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gashauskis9
20 minutes ago, tian447 said:

 

I might be a bit biased. A good friend of mine killed himself a few years back, and he always thought that people didn't take the condition seriously enough, and that he should just cheer up. I doubt that was the overall reason in his final decision, but it must have been a contributor. 

 

I just hate seeing posts on Facebook, usually from lassies with 200 likes, saying that they're depressed because of X, Y, Z "lol" when in reality it's just because it's a Monday morning. That sort of stuff does my tits in because it's exactly the thing my mate used to complain about, and it's shite like that which means people take it less seriously in general. 

I can see where you are coming from, it certainly dilutes the importance when people treat depression as some sort of Monday morning social media fad, but it’s important that we aren’t naive enough to believe that in many of these cases there isnt a genuine mental illness and the attention seeking is a cry for help.

 

My own battles with depression, which are ongoing but more managble now, are based predominantly on an obsession I have with comparing my life to others and assuming everyone else is healthier and happier than I am based on what I see and hear.  It therefore caused me to remove myself from many social circles, distance myself from my family, stop exercising or leading a healthy lifestyle and made me lethargic. Social media has a lot to answer for this, but part of my recovery involves me focusing more on what I have rather than what I haven’t.  I’m getting there, and seek huge benefit from opening up about it and reading this thread.  

 

 

 

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shaun.lawson

@Taffin - so sorry to read this. Have you asked for a referral for counselling? It sounds like you need it. Doctors are frequently useless, I agree - but you should go back and insist on being referred IMO. Though if the waiting list's too long, and it's in any way affordable, find a private psychodynamic counsellor? 

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56 minutes ago, shaun.lawson said:

@Taffin - so sorry to read this. Have you asked for a referral for counselling? It sounds like you need it. Doctors are frequently useless, I agree - but you should go back and insist on being referred IMO. Though if the waiting list's too long, and it's in any way affordable, find a private psychodynamic counsellor? 

 

Thanks Shaun. I'm doing okay at the moment, it was a few years ago now that I went to the doctors about it all. I've thought about going privately recently though as I think it is maybe a good thing to do regardless of current state as I do still have some rough periods and have just got better at coping with it.

 

I meant the question a bit more generally. I often find the response to getting help is a list of phone numbers and for anyone looking in that can be quite daunting. I hoped maybe people here had some good advice on where to get started with that.

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I've created a different account to the one I post on as I would rather keep my identity private.

 

I've been thinking about posting on this thread for a while but I feel so guilty for writing things about my partner. However, I need to get this stuff off my chest and ask if anyone is able to offer me advice or any insight?

 

Personally, I am feeling very stressed and anxious at the moment. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks. I love my job, but my work load is extremely difficult to manage. It's becoming a real strain on me and I can feel it's affecting my personal life, which I hate.

 

That's not what my concern is though. I can just about deal with my own issues, but I am really struggling to handle my partners.

 

I've always thought that my partner drinks too much, but it's now clear that he has a problem. He drinks far too much and far too often. He usually goes for at least one pint after work midweek, more than that if I'm working late or working away which I regularly do. And at the weekends it seems all he wants to do is drink. If I'm not there I know he'll go to either buy beers, or go for beers to drink in the house as soon as he can. He will drink all day until every drop is gone.

 

I always know that when I'm coming home I'm returning to someone who is under the influence of alcohol. And I cannot stand it anymore. He is such a nice guy, and he is so caring and kind. He's not a bad or nasty drunk by any stretch. I've told him time and time again how I feel, and that it needs to stop but he won't. We'll maybe have one good week where he comes home 3/5 days right after work, but then at the weekend it all starts again.

 

What I want to understand is why. He won't acknowledge it's a problem though, or maybe he can't acknowledge it? He has suffered from depression in the past, and I know that before he met me he has had suicidal thoughts but he won't really open up about it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I try to speak to him about it but he won't, so I end up completely losing my temper and have had a few panic attacks. For the sake of peace I have quite often just pretended everything is alright. I'm kidding myself though. I want to help him, but how can I when he won't let me?

 

I feel totally lost and I'm terrified of where to go from here.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

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Ahhh, TJT 1874, I'm sorry I can't help or offer any useful advice, but I hope you work it out.

 

Men are, in general, shit at talking about feelings, so please don't get angry at him if he won't open up when you ask him what's wrong.

 

He might be too embarrassed to tell you if he has worries or fears or problems - so can his family or friends help you?

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shaun.lawson

@TJT 1874 - it sounds like he needs help. Badly. And all this is so so unfair on you. I think you have to give him an ultimatum: that he either commits to getting clean and especially, to counselling for his problems - or you leave.

 

You have to think of your own self-preservation here. It sounds like you're becoming your partner's caretaker. That's never a healthy state for any relationship to be in - and worse, you're neglecting your own stresses and anxieties. That's awful, and completely unsustainable.

 

If your partner loves you, he'll act when you explain this to him calmly and honestly. You owe it to yourself to do so. If he tries to emotionally blackmail and/or doesn't take you seriously instead, get out. It's bad enough that he's so messed up; don't let him mess you up too.

 

Good luck! 

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Escobar PHM

@TJT 1874

 

Sounds like your guy has 2 huge problems.

 

1. He's an alcoholic. How or why he became one is almost secondary at this stage because he cant fix anything underlying until he's dry. Completely dry and not just cutting back or just doing it at weekends. That's what alcoholics have to do. If he doesn't stop you'll ultimately have to leave the relationship, whether that's now, or next week or next year that's what you'll have to do for the sake of yourself ( you don't say if there are kids involved - if there are the situation is urgent and immediate IMO) Al-Anon is a brilliant organisation specifically for friends and relatives of alcoholics. You should call them.

 

2. He has depression, which he is probably dealing with by drinking constantly. As I said, he cant begin to address the depression whilst he is drinking. Whatever it is causing the root, he needs to get sober and he needs professional counselling. You will probably need to leave the relationship to force that hand as he sounds entrenched and in denial and its going to take a shock of significant proportions to get him to act.

 

3. Your problems with work are very probably being made far worse by the fact that you don't have the safe haven most people have at home, in fact your going from one nightmare situation to another. Most of us who have really stressful jobs are very lucky to have the knowledge that home is safe and comfortable and nice and there is support there. Yours is neither of those things it seems.

 

Youre going to have to take some really hard decisions and stick to them, and youre going to have to do it soon.

 

Good luck with it and please feel free to post here again with updates. There are some really good people hanging about this thread. People who can help and people who have been through it and come out the other side.

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9 minutes ago, Escobar PHM said:

@TJT 1874

 

Sounds like your guy has 2 huge problems.

 

1. He's an alcoholic. How or why he became one is almost secondary at this stage because he cant fix anything underlying until he's dry. Completely dry and not just cutting back or just doing it at weekends. That's what alcoholics have to do. If he doesn't stop you'll ultimately have to leave the relationship, whether that's now, or next week or next year that's what you'll have to do for the sake of yourself ( you don't say if there are kids involved - if there are the situation is urgent and immediate IMO) Al-Anon is a brilliant organisation specifically for friends and relatives of alcoholics. You should call them.

 

2. He has depression, which he is probably dealing with by drinking constantly. As I said, he cant begin to address the depression whilst he is drinking. Whatever it is causing the root, he needs to get sober and he needs professional counselling. You will probably need to leave the relationship to force that hand as he sounds entrenched and in denial and its going to take a shock of significant proportions to get him to act.

