depression

[Shapes]

Jamboheriot, I found myself in your position about this time three years ago. I had been suffering for a while really and was struggling with uni placement and in a relationship that I wasn't happy in. It all came to a head when I finished with my then boyfriend. Although it was me that finished it I just felt completely alone and I couldn't handle living alone in the flat we rented and struggled to keep up with uni work. I didn't know what to do and things just got really bad tbh. But the best advice I have for you is speak to someone at uni. What uni is it you go to? I went to Napier and they were excellent. There are loads of support networks and university counselling services at all unis. Phone them or make an appointment and tell them what's been going on. They may be able to defer your place or give you extenuating circumstances for coursework. I ended up taking almost a year out and the uni were supportive every step of the way. I hope you feel a bit better soon.

[JamboHeriot]

Jamboheriot, I found myself in your position about this time three years ago. I had been suffering for a while really and was struggling with uni placement and in a relationship that I wasn't happy in. It all came to a head when I finished with my then boyfriend. Although it was me that finished it I just felt completely alone and I couldn't handle living alone in the flat we rented and struggled to keep up with uni work. I didn't know what to do and things just got really bad tbh. But the best advice I have for you is speak to someone at uni. What uni is it you go to? I went to Napier and they were excellent. There are loads of support networks and university counselling services at all unis. Phone them or make an appointment and tell them what's been going on. They may be able to defer your place or give you extenuating circumstances for coursework. I ended up taking almost a year out and the uni were supportive every step of the way. I hope you feel a bit better soon.

 

Thanks for the reply.

I've always done well academically, but even after having two days back I'm really scared about this semester. I've barely taken any notes in the lectures I'm in, find my mind elsewhere half the time. Luckily I've not moved away from home, however I've not told my parents or my sister about what's going on. They see the symptoms every day though.

I'm at Heriot-Watt, and believe there are similar services offered but at the moment couldn't think of much worse than deferring my course for a year. Recently I've found it difficult to talk to the friends on my course, let alone having to make new ones. This bout could really not have come at a worse time to be honest.

Edited September 17, 2014 by JamboHeriot

[Sten Guns]

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

[JamboHeriot]

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

 

Let them unload to you, even letting them know that you're there is important. But when they do, make sure you listen and try to empathise, nothing worse than getting your problems out to someone who isn't interested.

A cuddle can also go a long way, and if you have any interests in common, try to indulge them in conversation with that or even take them out to participate in said interest if you're close enough.

Even as a sufferer it's hard to put my finger on what exactly would help, but above is a start.

[swavkav]

 

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

 

 

The best thing you can do, is just be there for them when they need you.

[the sub goalie]

 

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

 

Be there for them and make excuses to see them on a regular basis.

 

It may seem that they are trying to push you away and are being antisocial in the excuses they use but trust me, they absolutely DO need you there.

 

In time they will hopefully be able to confide in you and tbh it may seem to be fairly trivial and fixable issues but if they are suffering depression then to them these concerns are amplified and to some, there is no way to deal with them.

 

Unfortunately there isn't much else you can do unless they ask but by being there as much as you can will help more than you know.

 

Also, if you share a family doctor you could try speaking to them for some advice and what options are available.

 

Hope it works out mate and good on you for being there to help.

[Stuart Lyon]

JamboHeriot - get help as Shapes has suggested but tell your family so they can give you their support. It may be difficult but I am sure they will want to help you through this period in your life. Keep your chin-up. All the best.

[chester copperpot]

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

 

 

Sten,

 

The best thing you can do mate is let the person know that you are always there for them. The biggest part of my problem is that my family on the face of things look close, but just cannae deal with things like this.

 

I am screaming out for either my mum or my sister to be there for me more, yet it just all gets swept under the carpet. Considering what I did for both of them throughout my life, it makes the situation all the worse!

[Brandt]

.

Edited September 19, 2014 by Brandt

[Brandt]

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

 

Give them lots of reassurance and understanding mate and try keep their mind on a positive vibe. It can have more effect if its done a little subtle though. When i first started working in the Royal Ed, i noticed coming over too optimistic and positive can sometimes be a bit too much for someone suffering from depression and can be overwhelming and a bit fake (telling them what they want to hear etc) to the person.

