Jump to content
chester copperpot

depression

Recommended Posts

Robbo-Jambo
2 hours ago, KevinKyle10 said:

How do you go about talking to someone about mental health, be it a doctor or another professional?

 

Ive not long turned 30. I’ve always maintained that I work hard. I done well in school, then started Uni. I stumbled here, I had lots of friends, many off them I would have felt comfortable talking to about this. 

I should’ve stuck Uni out, but I dropped out to work in Tesco. Worst decision ever, but felt right at the time. Before I knew it, I’d driven everyone I knew away, person by person. Whether it be by my attitude changing or by me letting them down.

My (now) wife and I had a son, then we broke up for two years. I really struggled. If it wasn’t for being such a coward, I’d probably not be here just now.

I started a new job two years ago, everything was great, my other half agreed to take me back, we’re now married and have our daughter along with our son.

 

The last few months have felt really hard since Christmas. I feel like I can’t talk to my wife about how I feel. I don’t want her to worry that I’m going to run away because it’s too hard. I don’t want her to worry about me being sick, and not providing an income.

 

As I said earlier, I’ve systematically self-sabotaged myself. I have no one to turn to. It’s fine when I’m with my wife and kids, or working. Basically anything I can throw myself at.

 

I had to delete social media. Looking at feeds, every night after kids are in bed just felt like I was further being excluded, which I understand I done to myself.

 

I’m sorry for the long post, but posting under anonymity might help, and hoping to get some advice from those who may have had similar experiences? I know it sounds a bit tame, I can’t verbalise how I’m feeling properly though, without thinking how dramatic I’m sounding.

The thing is you don't want to tell your wife but she knows you so well she will probably notice a change in your behaviour and will guess something is not right and might be a bit miffed you have not confided in her. 

 

As you will probably know bottling it up is the worst thing you can do so talking to somebody is essential whether it be your G P or another professional person that deals with mental health. 

 

Try speaking to your wife you might be surprised. You have two kids together and you are back with her after a split. She obviously wants to be with you and would probably be very supportive. 

 

All the best, sure things will work out for you in the long run. ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ugly American
5 hours ago, KevinKyle10 said:

How do you go about talking to someone about mental health, be it a doctor or another professional?

 

Ive not long turned 30. I’ve always maintained that I work hard. I done well in school, then started Uni. I stumbled here, I had lots of friends, many off them I would have felt comfortable talking to about this. 

I should’ve stuck Uni out, but I dropped out to work in Tesco. Worst decision ever, but felt right at the time. Before I knew it, I’d driven everyone I knew away, person by person. Whether it be by my attitude changing or by me letting them down.

My (now) wife and I had a son, then we broke up for two years. I really struggled. If it wasn’t for being such a coward, I’d probably not be here just now.

I started a new job two years ago, everything was great, my other half agreed to take me back, we’re now married and have our daughter along with our son.

 

The last few months have felt really hard since Christmas. I feel like I can’t talk to my wife about how I feel. I don’t want her to worry that I’m going to run away because it’s too hard. I don’t want her to worry about me being sick, and not providing an income.

 

As I said earlier, I’ve systematically self-sabotaged myself. I have no one to turn to. It’s fine when I’m with my wife and kids, or working. Basically anything I can throw myself at.

 

I had to delete social media. Looking at feeds, every night after kids are in bed just felt like I was further being excluded, which I understand I done to myself.

 

I’m sorry for the long post, but posting under anonymity might help, and hoping to get some advice from those who may have had similar experiences? I know it sounds a bit tame, I can’t verbalise how I’m feeling properly though, without thinking how dramatic I’m sounding.

 

First thing to do is tell a doctor or mental health professional, "I think I might be depressed." Go from there. By opening up with that, you've made their jobs so much easier.

 

Everyone's mental health issues are different, but there are lots of options. But do tell your wife, please. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874

I've been back and forth between my GP, psychiatrist and the Royal Edinburgh Hospital - The sad fact is that nobody really cares or wants to help. 

 

Mental health is an unwanted expense to the NHS and the simple way to deal with it is to refuse help to those who need it. 

 

I suffer from a personality disorder, have had regular suicidal thoughts, recent overdose and generally feel shit about life as a whole - This isn't enough to get help from the NHS it'd seem.

Edited by Col1874

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gone
1 hour ago, Col1874 said:

I've been back and forth between my GP, psychiatrist and the Royal Edinburgh Hospital - The sad fact is that nobody really cares or wants to help. 