 

3. Your problems with work are very probably being made far worse by the fact that you don't have the safe haven most people have at home, in fact your going from one nightmare situation to another. Most of us who have really stressful jobs are very lucky to have the knowledge that home is safe and comfortable and nice and there is support there. Yours is neither of those things it seems.

 

Youre going to have to take some really hard decisions and stick to them, and youre going to have to do it soon.

 

Good luck with it and please feel free to post here again with updates. There are some really good people hanging about this thread. People who can help and people who have been through it and come out the other side.

That’s a really, really good post Escobar.

 

You're dead right about there being some good people on the thread. To be honest, The Shed is a really good vehicle for help and advice on many subjects, and probably contributes in a very large way towards JKB being the best football fansite going.

 

@TJT 1874 I second Escobars comment about you posting again with updates and wish you all the best with whatever road you go down with this problem. Good luck!

 

 

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Escobar PHM
On ‎5‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 11:22, Gashauskis9 said:

I can see where you are coming from, it certainly dilutes the importance when people treat depression as some sort of Monday morning social media fad, but it’s important that we aren’t naive enough to believe that in many of these cases there isnt a genuine mental illness and the attention seeking is a cry for help.

 

My own battles with depression, which are ongoing but more managble now, are based predominantly on an obsession I have with comparing my life to others and assuming everyone else is healthier and happier than I am based on what I see and hear.  It therefore caused me to remove myself from many social circles, distance myself from my family, stop exercising or leading a healthy lifestyle and made me lethargic. Social media has a lot to answer for this, but part of my recovery involves me focusing more on what I have rather than what I haven’t.  I’m getting there, and seek huge benefit from opening up about it and reading this thread.  

 

 

 

This resonates with me and is very similar to part of my battle. My obsession with other people's seemingly great lives and my seemingly shit life and my rock bottom self esteem manifested itself in constantly needing to feel attractive and having numerous one night stands (whilst married) Of course the short term re-assurance was quickly followed by ever increasing depressive lows brought on by guilt. I burned my way through 2 marriages before I finally fell over big time. I had caused so much damage and hurt to people who didnt deserve it. I was very lucky to have a forward thinking employer (public sector) who not only valued me as an employee ( and that felt good in itself) but actually provided the funding for a course of psychotherapy from a real top professional ( I had various other issues too) I had 6 sessions ( this is about 20 years ago now) and it honestly saved my life (quite literally) I was never suicidal but I was an addictive personality and a drinker and it was only a matter of time before I killed myself by accident or by organs failing.

 

The big thing it teaches you is self worth and recognition of the situations to avoid before they develop. Also I had people in my life who weren't good for me that I had to move away from. It was hard, very bloody hard and there isn't a cure for clinical depression really. The pills help of course but its far more important and a longer term solution to really work on yourself bit by bit. I'm still not 100% happy with my life (who is ?) but I'm as close as I'm going to get. I get through the worst days by managing them in a way I learned through counselling and most days are pretty good now. I have a supportive wife (number 3) and a great family that I pushed away and had to fight to get back.

 

Top end counselling isn't affordable for everyone. Had my employer not paid for it (part of my problem was also down to PTSD and survivor guilt) I wouldn't have had it. But just finding someone, whether that's a professional or a volunteer with skills, or even a family member or friend you can trust 100% and who doesnt judge you is essential for those who get deep into a depressive trench and cant see they way out.

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On 12/05/2018 at 11:13, Taffin said:

 

 

I don't always agree with you tian but I do absolutely on this thread.

 

I think it makes it so much harder to get help too as people don't take your plight seriously. I've tried to talk to two separate doctors about where my head is at and they've both said do some exercise and have a read of a website. I'm well read and sought out online resources and exercise as an escape anyway and i just left feeling 100x worse as if there was nothing more i could do but muddle on. To open up to a doctor was a massive massive thing for me and I felt like they just didn't understand. I feel their dismissal is in part due to the amount of folk going 'ooooh I'm so depressed at the drop of a hat. 

 

It's sad, I never went back to the doctors about it and in the dark months I really don't know where to turn at times anymore. It makes you feel all the more futile and alone.

 

Which actually leads me into another question. Where do we think people should turn to get help? I often freeze when reading online and don't make that call on the online resources. I think it can be really hard for people to reach out in the first instance and can be a real stumbling point to getting help.

 

 

As an aside; this thread is excellent and a real credit to kickback. We bicker, we argue but it is a wonderful place to come and find humanity on real topics and reading through this thread is a hugely cathartic experience for me whenever I feels alone.

 

Exercise is a good way to help with it but not withiut assistance. For instance say you go to a gym on your own depressed. Naturally you are going to be in your shell. Youll look at others and fight internally that your not their equal you shouldnt be there etc. That then makes you worse.

However one of the things I do as a PT is to talk to and listen to a client. There is often an underlying thing there and whats more important is building that bond and trust and routine. Ie every friday 3pm we will meet up , if you feel the want to go to the gym and train we will if that pt session is a walk along the beach and talk thats fine. Its what helps the client mentally aswell as physically. Over time that becomes a truated relationship and iv seen clients who have long since achieved their goals stick with it just to have that outlet to discuss their problems. 

However many PTs are only interested in the money not the person and thats often why the exercise option or pt option doesnt work. 

 

Depression came up on a thread a while ago where by I was very open about my battles with depression and anxiety and you’d be surprised how many people messaged me asking how I was and asking if it was ok to talk to me about their problems.

 

The stigma of mental health issues is slowly dropping however doctors tend to go with the citalopram or similar solution. That is only a part of any solution. Tablets can help with your serotonin level however most serotonin is stored in your gut. So having a healthy gut can help to alleviate feelings in order to allow the external factors to improve. Once the external factors improve you can move forward from there. Be that talking , forming better relationships etc. Try reading about L-Glutamine as an aid to your diet. Google high in serotonin foods (it wont help much but can give you a boost) , sugars and high sat fat content foods can pull you down. Thats not saying live on rabbit food but processed foods most definately add a sluggish element to a person. In todays social media dominant world “normal” is something that is used to describe many abnormal people and leave genuinely normal people feeling inadequate or unaccepted in society. We are not and its realising that and having support to keep remembering that that has helped me a lot to get back to a place where I can function in day to day life.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Escobar PHM said:

@TJT 1874

 

Sounds like your guy has 2 huge problems.

 

1. He's an alcoholic. How or why he became one is almost secondary at this stage because he cant fix anything underlying until he's dry. Completely dry and not just cutting back or just doing it at weekends. That's what alcoholics have to do. If he doesn't stop you'll ultimately have to leave the relationship, whether that's now, or next week or next year that's what you'll have to do for the sake of yourself ( you don't say if there are kids involved - if there are the situation is urgent and immediate IMO) Al-Anon is a brilliant organisation specifically for friends and relatives of alcoholics. You should call them.

 

2. He has depression, which he is probably dealing with by drinking constantly. As I said, he cant begin to address the depression whilst he is drinking. Whatever it is causing the root, he needs to get sober and he needs professional counselling. You will probably need to leave the relationship to force that hand as he sounds entrenched and in denial and its going to take a shock of significant proportions to get him to act.

 

3. Your problems with work are very probably being made far worse by the fact that you don't have the safe haven most people have at home, in fact your going from one nightmare situation to another. Most of us who have really stressful jobs are very lucky to have the knowledge that home is safe and comfortable and nice and there is support there. Yours is neither of those things it seems.

 

Youre going to have to take some really hard decisions and stick to them, and youre going to have to do it soon.

 

Good luck with it and please feel free to post here again with updates. There are some really good people hanging about this thread. People who can help and people who have been through it and come out the other side.

