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Morgan
On 05/01/2020 at 01:47, Riddley Walker said:

Everything is honestly getting too much. Too much to even begin to explain on here but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it anymore.

Lost motivation to do ****ing anything and avoiding everything I can.

 

Gets to the stage when you wonder if there's even any point carrying on.

Hi, 

 

not a thread I visit very often but having a wee read today.

 

I've never had much dealings with you over all these years, but your post here caught my eye.  For you to have typed this, you must feel awful. I just can't imagine what you are going through.

 

I genuinely hope you can get some professional help to get you past this.

 

Please don't ever think that there is no point in carrying on, there is, and you'll find it again.

 

I wish you all the very best, Riddley, and hope you keep posting on this thread, hopefully in a more upbeat fashion.

 

Good luck,

 

Morgan

 

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AlimOzturk
On 05/01/2020 at 11:56, Harry Potter said:

Dont beat yourself up on the decision you made, your nana wanted you to go 

on holiday, and im sure your grandad would have felt the same, take time to talk to your wife

and talk it through. sorry for your loss bud.

 

On 05/01/2020 at 12:37, FruitJuice said:

I think you might be feeling this way due to still grieving.  Your nan said go for it.  Maybe going away has just delayed the grieving process for you.  You know you wouldn't have just thought stuff it I could do with a holiday.  

 

On 05/01/2020 at 16:36, davemclaren said:

Maybe have a chat about your feelings of guilt with your nan? I’m sure she wouldn’t want you feeling bad about it. 

 

On 05/01/2020 at 17:09, Morgan said:

Alim?

 

Obviously I can only go on what you have posted but, the way I read it is, your nana told you to go on holiday. Correct so far?

 

Without knowing what your wife said I can't be certain about the next bit, but here goes with my assumption anyway.  

 

Your wife has said 'yeah, we should go on holiday, even nana said we should'.

 

If that is what took place, then I think you are being a wee bitty unfair on your lady.

 

If it's not as simple as that or, I've got it all wrong and there is more to it, then just ignore my rambling post!!

 

Anyhow, none of what happened is down to you. I know what your grandad meant to you as you have mentioned him in high regard many times on here over the years. 

 

Have a heart to heart with your wife and, for heavens sake, don't risk losing someone else who is dear to you.

 

Wishing you all the best, Alim.

 

Morgan

 

 

 

On 05/01/2020 at 20:01, Dagger Is Back said:


Man that’s a tough place to be. I’d ask yourself this. What would your Grandad have wanted you to do?

 

Given what your Nana said, and she told you to go, I think you’re going really tough on yourself. 
 

Grief has many stages as you know. It’s easy to carry some form of guilt or blame around with you.

 

Take care buddy

 

On 05/01/2020 at 20:24, Captain Canada said:

 

As others have said, it sounds like you're giving yourself too hard a time over this. Your Nana helped make the decision for you but I do understand how you're feeling after an experience I had many years ago. 

 

I know it's easy for a stranger to say online, but I'm sure you had many amazing memories with your Grandad, so try to focus on those rather than missing the funeral. 

 

Please don't be too hard on yourself. Like all of us, you're just one person trying their best to navigate through life! 

 

Want to say a massive thanks to you chaps. The wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart and put everything on the table. She didnt realise that I felt she put pressure on me and how much missing the funeral meant to me. I have tried to ignore and bottle up the grief which in turn has turned me into a pretty bitter person and I have taken that out on the person I love the most which is my wife. I realise an arsehole to her but thankfully she is a beautiful and forgiving person

 

I have decided to do dry january which has really helped clear the head, back to the gym and spending far more time with the family away from pub. 

 

I am also going to visit a greif councellor as it is clear that I dont deal with that very well. 

 

This thread is truly a wonderful resource. Good luck to everyone struggling. 

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Dagger Is Back
4 hours ago, Captain Canada said:

Hope everyone is doing ok after going back to work. I have to admit I was struggling a bit by Friday but hopefully this week will be easier. 

 

I went out to the beach yesterday despite the rain and wind and felt much better for it. 

