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Dagger Is Back
2 hours ago, SwindonJambo said:

Dagger just happens to be a friend of mine. Chin up buddy. You’re one of the best and you need to know that.  I am similarly afflicted although everyone’s story is different. Here’s mine.

 

Back in November 1989, I had a job in a bank I hated. I was also very cut off socially at the time. Just 22, life seemed pointless and I was listless and devoid of enthusiasm or energy. I struggled to haul my arse out of bed in the morning and I still do. I used to beat myself up over the slightest thing and I wanted to be gone. However, I had a couple of grand in the bank and I thought “I couldn’t take it with me”. So one morning, after being dropped off for work, I thought, “Screw this”. I didn’t show up. Instead I walked to Swindon Station and got a train to London. I walked from Paddington to Euston and bought a hold-all, some clothes and toiletries (all I had was my bank uniform). I then got a sleeper train to Edinburgh and went round to see my mate from Belfast (still a close mate today), in his final year at Edinburgh Uni and we had a couple of nights out with me crashing on his floor. I didn’t tell him I was ‘on the run’. On Saturday I went down to Haymarket hoping to catch a Hearts bus with empty seats as many supporters clubs used to stop there to pick up loose fans. Musselburgh SC called, the distinguished Mixed Race Guy with the dreadlocks welcomed me aboard and off we went to Tannadice to watch the exciting front 3 of Robbo, Colquhoun and Crabbe take a half time lead. We had 4-5,000 up there and it gave me such a great feeling to be standing among the fans again and enjoying the banter. After dominating and going 1 up we inexplicably lost to a Bowman raker and a last minute breakaway goal by the fat Finn. That sent me on a downer again so I went to the chippy. But shock, horror, the bus left without me so I was stranded in Dundee in the clothes I stood up in and my hold-all and contents off to Musselburgh .

 

I walked to Dundee City Centre through some dog rough areas, booked into a B& B and finally got my stuff back from Musselburgh on Monday night after I tracked them down. On Tuesday I went to Aberdeen then spent the next fortnight criss crossing Scotland on trains on a reckless and unscripted tour. I must have covered nearly every mile of the Scotrail network. I was in Inverness, Thurso, Glasgow, Stranraer, Ayr, Fort William, Oban, Skye, Kyle of Lochalsh, Fort William, Mallaig, Helensburgh, Largs - you name it, I was there. It was also November/December, pretty chilly and days were short. I mostly stayed in B&Bs but I travelled on overnight trains  a couple of times and in Oban I stayed with some weirdo I met in a pub there while watching the 1990 World Cup Draw. I had no regard for my own dignity or safety. In Skye, I sat next to a burn in the arse end of nowhere (Broadford?)and drank 5 cans of lager. I later caught a bus to Uig and had to plead with the driver to let me off for a pee.

 

My last night in Scotland was in Largs where I stayed in a yucky seafront hotel. I went to an offie, bought a bottle of Drambuie and planned to gulp it all down and drink myself to oblivion. In the event I had 2 glasses and fell asleep ?The next day it was more silly travels via Greenock, Glasgow,dinner in Dundee and ending up at the pub at Waverley where I got chatting to a young Pompey based sailor who was a fellow Jambo. We boarded the overnight seated train to London and I drank the rest of my Drambuie and fell asleep. Most of the other passengers on our carriage left when we boarded and I got my bottle out.  A while later I was woken up by being shaken and found myself surrounded by cops. I was chained up, taken off the train, frogmarched along the platform past all the other carriages and  transported to Carlisle nick in the paddy wagon , relieved of my luggage, shoelaces, belt and pocket contents and locked in a cell for my 1st and hopefully last stay at Her Majesty’s pleasure. In fairness to Cumbria Constabulary’s finest, they were very good to me, let me off with a caution for ‘Drunk and Incapable’ and said I’d been arrested for my own safety. I also found out that the train made an unscheduled stop there so that I could be removed.

 

Luckily for me, the train had left Waverley a bit late and the guard’s stamp was after midnight so I carried on to Euston  on the same ticket. I had a honking hangover and walked down to the Thames, feeling puiky. After some nosh I went to One of Peter Stringfellow’s seedy overpriced nightclubs in Leicester Square and watched some crap band until 3am and spent the rest of the night roughing it at Euston. After walking around London for a few hours, I realised I’d been on the road for 3 weeks and though still depressed, I knew there was nothing wrong with my spirit of adventure and I didn’t want to die.  So I finally plucked up the courage to phone home, expecting to face the music for putting them through worry. I got the train back West shortly after and had the big emotional family reunion. My dad had come to Scotland to look for me and found my mate in Edinburgh I’d stayed with. He was also in daily contact with the bank because they could see where I’d been drawing cash on their network.

 

I went to the doc the next day and was put on meds and signed off until mid March as I recovered my confidence and enthusiasm, with a fair few ups, downs and soul searching.. And this was 30 years ago, a time when mental health issues were far less recognised than they are today and frequently dismissed as made up by many.

 

So an irresponsible and reckless adventure in which I blew nearly a grand - a lot of cash 30 years ago. In a way I think it saved me. If I didn’t have that cash in the bank to waste, the outcome may very well have been different. 