Might not see eye to eye on football but thats a top post ????

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Escobar PHM
15 minutes ago, sadj said:

Might not see eye to eye on football but thats a top post ????

Cheers. Loads of good posts here, including yours. I am certain people get something from this thread just reading it. Even if its only the fact that your not alone in suffering, that's a great thing.

 

Football ? Well it barely matters in comparison to stuff like this.

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therefsajambo

It does help. Work at a behaviour school and being mental health awareness week we been discussing it. I got this thread up today and showed six 14-15 year old lads what depression is  It's all in here, different opinions, negative as well as positive, which let us get into different attitudes towards it so from that perspective it has been a very useful teaching tool. Thank you to all who have contributed so far. 

 

Personally, I had a bit of a breakdown a couple of years ago. Found my father in law dead, thought I'd coped with it then next thing to come along floored me. Ended up considering the worst, justifying it to myself that I was bringing everyone around me down. I honestly did not care. Spent rent money, paydays, bookies and cared not a jot. Looking back, the one thing I always managed was my refereeing at the weekend. Gave me 90mins to block everyone and everything else out. Yellows n reds went thro the roof for a bit tho lol. Still on tablets but hey ho. My outlook now is more "been better but been a lot worse". Read into it a bit and there's some absolutely frightening stats out there bout young Scottish men and how the cope, or don't with mental health.Trying to turn the whole experience into a more positive one now I can look back at it.

 

As well as at work, I take an opportunity to raise it with the under 19s. Its good to talk but sometimes knowing how to start that conversation is the hardest so I try and give them the first sentence so that if any of them hear their  mate say it they kno wot they actually trying to say. Might work, might not but does seem to be well received which gives me a bit hope for the next generation. 

 

Enjoy the sun 

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Escobar PHM

This is the best thread that’s ever been in this forum IMO. I’m willing to bet it’s helped loads of people who read it. It may even have saved someone from the worst outcome depression can bring.  It’s full of honesty and despair and some of it is depressing in itself, but it’s stock full of great advice and good outcomes too. Anyone thinking about contributing and getting whatever help and support they can from this should do it without fear of judgement.  At the very least  it’s a start along the sometimes long journey. Sometimes the journey takes a lifetime or what seems like one but you can get there when you start accepting what you have and taking the steps back to recovery.

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Bindy Badgy
10 hours ago, Escobar PHM said:

This is the best thread that’s ever been in this forum IMO.

 

 

Definitely. I wish I'd read this back when I was dating a girl that has serious issues with depression. It would have enabled me to handle the situation much better and things might have worked out differently for us.

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I agree, this is a really good thread of loads of different levels.

 

I remember reading something ages back, along the lines of 'suffering is the human condition'.  On first reading, it seems pretty depressing but when you really think about it, it's a powerful affirmation that life is often tough, but that we are not alone.  Often, we don't hear about other people's suffering, given the world we live in.  We make inaccurate assumptions about self / others and put crazy amounts of pressure on ourselves.  Anxiety and depression seem like outputs from a life out of balance.  Our culture celebrates drink as a badge when, for many, it's a tragic behaviour to mask suffering.  

 

To TJT, some great advice on this thread and I wish you the best in your journey.  It'll take courage but you are not alone, if you knock on the right doors, you'll see that.  People who understand what you are going through and who have come out the other side can be a great source of support.

 

Also, to StanLaurel, I relate to much of what you posted.  I  worked in an office for 20 years and was miserable for many of them before stepping away two years ago.  I used to look at the behaviour that was rewarded, particularly in Finance and concluded that many were borderline sociopaths.  But to be honest, I learned it wasn't about them, it was about me choosing to be in that environment.  It takes courage to step away when it's what you're used to and it provides a level of financial security but life is genuinely too short.  I got good advice 10 + years ago, 'it just has to be enough'.  You don't need to change everything in one step, allow yourself time, make small changes and you'll see new opportunities appear.  Good luck with the real things that mean something.

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Blackcurrent Jambo

Ive been suffering from severe depression for over 6 months now i describe it as a black sea storm of empyness and hoplessness . I didnt feel anything positive , i was empty, just a shell. I hated being touched, i would pull away when people tried to hug me. At the lowest point i went to garden shed, tied a rope to a beam and put it round my neck. I couldnt bear to live like that any longer feeling nothing, I felt i was just breathing but not living, life was pointless and The only thing that stopped me ending it was i didnt want my family to find me like that.

After that i drifted along, dark days , nights going to bed breaking down hoping not to wake. At one point i spent 3 days in bed. I eventually made an appointment with my doctor. The hardest part was saying it out loud the the words i needed to say " im depressed"  it was out, i sobbed openly, i knew i needed help i told doc i wasnt just going to take antidepressants and be forgotten about. I needed real help. 

 

My Doctor has been amazing, he refferred me to ACAST team at St Johns hospital, ive seen a psychiatrist and am now on 2 types of antidepressants 30mgs mertazapine and 150mgs of setraline. I also kept on working hard as that was and go to gym 3 times a week. I also spoke to my HR dept at work and told them i was suffering mental illness. They sorted me out with councelling too which helped. Im nowhere near out of the woods i still get dark dark days and the thoughts of suicide come and go. The fight goes on i wont let it win. 

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On 5/16/2018 at 14:21, Escobar PHM said:

@TJT 1874

 

Sounds like your guy has 2 huge problems.

 

1. He's an alcoholic. How or why he became one is almost secondary at this stage because he cant fix anything underlying until he's dry. Completely dry and not just cutting back or just doing it at weekends. That's what alcoholics have to do. If he doesn't stop you'll ultimately have to leave the relationship, whether that's now, or next week or next year that's what you'll have to do for the sake of yourself ( you don't say if there are kids involved - if there are the situation is urgent and immediate IMO) Al-Anon is a brilliant organisation specifically for friends and relatives of alcoholics. You should call them.

 

2. He has depression, which he is probably dealing with by drinking constantly. As I said, he cant begin to address the depression whilst he is drinking. Whatever it is causing the root, he needs to get sober and he needs professional counselling. You will probably need to leave the relationship to force that hand as he sounds entrenched and in denial and its going to take a shock of significant proportions to get him to act.

 

3. Your problems with work are very probably being made far worse by the fact that you don't have the safe haven most people have at home, in fact your going from one nightmare situation to another. Most of us who have really stressful jobs are very lucky to have the knowledge that home is safe and comfortable and nice and there is support there. Yours is neither of those things it seems.

 

Youre going to have to take some really hard decisions and stick to them, and youre going to have to do it soon.

 

Good luck with it and please feel free to post here again with updates. There are some really good people hanging about this thread. People who can help and people who have been through it and come out the other side.

 

Thank you so much for your post, and to everyone else who responded. 

 

We've had a bad week, possibly one of the worst we've had. My partner seems to have completely hit self destruct. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...you can see where I am going with this.

 

I was away for a couple of days for work, and when I arrived home yesterday afternoon he was in a terrible state. He broke down and told me just how bad he feels. At the moment he is feeling suicidal. He describes having a black cloud surrounding him, and he thinks I'd be better off without him. He told me he doesn't believe that I could love him because he doesn't deserve my love.

 

It was absolutely shocking to hear but I have to admit I feel so relieved. So relieved that he has finally opened up and had the courage to tell me just how serious it is.

 

I work with victims of severe trauma, so I tried to use my skill set to keep the conversation calm and soft but though I know what to say to my clients, I could not find the words for him. It's a completely different ball game when it's someone so close to you. I gave him general advice about speaking to GP etc but I didn't want to overwhelm him with possible solutions and fixes. I felt he just needed the comfort last night.