 

One time i was at the barbers with a patient and the lady cutting his hair was over friendly (she knew he was from the hosp) and she was doing her over best to be friendly, courteous and asking was asking him lots of questions (Hows your day type questions). And it all got to much for him and he snapped and i had to walk him back to his ward with half his hair cut.

Edited September 19, 2014 by Brandt

[The Future's Maroon]

Been a reader for a while on KB, and seeing this thread has caused me to sign up to share my story. Here goes.

I've been suffering from depression on and off for around 4 years now. I was however only diagnosed two weeks ago, when I finally realised that there was something really not right with me. Was finding work almost impossible, felt no motivation whatsoever, difficult to socialise etc. Been prescribed anti-depressants which aren't doing much so far.

I've found it hard to put my finger on why I suffer from it. I know what triggered this bout, which has lasted around two months, I recently split with my girlfriend and from then I could see things were heading downhill. Looking back though it's clear that it's been a problem for a long long time.

Had some especially dark days in the last week, feeling hopeless, devoid of energy and in all honesty don't really care if I wake up.

Worst part is I'm only 19 years old, recently started back at uni again which has exacerbated things. Don't have the motivation to get up and go let alone attempt to learn for hours on end every day.

Really feel like is no way out of this, I'm struggling.

 

I can't argue with any of the advice you have been given so far and even just having a wee chat on here I know has helped me - I won't mention names, but they will know who they are, some PM's I have received have been so humbling and helpful at the same time. Its amazing you can find so much help on a footy forum where we're all strangers.

 

I will add though regarding your anti-depressants - they can take 4-6 weeks before they 'kick in/start working' and something I can say through my own experience is don't think just because you feel much better do not just stop taken them, go to your GP for advice. They are not something you can just stop taking and expect to be ok you have to stop slowly but your GP will advise you on that.

 

I personally made the mistake of thinking all was ok and I chose to stop taking them myself (thinking I knew what I was doing). It turned out to be worse, as all it takes is something to boot you back into a bad place. I have only just started back on mine and even although its only been a few weeks I know that they will start working soon.

 

One thing you need to do is speak to people, find a family member or close friend and if they dont already know about your condition tell them because one of this biggest helps is being able to speak to someone about things. I tried to hide mine away for ages and it done nothing but make me worse, I have now told a couple of close mates who have been brilliant - it maybe sounds sad but I have not told my family, they have been through enough in life without this as well and that is why I chose to speak to a couple of close mates.

 

I have mentioned them before in this thread, and I will again - Breathing Space Scotland - they have been really helpful for me and I will continue to use them.

[Der Kaiser]

This is a great thread. I've really got a lot out of reading through it.

 

I'll spare everyone my sob story at the moment but my life at the moment feels like it's crumbling around me. I buried my head in the sand about being depressed for a long time...I'm still unsure of how long but it feels like forever. The stigma of depression really stopped me seeking help or even talking to anyone and I'm guilty myself of looking down on people who said they were suffering from depression. I often thought "Why don't these folk just eat a bit more healthier and take a walk more often and just flippin cheer up".

Some might say it's karma that it's now happened to me.

I know I've had down moments in my life in years gone by but this year I just got worse and worse. I couldn't stop thinking about suicide and I'd sit up late with these horrible dark thoughts going round and round in my head. I've got two kids and it made me feel trapped as I couldn't go through with anything "silly" knowing I'd be leaving them. I even started thinking about how could I do myself in but make it look like an accident so my insurance would pay out. I remember driving to work one day and I saw one of those NWH trucks coming steaming the other way and I thought "If only his tyre blew and he swerved across into me it would solve all my problems"....no more feeling like shit and my insurance would provide some financial stability to my kids.

 

Throw in my marriage disintegrating and only 6 weeks ago I took a stanley knife with me to bed....just in case I felt brave enough. Turned it over and over in my hands looking at the blade before I put it down on the bedside table and just cried myself to sleep. It really scares me to think about that...knowing that If I didn't have kids Its highly likely I'd have just topped myself. I knew it was stupid and I'm embarrased and ashamed I even considered it.

I was also tired of acting all the time. Pretending everything was normal and putting a brave face on when inside I just didn't give a feck about anything or anyone except my kids. Even then I'd been snapping at them all the time and little things they'd do like if they accidentally spilled a drink it would get me so angry. I really hated myself.

