knowing I was pumping me mates Mrs. Especially if he was brown bread. Her tidyness wouldn't really come into it. I'd just be thinking about him all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 42 minutes ago, Barack said: Well, that depends if you’ve had sex with him too, in the past, I suppose. If he was a good mate of course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Z Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 5 hours ago, Der Kaiser said: I've chatted to quite a few lassies on Tinder and most have seemed OK and pretty genuine. If they stop chatting though they don't seem to delete the match....thats kinda weird....or maybe I've been beaten to the punch with kidnapping and killing them. Anyhoo, I Was getting on famously with one lass chatting into the early hours and I'd been asking her what tinder was like for a lass. Said that she did get a lot of crude stuff sent. I said I'd try not to be the only genuine guy so sent her a picture saying "Here's my junk"......it was a picture of my bin. She deleted our match after that. Apparently sense of humour isn't that big of a pull for women......... Your first mistake though was not making the move to take the convo off Tinder after chatting for that long, to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Салатные палочки Posted March 18, 2018 Author Share Posted March 18, 2018 14 hours ago, Helzibob said: No picture though. That’s always a red flag isn’t it? 100% the guys married or a right ugly *******. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 4 hours ago, Salad Fingers said: 100% the guys married or a right ugly *******. spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Салатные палочки Posted March 18, 2018 Author Share Posted March 18, 2018 2 hours ago, Barack said: Did you have a profile pic...? Yip. It screamed "loves a steak pie". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyscott82 Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 On 17/03/2018 at 10:53, Ray Gin said: Only head shots = she is obese. That's my mate's number one rule for tinder pics - they have to show mooth to hoof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamboz Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 On 3/18/2018 at 07:50, Jamhammer said: See that'd put me right off. Knowing I was pumping me mates Mrs. Especially if he was brown bread. Her tidyness wouldn't really come into it. I'd just be thinking about him all the time. Well perhaps the way to think about it is your mate probably wouldn't want a complete stranger to be ploughing his missus. You'd be doing him a favour. Better you, someone he knew and hopefully trusted, than a potential Fred West type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah O Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 On 3/17/2018 at 20:50, Jamhammer said: See that'd put me right off. Knowing I was pumping me mates Mrs. Especially if he was brown bread. Her tidyness wouldn't really come into it. I'd just be thinking about him all the time. Crucial extra few pumps then... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 36 minutes ago, Sarah O said: Crucial extra few pumps then... You people are weirdos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumpson Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Oh the absolute joy of logging in on a Monday morning and seeing this thread active again !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@VladMagic Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 I met my Missus online. Been together a while now and very happy. Need to tell you guys a brilliant ****** up I made before me n her got together. Best caption I can think of is "Think before you type!!!" Cant remember which site it was? Generic internet based dating site so no APP or via phone. Might have been Match.com? Matched with a local lass who looked decent in photos. Exchanged quite a few messages back and forth and things were going well. Nearly at that point where you are arranging the first date so to save logging on to the site we mutually agreed to swap mobile numbers. Couple of days later fairly late at night we had been sending texts back and forth for a bit. Was getting late so I decided to politely end the text tennis back and forth with a polite good bye. However I cocked up and my last message to her was "Right I need to shoot off the now" A real deviants text that!!! I thought nothing of it and simply went to bed. It was only in the morning when I saw no reply and I had been blocked on the site that I checked back through my texts and realised what an absolute plonker I had been, Lesson learned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 (edited) 13 minutes ago, VladMagic said: I met my Missus online. Been together a while now and very happy. Need to tell you guys a brilliant ****** up I made before me n her got together. Best caption I can think of is "Think before you type!!!" Cant remember which site it was? Generic internet based dating site so no APP or via phone. Might have been Match.com? Matched with a local lass who looked decent in photos. Exchanged quite a few messages back and forth and things were going well. Nearly at that point where you are arranging the first date so to save logging on to the site we mutually agreed to swap mobile numbers. Couple of days later fairly late at night we had been sending texts back and forth for a bit. Was getting late so I decided to politely end the text tennis back and forth with a polite good bye. However I cocked up and my last message to her was "Right I need to shoot off the now" A real deviants text that!!! I thought nothing of it and simply went to bed. It was only in the morning when I saw no reply and I had been blocked on the site that I checked back through my texts and realised what an absolute plonker I had been, Lesson learned Someone blocked you