 

Mental health is an unwanted expense to the NHS and the simple way to deal with it is to refuse help to those who need it. 

 

I suffer from a personality disorder, have had regular suicidal thoughts, recent overdose and generally feel shit about life as a whole - This isn't enough to get help from the NHS it'd seem.

 

Not the first person I've heard say similar things.

 

Do not give up though. Talk to friends, maybe try private health care (I know it's pricey but your health is the main thing here)

 

Wishing you the best of luck and I'm always available for a pm if you need to vent or anything

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874
15 hours ago, Jeff said:

 

Not the first person I've heard say similar things.

 

Do not give up though. Talk to friends, maybe try private health care (I know it's pricey but your health is the main thing here)

 

Wishing you the best of luck and I'm always available for a pm if you need to vent or anything

 

To be fair I've already gave up. 

 

I know how and when I'm going to "go". 

 

Since I don't feel emotion any more, I don't feel sad about it like some might think, its really just like waiting for a parcel to arrive. Things happen in life and at the end of the day, the world will go on. 

 

I'm trying to stay positive until the time comes and my lack of emotion is really helping me hide my true feelings towards those who don't understand mental health issues. 

 

Not looking for sympathy, nor am I seeking help, it's about time I call a spade a spade and admit it is what it is :)

Edited by Col1874

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Long Tall Sally

If ever a post left me lost for words it’s the one above. Honestly don’t know how to respond.

 

Please seek help once again, Col. Please.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Robbo-Jambo
1 minute ago, Long Tall Sally said:

If ever a post left me lost for words it’s the one above. Honestly don’t know how to respond.

 

Please seek help once again, Col. Please.

Me too.

 

Just sitting staring at it.

 

As LTS says please seek help, its never too late.

 

Family and friends will be devastated Col.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874
18 minutes ago, Robbo-Jambo said:

 

As LTS says please seek help, its never too late.

 

I've tried, psychiatrists and and Royal Edinburgh Hospital staff not interested ?‍♂️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Robbo-Jambo
9 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

 

I've tried, psychiatrists and and Royal Edinburgh Hospital staff not interested ?‍♂️

What about your family and friends mate ?

 

They will be totally devastated.

 

There must be somebody about there.

 

Don't give up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
13 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

 

I've tried, psychiatrists and and Royal Edinburgh Hospital staff not interested ?‍♂️

I’m not doubting your take on this, Col, but must say I find it hard to accept that the Royal Edinburgh Hospital staff are simply ‘not interested’.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874
22 minutes ago, Morgan said:

I’m not doubting your take on this, Col, but must say I find it hard to accept that the Royal Edinburgh Hospital staff are simply ‘not interested’.

 

Oh I forgot, how silly of me, I'm lying. 

 

If you've not been in this position with their staff then I suggest you don't comment. 

Edited by Col1874

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bn jambo
On 13/04/2019 at 18:12, Col1874 said:

I remember way back when I was on here saying how I wanted to end my life for whatever reason and I couldn't see any way forward. 

 

After feeling hopeless and generally just 'down' regularly since 2012, It's amazing how things can turn around, despite my diagnosis of Borderline/Avoidant Personality Disorder (which isn't really something which can be fixed as such, just needs to be managed)

 

In 2016 and last year I spent time in the Royal Ed, purely for my own safety,so things were quite bad. 

 

Recently though, I bought myself a mountain bike and I've been going out regularly, down the water of Leith walkway, round the pentlands, anywhere really. 

 

The bike has given me a huge mental boost - which proves the theory of exercise being good for mental health. 

 

For anyone reading this thread feeling like the world is on top of you, just remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel is. Its taken 7 years for me to actually feel like I have something I enjoy doing, but if I had just listened to the professionals, I could have been back to my normal self a lot quicker.

 

Go for walks, swim, or even take up mountain biking like I did and I guarantee you, you'll feel a lot better for doing it. 

 

I unfortunately know that with my condition, I'm highly likely to relapse, but for now, things are great, summer is coming and I can't wait to get out for my next cycle :)

Col , take heid of your own words, relapses happen you know what worked last time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
6 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

 

Oh I forgot, how silly of me, I'm lying. 

 

If you've not been in this position with their staff then I suggest you don't comment. 

Didn’t say you were lying, Col

 

I said ‘your take on it’.

 

Sorry I commented.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jack D and coke
3 hours ago, Col1874 said:

 

To be fair I've already gave up. 

 

I know how and when I'm going to "go". 