 

I’ve had a few more bouts of depression since then, some with a week or 2 off work and meds but nothing too major since about 2007 because I’ve learnt to live with it. It’s certainly made me a shadow of what I once looked like I could be in life (I was highly academic but very shy at School but it all fell off a cliff when I got to Uni (as yet undiagnosed depression a likely cause) but I’m not even bothered about that. I have a large-ish 2 bed flat in a nice village in Oxfordshire debt free and I can travel off and do stuff whenever leave and opportunity permits, though I’m far from wealthy - it’s all done on the cheap. I drive a 25 year old car, care nothing for the finer things in life, usually staying with friends or in hostel dorms when I travel and generally don’t give the slightest toss for material goods and flashiness. I can’t stand aloof, pretentious, self aggrandising or big headed people. Or bullies, people who constantly put others down or other arseholish behaviours.  I have a strong sense of self acceptance.  Be grateful for what you do have (but of course strive for better if you can) and don’t beat yourself up for what you don’t have or haven’t achieved. I used to feel sad about having no wife or kids but no longer. I see the positives in complete freedom now. Those of you bringing up children have my utmost respect. Parenting is probably the hardest it’s ever been in our social media driven World. Try to avoid looking back and wish you had done things differently. I used to be the World’s worst for it and have luckily left it far behind.

 

If you are depressed then try to stay active and give yourself things to look forward to. Emphasise the positive. Most people are pretty decent and you are almost certainly  one of them. You deserve to be happy.

 

Change what can be changed. If something can’t be changed, accept it, embrace it and learn to live with it. Self acceptance. 

 

The media is always bombarding us with airbrushed images of perfection - big houses, flash cars, big wealth and very good looking people, all far from reality and beyond the reach of 99% of us. It really isn’t helpful.  Shrug your shoulders and walk on by. It’s all superficial bollocks.

 

 

Wow. I don't know what to say or where to start.

 

I've known you for 6 years SJ, we've had good long chats usually over a beer or two but I'm still taken aback with your story. Like a swan sitting on the water SJ. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thank you too for the words which, and you know my personal situation far better than most, really hit the mark. I can totally see now, why traipsing around Europe gig hopping, is something you take very much in your stride.

 

Looking forward to a beer or three in February. Cheers buddy

 

As El Diez says, respect!

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Morgan
2 hours ago, El Diez said:

 

Without doubt, one of the best posts I’ve ever read on here.

 

Respect mate, respect. ✊? 

This.

 

That is all that requires to be said in answer to the post you quoted. 

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chester copperpot

I really really enjoyed reading Swindon's post.

 

I have always thought about doing similar however I am too much of a shitebag to do so. Kudos for having the balls to do this.

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J Cheever Loophole

Reading this thread has just underlined the fact that I’m not the only one to go through dark times.

As I mentioned on another thread I lost my Dad then my wife within a few months last year, it’s going to be hard folk kept telling me, I’ll be fine, I kept telling them.

Well I was kidding myself on, espescially when the Christmas cards were coming through the door without my wife’s name on them, I was in bits and I started putting them straight in the bin without opening them!

I’ve had trouble sleeping for months and I get 10 sleeping pills a month to take 1 when I really need a sleep. Before Christmas I was at the Doctors for more so she asked the usual questions, how do you feel, have you ever thought of harming yourself etc..

Then she asked me something that floored me, she asked if I had anything to look forward to, It dawned on me apart from the football I don’t have anything really!

Don’t worry, I’m too much of a coward to do something daft, I might be this low because it was my wife’s birthday yesterday, that and the fact I spent last week on the couch with the lurgy and this week in my bed with a chest infection and the antibiotics are knocking **** out of me!

As I said at the start this thread has been an eye opener for me, posts from the best and well respected posters on KB.

 

Thank you, JCL

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AlphonseCapone
23 minutes ago, J Cheever Loophole said:

Reading this thread has just underlined the fact that I’m not the only one to go through dark times.

As I mentioned on another thread I lost my Dad then my wife within a few months last year, it’s going to be hard folk kept telling me, I’ll be fine, I kept telling them.

Well I was kidding myself on, espescially when the Christmas cards were coming through the door without my wife’s name on them, I was in bits and I started putting them straight in the bin without opening them!

I’ve had trouble sleeping for months and I get 10 sleeping pills a month to take 1 when I really need a sleep. Before Christmas I was at the Doctors for more so she asked the usual questions, how do you feel, have you ever thought of harming yourself etc..

Then she asked me something that floored me, she asked if I had anything to look forward to, It dawned on me apart from the football I don’t have anything really!

Don’t worry, I’m too much of a coward to do something daft, I might be this low because it was my wife’s birthday yesterday, that and the fact I spent last week on the couch with the lurgy and this week in my bed with a chest infection and the antibiotics are knocking **** out of me!

As I said at the start this thread has been an eye opener for me, posts from the best and well respected posters on KB.

 

Thank you, JCL

 

Keep the head up mate. 

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chester copperpot
48 minutes ago, J Cheever Loophole said:

Reading this thread has just underlined the fact that I’m not the only one to go through dark times.

As I mentioned on another thread I lost my Dad then my wife within a few months last year, it’s going to be hard folk kept telling me, I’ll be fine, I kept telling them.

Well I was kidding myself on, espescially when the Christmas cards were coming through the door without my wife’s name on them, I was in bits and I started putting them straight in the bin without opening them!

I’ve had trouble sleeping for months and I get 10 sleeping pills a month to take 1 when I really need a sleep. Before Christmas I was at the Doctors for more so she asked the usual questions, how do you feel, have you ever thought of harming yourself etc..

Then she asked me something that floored me, she asked if I had anything to look forward to, It dawned on me apart from the football I don’t have anything really!

Don’t worry, I’m too much of a coward to do something daft, I might be this low because it was my wife’s birthday yesterday, that and the fact I spent last week on the couch with the lurgy and this week in my bed with a chest infection and the antibiotics are knocking **** out of me!

As I said at the start this thread has been an eye opener for me, posts from the best and well respected posters on KB.

 

Thank you, JCL

 

 

 

Sorry to hear about all that stuff mate. 

 

I still get periods of it and my life is nothing short of amazing just now.

 

If you need a wee chat via PM, my inbox is always available.