 

This morning I can only describe my mood as scared. This may sound selfish, but I am more scared for myself than for him. Does that make me awful? As I said in my previous post I am seriously struggling to cope with my workload and the pressures of my job. Working with victims of trauma is emotionally draining and the room for error is very narrow. I now feel like I have the responsibility of his safety, our relationship and our home on my shoulders. Luckily, we have no children though we had been talking about starting a family...I think that's off the cards now.

 

I just don't know how I am going to deal with all of this. How do I help him without compromising myself? I feel so incredibly lost.

 

 

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Stuart Lyon

TJT 1874 - you need to consider yourself and that doesn't mean you are being selfish. If your home and work life are stressful then it is an unfair burden you are shouldering. Does your work provide you with access to resources that could help you with the stress or is that a no-no from a personal/professional point of view? Is there anyone, family or friend that you can turn to as it is clear to me that you and your partner both need a lot of help and support to start finding a way out of this situation. Not really giving you a lot of advice here but would encourage you to seek help of some sort. Good luck!

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andsoitbegins

My work's approach to Mental Health Week is to email nonsense around about getting plants for your desk and walking a bit more. Conflating general well being with real issues.

 

Nothing on how that won't really help someone who is clinically depressed, nothing about helping men beat the silent killer. Embarrassing.

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Bindy Badgy
4 hours ago, TJT 1874 said:

This may sound selfish, but I am more scared for myself than for him. Does that make me awful? 

 

 

No. Your own well-being comes first. 

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18 hours ago, Blackcurrent Jambo said:

Ive been suffering from severe depression for over 6 months now i describe it as a black sea storm of empyness and hoplessness . I didnt feel anything positive , i was empty, just a shell. I hated being touched, i would pull away when people tried to hug me. At the lowest point i went to garden shed, tied a rope to a beam and put it round my neck. I couldnt bear to live like that any longer feeling nothing, I felt i was just breathing but not living, life was pointless and The only thing that stopped me ending it was i didnt want my family to find me like that.

After that i drifted along, dark days , nights going to bed breaking down hoping not to wake. At one point i spent 3 days in bed. I eventually made an appointment with my doctor. The hardest part was saying it out loud the the words i needed to say " im depressed"  it was out, i sobbed openly, i knew i needed help i told doc i wasnt just going to take antidepressants and be forgotten about. I needed real help. 

 

My Doctor has been amazing, he refferred me to ACAST team at St Johns hospital, ive seen a psychiatrist and am now on 2 types of antidepressants 30mgs mertazapine and 150mgs of setraline. I also kept on working hard as that was and go to gym 3 times a week. I also spoke to my HR dept at work and told them i was suffering mental illness. They sorted me out with councelling too which helped. Im nowhere near out of the woods i still get dark dark days and the thoughts of suicide come and go. The fight goes on i wont let it win. 

 

Stick in, mate.

 

 

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Escobar PHM

@TJT 1874

Sounds to me like you made a little breakthrough in that he finally broke down and starting admitting the state he is in. You did the right thing by just listening calmly but now its time for 'tough love' He's got to take the next step himself. In this situation, because of what you're dealing with yourself, you're not going to be able to help him much.

 

Its quite important IMO that you approach your employer and give them a heads up. Even just informally. If you work in a trauma environment they are duty bound to facilitate help for their staff when things start to overheat. I'm sure you'll be wary of it but there will be someone who gets it. They may have already noticed. You don't need to ask for time off if that's going to impact your long term prospects, just let them know your finding it hard going, maybe even mention that the home life isn't helping. In your line of work they'll have heard it all before and they'll not be surprised someone needs a bit of help.

 

Then you've got to get HIM sorted out and back on the right path. He can only do it himself. People with their own issues cant really help other people in the same boat IMO. This might sound harsh as well, but people who confide suicidal feelings are sometimes doing it for ulterior reasons e.g. "If you leave me I'll kill myself" or " If you cant/wont accept my behaviour and my way of dealing with it I'm going to kill myself" Not saying that's the case here but its a possibility and its very common.

 

You need to get him into medical care (his GP) He needs medication fairly urgently IMO. He might be on it for a long long time ( look around the thread and you'll see that its a long term treatment and for some its a lifetime - (THERE IS NO SHAME IN THIS AND YOU CAN FUNCTION PERFECTLY WELL ONCE YOU GET THE RIGHT MEDICATION AND THE RIGHT DOSAGE) and he, and possibly you, needs to find some counselling. Maybe something you could do together first of all, then he'll know how you're feeling AND DONT HOLD BACK OR SUGAR COAT IT.

 

One thing worth trying is talking again about starting a family. Tell him straight that you'd like to (if that's true) but you both have to be in a better place first. Put a time-frame on it, say a year( not less than that). Tell him exactly what you mean by being in a better place. No drinking or at the very least moderate it. Get help. Work hard at fixing it. That way he realises that you still see a long term happy future and you want to be with him.  YOU DO NEED TO ASK YOURSELF IF YOU REALLY DO FIRST BECAUSE ITS NOT GOING TO BE FIXED IN A FORTNIGHT.

 

Time to take the next wee steps. Again Good luck. Loads of folk on here rooting for you both.

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On 17/05/2018 at 14:12, EH11 said:

I agree, this is a really good thread of loads of different levels.

 

I remember reading something ages back, along the lines of 'suffering is the human condition'.  On first reading, it seems pretty depressing but when you really think about it, it's a powerful affirmation that life is often tough, but that we are not alone.  Often, we don't hear about other people's suffering, given the world we live in.  We make inaccurate assumptions about self / others and put crazy amounts of pressure on ourselves.  Anxiety and depression seem like outputs from a life out of balance.  Our culture celebrates drink as a badge when, for many, it's a tragic behaviour to mask suffering.  

 

To TJT, some great advice on this thread and I wish you the best in your journey.  It'll take courage but you are not alone, if you knock on the right doors, you'll see that.  People who understand what you are going through and who have come out the other side can be a great source of support.

 

Also, to StanLaurel, I relate to much of what you posted.  I  worked in an office for 20 years and was miserable for many of them before stepping away two years ago.  I used to look at the behaviour that was rewarded, particularly in Finance and concluded that many were borderline sociopaths.  But to be honest, I learned it wasn't about them, it was about me choosing to be in that environment.  It takes courage to step away when it's what you're used to and it provides a level of financial security but life is genuinely too short.  I got good advice 10 + years ago, 'it just has to be enough'.  You don't need to change everything in one step, allow yourself time, make small changes and you'll see new opportunities appear.  Good luck with the real things that mean something.

 

 

The bit about stepping away from a job resonates massively with my recent story. Left the forces which was really secure employment, had a fair bulk of savings, and had a job as a commercial gas engineer to look forward to. Unfortunately lost my driving license for a year for something that happened in October 2016 on Wednesday just past and couldnt then work as a gas engineer as you need license. I thought it would have crippled me - but being at home with family is what matters after being away so long. Money can be made in other jobs that aren't as highly paid but so what. 

 

Its ironically made me happier. Because having the case loom over me for a year and half was horrendous. Anxiety and worry is horrible when you carry it for so long. Once it happens the weight is lifted and you know where you stand and can then plan. 

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gashauskis9
On 18/05/2018 at 08:55, andsoitbegins said:

My work's approach to Mental Health Week is to email nonsense around about getting plants for your desk and walking a bit more. Conflating general well being with real issues.