 

Since I don't feel emotion any more, I don't feel sad about it like some might think, its really just like waiting for a parcel to arrive. Things happen in life and at the end of the day, the world will go on. 

 

I'm trying to stay positive until the time comes and my lack of emotion is really helping me hide my true feelings towards those who don't understand mental health issues. 

 

Not looking for sympathy, nor am I seeking help, it's about time I call a spade a spade and admit it is what it is :)

Bloody hell mate please don’t throw it all away. I have no idea how you feel or how bad things seem but it’s surely worth trying again? I don’t think anybody can find the correct words at all,  I certainly can’t but I feel compelled to say please don’t give up mate. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dagger Is Back
3 hours ago, Col1874 said:

 

To be fair I've already gave up. 

 

I know how and when I'm going to "go". 

 

Since I don't feel emotion any more, I don't feel sad about it like some might think, its really just like waiting for a parcel to arrive. Things happen in life and at the end of the day, the world will go on. 

 

I'm trying to stay positive until the time comes and my lack of emotion is really helping me hide my true feelings towards those who don't understand mental health issues. 

 

Not looking for sympathy, nor am I seeking help, it's about time I call a spade a spade and admit it is what it is :)

 

Col, I don’t know you at all but as another poster has recently said, have a wee look at your post in April of this year.

 

That post will have made such a difference to others who felt the same way as you, and we’re all grateful to you and every other person who is brave enough to put their heads above the parapet and share what is going on in their lives.

 

You helped people back in April when you were also helping yourself. I hope you can find the strength you need to overcome your issues.

 

There are lots of offers of help here and if there’s anything I can do to help you just need to shout.

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874

To put things into perspective, and not lying as suggested by Morgan, I was completely honest with the Royal Edinburgh about my thoughts and intentions. Their answer is to hand me a folded A4 leaflet with telephone numbers for the samaritans and other organisations like them. They've since passed me back me from their care, back to my psychiatrist.

 

It's like you only get proper care if you go out and decapitate Mr Jones' pink poodle or something! (I'm not that sort of person before anyone takes offence) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
6 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

To put things into perspective, and not lying as suggested by Morgan, I was completely honest with the Royal Edinburgh about my thoughts and intentions. Their answer is to hand me a folded A4 leaflet with telephone numbers for the samaritans and other organisations like them. They've since passed me back me from their care, back to my psychiatrist.

 

It's like you only get proper care if you go out and decapitate Mr Jones' pink poodle or something! (I'm not that sort of person before anyone takes offence) 

To put things straight, Col. I never said you were lying.  I said it may have been ‘your take’ on the situation.  Now that I have read your post (above) I can see what you were saying.  

 

Just a misunderstanding.

 

God Bless you, Col, and please dont be rash with any decisions.

 

My best,

 

Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Robbo-Jambo
14 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

To put things into perspective, and not lying as suggested by Morgan, I was completely honest with the Royal Edinburgh about my thoughts and intentions. Their answer is to hand me a folded A4 leaflet with telephone numbers for the samaritans and other organisations like them. They've since passed me back me from their care, back to my psychiatrist.

 

It's like you only get proper care if you go out and decapitate Mr Jones' pink poodle or something! (I'm not that sort of person before anyone takes offence) 

Have a look at Daggers post the one above yours.

 

Re-read your April post again to give you some inspiration that you no doubt gave to others at that time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Long Tall Sally

Seriously Col, if you want to chat one to one with a faceless person, pm me. I’m no expert or anything like that but i’ll be more than happy to talk about whatever’s on your mind. 

 

Take care.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874

My wife has talked me into one final try speaking to the staff at the royal Ed - watch this space for a post saying how it was a waste of time. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Arthur Morgan

He's right though. Been in the Royal Edinburgh myself in 2013 and the staff are horrible, they don't care at all. In fact, regarding mental health treatment, the NHS is a complete joke. I've had problems for years and they keep changing their opinion on what's wrong with me. Anxiety, then depression, then OCD, now all of a sudden it's schizotypical personality disorder. Me and my family all know it's OCD, has been since I was about 10 years old. Unfortunately, I do also have depression because of the OCD now. 

 

This isn't your general numbers or contamination OCD though, I've been through that and it's horrible to say it but I wish I had that now instead. It's something that I can't even talk to people about, it's at an extreme level, every day is a massive struggle. I try and sleep through it mostly. I did take an overdose last summer which was stupid of me, but I just wanted it to stop. I get a bad thought in my head I would say about every 10 seconds, all day, every day. It's that extreme. From the minute I wake up it's there, sometimes it's even in my dreams. I can't have much physical contact with people, humans or animals, for example I can't even give my Mum a hug. It's only gotten worse since I've been in the NHS' care. I have gotten worse each year since my psychosis break down in 2013, it's not good. 