 

Cheers

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Dagger Is Back
47 minutes ago, J Cheever Loophole said:

Reading this thread has just underlined the fact that I’m not the only one to go through dark times.

As I mentioned on another thread I lost my Dad then my wife within a few months last year, it’s going to be hard folk kept telling me, I’ll be fine, I kept telling them.

Well I was kidding myself on, espescially when the Christmas cards were coming through the door without my wife’s name on them, I was in bits and I started putting them straight in the bin without opening them!

I’ve had trouble sleeping for months and I get 10 sleeping pills a month to take 1 when I really need a sleep. Before Christmas I was at the Doctors for more so she asked the usual questions, how do you feel, have you ever thought of harming yourself etc..

Then she asked me something that floored me, she asked if I had anything to look forward to, It dawned on me apart from the football I don’t have anything really!

Don’t worry, I’m too much of a coward to do something daft, I might be this low because it was my wife’s birthday yesterday, that and the fact I spent last week on the couch with the lurgy and this week in my bed with a chest infection and the antibiotics are knocking **** out of me!

As I said at the start this thread has been an eye opener for me, posts from the best and well respected posters on KB.

 

Thank you, JCL

 

As many have said on here, sharing is a huge step to take and a very important one.

 

My heart goes out to you and all I can say is speak to a professional. They’ll help you with your feelings and support you.

 

Look after yourself in all respects and remember there’s a big support network here for you 

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SwindonJambo
28 minutes ago, chester copperpot said:

I really really enjoyed reading Swindon's post.

 

I have always thought about doing similar however I am too much of a shitebag to do so. Kudos for having the balls to do this.

 

2 hours ago, Dagger Is Back said:

 

Wow. I don't know what to say or where to start.

 

I've known you for 6 years SJ, we've had good long chats usually over a beer or two but I'm still taken aback with your story. Like a swan sitting on the water SJ. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thank you too for the words which, and you know my personal situation far better than most, really hit the mark. I can totally see now, why traipsing around Europe gig hopping, is something you take very much in your stride.

 

Looking forward to a beer or three in February. Cheers buddy

 

As El Diez says, respect!

 

3 hours ago, El Diez said:

 

Without doubt, one of the best posts I’ve ever read on here.

 

Respect mate, respect. ✊? 

 

3 hours ago, Morgan said:

@SwindonJambo Wow!  What a read that was.

 

Full marks to you for putting it on here and similarly for what you did.

 

I wish you nothing but the very best man, nothing but the best.

 

Morgan

 

 

4 hours ago, Irufushi said:

 

Really enjoyed reading that , swindonjambo. All the best to you . 

 

Wow! Many thanks to you all - I'm quite overwhelmed. Yes it was a wacky, crazy time. I'd previously had 18 months of utterly forgetible dullness and I followed it up with 3 weeks of eventful hair raising adventures. At absolutely no time was I or have I ever been in psychosis. I was quite organised about my recklessness, contradictory as that may seem.

 

I'd moved South with my family aged 14 in 1981 and it was the 1st time I'd ever explored Scotland as an adult. Moving South at such a difficult age screwed me up a lot. I got picked on and ridiculed at school for my strong Lanarkshire accent  ( which I STILL haven't lost) so I withdrew into myself and threw myself hammer and tong into my schoolwork. A hard drinking, bullying,  uncommunicative but professionally successful father wasn't much help either.  He grew up on a tough council scheme in Blantyre and was and is an arse. The last time I saw him, 4 months ago, he called me illiterate so I left the house immediately. He lives a mile away and I haven't been back. He had a good career, is quite well  off, has 4 grandchildren yet He's an angry, abusive and bitter old shit, sucking all the energy out of the room. Why my mum puts up with it is the 8th wonder.

 

 I did very well at school but my social skills were woeful and when I arrived in Edinburgh for Uni 4 years later, easily getting my grades, I was completely burnt out with no gas left in the tank and never really got into the Uni lifestyle due to said poor social skills. I also had a cruel teacher down here who took a dislike to my irreverence towards poshness and Academica and advised against my obvious calling in life (Maths. I was top of the year). I do however have about 5 or 6 friends from then I'm still in regular contact with. I also became a Jambo after one game in Fresher's week, something I'll never regret. It was and is a great switch off from the daily grind.

 

So I guess my reckless grand tour of Scotland was a culmination of all of the above. My head just exploded and I needed an adventure.

 

Everyone in this World has a story to tell, some quite shocking and plenty 100 times worse than mine.

 

I've just listened to a great programme on Radio 5 about low mood and depression, a societal problem which is at its very worst in the immediate aftermath of Christmas & New Year. The key phrase which kept coming up was Self Acceptance. 

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SwindonJambo
1 hour ago, J Cheever Loophole said:

Reading this thread has just underlined the fact that I’m not the only one to go through dark times.

As I mentioned on another thread I lost my Dad then my wife within a few months last year, it’s going to be hard folk kept telling me, I’ll be fine, I kept telling them.

Well I was kidding myself on, espescially when the Christmas cards were coming through the door without my wife’s name on them, I was in bits and I started putting them straight in the bin without opening them!

I’ve had trouble sleeping for months and I get 10 sleeping pills a month to take 1 when I really need a sleep. Before Christmas I was at the Doctors for more so she asked the usual questions, how do you feel, have you ever thought of harming yourself etc..

Then she asked me something that floored me, she asked if I had anything to look forward to, It dawned on me apart from the football I don’t have anything really!

Don’t worry, I’m too much of a coward to do something daft, I might be this low because it was my wife’s birthday yesterday, that and the fact I spent last week on the couch with the lurgy and this week in my bed with a chest infection and the antibiotics are knocking **** out of me!

As I said at the start this thread has been an eye opener for me, posts from the best and well respected posters on KB.