 

Nothing on how that won't really help someone who is clinically depressed, nothing about helping men beat the silent killer. Embarrassing.

Quite a different approach at my work.  Been very impressed by the amount of activity going on, but equally the subtle manner in which it was provided (ie it wasn’t in your face or treated like a fad).

 

Been in daily mindfulness sessions over lunch and it’s been really helpful.

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Captain Canada

Some of the mental health awareness week things we got at work were cringe worthy. There were meaningless events too that allowed the management to show how great they were in trying to help people for 5 days out of the year. 

 

I'm more than ready to walk away from it before it takes an even greater toll. I can't keep pretending day after day, week after week. Having suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time, I can't cope with the things people get angry about at work. A word in an email or number on a spreadsheet means nothing at all in the greater scheme of things. IMO, it's all just futile nonsense. Being able to help people is the only thing that gives me a spark and motivation.  

 

 

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Gorgiewave
28 minutes ago, StanLaurel said:

Some of the mental health awareness week things we got at work were cringe worthy. There were meaningless events too that allowed the management to show how great they were in trying to help people for 5 days out of the year. 

 

I'm more than ready to walk away from it before it takes an even greater toll. I can't keep pretending day after day, week after week. Having suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time, I can't cope with the things people get angry about at work. A word in an email or number on a spreadsheet means nothing at all in the greater scheme of things. IMO, it's all just futile nonsense. Being able to help people is the only thing that gives me a spark and motivation.  

 

 

 

If you can afford to resign, why not do so and allow yourself a while off to relax and enjoy yourself?

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Gorgiewave

Those whose depression is related to their work may find this documentary useful. It's about people who resigned from jobs they found stress, unmanageable or pointless and did something else.

 

 

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Captain Canada
21 minutes ago, Gorgiewave said:

 

If you can afford to resign, why not do so and allow yourself a while off to relax and enjoy yourself?

Thavks for your message. I can't afford to resign unfortunately. I'd love to walk away from it all but I can't for financial reasons at the moment. 

 

I'm more than ready to walk away from it mentally and physically, but I can't unfortunately. 

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Captain Canada
18 minutes ago, Gorgiewave said:

Those whose depression is related to their work may find this documentary useful. It's about people who resigned from jobs they found stress, unmanageable or pointless and did something else.

 

 

Thanks very much for sharing. I'm going to watch this now. 

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Gorgiewave
11 minutes ago, StanLaurel said:

Thanks very much for sharing. I'm going to watch this now. 

 

You're welcome. Good luck with your situation.

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Sydney Devine

Not sure if this has been posted before but this is a great short film that I first saw when I was attending a joint event with SAMH and my work.  Let me know what you think of it.

 

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XiCrniLQGYc" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

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On 11/03/2018 at 20:00, Jeff said:

My anxiety is going through the roof as of late. The only time I properly feel relaxed is when I'm by myself in my own house. If I'm at work, out shopping and even at the football these days I feel light headed, my legs turn to jelly which makes me think I'm losing balance constantly so I have to quickly move to a chair or somewhere where I can lean, I get sweaty as I begin to worry that something really bad is about to happen (even though I feel the same feelings daily, I still worry that this attack is the end), my breathing also goes funny causing me to constantly swallow and jolt for breaths. It's got to a point where I struggle to have a conversation with someone without these feelings coming on even when I know there's nothing to worry about. 

 

As I mentioned above it's beginning to happen daily and I can't even do the simplest of things without it kick starting and that in turn is getting me quite upset as I know I can do these things but I'm doubting myself now and I'm worried about how far this will go. 

 

Tried for a GP appointment and it's constantly full? Can't even get a saturday appointment which is stressing me out further. I know it's not the NHS's fault due to cuts etc but being told to phone every day for an appointment just to be told sorry really is doing my head in

 

Actually close to having enough. Everything the councillor has told me has helped me feel better and its helped me a lot, however everyones behaviour around me makes me lose my cool. I dont lose it with them but i move away from the problem and then just cry to myself or get annoyed at myself. I can fix my own feelings but when anyone that I don't know says or does something stupid I flip and end up getting myself in a proper mess

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12 hours ago, Jeff said:

 

Actually close to having enough. Everything the councillor has told me has helped me feel better and its helped me a lot, however everyones behaviour around me makes me lose my cool. I dont lose it with them but i move away from the problem and then just cry to myself or get annoyed at myself. I can fix my own feelings but when anyone that I don't know says or does something stupid I flip and end up getting myself in a proper mess

 

In better words my anxiety is getting better but my anger is getting worse. Can snap so easily

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On 15/05/2018 at 16:55, TJT 1874 said:

I've created a different account to the one I post on as I would rather keep my identity private.

 

I've been thinking about posting on this thread for a while but I feel so guilty for writing things about my partner. However, I need to get this stuff off my chest and ask if anyone is able to offer me advice or any insight?

 

Personally, I am feeling very stressed and anxious at the moment. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks. I love my job, but my work load is extremely difficult to manage. It's becoming a real strain on me and I can feel it's affecting my personal life, which I hate.

 

That's not what my concern is though. I can just about deal with my own issues, but I am really struggling to handle my partners.

 

I've always thought that my partner drinks too much, but it's now clear that he has a problem. He drinks far too much and far too often. He usually goes for at least one pint after work midweek, more than that if I'm working late or working away which I regularly do. And at the weekends it seems all he wants to do is drink. If I'm not there I know he'll go to either buy beers, or go for beers to drink in the house as soon as he can. He will drink all day until every drop is gone.

 

I always know that when I'm coming home I'm returning to someone who is under the influence of alcohol. And I cannot stand it anymore. He is such a nice guy, and he is so caring and kind. He's not a bad or nasty drunk by any stretch. I've told him time and time again how I feel, and that it needs to stop but he won't. We'll maybe have one good week where he comes home 3/5 days right after work, but then at the weekend it all starts again.

 

What I want to understand is why. He won't acknowledge it's a problem though, or maybe he can't acknowledge it? He has suffered from depression in the past, and I know that before he met me he has had suicidal thoughts but he won't really open up about it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I try to speak to him about it but he won't, so I end up completely losing my temper and have had a few panic attacks. For the sake of peace I have quite often just pretended everything is alright. I'm kidding myself though. I want to help him, but how can I when he won't let me?

 

I feel totally lost and I'm terrified of where to go from here.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

Hiya TJT,

 

I read this post of yours a while back and I wanted to reply sooner, but I was unable to.

 

I hope things have improved since you posted and I hope you think that some of the replies have been helpful. 

 

Just wanted to offer my own opinion to you, and you can take it or leave it depending on how it relates to your own experience.

 

Few of the posters on this thread will be qualified to tell you what to do, but reading some of the replies your post has generated, that is exactly what some are doing. I just urge you to beware the posts that tell you ‘you must do this’ or ‘first thing you need to do is’. Unless they are qualified in mental health treatment, then they are in no more of a position to tell you what is best for you than ‘Dear Deardrie’. They may be giving you good advice or they may not, but you should not take what they say to do as gospel.

 

I would hate for you to act on the unqualified advice of strangers on the internet and your decision turn out to be the wrong one. Your partner suffers from an illness and with the right professional help, perhaps you can both be happy once again? Maybe not, but all I am saying is get proper qualified professional help and make your decisions based on that and your own feelings.