 

I've been up to see the 'specialists' for OCD in Nine Wells Dundee. They are even more of a joke, they don't have a clue. I had an advocate and he was disgusted at the way I've been treated, we were going to put in a complaint before I started avoiding his phone calls. I'm finally going to be putting in a complaint soon though on my own as it has gotten that bad tbh. Not enough is being done right now, mental health treatment is lagging way behind general health treatment. The only reason I haven't killed myself by now is because of my Christian beliefs, that's the only thing that stops me from doing it. 

 

@Col1874 you can PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, I know what it's like, being in such a dark place myself. It's reassuring to know that you're not alone though, I certainly didn't realise how many people were struggling like me. 

Edited by Arthur Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874
1 hour ago, Arthur Morgan said:

He's right though. Been in the Royal Edinburgh myself in 2013 and the staff are horrible, they don't care at all. In fact, regarding mental health treatment, the NHS is a complete joke. I've had problems for years and they keep changing their opinion on what's wrong with me. Anxiety, then depression, then OCD, now all of a sudden it's schizotypical personality disorder. Me and my family all know it's OCD, has been since I was about 10 years old. Unfortunately, I do also have depression because of the OCD now. 

 

This isn't your general numbers or contamination OCD though, I've been through that and it's horrible to say it but I wish I had that now instead. It's something that I can't even talk to people about, it's at an extreme level, every day is a massive struggle. I try and sleep through it mostly. I did take an overdose last summer which was stupid of me, but I just wanted it to stop. I get a bad thought in my head I would say about every 10 seconds, all day, every day. It's that extreme. From the minute I wake up it's there, sometimes it's even in my dreams. I can't have much physical contact with people, humans or animals, for example I can't even give my Mum a hug. It's only gotten worse since I've been in the NHS' care. I have gotten worse each year since my psychosis break down in 2013, it's not good. 

 

I've been up to see the 'specialists' for OCD in Nine Wells Dundee. They are even more of a joke, they don't have a clue. I had an advocate and he was disgusted at the way I've been treated, we were going to put in a complaint before I started avoiding his phone calls. I'm finally going to be putting in a complaint soon though on my own as it has gotten that bad tbh. Not enough is being done right now, mental health treatment is lagging way behind general health treatment. The only reason I haven't killed myself by now is because of my Christian beliefs, that's the only thing that stops me from doing it. 

 

@Col1874 you can PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, I know what it's like, being in such a dark place myself. It's reassuring to know that you're not alone though, I certainly didn't realise how many people were struggling like me. 

Thank god someone has backed me up. When you tell anyone how bad mental health services are in Scotland, nobody believes you and it always comes back like I'm lying. 

 

Your story sounds similar to mine, initially diagnosed as plain old depression, then personality disorder, now it's something else that I can't remember the name of, yet I'm convinced it's bipolar. I can spend months being normal, then I get a high where everything in the world is amazing, I start spending cash like there's no tomorrow and then everything crashes and I'd rather be dead. 

 

My post about mountain biking shows my high time - round about then I was also putting my graphic design skills to good use, I made £500 in one go selling the rights to 2 of my designs, things were going so well and then boom, things crash, I suddenly want to die, I know I want to be cremated, I want Linkin Park's song 'one more light' to be played at my funeral, found out my life insurance won't pay out for suicide but my family would get around £30,000 from my pension pot as a lump sum and so on - it's all real but the royal Edinburgh Hospital staff don't want to know. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jack D and coke
55 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

Thank god someone has backed me up. When you tell anyone how bad mental health services are in Scotland, nobody believes you and it always comes back like I'm lying. 

 

Your story sounds similar to mine, initially diagnosed as plain old depression, then personality disorder, now it's something else that I can't remember the name of, yet I'm convinced it's bipolar. I can spend months being normal, then I get a high where everything in the world is amazing, I start spending cash like there's no tomorrow and then everything crashes and I'd rather be dead. 

 

My post about mountain biking shows my high time - round about then I was also putting my graphic design skills to good use, I made £500 in one go selling the rights to 2 of my designs, things were going so well and then boom, things crash, I suddenly want to die, I know I want to be cremated, I want Linkin Park's song 'one more light' to be played at my funeral, found out my life insurance won't pay out for suicide but my family would get around £30,000 from my pension pot as a lump sum and so on - it's all real but the royal Edinburgh Hospital staff don't want to know. 