 

Good for you CC. Fresh air and exercise is part of the package of things that will definitely help. Glad you were feeling much better. Stick with it and hope this week is an easier one for you. Little steps matey 

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Dagger Is Back
13 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to say a massive thanks to you chaps. The wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart and put everything on the table. She didnt realise that I felt she put pressure on me and how much missing the funeral meant to me. I have tried to ignore and bottle up the grief which in turn has turned me into a pretty bitter person and I have taken that out on the person I love the most which is my wife. I realise an arsehole to her but thankfully she is a beautiful and forgiving person

 

I have decided to do dry january which has really helped clear the head, back to the gym and spending far more time with the family away from pub. 

 

I am also going to visit a greif councellor as it is clear that I dont deal with that very well. 

 

This thread is truly a wonderful resource. Good luck to everyone struggling. 

 

That is a really positive read Alim. Glad you sat and had a chat and have started to work things out

 

Good luck to you and your wife

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Captain Canada
21 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to say a massive thanks to you chaps. The wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart and put everything on the table. She didnt realise that I felt she put pressure on me and how much missing the funeral meant to me. I have tried to ignore and bottle up the grief which in turn has turned me into a pretty bitter person and I have taken that out on the person I love the most which is my wife. I realise an arsehole to her but thankfully she is a beautiful and forgiving person

 

I have decided to do dry january which has really helped clear the head, back to the gym and spending far more time with the family away from pub. 

 

I am also going to visit a greif councellor as it is clear that I dont deal with that very well. 

 

This thread is truly a wonderful resource. Good luck to everyone struggling. 

 

That's great to hear! Glad you're doing much better mate. 

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Captain Canada
9 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said:

 

Good for you CC. Fresh air and exercise is part of the package of things that will definitely help. Glad you were feeling much better. Stick with it and hope this week is an easier one for you. Little steps matey 

 

Thanks very much mate, I really appreciate it. 

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graygo
27 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to say a massive thanks to you chaps. The wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart and put everything on the table. She didnt realise that I felt she put pressure on me and how much missing the funeral meant to me. I have tried to ignore and bottle up the grief which in turn has turned me into a pretty bitter person and I have taken that out on the person I love the most which is my wife. I realise an arsehole to her but thankfully she is a beautiful and forgiving person

 

I have decided to do dry january which has really helped clear the head, back to the gym and spending far more time with the family away from pub. 

 

I am also going to visit a greif councellor as it is clear that I dont deal with that very well. 

 

This thread is truly a wonderful resource. Good luck to everyone struggling. 

 

Brilliant post chief.

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Morgan
27 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to say a massive thanks to you chaps. The wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart and put everything on the table. She didnt realise that I felt she put pressure on me and how much missing the funeral meant to me. I have tried to ignore and bottle up the grief which in turn has turned me into a pretty bitter person and I have taken that out on the person I love the most which is my wife. I realise an arsehole to her but thankfully she is a beautiful and forgiving person

 

I have decided to do dry january which has really helped clear the head, back to the gym and spending far more time with the family away from pub. 

 

I am also going to visit a greif councellor as it is clear that I dont deal with that very well. 

 

This thread is truly a wonderful resource. Good luck to everyone struggling. 

Great stuff, Alim.

 

Thanks for posting an update, and a positive one at that!!

 

Morgan

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SwindonJambo
1 hour ago, AlimOzturk said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to say a massive thanks to you chaps. The wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart and put everything on the table. She didnt realise that I felt she put pressure on me and how much missing the funeral meant to me. I have tried to ignore and bottle up the grief which in turn has turned me into a pretty bitter person and I have taken that out on the person I love the most which is my wife. I realise an arsehole to her but thankfully she is a beautiful and forgiving person

 

I have decided to do dry january which has really helped clear the head, back to the gym and spending far more time with the family away from pub. 

 

I am also going to visit a greif councellor as it is clear that I dont deal with that very well. 

 

This thread is truly a wonderful resource. Good luck to everyone struggling. 

 

What an uplifting post. Well done sir. Communication, opening up and talking stuff over is key, something most guys are poor at. You sound like a good egg and your missus too. The days are now slowly lengthening which should help too. Good luck 👍

 

I'm no stranger to big D myself and told my own tale on this thread a year ago. I've been pretty much fine continuously for about 8 years now, my best run as an adult (I'm 52). A nice trip up to Hampden in May of that year helped set me on my way😉 

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Dagger Is Back
On 05/01/2020 at 00:47, Riddley Walker said:

Everything is honestly getting too much. Too much to even begin to explain on here but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it anymore.