 

Been on Fluoxetine since and I have to say I feel much better. First few weeks my anxiety levels went through the roof and my own family told me I was trembling all the time but last few weeks my head feels a lot clearer and I've started talking to people about how I feel. I've even found myself singing in the car on the way to work. I still don't truly understand how I'm feeling better about myself as my life at the moment is still kinda shit and in the next few months with my marriage breaking down I've got a good chance of losing my house and i know I'm going to go from seeing my kids every day to every few days. I know there are really really tough days coming but I do know that these pills have somehow masked my dark thoughts. It's hard to describe but it feels really hard to think dark thoughts like it's a point in my life from a long time ago...I know it happened but the details seem blurry.

 

I'm pretty sure I started saying I'd spare every one my sob story.....ach well. I guess I could have just said "My life stinks, it's about to get 100 times worse and I know I'm going to be tested again but I finally told someone, got some pills and it turned out that it really helped...........guess I should have done something sooner".

[Ragnar]

I agree with Brandt's comments - being too enthusiastic and positive can indeed make it overwhelming for someone suffering depression and actually make them feel worse (atleast in my experience anyway, I hate people making a fuss over me).

 

IMO Sten, you are best just to let the person know you are there for them. Knowing someone is there for me would make me feel better anyway.

 

Whilst we are on the topic of antidepressants, I will share my experience. I came off Citalopram a couple months back, this was a really stupid decision on my part. I was on Citalopram for 3 months and I couldn't really tell if I was improving or not. Nonetheless, I decided to come off them because I thought I was doing better to an extent (but really, I just couldn't be bothered seeing my GP for another prescription).

 

I also called my councillor and told her I wouldn't be coming back for any more sessions - I was seeing her for around 6 months, combining this with the medication. I felt the sessions were more of a hassle than actually helping me. I got 'the dread' the night before my sessions. I tried to apply what I've learned during the therapy (CBT), but it's as if the feelings are hard-wired into my brain and will never go away.

 

Now, I'm back to the same depressed state as I started. I have suffered depression my whole life but only decided to seek help when I went to councilling sessions 6 months ago, but now they are over and the medication is gone I'm back to square one. I literally do nothing with my life. I have shit grades, a dead-end office job and no social life.

 

I have done things in my life I am not proud of and I am riddled with guilt every second of every day, especially due to the bad things I did to people that are close to me and that I care for. This isn't the reason why I have depression, but it's definitely a factor and I can't rewind time to change what I've done. If I had to sum up my life in a few words they would be: unhappiness, anger, hopelessness, regret, guilt, jealousy and boredom.

 

Anxiety and depression have dominated my whole life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It really is a horrible illness. I also just found out that someone I know (not close to) killed themselves a couple days ago. He was only 20.

[shedjambo]

Had episodes of depresssion for about sixteen years now. I can usually cope with it and work through it with almost no-one knowing I have a problem - however I have had to have two fairly long periods off work over the past five years with it. A real sod when it comes on at it's worst.

 

Came off 15 mg of Mirtazapine 2 months ago and was doing great, getting worries over silly things now so might need to change my thinking.

[JamboMarc]

Hey guys, think it's about time I reach out on here. I'm only just 22 and last month I split with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. The break up had been coming for a while and I kind of wanted a change. Or so I thought. It was my first serious relationship and I always said it would never last. But now we're apart I'm really struggling.

 

We had been living together since day 1 at my parents so we were with each other every day and did everything together. We didn't spend more than a day or two apart during the relationship. I ended up losing all the friends I had because of this.

 

I was doing ok but now I know she's seeing other people I'm so close to giving up. The thoughts that have come into my head are sick and I need help. Is it worth getting help from a doctor? A lot of people say it doesn't help, it just masks the problem.

 

I've spoke to her alot and there is no chance of getting back together. I think I've damaged our relationship aswell with the state I'm in. I am so lost, hurt and confused I don't know what to do!

[Generic Username]

Hey guys, think it's about time I reach out on here. I'm only just 22 and last month I split with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. The break up had been coming for a while and I kind of wanted a change. Or so I thought. It was my first serious relationship and I always said it would never last. But now we're apart I'm really struggling.

 

We had been living together since day 1 at my parents so we were with each other every day and did everything together. We didn't spend more than a day or two apart during the relationship. I ended up losing all the friends I had because of this.