for that? Sounds like she did you a favour. Edited March 19, 2018 by Ray Gin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 1 hour ago, VladMagic said: I met my Missus online. Been together a while now and very happy. Need to tell you guys a brilliant ****** up I made before me n her got together. Best caption I can think of is "Think before you type!!!" Cant remember which site it was? Generic internet based dating site so no APP or via phone. Might have been Match.com? Matched with a local lass who looked decent in photos. Exchanged quite a few messages back and forth and things were going well. Nearly at that point where you are arranging the first date so to save logging on to the site we mutually agreed to swap mobile numbers. Couple of days later fairly late at night we had been sending texts back and forth for a bit. Was getting late so I decided to politely end the text tennis back and forth with a polite good bye. However I cocked up and my last message to her was "Right I need to shoot off the now" A real deviants text that!!! I thought nothing of it and simply went to bed. It was only in the morning when I saw no reply and I had been blocked on the site that I checked back through my texts and realised what an absolute plonker I had been, Lesson learned Sounds like you dodged a bullet to be honest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Genuine question. How do I weed out potential homophobes? My best friend is a lesbian and I spend a lot of time with her. Some of my closest friends are gay men. Is there a subtle way I can try and get this info? I don’t want to jump in with what do you think of gay people? But I also don’t want to spend ages chatting and then potentially meeting someone who might turn out to be a raging homophobe. Maybe I can talk about my friend and her wife. Maybe that would work. Dating is a minefield. I got Bumble. Messaged a few, they didn’t reply so now the match has been deleted. That could be quite disheartening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbo1874 Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 3 minutes ago, Helzibob said: Genuine question. How do I weed out potential homophobes? My best friend is a lesbian and I spend a lot of time with her. Some of my closest friends are gay men. Is there a subtle way I can try and get this info? I don’t want to jump in with what do you think of gay people? But I also don’t want to spend ages chatting and then potentially meeting someone who might turn out to be a raging homophobe. Maybe I can talk about my friend and her wife. Maybe that would work. Dating is a minefield. I got Bumble. Messaged a few, they didn’t reply so now the match has been deleted. That could be quite disheartening. Maybe mention you were out for a drink at a known gay friendly bar? The Street or something. Might draw out a dodgy comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Oh and this is one of my latest messages. Thought I’d share this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 15 minutes ago, robbo1874 said: Maybe mention you were out for a drink at a known gay friendly bar? The Street or something. Might draw out a dodgy comment. Good suggestion, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 35 minutes ago, Helzibob said: Oh and this is one of my latest messages. Thought I’d share this. He sounds like a keeper. Literally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 40 minutes ago, Helzibob said: Good suggestion, thanks. Just stick it right there on your profile. "I have gay friends so homophobes need not apply." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Салатные палочки Posted March 20, 2018 Author Share Posted March 20, 2018 50 minutes ago, Helzibob said: Oh and this is one of my latest messages. Thought I’d share this. This thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambomuzz Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 Right so long overdue update. Previously I had mentioned that I had been speaking to a few lassies, most of the conversation dried up fairly quickly, but there was one fairly tidy lass from Bathgate that I seemed to get along with pretty well and we organised to go out for some ice cream at a place local to her. I drove through from Glasgow and picked her up, pics weren’t too far off the real thing so I was quite happy I hadn’t been completely catfished. Anyway, beforehand the banter had been pretty flirty so was confident I’d be getting a wee kiss at the end of the night. Drove upto the ice cream place and it was shut. She offered to go back to hers which was obviously just down the road which I obviously agreed too. We sat for a few hours in the evening, had a bit of a kiss and before I knew it she was having a blow on the old pipe! The night sort of ended not long after that I ended back down the m8 with a big grin on my face! Anyway, we kept chatting and I was starting to realise that she was a little bit of a bunny boiler, but I’d had a taste of what she was about and kinda wanted to see what else was in store so agreed to drive through after work on the saturday before mother’s day. We went out for some late lunch, and then headed back to hers again, stuck a movie on which promptly got patched and moved straight onto the naughty stuff. Over 12 hours spent in bed and several sessions later I was a broken man. I had stayed the night and we finished with some morning glory before I headed home! I enjoyed my time, but I was well aware she was extremely clingy so for the past week or so I have been slowly replying less and less to the point I probably won’t message today. I now have 2/3 other people I’ve been speaking too, all that I’m actually more attracted to that Mrs rabbit up above, and a 1 I have a hell of a lot in common with. So I will Endeavour to update again soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.