Lost motivation to do ****ing anything and avoiding everything I can.

 

Gets to the stage when you wonder if there's even any point carrying on.


Didn’t pick up on your post until now Riddley so apologies. 
 

How are you doing?

 

Clearly, I don’t know what’s happening in your life to make you feel this way, but what I do know is that I’ve been there too

 

On Hogmanay 2018, I was looking down on to the bypass trying to take that first step

 

A phone call from my Mum to wish me HNY and reading this thread stopped me.

 

I read about so many others struggling with things happening in their lives and the support from folks on here.

 

I realised that it wasn’t ‘just me’

 

It was a turning point of sorts. The black dog still paws at the door but most days are better.

 

I started writing down one thing a week that I’d done to help others. Nothing earth shattering, things like helping an elderly neighbour or not drinking at night so I can go and pick up daughter from Attik at 4am 😂

 

When I’m struggling I open the jar and have a wee read. Helping other folks has always made me feel good so it helps lift my spirits

 

My jobs a physical one but I wasn’t doing things for me. Got involved in walking football and met a brilliant bunch of guys and girls whose company can’t fail to lift the spirits.

 

As I said, we’ve no idea what is making you feel this way. All I’ll say is that there is loads of understanding and support here. No one will judge, that much is clear.
 

When you’re facing the black dog it’s really hard to find anything positive to beat the shit out of it with. When you look

though, you’ll find lots of personal values, strengths and skills that others value.

 

If you ever need to chat, feel free to pm.

 

Take care and let us know how you’re doing Riddley

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Morgan
1 hour ago, Dagger Is Back said:


Didn’t pick up on your post until now Riddley so apologies. 
 

How are you doing?

 

Clearly, I don’t know what’s happening in your life to make you feel this way, but what I do know is that I’ve been there too

 

On Hogmanay 2018, I was looking down on to the bypass trying to take that first step

 

A phone call from my Mum to wish me HNY and reading this thread stopped me.

 

I read about so many others struggling with things happening in their lives and the support from folks on here.

 

I realised that it wasn’t ‘just me’

 

It was a turning point of sorts. The black dog still paws at the door but most days are better.

 

I started writing down one thing a week that I’d done to help others. Nothing earth shattering, things like helping an elderly neighbour or not drinking at night so I can go and pick up daughter from Attik at 4am 😂

 

When I’m struggling I open the jar and have a wee read. Helping other folks has always made me feel good so it helps lift my spirits

 

My jobs a physical one but I wasn’t doing things for me. Got involved in walking football and met a brilliant bunch of guys and girls whose company can’t fail to lift the spirits.

 

As I said, we’ve no idea what is making you feel this way. All I’ll say is that there is loads of understanding and support here. No one will judge, that much is clear.
 

When you’re facing the black dog it’s really hard to find anything positive to beat the shit out of it with. When you look

though, you’ll find lots of personal values, strengths and skills that others value.

 

If you ever need to chat, feel free to pm.

 

Take care and let us know how you’re doing Riddley

Great post from you, Dagger.

 

From the heart too, as I know how you were 12 or so months ago.

 

I hope that Riddley responds to you (I know he won’t to me. ( :sad: ).

 

I will look forward to reading his post and, just to re-iterate, I hope he comes out of this well.

 

Morgan

 

 

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LeftBack

How are folk doing? I wonder if mods could maybe change title to mental health? Just thought thats more inclusive and helps rid stigma regarding depression. Just an idea. 

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LeftBack

Had another major crisis today which in the past could have tipped me. But managed to get past. Drugs definitely helping but i think its important to remember that life can be effing awful and you can feel crap without it caving in. I wish everyone was happy but i know that's just the same as wishing hearts were European champions, my bank balance always reads £1m and my children never hurt. Its how we deal with it. 

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Zlatanable

Good to see this thread again. 

I had a very difficult week, which my experience tells me is to do with depression. 

 

Complete hopelessness feels like existing within eternal shattering glass. Every piece of me is being cut and hurt.

 

I have been drinking more alcohol than I know is sensible/healthy. 

 

I know,  as I am almost 50 years old, that these extreme sensations are never long lasting. You can live these thoughts out, with water, sleep and food (no booze or drugs).