 

Thank you, JCL

Blimey, you've been dealt a bad hand there. My heart goes out to you mate. Grief, especially a double dose of it is a tough one.

 

Your Doctor's spot on. Book yourself something ahead to look forward to, however small. Very important. Stay active and get company when you can. Going to the football's a good one but you need to do one off different stuff too.

 

Good luck.

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gashauskis9
18 hours ago, SwindonJambo said:

 

 

 

 

 

Wow! Many thanks to you all - I'm quite overwhelmed. Yes it was a wacky, crazy time. I'd previously had 18 months of utterly forgetible dullness and I followed it up with 3 weeks of eventful hair raising adventures. At absolutely no time was I or have I ever been in psychosis. I was quite organised about my recklessness, contradictory as that may seem.

 

I'd moved South with my family aged 14 in 1981 and it was the 1st time I'd ever explored Scotland as an adult. Moving South at such a difficult age screwed me up a lot. I got picked on and ridiculed at school for my strong Lanarkshire accent  ( which I STILL haven't lost) so I withdrew into myself and threw myself hammer and tong into my schoolwork. A hard drinking, bullying,  uncommunicative but professionally successful father wasn't much help either.  He grew up on a tough council scheme in Blantyre and was and is an arse. The last time I saw him, 4 months ago, he called me illiterate so I left the house immediately. He lives a mile away and I haven't been back. He had a good career, is quite well  off, has 4 grandchildren yet He's an angry, abusive and bitter old shit, sucking all the energy out of the room. Why my mum puts up with it is the 8th wonder.

 

 I did very well at school but my social skills were woeful and when I arrived in Edinburgh for Uni 4 years later, easily getting my grades, I was completely burnt out with no gas left in the tank and never really got into the Uni lifestyle due to said poor social skills. I also had a cruel teacher down here who took a dislike to my irreverence towards poshness and Academica and advised against my obvious calling in life (Maths. I was top of the year). I do however have about 5 or 6 friends from then I'm still in regular contact with. I also became a Jambo after one game in Fresher's week, something I'll never regret. It was and is a great switch off from the daily grind.

 

So I guess my reckless grand tour of Scotland was a culmination of all of the above. My head just exploded and I needed an adventure.

 

Everyone in this World has a story to tell, some quite shocking and plenty 100 times worse than mine.

 

I've just listened to a great programme on Radio 5 about low mood and depression, a societal problem which is at its very worst in the immediate aftermath of Christmas & New Year. The key phrase which kept coming up was Self Acceptance. 

You’re spot on about self acceptance.  I’m almost there with it, it’s tough in a world of social media and “look at me, look at my life” surroundings.  The key isn’t just self acceptance, it’s also surrounding yourself with people who have self acceptance as well.

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SwindonJambo
36 minutes ago, Gashauskis9 said:

You’re spot on about self acceptance.  I’m almost there with it, it’s tough in a world of social media and “look at me, look at my life” surroundings.  The key isn’t just self acceptance, it’s also surrounding yourself with people who have self acceptance as well.

Your last point is a very good one i.e. surrounding yourself with others with self acceptance.

 

The 'look at me and my life' social  media show off culture has a lot to answer for. So too glossy marketing and soap operas full of good looking, toned and expensively dressed young people. Hardly a representative cross section of society. I just shake my head and say 'bollocks' to it.

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davemclaren

Thought this might be helpful on this thread. 

 

 

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Jambomuzz

So I think my girlfriend has ended our relationship, due to some depression she is dealing with, how do I go about saving the relationship and supporting her through the difficult time? 

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Tommi smells blood
1 hour ago, Jambomuzz said:

So I think my girlfriend has ended our relationship, due to some depression she is dealing with, how do I go about saving the relationship and supporting her through the difficult time? 

Sorry to hear that, best thing you can do (IMO) is give her the space she is looking for but reassure her you are there for support anytime/anyplace and when she asks drop everything to help her.

 

Its a scenario that’s horrible and you have my empathy as it’s hard, make sure she knows you love her and there’s no pressure from you and hopefully it works out for you! All the best mate

Edited by Tommi smells blood

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Ray Gin
1 hour ago, Jambomuzz said:

So I think my girlfriend has ended our relationship, due to some depression she is dealing with, how do I go about saving the relationship and supporting her through the difficult time? 

 

If you're sure that's the cause, just try and be understanding and tell her that you respect her decision and that her mental health needs to come first and you still want to be there for her whenever she needs someone to talk to. If she isn't already getting professional help, encourage her to do so. Don't question her about your relationship or pressure her about getting back together at any point. If that really was the cause of the break-up, I'm sure once she gets better you'll end up back together eventually.

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Col1874

I remember way back when I was on here saying how I wanted to end my life for whatever reason and I couldn't see any way forward. 

 

After feeling hopeless and generally just 'down' regularly since 2012, It's amazing how things can turn around, despite my diagnosis of Borderline/Avoidant Personality Disorder (which isn't really something which can be fixed as such, just needs to be managed)

 

In 2016 and last year I spent time in the Royal Ed, purely for my own safety,so things were quite bad. 

 

Recently though, I bought myself a mountain bike and I've been going out regularly, down the water of Leith walkway, round the pentlands, anywhere really. 

 

The bike has given me a huge mental boost - which proves the theory of exercise being good for mental health. 

 

For anyone reading this thread feeling like the world is on top of you, just remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel is. Its taken 7 years for me to actually feel like I have something I enjoy doing, but if I had just listened to the professionals, I could have been back to my normal self a lot quicker.

 

Go for walks, swim, or even take up mountain biking like I did and I guarantee you, you'll feel a lot better for doing it. 

