Sooperstar Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 17 hours ago, VladMagic said: HUGE SEETHE!!!! Nipped to the local mini supermarket for some beers. Found 3 x Corona (710mm bottles) for a fiver! Result. Chucked them in the back seat (usually put them in the front). Set off home about a 5 min journey. At a particularly bad junction I horsed it across when the gap presented itself only for 1 of the bottles to fly across the back seats and smash all over the floor of the car. BAWS!! Get home to inspect the mess. Driveways pretty dark even with security lighting and end up sticking my index finger onto a shard of glass I couldn't see. Open front door and drip blood all over hardwood flooring. Into kitchen and dogs emptied the bins. Rubbish everywhere. Sort the finger out, wipe up the blood, stick a plaster on it, clean up the mess left by the bin emptying by dog. Back to car to clean up glass and soak up my precious CORONA!! SEEEEEEEEETH!!!!!!!!!!! Serves you right for drinking Corona. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 11 minutes ago, C-3PO said: Woke up yesterday and left foot was agony to walk on. When I went to bed night before it was absolutely fine. Feel daft when hobbling about work and people asking what happened and replying " Dunno, just woke up and like this." Its the bad AIDs im afraid....on the plus side you wont need to buy anything for Valentines day this year....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, Der Kaiser said: Its the bad AIDs im afraid....on the plus side you wont need to buy anything for Valentines day this year....... Thanks for the straight talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@VladMagic Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 3 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: Serves you right for drinking Corona. 3 biguns for a fiver feller Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey J J Jr Shabadoo Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 41 minutes ago, C-3PO said: Thanks for the straight talk. Definitely bad aids. That or gout. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 24 minutes ago, Joey J J Jr Shabadoo said: Definitely bad aids. That or gout. Gout. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, C-3PO said: Woke up yesterday and left foot was agony to walk on. When I went to bed night before it was absolutely fine. Feel daft when hobbling about work and people asking what happened and replying " Dunno, just woke up and like this." Seriously, is it your big toe that’s sore? Is it swollen and almost impossible to touch? If yes, then it’s pretty certainly gout. If it is I feel really sorry for you as it’s te second most painful thing I’ve ever had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 People who don’t close the gate after they’ve had to open it to get to your door to deliver their junk mail and flyers through the letterbox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rab87 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 2 hours ago, C-3PO said: Woke up yesterday and left foot was agony to walk on. When I went to bed night before it was absolutely fine. Feel daft when hobbling about work and people asking what happened and replying " Dunno, just woke up and like this." Could be Plantar - https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/tc/plantar-fasciitis-topic-overview#1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) Been I'll with the cold for 2 weeks now but my illness took a sinister turn. I was having a quick leak and as I was standing at the loo, I coughed. Well, something extra came out, resulting in a shower and a change of underwear. Edited January 5, 2018 by superjack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 8 minutes ago, superjack said: Been I'll with the cold for 2 weeks now but my illness took a sinister turn. I was having a quick leak and as I was standing at the loo, I coughed. Well, something extra came out, resulting in a shower and a change of underwear. Thanks for sharing Jack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 48 minutes ago, superjack said: Been I'll with the cold for 2 weeks now but my illness took a sinister turn. I was having a quick leak and as I was standing at the loo, I coughed. Well, something extra came out, resulting in a shower and a change of underwear. Nice. Part of my bowel pops out in a giant egg shape in my groin with my first piss of every day if it makes you feel any better. The scoots would be useful though as I can't squeeze when I go Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Barack said: I’ll go against the grain of bad AIDS prognosis, & my normal tendencies here, but gout is a possibility. Though, & I’ve suffered with this until recently, fallen arches is too. Being on my feet a lot and them being flat, puts a lot of pressure on the foot & ankle. At night when you rest, the pressure sort of floods back in, and left me waking up in the morning hobbling around like an invalid. An appointment with a podiatrist has given me insole supports to alleviate the pressure on parts of my feet. 100% satisfaction. Might be worth a wee chat with your GP. Having seen your posts in the past Pres, I do appreciate the serious reply. Think seeing GP is what I am going to do as I figured it would ease but doesn't seem to be easing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Morgan said: Seriously, is it your big toe that’s sore? Is it swollen and almost impossible to touch? If yes, then it’s pretty certainly gout. If it is I feel really sorry for you as it’s te second most painful thing I’ve ever had. Big Toe is fine. It's more the arch rather than the front of foot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Rab87 said: Could be Plantar - https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/tc/plantar-fasciitis-topic-overview#1 I read up on that yesterday and closest to the pain I am experiencing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 12 minutes ago, C-3PO said: Big Toe is fine. It's more the arch rather than the front of foot. Tendinitis? I had that many years ago and it affected the arch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rab87 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) 29 minutes ago, C-3PO said: I read up on that yesterday and closest to the pain I am experiencing. I had it quite bad in my left foot a few months back. I bought new shoes with a decent insole (Ecco's), and it went away, to be honest I never even thought about it being a cure. I wore my old Adidas trainers for the first time in a while, a few weeks ago... Next day it came back... Switched back to my Ecco's and it is gone again. Edited January 5, 2018 by Rab87 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 3 hours ago, VladMagic said: 3 biguns for a fiver feller 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Sooperstar said: 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, Sooperstar said: 2. Hahaha Edit and a smelly car and a spliced finger. BARGAIN Edited January 5, 2018 by chester copperpot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@VladMagic Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 ARSEHOLES!