Certainly sounds like bi-polar mate. An ex girlfriend of mine was almost exactly like that. Things were great then I’d wake up 3am her hoovering and stuff and she’d be like on this high for a few weeks spending money like nobody’s business and then boom in her bed for 3 weeks really down and pretty unreachable. I feel a bit ashamed I didn’t try harder to help her and tbh it was a big reason we split but I believe she’s got it under control now as friends and family have seen her around. I hope she’s got it under control anyway cos when things were good she was a great girl.

I believe you when you talk about the mental health care in this country cos this went on for years with her too. It was me who originally thought it was bi-polar when I stumbled across an article on it. 

Keep trying man. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jack D and coke
3 hours ago, Arthur Morgan said:

He's right though. Been in the Royal Edinburgh myself in 2013 and the staff are horrible, they don't care at all. In fact, regarding mental health treatment, the NHS is a complete joke. I've had problems for years and they keep changing their opinion on what's wrong with me. Anxiety, then depression, then OCD, now all of a sudden it's schizotypical personality disorder. Me and my family all know it's OCD, has been since I was about 10 years old. Unfortunately, I do also have depression because of the OCD now. 

 

This isn't your general numbers or contamination OCD though, I've been through that and it's horrible to say it but I wish I had that now instead. It's something that I can't even talk to people about, it's at an extreme level, every day is a massive struggle. I try and sleep through it mostly. I did take an overdose last summer which was stupid of me, but I just wanted it to stop. I get a bad thought in my head I would say about every 10 seconds, all day, every day. It's that extreme. From the minute I wake up it's there, sometimes it's even in my dreams. I can't have much physical contact with people, humans or animals, for example I can't even give my Mum a hug. It's only gotten worse since I've been in the NHS' care. I have gotten worse each year since my psychosis break down in 2013, it's not good. 

 

I've been up to see the 'specialists' for OCD in Nine Wells Dundee. They are even more of a joke, they don't have a clue. I had an advocate and he was disgusted at the way I've been treated, we were going to put in a complaint before I started avoiding his phone calls. I'm finally going to be putting in a complaint soon though on my own as it has gotten that bad tbh. Not enough is being done right now, mental health treatment is lagging way behind general health treatment. The only reason I haven't killed myself by now is because of my Christian beliefs, that's the only thing that stops me from doing it. 

 

@Col1874 you can PM me if you ever need someone to talk to, I know what it's like, being in such a dark place myself. It's reassuring to know that you're not alone though, I certainly didn't realise how many people were struggling like me. 

Jeez mate that’s pretty crazy stuff. 

Its funny I’ve seen yours and other posts all over the board that are in here and you never think people are having such a bad time with this stuff for a second. 

I hope you can get better help going forward bud and maybe you and Col can help each other out with at least having someone to talk to. 

All the best man. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
8 hours ago, Col1874 said:

My wife has talked me into one final try speaking to the staff at the royal Ed - watch this space for a post saying how it was a waste of time. 

Best of luck, Col.

 

Please keep us informed.

 

Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874
16 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Best of luck, Col.

 

Please keep us informed.

 

Morgan

Waste of time, lots of shouting about how the NHS don't give a shit etc... 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gone
55 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

Waste of time, lots of shouting about how the NHS don't give a shit etc... 

 

Have you tried private mate? There are people out there who can and will show interest.

 

Please don't give up

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
59 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

Waste of time, lots of shouting about how the NHS don't give a shit etc... 

Sorry to hear that.

 

There must be other avenues open to you?

 

Keep looking Col, it’s got to be worth a try?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874

I'm going to leave this here - Seems like some nosey family member has been looking over this. 

 

Wish this thread was member-only ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PTBCAL
13 hours ago, Col1874 said:

I'm going to leave this here - Seems like some nosey family member has been looking over this. 

 

Wish this thread was member-only ?

 

Can I ask - and it’s a ridiculous question but I’m doing it anyway.

 

Do you have kids? Obviously you are married but kids can offer a different reason for continuing. 

 

No doubt you you are clearly exasperated at everything and reaching the end of the line but there is always someone or something to give you a reason for not doing this but right now you cannot see it it or grasp this.

 

Please get in touch 24/7 if you want to talk  or meet up. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jack D and coke
16 hours ago, Col1874 said:

I'm going to leave this here - Seems like some nosey family member has been looking over this. 