 

I unfortunately know that with my condition, I'm highly likely to relapse, but for now, things are great, summer is coming and I can't wait to get out for my next cycle :)

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Taffin
35 minutes ago, Col1874 said:

I remember way back when I was on here saying how I wanted to end my life for whatever reason and I couldn't see any way forward. 

 

After feeling hopeless and generally just 'down' regularly since 2012, It's amazing how things can turn around, despite my diagnosis of Borderline/Avoidant Personality Disorder (which isn't really something which can be fixed as such, just needs to be managed)

 

In 2016 and last year I spent time in the Royal Ed, purely for my own safety,so things were quite bad. 

 

Recently though, I bought myself a mountain bike and I've been going out regularly, down the water of Leith walkway, round the pentlands, anywhere really. 

 

The bike has given me a huge mental boost - which proves the theory of exercise being good for mental health. 

 

For anyone reading this thread feeling like the world is on top of you, just remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long that tunnel is. Its taken 7 years for me to actually feel like I have something I enjoy doing, but if I had just listened to the professionals, I could have been back to my normal self a lot quicker.

 

Go for walks, swim, or even take up mountain biking like I did and I guarantee you, you'll feel a lot better for doing it. 

 

I unfortunately know that with my condition, I'm highly likely to relapse, but for now, things are great, summer is coming and I can't wait to get out for my next cycle :)

 

 

Delighted to hear that Col. Mountain biking played a big part for me about 10 years ago. Try to make sure you find a little side activity for when you can't get on the bike; I moved about 5 years ago and there was nowhere to really get on the bike anymore and it took away my coping mechanism. Been a grim few years but the gym and running are my new things now and it's like when I found mountain biking all over again 

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Ron Swanson
3 hours ago, Taffin said:

 

 

Delighted to hear that Col. Mountain biking played a big part for me about 10 years ago. Try to make sure you find a little side activity for when you can't get on the bike; I moved about 5 years ago and there was nowhere to really get on the bike anymore and it took away my coping mechanism. Been a grim few years but the gym and running are my new things now and it's like when I found mountain biking all over again 

This has been my escape in the last year or so. It's help shift a load of the weight I seemed to have put on through lack of care and enthusiasm about myself. I'm now cycling regularly to work (28 miles roughly) and just takes my mind off everything for that hour or so. 

 

Keep it up and hopefully things will keep picking up 

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Taffin
24 minutes ago, Ron Swanson said:

This has been my escape in the last year or so. It's help shift a load of the weight I seemed to have put on through lack of care and enthusiasm about myself. I'm now cycling regularly to work (28 miles roughly) and just takes my mind off everything for that hour or so. 

 

Keep it up and hopefully things will keep picking up 

 

Cheers Ron. I've been thinking about getting a road bike and cycling to work, only 10 miles each way. This is just the push I need now the lighter evenings are here ?

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AlphonseCapone

Wondering if anyone has taken sertraline for anxiety, and if so, what are your experiences? 

 

And, probably less likely, if anyone experiences health anxiety? It's more commonly referred to by people as being a hypochondriac I guess, but that term is as usefull as calling depression, being sad. 

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Thommo414
1 minute ago, AlphonseCapone said:

Wondering if anyone has taken sertraline for anxiety, and if so, what are your experiences? 

 

And, probably less likely, if anyone experiences health anxiety? It's more commonly referred to by people as being a hypochondriac I guess, but that term is as usefull as calling depression, being sad. 

I'm on 100mg of the stuff per day. More for depression as opposed to anxiety though which probably isn't an awful lot of help to your question but it's certainly helped me out a fair bit. Was on fluoxetine before that and it was truly shite, no help at all

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AlphonseCapone
59 minutes ago, Thommo414 said:

I'm on 100mg of the stuff per day. More for depression as opposed to anxiety though which probably isn't an awful lot of help to your question but it's certainly helped me out a fair bit. Was on fluoxetine before that and it was truly shite, no help at all

 

Any issues with side effects? I think I'll be going on the lowest strength, not sure what that is in relation to 100mg.

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Thommo414
1 hour ago, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Any issues with side effects? I think I'll be going on the lowest strength, not sure what that is in relation to 100mg.

Think the lowest is 50, at least what I've seen. As for side effects, possibly. NHS website lists the usual suspects (nausea, tiredness, unable to sleep) but tbh I've lived with all of those for as long as I can remember so in my case I wouldn't necessarily attribute them to the Sertraline

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AlphonseCapone
37 minutes ago, Thommo414 said:

Think the lowest is 50, at least what I've seen. As for side effects, possibly. NHS website lists the usual suspects (nausea, tiredness, unable to sleep) but tbh I've lived with all of those for as long as I can remember so in my case I wouldn't necessarily attribute them to the Sertraline

 

No worries, thanks for the responses.

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gashauskis9
3 hours ago, AlphonseCapone said:

Wondering if anyone has taken sertraline for anxiety, and if so, what are your experiences? 

 

And, probably less likely, if anyone experiences health anxiety? It's more commonly referred to by people as being a hypochondriac I guess, but that term is as usefull as calling depression, being sad. 

Was on it a couple of years ago.  Lots of headaches and sweats as side effects, but other than that it seemed to help the anxiety.

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AlphonseCapone
21 minutes ago, Gashauskis9 said:

Was on it a couple of years ago.  Lots of headaches and sweats as side effects, but other than that it seemed to help the anxiety.

 

Were those long term or did they pass? Doctor said nausea should be the only one and it should pass after a few days. But I'm particularly worried about side effects. 

Edited by AlphonseCapone

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gashauskis9
6 minutes ago, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Were those long term or did they pass? Doctor said nausea should be the only one and it should pass after a few days. But I'm particularly worried about side effects. 