 

I have suffered from mental health issues for most of my life. My father was a violent alcoholic and a domestic abuser. He was bipolar and the drink exacerbated that. My Mum divorced him when I was 14 and after a couple of incidents where he followed me home from school and one time when he came to our new house in the dead of night with paint stripper intending to throw it in our faces if we answered the door, I never saw him or heard from him much until he was diagnosed with throat cancer. He was a 40/60 per day man, and the doctor told him if he stopped, he could make a recovery after they cut it out. He didn’t, he kept on going and it spread to his lungs and then brain. He died in 2010. His behaviour and bullying gave my Mum severe depression and eventually my sister and I developed it too. That was a man who despite suffering from a mental illness needed to be left. If my Mum had not left him, I genuinely think at least one of us would have died at the hands of one of the others. I visited him in the Western oncology unit after work as I worked there for a few years, and then in the Marie Curie until he died. I managed to forgive him when I visited his corpse, and I remember being struck by how small he was in the bed, almost like a child. This big terrifying guy that I was scared of as a child was just this wee shrivelled up body barely making a lump in the covers. My sister only came to see him after he had died. She never forgave him, but she was on the receiving end of much worse than i was as she is four years older. She still has issues because of him today, depression and drink mainly. She also doesn’t and never has been able to understand what a real partner should be. She has made a series of bad relationship choices and it’s a lot to do with her Dad.

 

For my part, I started losing interest in school, and went from being pretty high achieving academically to completely disinterested. I turned to drugs and spent pretty much every weekend and a lot of week days from 16-23 smoking cannabis, doing LSD, magic mushrooms, speed or ecstasy. Towards the end of that period of my life I started doing ching, and that’s when I decided to stop. I met my now wife when I was 21, a couple of days before my 22nd birthday and over the next year I mellowed out a lot. I stopped getting in to fights, I quit the weed, acid, mushies, speed and ching altogether and eventually over a year or so stopped taking ecstasy too. My wife (gf at the time) was a student and she was in to what I considered shite clubs and music. Going to student clubs and bars and drinking alcohol was something I used to be really sniffy about. I was in to house music and drugs. Thing is she does not give a flying **** about what anyone thinks about her and never has. She was just all about having fun and to hell with what anyone thinks about it. I was the most self-conscious person you could ever meet. Within about a year I learned to relax and not give a shit either. Stopped taking drugs and started dancing to shite cheesy music in shite cheesy clubs and drinking instead. Best times of my life at that stage. 

 

After a few years she graduated and I started getting my own career moving in the right direction again. Signed up to Open Uni and started applying for better jobs. We got married and got a place together and my depression wasn’t as bad for a long time and still isn’t. Started getting fat and drinking a bit too much, but not to the sort of degree that I was doing myself damage or an alcoholic. Just got comfortable and lazy really. Three years ago we had a baby and it changed my life again. It’s a new chapter. Had to cut down on drinking in order to help with the wee one, and I started getting pretty philosophical about things. I’m forty next year and my daughter will turn four a week before that. It’s really important to me that I can do all the things with her that a good father should. I decided to no longer go to all the home matches and some away. I went halfers with a mate who had just started going to games again after having a couple of kids himself. So that way I was away at weekends less, and as a consequence not drinking as much either. The important thing though, was the time I now had to spend with my wife and wee lassie. That’s what was most valuable. The thing is though, I probably fitted the description of your partner before she was born, and I managed to change. I am also a really good father and my daughter absolutely adores me. My wife is far from stupid and no matter how much she loves me, she would not tolerate being married to an alcoholic or a bad father to her children. If she had done what some people are suggesting and left me, then my daughter wouldn’t exist and we wouldn’t be a very happy and healthy little family just now.

 

My mental health will always be an issue. It’s not really something that heals in the same way as a physical injury or condition. It’ll always be there, but you need to find the right way to control it. Just over a year ago I was using one of my new found free Saturdays and doing some DIY around the house. It was a lovely sunny afternoon and I was feeling great as far as I was aware. I stopped to take a break and a cup of tea and picked the wee one up and we sat in the big reclining chair and watched a bit of Peppa Pig. Without any trigger that I could put my finger on, I suddenly got a really tight chest and tunnel vision, then the tightness turned in to pain and the same started shooting down my left arm. My breathing got laboured and I started panicking like ****. My wife called an ambulance and they did an ECG. We honestly thought I was having a heart attack. They ruled that out and suggested that the symptoms could be an anxiety/panic attack. I spent the next year up until today trying to deal with this new mental health problem. I went to the doctors, bought books and apps and went online to seek advice. Some things were more helpful than others. I made a rare trip on to the shed in here and read a post from someone who described almost the exact same symptoms as what I was suffering from. Honestly, it was like reading someone else describing what my attacks are like. I was taking SSRIs at the time I think, and although they stopped the attacks, they dulled my senses, gave me horrific nightmares, made me grind my teeth and stopped me sleeping properly. I emailed the guy and we chatted a bit about it and in all honesty that helped a lot. The thing is, the way my anxiety manifests itself, it feels like something much worse than it is, and I have spent the most time over the last year trying to convince myself that it is ‘only’ a panic attack, it will abate, and it is not a heart problem, no matter how much the symptoms feel like it is. I started changing my diet and alcohol consumption a few months ago. That helped a lot. Then I realised I need to add more exercise. I now do a high intensity aerobic work out on the Monday, weights and a 6-7k run on Wednesdays and Thursdays, then circuit training on the Friday. This helped massively. I hadn’t had an attack in months and then suddenly out of the blue last month i had a massive one, worse than the first one i had over a year ago, and I as convinced it was a heart attack. I went to the doctor and she immediately referred me to the Royal Infirmiry. They did an ECG, chest x-ray and blood tests. All came back really good and healthy. I still can’t teally explain how that attack happened, it was most terrifying since I had felt so well for so long. The up side however was that I had a full clean bill of health from the thorough tests that they carried out. There is nothing wrong with my heart, my lungs, liver, kidneys. All a-okay. Since then I’ve been fine again, and I suspect what I have is something they call health anxiety. Your sub-concious is convinced you have a serious or potentially terminal problem and you suppress it until it suddenly takes over and you go in to full on fight or flight mode.

 

I’ve tried most things that the doctors and councillors recommend now. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, SSRIs, breathing exercises and a lot more besides. Nothing is a cure for me, but acceptance of what I’m experiencing and lifestyle changes have bourne the most fruit so far. When I bench press I feel the muscular pain and tightness that I was convincing myself was my heart. When I do the cardio I feel my heart beating strongly in my chest and I can tell that it’s not where I feel the pain. It also retrains my mind somewhat too though, you feel good after exercise and this combats the seratonin issues. I was reading up on SSRIs and how they work recently, and you are supposed to take them for a year or six months because that’s a sufficient length of time for your mind to recognise what ‘normal’ feels like again. I am applying the same principle to my lifestyle changes. I hope that after a long enough period of time my mind will reset itself and recognise my better frame of mind as ‘normal’ and then I’ll hopefully not get the attacks anymore. I got speaking to another poster on here who is a personal trainer and his encouragement and advice has helped greatly too.

 

Sorry that this is really long-winded and a bit anecdotal, but I was reading the thread and I was a little worried that out of desperation you might just follow the instructions of someone who isn’t qualified to tell you what to do. Every case and every mind is different and sometimes the stock response from strangers on the internet is not the right way to go.

 

My advice is not in the form of instructions, and you are free to take it or leave it obviously. That advice would be for you to seek professional help with your own mental health issues and encourage your partner to do the same. Maybe going together to therapy could help too? Even doing other things together might help? Maybe start doing some physical activity together so you can enjoy each other’s company rather than him drinking on his own or with others could help? Maybe none of that will work for the two of you, I don’t know. All I’m recommending is that you speak to your partner and people who are qualified to help with these things before acting, and not just strangers on the internet.