 

Wish this thread was member-only ?

I’m glad somebody close to you has seen it tbh mate. 

Just think if you pull through and get to the other side the hope you can give other people man, you can do this. 

Don’t give up bud??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874

Well I'm still here, and have discovered something odd by pure chance. 

 

Earlier in the week, I hurt my back (as per my back pain thread) and was prescribed a cocktail of meds, one of which being diazepam (aka Valium). 

 

I feel when the diazepam is in my system, I'm more relaxed, still not brilliant but not suicidal. 

 

My back pain got better fairly quickly since it was just the muscle in spasm and I stopped taking the meds. My mood got really bad yesterday evening, embarrassing shouting which the neighbours would have heard, punched a wall hurting my hand, visibly scratched my forehead, but things calmed down a short while after when a friend came to visit and offered to take me to the ball room at Morningside to play pool. 

 

Following the games of pool, my back started hurting again due to the constant bending of my back, so I restarted the meds including diazepam this morning. As a result, I've been fairly calm all day and I'll mention this to my GP in the morning although I suspect she'll refuse to prescribe it due to its addictive nature and it's connection with those who abuse drugs. 

 

I'm sorry and ashamed of the worrying posts above but I hope you understand that I often lose control of my thoughts and actions at times :(

 

Some will see this as attention seeking and others including my closest family believe that mental health doesn't exist since its not visible, but this thread helps vent frustrations whereas profession helplines often sound scripted and last time I used one, they got the wrong impression and contacted the met police, who then passed the case onto Police Scotland. 

 

Thanks to all of you for putting up with my depressing posts - I'm far from better and scared of going downhill again - To be fair I probably will go back Downhill in a matter of days, but I'll just have to deal with that if or when it happens. 

Edited by Col1874

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gone
49 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

Well I'm still here, and have discovered something odd by pure chance. 

 

Earlier in the week, I hurt my back (as per my back pain thread) and was prescribed a cocktail of meds, one of which being diazepam (aka Valium). 

 

I feel when the diazepam is in my system, I'm more relaxed, still not brilliant but not suicidal. 

 

My back pain got better fairly quickly since it was just the muscle in spasm and I stopped taking the meds. My mood got really bad yesterday evening, embarrassing shouting which the neighbours would have heard, punched a wall hurting my hand, visibly scratched my forehead, but things calmed down a short while after when a friend came to visit and offered to take me to the ball room at Morningside to play pool. 

 

Following the games of pool, my back started hurting again due to the constant bending of my back, so I restarted the meds including diazepam this morning. As a result, I've been fairly calm all day and I'll mention this to my GP in the morning although I suspect she'll refuse to prescribe it due to its addictive nature and it's connection with those who abuse drugs. 

 

I'm sorry and ashamed of the worrying posts above but I hope you understand that I often lose control of my thoughts and actions at times :(

 

Some will see this as attention seeking and others including my closest family believe that mental health doesn't exist since its not visible, but this thread helps vent frustrations whereas profession helplines often sound scripted and last time I used one, they got the wrong impression and contacted the met police, who then passed the case onto Police Scotland. 

 

Thanks to all of you for putting up with my depressing posts - I'm far from better and scared of going downhill again - To be fair I probably will go back Downhill in a matter of days, but I'll just have to deal with that if or when it happens. 

 

You have nothing to be sorry and ashamed about. 

 

Whenever you do feel bad, don't hesitate to post in here again. Just look how many responses you got from your post the other day.... we may not all know each other personally but we are all apart of the Jambo family so we are all here for each other.

 

Hope your docs appointment goes well

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
1 hour ago, Col1874 said:

Well I'm still here, and have discovered something odd by pure chance. 

 

Earlier in the week, I hurt my back (as per my back pain thread) and was prescribed a cocktail of meds, one of which being diazepam (aka Valium). 

 

I feel when the diazepam is in my system, I'm more relaxed, still not brilliant but not suicidal. 

 

My back pain got better fairly quickly since it was just the muscle in spasm and I stopped taking the meds. My mood got really bad yesterday evening, embarrassing shouting which the neighbours would have heard, punched a wall hurting my hand, visibly scratched my forehead, but things calmed down a short while after when a friend came to visit and offered to take me to the ball room at Morningside to play pool. 

 

Following the games of pool, my back started hurting again due to the constant bending of my back, so I restarted the meds including diazepam this morning. As a result, I've been fairly calm all day and I'll mention this to my GP in the morning although I suspect she'll refuse to prescribe it due to its addictive nature and it's connection with those who abuse drugs. 