 

I appreciate my worst moments too. I know they come before better moments, and I know they are not the only experience. 

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Iconic Idiot

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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cannonfoda
9 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you need to talk then dm.  My dad got diagnosed with dementia and it's horrible seeing a proud hardworking and kind guy slowly becoming a shell.  

 

Was also a single dad for the last year as wife at university full time doing health visitor course which opens you up to all sorts of stuff you never want to hear about.  

 

Then 4th reorganisation in 2 years at work meant job up in air yet again...

 

Yet... things get better.  They really do.  

 

Talk to someone.  Anyone.  Hell I spoke to everyone once I finally accepted the help.

 

Also found writing stuff helped.  Here's a blog I've started...

 

https://dementiadad.home.blog/2019/03/01/making-memories-for-the-kids-part-1/

 

 

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Captain Canada
10 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. That's a lot of big things that have happened in your life in the last year. I've been in a situation myself where lots of huge, life changing things happened very close together and I felt the way you do every morning. 

 

I didn't talk to anyone for a long time and it only made things worse. I think people often expect men especially just to put a brave face on things and carry on, but in my experience that's not the best path to take.

 

I don't know if you're able to get time off or not. I carried on for ages because I had my own business but have since had periods where I've been signed off work and it helped me see things a bit differently and gave me time to think properly and get the help I needed. 

 

I don't know the full circumstances but if you're having to deal with all of this on your own just now, you should try to talk to someone asap.

 

Everyone's different, but I found it easier to talk to my GP than any friends or family members when I was really struggling. 

 

What you've said in your post is a lot for anyone to cope with so you need to be kind to yourself and get some help, even if it's just chatting on the phone to someone initially. 

 

I was in a really bad way for quite a while but things got much better when I got my thoughts and feelings out of my head by opening up to people. 

 

As the poster above said, writing stuff down can help too just by clearing your head a bit and seeing everything on paper rather than it going round and round in your mind. 

 

I hope there's someone you can talk to and that you can find time to look after yourself after everything that's happened. 

 

Edited by Captain Canada

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Zlatanable
10 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello @Iconic Idiot

You are dealing with so many things here. 

 

Do you have people you can talk to about what is happening? 

 

I think you have strength, I detect in what you said, Imo.

 

I hope things get better. 

 

Edited by Zlatanable

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Zlatanable
On 31/01/2020 at 18:58, LeftBack said:

Had another major crisis today which in the past could have tipped me. But managed to get past. Drugs definitely helping but i think its important to remember that life can be effing awful and you can feel crap without it caving in. I wish everyone was happy but i know that's just the same as wishing hearts were European champions, my bank balance always reads £1m and my children never hurt. Its how we deal with it. 

Hi @LeftBack

Im almost 50 now. Depression and anxiety have been a primary factor in my life. I understand myself more and more, the older I get. 

And I still struggle to love and accept myself. 

 

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Dagger Is Back
On 04/02/2020 at 12:58, Iconic Idiot said:

Summary of my last year.

 

Mother in law diagnosed with dementia. Deteriorating fairly rapidly.

 

Oldest son comes out as gay. No big deal and I completely accept him and love him no less but for some reason it's an issue in my head only.

 

Daughter gets pregnant by her boyfriend who then dumps her so she has an abortion.

 

Youngest son who is the complete joker of the family attempts suicide. No idea whatsoever that he was feeling this way. Completely shell shocked.

 

Strain on marriage takes its toll and wife moves back in to her mums. last week.

 

Completely heartbroken, feel hopeless and helpless. No future other than one that terrifies me. My wife was my complete rock and now I've pushed her away.

 

Dread wakening up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really sorry to read this. You're not alone and all I can suggest is find someone that you can trust and talk to. Opening up to someone and talking through how you feel is so important. 

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the Hearts way

I possibly over reacted to reading/seeing the word 'suicidal' on the match day thread tonight and also never covered myself in  glory neither, with my retorts there after, but some of the replies I received? were ( in my humble opinion) 

bang out of order! 