 

I was doing ok but now I know she's seeing other people I'm so close to giving up. The thoughts that have come into my head are sick and I need help. Is it worth getting help from a doctor? A lot of people say it doesn't help, it just masks the problem.

 

I've spoke to her alot and there is no chance of getting back together. I think I've damaged our relationship aswell with the state I'm in. I am so lost, hurt and confused I don't know what to do!

 

I don't mean to sound crass or belittle what you're going through but what you need to do is spend less time talking to her, and more time going out, being sociable and riding women.

 

Let her get on with her own life and you'll find it incredibly easy to get on with yours. The depression won't be solely down to the breakup of the relationship, it'll have built over the years, no doubt losing your circle of friends can't have been easy and no matter what we tell ourselves, spending next to every single second with someone is brutal and no way to live.

 

It'll sound like tough love but you need to dust yourself off and get out there and enjoy life. Finding another girlfriend right away should be the furthest thing from your mind. Go out with friends, be sociable, date lots of different people, do things you've never done before. There's nothing holding you back and the longer you spend thinking about her/wanting her back, the more time you're wasting being out in the world and enjoying it.

 

The first real heartache is always a tough one but trust me, it gets better. A LOT BETTER.

[The Future's Maroon]

Trying not to take this thread off to much of a tangent, but does anyone know the crack with employment law when considering being dismissed while off work on depression/stress/anxiety - as this is the position I am currently in (please see my previous posts in this thread), I have heard 'tales' from those experts you meet in the pub...I am dubious myself?

 

Its really getting to me, so much so I am not sleeping at present due to it....even with my sleeping tablets due to the constant worry.

[scott_jambo]

Trying not to take this thread off to much of a tangent, but does anyone know the crack with employment law when considering being dismissed while off work on depression/stress/anxiety - as this is the position I am currently in (please see my previous posts in this thread), I have heard 'tales' from those experts you meet in the pub...I am dubious myself?

 

Its really getting to me, so much so I am not sleeping at present due to it....even with my sleeping tablets due to the constant worry.

 

Hey mate.

 

What's your job if you don't mind me asking?

 

Length of service and the disability discrimination act sometimes comes into play here, however,it's likely that they can dismiss you while off work. What I would say is your worrying is largely unfounded. You won't be the first or last person to go through this and usually in the long run these things become a blessing in disguise as your forced to leave your job and find somthing that makes you happier.

 

If you really feel that they are going to punt you, try to initiate an amicable arrangement with your employer. Remember they don't want to be taken to an employment tribunal under the Disability Discremenatory Act any more than you want to tell your next employer that you were dismissed while off sick.

 

If you think the axe is going to fall, set up a meeting with your line manager, explain how low and worried you've been feeling and come to an amicable parting of ways.

 

Again, don't lose sleep over it, you aren't completely unique and you don't suddenly become a criminal/rapist/Jimmy Saville just because your last employer let you go while you were under stress or had depression.

 

 

Give yourself a break, stop trying to be strong. If you are sick with worry and struggling, start telling your parents, friends, your employer etc...it's the best way you can eradicate all these doubts that seem to be eating away at you.

Edited September 24, 2014 by scott_jambo

[ToadKiller Dog]

Bit of advice needed.

 

I've never suffered from depression and I'm majorly ignorant of it as an illness to be honest.

 

Got a close / immediate family member who has been suffering for 16 months and getting help at doctors through medication.

 

My question is, what's the best way to support them? I'm worried I make it worse. I've never brought it up and don't want to sound like I'm interfering or belittling them. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Also worried that saying nothing makes me seem like I don't care. Canny win!

 

My partner she suffers from depression and sometimes it's difficult have to remind myself when she does say nasty things when in a low it's not meant it's part of the illness , doesn't mean I let them blow over me , we discuss it afterwards.

Even with the pills she still on occasion hits a low but they are a lot rarer and not as deep .

 

Most important if your looking after/in a relationship with somebody who has such an illness is to look after yourself your no good to anybody if you make yer self ill .

Never say I understand when they are in a low as you don't , best words are just to tell them you are with them all the way , be supportive .

 

When it first came to light I struggled found myself walking the street with our dog for hours , tears streaming down my face , brain working overtime trying to make sense .

It did overwhelm me for a while I've never known depression myself .

 

A few times I did consider walking away , glad I didn't .