 

I'm sorry and ashamed of the worrying posts above but I hope you understand that I often lose control of my thoughts and actions at times :(

 

Some will see this as attention seeking and others including my closest family believe that mental health doesn't exist since its not visible, but this thread helps vent frustrations whereas profession helplines often sound scripted and last time I used one, they got the wrong impression and contacted the met police, who then passed the case onto Police Scotland. 

 

Thanks to all of you for putting up with my depressing posts - I'm far from better and scared of going downhill again - To be fair I probably will go back Downhill in a matter of days, but I'll just have to deal with that if or when it happens. 

Glad you posted this, Col.

 

Dont, for heavens sake, bother yourself about putting stuff on here. It’s what the thread is for.

 

Keep good and keep us informed.

 

Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Arthur Morgan

@Col1874

 

I take diazepam but only when things get really bad. I find they do help calm me down. It's not a repeat prescription though, I just have to order a prescription online through my doctors and then they send it to my local pharmacy for me to pick up. I only get 14 5mg tablets at a time, due to their addictive nature. 

Edited by Arthur Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DarthVodka

I’d recommend anyone that feels like the nhs is not getting them the time and help they need to have a serious think about clinical trials. Not a phase 1, but 2 or 3. These are highly monitored for safety and efficacy, you will most likely get more time with a registered neurologist and you might just find some treatments that may help. If for any reason you want to stop you can, and you may just help someone else in the future with data you contribute. There are downsides as with nearly everything- you might get a placebo and may not know or the product may just not be effective 

 

all drug and device vice trials are registered at clinicaltrials.gov and usually list locations they run at

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Arthur Morgan

Tbh I'm sick of feeling like a Guinea pig with all the tablets I've been on since a young age. Nearly all of them have failed for me. I'm at the stage where I see almost no point in staying on any of them. I only still take my quetiapine because it helps me get to sleep. Otherwise it has no effect on me. 

Edited by Arthur Morgan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AndyNic
On 06/06/2019 at 15:03, Dagger Is Back said:

 

Col, I don’t know you at all but as another poster has recently said, have a wee look at your post in April of this year.

 

That post will have made such a difference to others who felt the same way as you, and we’re all grateful to you and every other person who is brave enough to put their heads above the parapet and share what is going on in their lives.

 

You helped people back in April when you were also helping yourself. I hope you can find the strength you need to overcome your issues.

 

There are lots of offers of help here and if there’s anything I can do to help you just need to shout.

 

 

 

 

 

@Col1874

 

I have regularly read this thread however never posted but just wanted you to know that your words (and others) have  inspired me to take up exercise again after feeling really low for a long time and it's helped me greatly. 

 

"Go for walks, swim, or even take up mountain biking like I did and I guarantee you, you'll feel a lot better for doing it."

 

It certainly has helped clear my mind from the day to day stresses and ugly thoughts so thank you, and to everyone else on this thread for having the courage to speak out for yourself and supporting each other. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
24 minutes ago, AndyNic said:

 

@Col1874

 

I have regularly read this thread however never posted but just wanted you to know that your words (and others) have  inspired me to take up exercise again after feeling really low for a long time and it's helped me greatly. 

 

"Go for walks, swim, or even take up mountain biking like I did and I guarantee you, you'll feel a lot better for doing it."

 

It certainly has helped clear my mind from the day to day stresses and ugly thoughts so thank you, and to everyone else on this thread for having the courage to speak out for yourself and supporting each other. 

Nice post there, Andy.

 

This is one of the best threads on JKB.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Col1874
1 hour ago, AndyNic said:

 

@Col1874

 

I have regularly read this thread however never posted but just wanted you to know that your words (and others) have  inspired me to take up exercise again after feeling really low for a long time and it's helped me greatly. 

 

"Go for walks, swim, or even take up mountain biking like I did and I guarantee you, you'll feel a lot better for doing it."

 

It certainly has helped clear my mind from the day to day stresses and ugly thoughts so thank you, and to everyone else on this thread for having the courage to speak out for yourself and supporting each other. 

It certainly did lift my mood for a while, it's just unfortunate that for me it's not just plain old depression.

 

So happy to know that my post helped at least one person. 

Edited by Col1874

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Whatever
2 hours ago, Morgan said:

Nice post there, Andy.

 

This is one of the best threads on the internet.

 

 

FTFY :thumbsup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Morgan
Just now, Whatever said:

 

 

FTFY :thumbsup:

Good one!