All Jambos, stay strong and its 

Onwards and upwards no others fecking choice 🔛☝️

HHGH 🇱🇻💪

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Iconic Idiot

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

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Zlatanable
4 minutes ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

how can we help?

you thoughts aren't absolutely pathetic, 

 

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Iconic Idiot
9 minutes ago, Zlatanable said:

how can we help?

you thoughts aren't absolutely pathetic, 

 

I’ve no idea. I think things have just gotten to the stage where I’m not going to recover. I’m exhausted. 

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Zlatanable
1 minute ago, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve no idea. I think things have just gotten to the stage where I’m not going to recover. I’m exhausted. 

I think you ought to tell your gp that

and I think you ought to tell your family that

 

you need to take care of yourself

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LeftBack
10 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

Mate. There's nothing i can say that will make you feel better. But ill try anyway. Why do you think there is a thread like this? Because there are many many people who feel/have felt the way you do. Well done for admitting your issues. And i guarantee your family don't think you are an embarrassment 

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Captain Canada
13 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 

 

Nothing you've said sounds pathetic and I'm sure you're not an embarrassment to anyone. I've been in a similar situation where I could barely function due to being exhausted all the time because of how I was feeling. I'd wake up just as tired as when I went to bed. 

 

It sounds like this is happening because you've tried to stay strong for a long time through everything that's gone on. It certainly was in my case and then everything caught up with me. There's no shame in getting help and admitting things are really hard for you at the moment. All any of us can do is try our best in any given situation. Unwanted thoughts are just that - thoughts. It took me a long time to realise this. It's only natural to worry about what the future might hold for you but those things haven't happened and may never happen.

 

I can only give you the benefit of my own experience, but getting time and space to myself to do things I used to enjoy, speaking to people about how I was feeling and taking things one day at a time all helped. I hope you can get to your GP or call someone who can listen and help. Again, in my case, I got trapped in a cycle of negative thinking and believed all the thoughts I was having were true or that there was something seriously wrong with me when that wasn't the case. I was suffering because I'd bottled up how I was feeling about a number of different things that happened close together and tried to keep going for too long without any help. 

 

I hope some of this helps. Take care mate. 

Edited by Captain Canada

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Captain Canada

I know meditation isn't everyone's cup of tea but listening to guided meditations from an Australian guy called Jason Stephenson on YouTube had a calming effect on my mind. It helped lessen the constant worrying thoughts so I had a bit more clarity and less panicked feelings. 

 

It can take a bit of practice and getting used to, but it's worth it in my experience. 

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Dagger Is Back
20 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

Appreciate the replies but I’m really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. 
My wife was the glue that held everything together and when she decides she wants back into the flat I’ll end up homeless. 
Ive no savings. Nothing. If I’m forced to rent it’ll be out of town miles from my kids. I’m going into complete panic mode. 
I have the most bizarre random thoughts such as if I got terminal cancer then there’d be no shame in that and it would be an answer to all my problems. I know that sounds absolutely pathetic but I’m really struggling to see a way out of how I’m feeling right now. My head is constantly aching and I even managed to crash my car in an empty car park because my brain simply stopped working for a few seconds. 
I feel like  an embarrassment to my family. 


Nothing you’ve said sounds pathetic to any of us. 
 

As others have said you need to speak to your GP and your family.

 

Pretty sure they’ll not see you as an embarrassment and will give you the support you need

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LeftBack

Thought i had it under control but no. Have had to leave job because they were so harsh after my breakdown. Can't sleep. 

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Harry Potter
14 hours ago, LeftBack said:

Thought i had it under control but no. Have had to leave job because they were so harsh after my breakdown. Can't sleep. 

Are you on medication, maybe need it put up a wee bit, i had a wobble in to the new year

but ok now, get back to docs and talk to them, take care bud.

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violater

Not looked through this Thread so I apologise if it’s already been posted but I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and find the Headspace app helpA with me, I mediate every morning before work and at night and It makes me feel more settled it does got 50 pound for the year but if it helps then it’s well worth it.

 

Stay strong people and if anyone ever wants a chat I’ve always got an ear

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Zlatanable
17 hours ago, LeftBack said:

Thought i had it under control but no. Have had to leave job because they were so harsh after my breakdown. Can't sleep. 

I hear you.

Feel free to message me, 

Take care of yourself. 

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132goals1958
2 hours ago, violater said:

Not looked through this Thread so I apologise if it’s already been posted but I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and find the Headspace app helpA with me, I mediate every morning before work and at night and It makes me feel more settled it does got 50 pound for the year but if it helps then it’s well worth it.