Was on it for about a year and a half.  Headaches only lasted a few months, but the sweating was constant.  I didn’t get nausea thankfully.

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AlphonseCapone
2 hours ago, Gashauskis9 said:

Was on it for about a year and a half.  Headaches only lasted a few months, but the sweating was constant.  I didn’t get nausea thankfully.

 

Thanks. 

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gashauskis9
2 hours ago, AlphonseCapone said:

 

Thanks. 

You’re welcome pal, best wishes ?

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Normthebarman

Hmmmm. Never read this thread before but I'd swear I've written half these posts myself. Think I better call the docs. I definitely relate to the poster (or posters) that says they wouldn't do anything daft as they're too much of a coward. But there's definitely days when, if someone offered me a switch to just shut down everything and go to oblivion, I'd be flicking it in a shot. Just no more worries, stress, hardship. The days when just nothingness seems a hell of a lot better than the general shite that is life are becoming more and more frequent. 

Edited by Normthebarman

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Notts1874

Just checking in here to say hello.......should have checked in a long time ago.

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Bridge of Djoum
On 13/05/2019 at 06:41, Normthebarman said:

Hmmmm. Never read this thread before but I'd swear I've written half these posts myself. Think I better call the docs. I definitely relate to the poster (or posters) that says they wouldn't do anything daft as they're too much of a coward. But there's definitely days when, if someone offered me a switch to just shut down everything and go to oblivion, I'd be flicking it in a shot. Just no more worries, stress, hardship. The days when just nothingness seems a hell of a lot better than the general shite that is life are becoming more and more frequent. 

This is why it's so vital to talk to people and seek help if you believe you have mental health issues. To realize that you are not alone and that so many people suffer just like yourself is an enormous step and such a comfort. That moment when you read posts or articles and think ''that is EXACTLY how I feel'', it's very powerful. The stigma surrounding mental health is diminishing so quickly and there is a lot of help out there, both personal and professional. This is the best thread on JKB IMO. Well, that and the ''Levein time is up'' belter. 

 

Good luck, mate. You're not alone.

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Bridge of Djoum
6 hours ago, Notts1874 said:

Just checking in here to say hello.......should have checked in a long time ago.

Hello.

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Robbo-Jambo
6 hours ago, Notts1874 said:

Just checking in here to say hello.......should have checked in a long time ago.

Just to say hello? 

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AlphonseCapone
31 minutes ago, Bridge of Djoum said:

This is why it's so vital to talk to people and seek help if you believe you have mental health issues. To realize that you are not alone and that so many people suffer just like yourself is an enormous step and such a comfort. That moment when you read posts or articles and think ''that is EXACTLY how I feel'', it's very powerful. The stigma surrounding mental health is diminishing so quickly and there is a lot of help out there, both personal and professional. This is the best thread on JKB IMO. Well, that and the ''Levein time is up'' belter. 

 

Good luck, mate. You're not alone.

 

100%. Don't know if there is a more comforting feeling than realising you aren't alone. 

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Dagger Is Back

It’s been a while since I posted. The challenges in life continue to be challenges but I started taking a note of the good things that happen in life.

 

Once a week I put a wee note in a jar of something good that has happened, or that I’ve done.

 

I’ve had a few wobbles along the way and when I have, I’ve sat down and read some of those notes.

 

They’ve helped me realise that there are good things around, many of which you just take for granted.

 

I’ve managed to stay away from medication, but my pals and family have been a huge support.

 

This thread and the fellow JKB who have helped by listening and not judging has been an absolute Godsend.

 

Our situations are all different and our paths will be different too. All I’d say is to echo what others have - don’t be too proud, embarrassed or afraid to speak out. Support is there for you 

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thehibsareintheirbeds

Usually find myself catching up on this thread when struggling a bit but things going really well at the minute and similar to the recent posts about cycling I've found running has been a game changer recently. Years of excuses but eventually getting back into it a few months ago has made a huge improvement to my mood, energy levels and health (physical and mental) and having that positive focus makes a real difference.

 

Fantastic having so many willing to share so many different stories on here and would recommend the royal team talk on iplayer which shows just how anyone can be impacted and how important sharing and getting help can be.

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AlphonseCapone
1 hour ago, thehibsareintheirbeds said:

Usually find myself catching up on this thread when struggling a bit but things going really well at the minute and similar to the recent posts about cycling I've found running has been a game changer recently. Years of excuses but eventually getting back into it a few months ago has made a huge improvement to my mood, energy levels and health (physical and mental) and having that positive focus makes a real difference.

 

Fantastic having so many willing to share so many different stories on here and would recommend the royal team talk on iplayer which shows just how anyone can be impacted and how important sharing and getting help can be.

 

Exercising, eating right (most of the time, always allow some indulgences) and changing your thinking patterns (writing your thoughts down helps spot the negativity and biased thinking) are the three key things I'd recommend to people having a tough time.

 

Exercise is a keystone habit, basically one habit that if you can make a positive change to, you find other positive habits start happening naturally (eating and sleeping better for example). 

 

The thinking patterns stuff has been the biggest change for me. Trying to spot triggers and recognise the flaws in my thinking early so I can adapt them. I find it helps to imagine what I'd say to my partner if they were in the same situation as me, so for example, I have an off day at work and my natural thinking is to really give myself a hard time, talk myself down. But I try to stop and think if my partner was in the same position what would I say, probably, these things happen, everyone has off days, don't worry about it, just go in and make up for it tomorrow. It's scary at times to recognise how you can be so critical of yourself in a way you'd never be with someone else, but there's no reason for it, we aren't perfect creatures. 

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Harry Potter

Not been great for the last month, poor excuses for not making the final but to be honest could not face going.