 

?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Stokesy
On 07/06/2019 at 08:19, jack D and coke said:

Certainly sounds like bi-polar mate. An ex girlfriend of mine was almost exactly like that. Things were great then I’d wake up 3am her hoovering and stuff and she’d be like on this high for a few weeks spending money like nobody’s business and then boom in her bed for 3 weeks really down and pretty unreachable. I feel a bit ashamed I didn’t try harder to help her and tbh it was a big reason we split but I believe she’s got it under control now as friends and family have seen her around. I hope she’s got it under control anyway cos when things were good she was a great girl.

I believe you when you talk about the mental health care in this country cos this went on for years with her too. It was me who originally thought it was bi-polar when I stumbled across an article on it. 

Keep trying man. 

 

I had a similar situation with a girl that had major problems with depression. Really wish I'd handled things differently now.

 

I met up with her a year after the relationship ended as we had a few things to sort out. We got on fine then but haven't had any contact in the last five years besides wishing each other happy birthday on Facebook. I've been thinking about sending her a message apologising for all of the dumb, inconsiderate shit I did when we were together but am a bit unsure how good an idea it is. I want to do it if it helps her in any way but I'm a bit concerned that I might be doing it to ease my own guilt.

 

Not sure if anyone here has any opinions they would like to share?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Carl Fredrickson

Came on to this thread as lots going on and feeling down. Just read the last page and it has brought home how real mental health issues are and also the immense support and advice from strangers is out there. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Muppetboy

As a sufferer of ocd and depression it’s comforting to know a thread like this exists and can be utilised as a form of therapy in a way.  Intrusive thoughts are hurting me in a big way right now but that’s just the nature of the beast. Observing other people’s thoughts and feelings definitely helps so thanks to everyone who posts. It’s helpful beyond belief sometimes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Carl Fredrickson
17 minutes ago, Muppetboy said:

As a sufferer of ocd and depression it’s comforting to know a thread like this exists and can be utilised as a form of therapy in a way.  Intrusive thoughts are hurting me in a big way right now but that’s just the nature of the beast. Observing other people’s thoughts and feelings definitely helps so thanks to everyone who posts. It’s helpful beyond belief sometimes

 

That is what I was wanting to say but couldnt find the words! Thanks Muppetboy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Muppetboy
1 hour ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

That is what I was wanting to say but couldnt find the words! Thanks Muppetboy

No bother

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Stoddyhmfc

I posted on this a few years ago now about my depression i managed to battle it and brought myself back from the brink a few times and this thread helped a lot! 

 

Now i'm back suffering from depression again just had nearly 6 months off work due to it and the doc trying every tablet under the sun to help me. we seem to have eventually found a pill that kind of works (normal NHS treatment IMO) but if i miss one day it feels like im back down at rock bottom. 

 

I have been thinking recently that maybe pill's arent the answer and its the wiring in my brain that is wrong  so been looking into Electroshock therapy (clinical trial) but don't know if this is a good thing or not, has anyone on here had any dealing with it before?

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thommo414

This post ended up longer than expected

 

Last September/October I hit a horrible point with depression and I believe it was the first time I came to this thread. Pressures at work had a lot to do with it and it reached a head when one day I had to leave the floor to cry in the staff toilets for about 15 minutes before walking off shift and not being seen again. 

 

I got a new job and whilst it temporarily improved things, they ended up forcing me out the door for no apparent reason other than one out of a team of managers taking a special dislike to me. I was unable to get my previous job back but found another in the same line of work where I was told my experience would serve me well and I should be able to hit the ground running and progress. 

 

I was given no training, no assistance as despite being part of a team, I had to work alone. Constantly ridiculed by a manager who claims her cheek is "just a bit of a laugh" and shouldn't be taken seriously. Today, after 3 weeks, I was given the bullet. In the same week, I've been dumped by my partner. 

 

In a way its relief as the job was driving me to a darker place mentally than ever before, the relationship was growing ever toxic. But as I sit here now, its flooding my mind. Do i need to start getting benefits? Am I going to be able to find a job with a dismissal on my record? Will I be able to see my kids as much as I'd like to? What do I do if I can't financially take care of them? 

 

I now have absolutely no idea where I go next. I know that in my mental state, I'm unlikely to just bounce back and the thought of how bad things will get is utterly terrifying. 

 

Thank god that's off my chest 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CavySlaveJambo

 Col - sending a message your way.  About a possible source of support. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.




×
×
  • Create New...