 

Genuinely hope things have or will improve for you. ?

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That’s a wonderfully honest and heartfelt post Bez, with some sound advice.

 

Genuine best wishes to yourself and TJT and her partner. That extends to everyone else who has experienced, personally or through a family member or partner, mental health issues.

 

Good luck. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Matthew Le Tissier

Apologies if this is a bit long winded, but I’ve been needing to vent for a while. 

A few of you on here know me and know that I’m pretty much easily recognisable.

 

I’ve always been classed as the joker or the dafty aka the guy with the smile and cheeky laugh. Unfortunately my depressive thoughts and moods have become more of a regular occurrence.

 

My girlfriend and I are in the midst of moving over to Dunfermline for a new life together etc and aye it should be a happy exciting time, but it’s came with its downfalls. I’ve put in for a transfer to move stores which has fell through, I’ve applied for numerous jobs that have just been consistent rejections and we still haven’t found a place to move into. Thankfully her granny has offered the spare room. 

I know it all sounds rather daft and that, but I’ve just had this nagging feeling that maybe it’s all just not good enough and that giving up on it all seems easier. To top things off I have a 9 year old laddie who is highly autistic and a major risk to himself. Now before I moved out (me and his mum had issues) I seen him on a regular basis unfortunately I’ve not seen him for 6 months now as in his words he doesn’t want to see Dad. Now this breaks my heart and just end up with me wanting to sit in a dark room and greet my eyes out. 

My biggest fear is I end up one day doing something utterly stupid and ending the misery. 

I appreciate anyone that reads this I’ve never been that great with words ❤️

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Finally  got something right said on another thread this is the best thread on JKB. I have not suffered from depression as such,  but have been very depressed on many occasions, life has not all been perfect. I am lucky have a wife with whom I can discuss anything, she has learned of my weaknesses and supervises me well. It is strange but I didn't even know what the word depression meant until I retired. Got totally away from the police environment where you live by the rule real men don't talk of their weaknesses, or problems, but golfing with people none of whom even knew policemen was a whole new experience.  A number of the men in their mid fifties to late sixties were on medication for depression and still had relapses, I don;t know the cause possibly work experiences, possibly with some who were on second marriages, or possibly something they were born with I don't know, I am happy though that it was not one of the things life has seen fit to test me with.

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1 hour ago, Matthew Le Tissier said:

Apologies if this is a bit long winded, but I’ve been needing to vent for a while. 

A few of you on here know me and know that I’m pretty much easily recognisable.

 

I’ve always been classed as the joker or the dafty aka the guy with the smile and cheeky laugh. Unfortunately my depressive thoughts and moods have become more of a regular occurrence.

 

My girlfriend and I are in the midst of moving over to Dunfermline for a new life together etc and aye it should be a happy exciting time, but it’s came with its downfalls. I’ve put in for a transfer to move stores which has fell through, I’ve applied for numerous jobs that have just been consistent rejections and we still haven’t found a place to move into. Thankfully her granny has offered the spare room. 

I know it all sounds rather daft and that, but I’ve just had this nagging feeling that maybe it’s all just not good enough and that giving up on it all seems easier. To top things off I have a 9 year old laddie who is highly autistic and a major risk to himself. Now before I moved out (me and his mum had issues) I seen him on a regular basis unfortunately I’ve not seen him for 6 months now as in his words he doesn’t want to see Dad. Now this breaks my heart and just end up with me wanting to sit in a dark room and greet my eyes out. 

My biggest fear is I end up one day doing something utterly stupid and ending the misery. 

I appreciate anyone that reads this I’ve never been that great with words ❤️

 

Certainly a difficult time, had my own, came to Canada full of hope and promises which as early as arrival at the airport were dashed. Never got so bad that I had any serious thoughts of doing myself injury, probably more stupid |I thought if nothing else works I will go and join the American army, this was during the Vietnam days. Things got better, and better and became excellent unfortunately you cannot see into the future, but at some time things cannot get any worse so the only other way is better, When I was down I couldn,t see Bob's life today, but they came and if you want them and work toward them they will, the greatest pleasure in adversity is to face it and beat it, no better feeling than giving the bad times the finger.

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Talking to a trained therapist who could listen objectively, assist with gaining perspective, discuss coping strategies and help me understand about the importance of living in the moment.

 

Reading books and internet forums to get insight into other peoples experiences and how they deal with certain situations.

(Don't sweat the small stuff... by Richard Carlson is an easy read and helps with perspective)

 

Reluctantly to begin with was prescribed anti-depressants by GP - this along with the therapy was life changing... helped to calm my mind and enabled me to think clearly and rationally.

 

Started running at first 1 mile every day and now do at least 15k a week which might not seem like a lot for some but running has really helped with my confidence and morale.

(I recommend the Nike running app which has lots of 'coached' run's focusing on mindfulness etc)

 

Opened up about how i was feeling to family and friends which in turn brought huge relief and support.

 

Started to write a journal of sorts - e.g. when negative thoughts were racing around my head at night stopping me from sleeping, i had a notebook beside the bed that i used to release these thoughts.

 

I try now to make swifter decisions and don't tend to procrastinate as much as i used too. Decide what i think is best, deal with the problem and move on to something else.

 

I now drink less alcohol.

 

Removed toxic / negative people from my life.

 

Listen to more music especially when alone - created playlists of music that reminds me of good times, loved ones, holidays etc and got some Bluetooth headphones. So when i used to find it hard to get off the sofa or out of bed i now put my headphones on and cut the grass or paint the fence or go for a run or wash the car or tidy the garage or go for a walk or water the plants. Music has been just as important as he anti-depressants and therapy for me.

 

Godspeed!

 

 

Edited by jambo_
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9 hours ago, Matthew Le Tissier said:

Apologies if this is a bit long winded, but I’ve been needing to vent for a while. 

A few of you on here know me and know that I’m pretty much easily recognisable.

 

I’ve always been classed as the joker or the dafty aka the guy with the smile and cheeky laugh. Unfortunately my depressive thoughts and moods have become more of a regular occurrence.

 

My girlfriend and I are in the midst of moving over to Dunfermline for a new life together etc and aye it should be a happy exciting time, but it’s came with its downfalls. I’ve put in for a transfer to move stores which has fell through, I’ve applied for numerous jobs that have just been consistent rejections and we still haven’t found a place to move into. Thankfully her granny has offered the spare room. 

I know it all sounds rather daft and that, but I’ve just had this nagging feeling that maybe it’s all just not good enough and that giving up on it all seems easier. To top things off I have a 9 year old laddie who is highly autistic and a major risk to himself. Now before I moved out (me and his mum had issues) I seen him on a regular basis unfortunately I’ve not seen him for 6 months now as in his words he doesn’t want to see Dad. Now this breaks my heart and just end up with me wanting to sit in a dark room and greet my eyes out. 

My biggest fear is I end up one day doing something utterly stupid and ending the misery. 