Maybe should have said earlier but not one to mention my problems, feel a right saddo writing this but i need to 

get a grip, lost my job last november but dont think that is too big a factor, as i have monies coming in.

Dropped my meds from 30mg to 15mg was going ok but tbh cant face doctors, just feel like staying in.

St Mirren game at home last year, was ready to go, but froze could not face it, deffo issues with that.

Worry too much about silly wee problems but they build up on me, wish i did not care but i do.

Only light is i dont lie in my bed but certainly feel like it, just want to get my energy back , and be normal

no doubt opened a can of worms on myself now, but thats where i am.

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Robbo-Jambo
12 minutes ago, Harry Potter said:

Not been great for the last month, poor excuses for not making the final but to be honest could not face going.

Maybe should have said earlier but not one to mention my problems, feel a right saddo writing this but i need to 

get a grip, lost my job last november but dont think that is too big a factor, as i have monies coming in.

Dropped my meds from 30mg to 15mg was going ok but tbh cant face doctors, just feel like staying in.

St Mirren game at home last year, was ready to go, but froze could not face it, deffo issues with that.

Worry too much about silly wee problems but they build up on me, wish i did not care but i do.

Only light is i dont lie in my bed but certainly feel like it, just want to get my energy back , and be normal

no doubt opened a can of worms on myself now, but thats where i am.

Opening that can of worms is the best thing that you could have done Harry.

 

As many others have said you need to realise there is a problem there which you have obviously now admitted.

 

The next step is to start speaking about it either with a doctor, friends and family or even people on kickback.

 

You will feel better now you have opened up about it and you find there is many sources that can help you and your are not alone with these type of problems.

 

Hope you get the help you need and things start to pick up for you.

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Harry Potter

 

11 minutes ago, Robbo-Jambo said:

Opening that can of worms is the best thing that you could have done Harry.

 

As many others have said you need to realise there is a problem there which you have obviously now admitted.

 

The next step is to start speaking about it either with a doctor, friends and family or even people on kickback.

 

You will feel better now you have opened up about it and you find there is many sources that can help you and your are not alone with these type of problems.

 

Hope you get the help you need and things start to pick up for you.

Thankyou, just want to wake up, feel some energy and get the golf clubs out, not much to ask for, 

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Morgan
1 hour ago, Harry Potter said:

Not been great for the last month, poor excuses for not making the final but to be honest could not face going.

Maybe should have said earlier but not one to mention my problems, feel a right saddo writing this but i need to 

get a grip, lost my job last november but dont think that is too big a factor, as i have monies coming in.

Dropped my meds from 30mg to 15mg was going ok but tbh cant face doctors, just feel like staying in.

St Mirren game at home last year, was ready to go, but froze could not face it, deffo issues with that.

Worry too much about silly wee problems but they build up on me, wish i did not care but i do.

Only light is i dont lie in my bed but certainly feel like it, just want to get my energy back , and be normal

no doubt opened a can of worms on myself now, but thats where i am.

Most surprised to see you on this thread, Harry.

 

Got to say, I think you’ve done a very brave (bold?) thing by putting this on here. I admire you for that.

 

By taking this first step, you now have a foot on the road to getting the help you deserve. I assume you speak with your family about this?

 

I must admit, I was surprised when you said you weren’t attending the Cup Final. All is now clear.

 

Keep us up to date with your progress Harry, God bless you.

 

Morgan

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martoon
6 hours ago, Harry Potter said:

Not been great for the last month, poor excuses for not making the final but to be honest could not face going.

Maybe should have said earlier but not one to mention my problems, feel a right saddo writing this but i need to 

get a grip, lost my job last november but dont think that is too big a factor, as i have monies coming in.

Dropped my meds from 30mg to 15mg was going ok but tbh cant face doctors, just feel like staying in.

St Mirren game at home last year, was ready to go, but froze could not face it, deffo issues with that.

Worry too much about silly wee problems but they build up on me, wish i did not care but i do.

Only light is i dont lie in my bed but certainly feel like it, just want to get my energy back , and be normal

no doubt opened a can of worms on myself now, but thats where i am.

 

Posting is a sound decision, Harry.

 

It's not easy sharing stuff but this thread is probably JKB's finest hour.

 

I've posted on it before (I had issues as a teen 30 years ago and had a difficult time in 2011) and just reading the posts of others on this thread since has been reassuring. Huge relief to know it's not just me. 

 

Don't panic and If you need help go to your GP and get it. Suffering further, and in silence, is not the way forward. 

 

 

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davemclaren
16 hours ago, Harry Potter said:

 

Thankyou, just want to wake up, feel some energy and get the golf clubs out, not much to ask for, 

Hope things improve for you. ?

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Harry Potter
13 minutes ago, davemclaren said:

Hope things improve for you. ?

Thanks folks for the small comments but makes me understand i have support out there.

sometimes i just feel alone , but have a loving family, just the way im feeling confuses my thinking.

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Morgan
7 hours ago, Harry Potter said:

Thanks folks for the small comments but makes me understand i have support out there.

sometimes i just feel alone , but have a loving family, just the way im feeling confuses my thinking.

Never feel you're alone Harry.

 

As Martoon correctly said, an early trip to the Doc would be a good idea.

 

As I said yesterday, keep us informed and feel free to chat on here. It's just one big family of Jambo arseholes!!!

 

Morgan

 

 

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Sharpie
On 02/06/2019 at 08:41, Harry Potter said:

 

Thankyou, just want to wake up, feel some energy and get the golf clubs out, not much to ask for, 

 

I can understand your feeling, I do not suffer from depression but in the last few years have had a few ups and downs health wise etc. Got the feeling I was never going to be right again, but I just don't let that feeling persist I look back and look at what I have done, fought  cancer and won, had to stop golfing after hip replacement insurance premiums too high to be affordable so no travel, had a minor stroke last year, my pleasure and activity now is taking my wife who has given up her drivers licence where she has to go, and she has a lot of places..