 

Stay strong people and if anyone ever wants a chat I’ve always got an ear

 

I heard a feature on Radio 2 about Headspace and merely as a curiosity angle I tried the free offer just as an exercise in unwinding. Went on to get the App and would recommend it to anyone. Always thought meditation was overhyped but this particular version has lots to offer in terms of starting the day in a relaxed calm manner. Simple technique in maintaining a perspective in life. Might not work for everyone but I actually find it enjoyable.

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Jamboelite
18 hours ago, LeftBack said:

Thought i had it under control but no. Have had to leave job because they were so harsh after my breakdown. Can't sleep. 

Hey there are always willing people on here to chat to.


Just give it a shout.

 

Take care.

 

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Iconic Idiot

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
 

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ardenjambo
1 hour ago, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
 

Hi II

 

Sorry you had a rubbish time with the gp but I'm glad to hear you reached out to someone and that the mental health nurse gave a better experience. 

 

I was on diazepam a few years back (and beta blockers) having been signed off with stress and anxiety. Personally I found it effective at dialing down the intensity of my anxiety and panic. I would say it is possibly not a long term solution, but in the short term certainly effective, and I don't think I could have managed to get through a work day without breaking down if I didn't have it. The beta blockers were given to me as a more long term sustainable option, more focused on the physical symptoms of stress. No experience with the other drug you mention but hope this is useful. 

Please continue talking and posting while you are going through this. 

 

Cheers

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Space Pirate

I'm depressed as ****, but dealing with it. 

If anyone needs to talk, geeza shout. 

Been through hell but still alive right here, alive as ****. 

 

 

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Arthur Morgan
3 hours ago, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
 

 

Diazepam helps me, I only take it when I really need it though as apparently you can develop an addiction to it. Fluoxetine didn't do much for me (was nearly 10 years ago though tbf), been on medication for various mental health problems since around 18 years of age, but have had mental health problems since around the age of 14/15. These years are supposed to be the best of your life, certainly not been the case for me, now 27 and even worse than what I was before, been misdiagnosed and generally messed about by the 'professionals'. Sorry to sound so downbeat, it's just my personal experience, I'm sure there are others out there who will have had a completely different experience. 

 

I hope you get the help you need, you'll certainly receive plenty of support on this thread. 

Edited by Arthur Morgan

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sadj
On 15/02/2020 at 23:20, 132goals1958 said:

 

I heard a feature on Radio 2 about Headspace and merely as a curiosity angle I tried the free offer just as an exercise in unwinding. Went on to get the App and would recommend it to anyone. Always thought meditation was overhyped but this particular version has lots to offer in terms of starting the day in a relaxed calm manner. Simple technique in maintaining a perspective in life. Might not work for everyone but I actually find it enjoyable.


my mate swears by meditation and a lot of sports or fitness professionals i know do aswell. Im coming out the other-side of my mental heath issues (i hope) and just have to sort the physical problems that have stemmed from them. However , it is not something I tried. I would def recommend people at least look into it though based on what those mentioned above have said to me. Good shout 👌🏻
 

I think this is probably the best thread we have on here for all the sniping and digging people do at each other this thread is one where humanity comes out on top I think ❤️

Edited by sadj

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132goals1958
7 hours ago, sadj said:


my mate swears by meditation and a lot of sports or fitness professionals i know do aswell. Im coming out the other-side of my mental heath issues (i hope) and just have to sort the physical problems that have stemmed from them. However , it is not something I tried. I would def recommend people at least look into it though based on what those mentioned above have said to me. Good shout 👌🏻
 

I think this is probably the best thread we have on here for all the sniping and digging people do at each other this thread is one where humanity comes out on top I think ❤️

 

As I said I was sceptical about it and it was more or less an impulse reaction. I personally have found it extremely beneficial and for me it is an enjoyable 20 minutes which I try to maintain at a regular time each morning. Agree wholeheartedly with your observations on this thread and good to hear you are heading in the right direction. 👍

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AlphonseCapone

I've tried the meditation thing and it hasn't worked for me but maybe not seriously enough? I struggle to find the time and place to do it, is morning best, at night? I tried previously in the morning and also just felt like it was fine doing it but then once I was going again it was like I'd never done it in the first place. 