I appreciate anyone that reads this I’ve never been that great with words ❤️

Hi.  There is nothing wrong with you matt. Lives circumstances have justifiably got you feeling the way you do.  Don't give yourself a hard time if life is already doing it for you. Your fine. Life is just not being very good to you just now. The best way out is thought mate. ( sorry for the cliché). Bid your time and all the shit you're going through will evaporate.  The best advice someone gave me when I am feeling like you is slow down. Really slow down and it'll take care of itself. Do noet feel embarrassed if you need something just now to get you through this. A lot of people have a fear of medication when it comes to mental health problems. If you had a sore leg you would take something so you could walk again. Why not take something for a sore mind. Short term, medication can help you focus again and help you find the answers. You'll be fine mate. Just take all the help that is available again. I know people moan about the services when it comes to mental health issues.  I think the biggest thing is the time it can take to get help.  But the support that is available in Scotland is first class.  There is help for everything when it comes to mental health. Its just the waiting. April, may and June are the months when there are most suicides.  Don't know what it is but maybe there is something in the air just now. Speak to everybody you trust Matt and you'll be amazed at how supportive people are. You'll get there mate!  Though supporting Southampton may have some sort if impact on how your feeling in life. A wee cup win will cure you. That or support another team...

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One of the best bits of advice on this thread has just been posted by Bez. Beware of amateur experts. In this field they are everywhere.  Listen to advice but go to the professionals. Jambo made a cracking point as well. Remove the toxic people from your life. Not as easy as it sounds though.  Just don't let them elevate their relevance in your life.  

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Governor Tarkin
33 minutes ago, Elmore said:

One of the best bits of advice on this thread has just been posted by Bez. Beware of amateur experts. In this field they are everywhere.  Listen to advice but go to the professionals. Jambo made a cracking point as well. Remove the toxic people from your life. Not as easy as it sounds though.  Just don't let them elevate their relevance in your life.  

 

All of this.

And never underestimate the power of music as a therapy.

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2 minutes ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

All of this.

And never underestimate the power of music as a therapy.

Also anything that brings yourself out of yourself. Movies books etc.  Anything that gives your mind a break for a while. 

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Changed my username because I want to keep this anonymous. 

 

I took an overdose the other day there and ended up getting taken to A&E. 

 

I left A&E feeling quite shit and generally still depressed and left to probably just just have a better shot of what I failed at the first time around. 

 

If help was offered, I'd probably have taken it as I made it clear how I feel about life and I don't want to carry on living the way that I am. 

 

Everything I try I fail at, I have no friends, very little family who make an effort to even ask how I am never mind visit, I have a shit job with no future prospects, money is tight etc... 

 

I have so few people in my life that you could hold my funeral in a phone box and still have some room left. 

 

Over and out. 

 

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Robbo-Jambo
44 minutes ago, HiddenName said:

Changed my username because I want to keep this anonymous. 

 

I took an overdose the other day there and ended up getting taken to A&E. 

 

I left A&E feeling quite shit and generally still depressed and left to probably just just have a better shot of what I failed at the first time around. 

 

If help was offered, I'd probably have taken it as I made it clear how I feel about life and I don't want to carry on living the way that I am. 

 

Everything I try I fail at, I have no friends, very little family who make an effort to even ask how I am never mind visit, I have a shit job with no future prospects, money is tight etc... 

 

I have so few people in my life that you could hold my funeral in a phone box and still have some room left. 

 

Over and out. 

 

Bloody pathetic that no offer of help was made after such a desperate measure.

 

Sad, sad state of affairs.

 

Hope things start to improve for you, maybe a visit to your GP as a first step if you have not already been down that line.

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tokyowalnut
1 hour ago, HiddenName said:

Changed my username because I want to keep this anonymous. 

 

I took an overdose the other day there and ended up getting taken to A&E. 

 

I left A&E feeling quite shit and generally still depressed and left to probably just just have a better shot of what I failed at the first time around. 

 

If help was offered, I'd probably have taken it as I made it clear how I feel about life and I don't want to carry on living the way that I am. 

 

Everything I try I fail at, I have no friends, very little family who make an effort to even ask how I am never mind visit, I have a shit job with no future prospects, money is tight etc... 

 

I have so few people in my life that you could hold my funeral in a phone box and still have some room left. 

 

Over and out. 

 

I'm sorry to hear this. Id advise speaking to your GP asap.

 

Can you change job?

Hobbies?

A new one you can take up?

 

I know it doesn't feel it just now, but life doesn't have to be rubbish. It can be pretty good. Coming onto this thread is a good move, lots of good advice and chat.

 

I walked out if a&e after taking an overdose last February and it took 12 weeks for a referral to come through to speak to someone. But, you have to speak to someone. I actually, in the past hour, have been to see my doctor to be referred again because I'm having a wobble. 

 

Won't feel like it just now, but you can get through this.

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Салатные палочки
2 hours ago, HiddenName said:

Changed my username because I want to keep this anonymous. 

 

I took an overdose the other day there and ended up getting taken to A&E. 

 

I left A&E feeling quite shit and generally still depressed and left to probably just just have a better shot of what I failed at the first time around. 

 

If help was offered, I'd probably have taken it as I made it clear how I feel about life and I don't want to carry on living the way that I am. 

 

Everything I try I fail at, I have no friends, very little family who make an effort to even ask how I am never mind visit, I have a shit job with no future prospects, money is tight etc... 

 

I have so few people in my life that you could hold my funeral in a phone box and still have some room left. 

 

Over and out. 

 

 

Speaking to your GP is definitely the best advice.  Are you open to anti-depressants?  I know there is a stigma around them and not everyone is keen to be medicated but I was at a very low point around four years ago and I was put on fluoxetine.  I can honestly say that it helped to lift that black cloud that was hovering over me.  If you feel over-sedated, you can go back to your GP and they will try out another medication.  It's important though not to rely fully on them to help you, you need to change some things in your life as well.  I had to seriously curb my drinking/drug taking, move out my flat (it was getting me into debt) and eventually split up with my ex, who was a terrible influence on my life and mood.  

 

How long have you felt like this?  Did you have many friends before you felt like this.  Sometimes friends and family can distance themselves from someone who is depressed as they really don't know how to deal with it.  Many times I wanted to open up to my parents but they wouldn't have been much help.  Instead I opened up to a counsellor and it was one of the best things I have done.  

 

As mentioned above, having a hobby or a keen interest in something is important.  Perhaps you could rekindle an interest in something you lost interest in over there years due to how you feel.  Even a night class to get you out the house and engaged in something with other people would help your mood.  It would certainly keep your mind off things.  

 

Mental health services are stretched and the waiting times can be really long but that's not to say the help isn't out there.  I would check with your work to see if there is an employee counselling service available you could access?  I looked into ones through my GP and waited ages, my boss, who was very understanding thankfully, suggested that and it was a great help.  

 

Life doesn't need to be that bad and there is help out there but you also need to help yourself.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and although you feel at your lowest right now, it won't always be like this as many on here would tell you.  

 

Keep the chin up for now and get things in motion.  The kickback crowd are more helpful than you would think and I am sure this thread has been a big help to those who have posted/read it over the years.  

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Life is like a three round boxing match, the first round you and your opponent are feeling each other out.

 

In the second round your opponent, life, has felt you out, knows how you think your weaknesses and your strengths. Like a smart opponent it will focus on your weaknesses and ignore and push aside your strengths. You have two choices take a dive or take a deep breath and get ready for the third round.

 

Now your opponent has pissed you off, he has identified your weaknesses, and ignored your strengths. This is when you say enough, you lead with your best punches, you refuse to let him intimidate you, and you fight back, that is one weakness life has, desire to carry on can beat the challenges, your tired but you have to take deep breaths, start punching back, and funny enough your opponent, life, will respect that,and what is really important you will gain a new respect also.

 

Professional help is an essential, there are groups, activists of a sort who have faced the problems, check the yellow pages in the phone book help is available, believe in yourself and be strong.

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