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@VladMagic Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I see the usual JKB sympathy has gone out the window for 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 4 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Where did the extra stuff come from ? yer farter, or yer knob ? I have medical experts in my family and this is how professionals would ask the question. Nae pussy footing about. Helps with the diagnosis. Well ? Charming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 6 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Where did the extra stuff come from ? yer farter, or yer knob ? I have medical experts in my family and this is how professionals would ask the question. Nae pussy footing about. Helps with the diagnosis. Well ? oh no jaci is back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 22 minutes ago, milky_26 said: oh no jaci is back Brilliant milky! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 43 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Where did the extra stuff come from ? yer farter, or yer knob ? I have medical experts in my family and this is how professionals would ask the question. Nae pussy footing about. Helps with the diagnosis. Well ? I am pretty sure the poor guy shat himself. No need for the confirmation here Jonno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 minute ago, chester copperpot said: I am pretty sure the poor guy shat himself. No need for the confirmation here Jonno. yep i think he went for a pish and shat himself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 6 minutes ago, milky_26 said: yep i think he went for a pish and shat himself I think it's jonno that needs the check up if he's coughing and shit is coming out of his knob! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 23 minutes ago, chester copperpot said: I think it's jonno that needs the check up if he's coughing and shit is coming out of his knob! well it is usually coming out of his mouth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 25 minutes ago, chester copperpot said: I think it's jonno that needs the check up if he's coughing and shit is coming out of his knob! 1 minute ago, milky_26 said: well it is usually coming out of his mouth Shots fired... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, jonnothejambo said: Baws. I thought that was normal. You have bad ****** aids mate. Was lovely knowing you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, jonnothejambo said: Comedian eh ? Benny Hill was a milkman too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, chester copperpot said: You have bad ****** aids mate. Was lovely knowing you. Or gout. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, Morgan said: Benny Hill was a milkman too. Aye but a comedian? Too far Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 2 minutes ago, chester copperpot said: Aye but a comedian? Too far you can shut it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, milky_26 said: you can shut it Hahaha. Sorry milkman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 2 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Feckin Milky Bar Kid mair like..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey J J Jr Shabadoo Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 7 hours ago, Morgan said: Gout. Almost certainly gout. But only as soon as bad AIDs is ruled out - 100%. I'm no expert, but he's got to ask his doctor if he has bad AIDs, first. He's the expert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Joey J J Jr Shabadoo said: Almost certainly gout. But only as soon as bad AIDs is ruled out - 100%. I'm no expert, but he's got to ask his doctor if he has bad AIDs, first. He's the expert. Doctor's definitely the wrong way to go. Google and internet forums are much better. A doctor recently insisted on feeling my bollocks despite me telling him I was sure I had a hernia. He sent me on my way with a smile and antibiotics for an infection I never had. I took the drugs anyway just to make sure my baws never fell off. At least it certified I'm not gay because I didn't have the smallest inclination to jump on his bones. I'd have been all over the dirty female doc that takes her wee girl to my boys nursery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 3 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Where did the extra stuff come from ? yer farter, or yer knob ? I have medical experts in my family and this is how professionals would ask the question. Nae pussy footing about. Helps with the diagnosis. Well ? Straight out of the tattie fritter. Everytime I've needed a single fish I've had to do it sitting down, just in case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I was going to have a moan about trying to get tickets for a Liverpool game but superjacks problems trump mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 7 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said: I was going to have a moan about trying to get tickets for a Liverpool game but superjacks problems trump mine! i think superjack trumping is part of the problem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: Doctor's definitely the wrong way to go. Google and internet forums are much better. A doctor recently insisted on feeling my bollocks despite me telling him I was sure I had a hernia. He sent me on my way with a smile and antibiotics for an infection I never had. I took the drugs anyway just to make sure my baws never fell off. At least it certified I'm not gay because I didn't have the smallest inclination to jump on his bones. I'd have been all over the dirty female doc that takes her wee girl to my boys nursery. If you ever get accused of being sexist, send them round to me. I’ll put them straight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, milky_26 said: i think superjack trumping is part of the problem You not in bed yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konrad von Carstein Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Sky League fanboys suggesting £75M for a footballer is a bargain....idiots! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 13 minutes ago, Morgan said: You not in bed yet? Naw, still looking for the leaked Hailey MacQueen pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, Morgan said: If you ever get accused of being sexist, send them round to me. I’ll put them straight I'm not sure it's sexist. If your Mrs is warm and has a pulse I'd absolutely go there. You're just not going to do it for me though. Edit: even better if she's filthy Edited January 5, 2018 by IronJambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 11 hours ago, IronJambo said: I'm not sure it's sexist. If your Mrs is warm and has a pulse I'd absolutely go there. You're just not going to do it for me though. Edit: even better if she's filthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 12 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: I know where the leak will be coming from..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBE Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Allegedly amid global warming, the US shivers in record low's...I smell shite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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