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Jamboelite
3 hours ago, AlphonseCapone said:

I've tried the meditation thing and it hasn't worked for me but maybe not seriously enough? I struggle to find the time and place to do it, is morning best, at night? I tried previously in the morning and also just felt like it was fine doing it but then once I was going again it was like I'd never done it in the first place. 

Different people do it at different times I guess it depends on what works for you in terms of when you find yourself stressed, anxious or feeling down and then taking the time to go and meditate either before or after.

 

Finding a suitable place is a big part of it otherwise any distraction or place you arent comfortable is going to make it hard to work.

 

Its not for everyone thats for sure.

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rudi must stay

I recommend Stacey Dooley's documentary on mental health to anyone that struggles with depression a little bit. I couldn't be bothered with work recently or doing anything which is unlike me, but the documentary is an eye opener and hit home with me in parts so give it a watch if you feel similar. Good piece of work 

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132goals1958
On 21/02/2020 at 10:10, AlphonseCapone said:

I've tried the meditation thing and it hasn't worked for me but maybe not seriously enough? I struggle to find the time and place to do it, is morning best, at night? I tried previously in the morning and also just felt like it was fine doing it but then once I was going again it was like I'd never done it in the first place. 

 

You have sort of answered why it doesn,t work for you. Understandable as I initially experienced the same situation. There are odd occasions when I can,t set aside my normal time but generally I look forward to my headspace routine. 

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AlphonseCapone
1 hour ago, 132goals1958 said:

 

You have sort of answered why it doesn,t work for you. Understandable as I initially experienced the same situation. There are odd occasions when I can,t set aside my normal time but generally I look forward to my headspace routine. 

 

Aye I know, and it's probably the lack of routine and consistency that's meaning it feels like it doesn't work for me. How long did it take for you to feel like it was working, was it a straight away thing or a sorta realisation you were feeling a bit more relaxed/calm? 

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132goals1958
Just now, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Aye I know, and it's probably the lack of routine and consistency that's meaning it feels like it doesn't work for me. How long did it take for you to feel like it was working, was it a straight away thing or a sorta realisation you were feeling a bit more relaxed/calm? 

 

I would say 8 - 10 weeks, as at the outset, the mind wandered a bit (some would say it still does). It is still not a consistent benefit/return  but I definitely feel more relaxed and focused. I am an old codger and do a lot of walking and there are more opportunities for the likes of me to use some of the techniques than others throughout the day. 

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AlphonseCapone
5 minutes ago, 132goals1958 said:

 

I would say 8 - 10 weeks, as at the outset, the mind wandered a bit (some would say it still does). It is still not a consistent benefit/return  but I definitely feel more relaxed and focused. I am an old codger and do a lot of walking and there are more opportunities for the likes of me to use some of the techniques than others throughout the day. 

 

Thanks. I am going to try and commit to it more because so many people are positive about it. 

 

On walking, that's one activity that really does help me relax, but only if it's out in open, countryside. Walking home in Edinburgh City centre tends to send me the opposite way! 

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132goals1958
Just now, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Thanks. I am going to try and commit to it more because so many people are positive about it. 

 

On walking, that's one activity that really does help me relax, but only if it's out in open, countryside. Walking home in Edinburgh City centre tends to send me the opposite way! 

 

No bother. Keep at it. I walk in quieter surroundings and then on to the canal. Don.t resist it and hopefully it will all click into place.

 

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Muppetboy
On 20/02/2020 at 20:30, Iconic Idiot said:

I’ve seen the GP and they were hopeless. She skim read the letter I had written and then sent me off with some sleeping pills 

 

Today I saw the mental health nurse who was far more sympathetic. 
She’s prescribed diazepam for my anxiety and fluoxetine for my depression. 

Anyone any experience of these medications? 
I have had diazepam and fluoxetine. I suffer from ocd and had terrible anxiety at times. Diazepam is reasonably good at taking the edge off but made me feel dozy afterwards. As for fluoxetine, I changed from clomipramine onto this last summer and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I had terrible insomnia and horrendous itching at bed time. It also made me suffer short term memory loss, really awful confusion and horrific waking dreams. I know reactions vary in people but this was not for me
 

 

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