This is all about me but not my purpose, my message is when you want to wake up and get the golf clubs do it I know its not easy, in fact it feels impossible, but it can be done. I don't get up smiling and enthused every morning in fact some mornings I would have been quite happy not to wake up, but I do, and I follow advice I have been given in the past never let the *******s get you down, and thats how I treat my problems. I know depression is a terrible thing I know from meeting many who suffer, but I also know that some of them we did not know they were suffering because medication and desire helped them.  You are a young man lots to live for, believe me the positives in life are more enjoyable than the negatives, and actually are easier to obtain. The greatest medication is you and your mind,

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KevinKyle10

How do you go about talking to someone about mental health, be it a doctor or another professional?

 

Ive not long turned 30. I’ve always maintained that I work hard. I done well in school, then started Uni. I stumbled here, I had lots of friends, many off them I would have felt comfortable talking to about this. 

I should’ve stuck Uni out, but I dropped out to work in Tesco. Worst decision ever, but felt right at the time. Before I knew it, I’d driven everyone I knew away, person by person. Whether it be by my attitude changing or by me letting them down.

My (now) wife and I had a son, then we broke up for two years. I really struggled. If it wasn’t for being such a coward, I’d probably not be here just now.

I started a new job two years ago, everything was great, my other half agreed to take me back, we’re now married and have our daughter along with our son.

 

The last few months have felt really hard since Christmas. I feel like I can’t talk to my wife about how I feel. I don’t want her to worry that I’m going to run away because it’s too hard. I don’t want her to worry about me being sick, and not providing an income.

 

As I said earlier, I’ve systematically self-sabotaged myself. I have no one to turn to. It’s fine when I’m with my wife and kids, or working. Basically anything I can throw myself at.

 

I had to delete social media. Looking at feeds, every night after kids are in bed just felt like I was further being excluded, which I understand I done to myself.

 

I’m sorry for the long post, but posting under anonymity might help, and hoping to get some advice from those who may have had similar experiences? I know it sounds a bit tame, I can’t verbalise how I’m feeling properly though, without thinking how dramatic I’m sounding.

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TheOak88
9 minutes ago, KevinKyle10 said:

How do you go about talking to someone about mental health, be it a doctor or another professional?

 

Ive not long turned 30. I’ve always maintained that I work hard. I done well in school, then started Uni. I stumbled here, I had lots of friends, many off them I would have felt comfortable talking to about this. 

I should’ve stuck Uni out, but I dropped out to work in Tesco. Worst decision ever, but felt right at the time. Before I knew it, I’d driven everyone I knew away, person by person. Whether it be by my attitude changing or by me letting them down.

My (now) wife and I had a son, then we broke up for two years. I really struggled. If it wasn’t for being such a coward, I’d probably not be here just now.

I started a new job two years ago, everything was great, my other half agreed to take me back, we’re now married and have our daughter along with our son.

 

The last few months have felt really hard since Christmas. I feel like I can’t talk to my wife about how I feel. I don’t want her to worry that I’m going to run away because it’s too hard. I don’t want her to worry about me being sick, and not providing an income.

 

As I said earlier, I’ve systematically self-sabotaged myself. I have no one to turn to. It’s fine when I’m with my wife and kids, or working. Basically anything I can throw myself at.

 

I had to delete social media. Looking at feeds, every night after kids are in bed just felt like I was further being excluded, which I understand I done to myself.

 

I’m sorry for the long post, but posting under anonymity might help, and hoping to get some advice from those who may have had similar experiences? I know it sounds a bit tame, I can’t verbalise how I’m feeling properly though, without thinking how dramatic I’m sounding.

Might be worth talking to a professional. Getting some therapy could be a good idea if you don’t want to discuss it with your wife at this stage. 

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Jeff
2 hours ago, KevinKyle10 said:

How do you go about talking to someone about mental health, be it a doctor or another professional?

 

Ive not long turned 30. I’ve always maintained that I work hard. I done well in school, then started Uni. I stumbled here, I had lots of friends, many off them I would have felt comfortable talking to about this. 

I should’ve stuck Uni out, but I dropped out to work in Tesco. Worst decision ever, but felt right at the time. Before I knew it, I’d driven everyone I knew away, person by person. Whether it be by my attitude changing or by me letting them down.

My (now) wife and I had a son, then we broke up for two years. I really struggled. If it wasn’t for being such a coward, I’d probably not be here just now.

I started a new job two years ago, everything was great, my other half agreed to take me back, we’re now married and have our daughter along with our son.

 

The last few months have felt really hard since Christmas. I feel like I can’t talk to my wife about how I feel. I don’t want her to worry that I’m going to run away because it’s too hard. I don’t want her to worry about me being sick, and not providing an income.

 

As I said earlier, I’ve systematically self-sabotaged myself. I have no one to turn to. It’s fine when I’m with my wife and kids, or working. Basically anything I can throw myself at.

 

I had to delete social media. Looking at feeds, every night after kids are in bed just felt like I was further being excluded, which I understand I done to myself.

 

I’m sorry for the long post, but posting under anonymity might help, and hoping to get some advice from those who may have had similar experiences? I know it sounds a bit tame, I can’t verbalise how I’m feeling properly though, without thinking how dramatic I’m sounding.

 

I think you will need to open up with your girlfriend so she knows what is happening with you. 

 

Opening up to as many friends as you can could help you a great deal. Youd be shocked how many others could have similar problems. Youre not alone and we are all here for each other.

 

Go runs regularly. I know this is a cliche but let the bad energy out. Talking and excercising are massively important when it comes to mental health.

 

All the best :)

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