 

Here is an advice link I first found which helped my come to terms with her depression .

http://m.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-depressed-person

[Jeff]

Struggling a bit this year. Had 3 family deaths in a short space of time which has been very hard to take obviously. My best mate has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and she went through surgery earlier and has messaged me to tell me to be ready for bad news when I visit later. Everything bad seems to happen to the people around me and the people who care for me. I'm often sat in bed wondering why doesn't anything bad ever happen to me. Why do they deserve it over me. I'd give anything to let me friends and family be ok but life doesn't seem to agree. Just seems to be one piece of bad news after another and I really am struggling right now.I have no energy or motivation anymore.

[Jeff]

Struggling a bit this year. Had 3 family deaths in a short space of time which has been very hard to take obviously. My best mate has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and she went through surgery earlier and has messaged me to tell me to be ready for bad news when I visit later. Everything bad seems to happen to the people around me and the people who care for me. I'm often sat in bed wondering why doesn't anything bad ever happen to me. Why do they deserve it over me. I'd give anything to let me friends and family be ok but life doesn't seem to agree. Just seems to be one piece of bad news after another and I really am struggling right now.I have no energy or motivation anymore.

 

Make that four. I've now just had a massive falling out with my family. Don't think I can get any lower anymore :/

[Maiden Gorgie]

Make that four. I've now just had a massive falling out with my family. Don't think I can get any lower anymore :/

 

Jeff, I would make an appointment with your GP mate. It's always good to talk to someone when going through a rough time and there are so many different options to help you through it.

 

Hope it gets better for you soon

[Notorious BIG]

Make that four. I've now just had a massive falling out with my family. Don't think I can get any lower anymore :/

 

Alright mate I was like you my nana, Grandad and mum all died within 2 and a half years of each other, I was 17 when my mum died 5 years ago, I watched my dad, sister and other family seek help through councillors, whilst I put this macho image on, I hated myself for not grieving like they did, fast forward 2 years after and whilst they were getting there life back on track I spun into a depression over it, Losing my mum and a critical point in my life really hit home, I cried myself to sleep for months, I eventually swallowed my pride and seen a councillor, best thing I ever done mate, having someone neutral to speak to about my problems and it helped alot, Im still filled with regret that I bottled it up inside and didn seek help.

 

also I now live every day trying to make my mum proud of who I turned out to be, trying to be the best possible person for the people that loved me, What I understand is that you are far from that but believe me you will come out the other end a far stronger person for it, A councillor is a great start on the road to recovery, Get all your feelings out and having someone to talk to, You cant put a price on that with the way you are feeling

 

I apologise if I am way off or have offended yourself

 

All the best

[Robbo-Jambo]

Alright mate I was like you my nana, Grandad and mum all died within 2 and a half years of each other, I was 17 when my mum died 5 years ago, I watched my dad, sister and other family seek help through councillors, whilst I put this macho image on, I hated myself for not grieving like they did, fast forward 2 years after and whilst they were getting there life back on track I spun into a depression over it, Losing my mum and a critical point in my life really hit home, I cried myself to sleep for months, I eventually swallowed my pride and seen a councillor, best thing I ever done mate, having someone neutral to speak to about my problems and it helped alot, Im still filled with regret that I bottled it up inside and didn seek help.

 

also I now live every day trying to make my mum proud of who I turned out to be, trying to be the best possible person for the people that loved me, What I understand is that you are far from that but believe me you will come out the other end a far stronger person for it, A councillor is a great start on the road to recovery, Get all your feelings out and having someone to talk to, You cant put a price on that with the way you are feeling

 

I apologise if I am way off or have offended yourself

 

All the best

 

Great post put in an excellent way.

Edited October 6, 2014 by Robbo-Jambo

[Jeff]

Alright mate I was like you my nana, Grandad and mum all died within 2 and a half years of each other, I was 17 when my mum died 5 years ago, I watched my dad, sister and other family seek help through councillors, whilst I put this macho image on, I hated myself for not grieving like they did, fast forward 2 years after and whilst they were getting there life back on track I spun into a depression over it, Losing my mum and a critical point in my life really hit home, I cried myself to sleep for months, I eventually swallowed my pride and seen a councillor, best thing I ever done mate, having someone neutral to speak to about my problems and it helped alot, Im still filled with regret that I bottled it up inside and didn seek help.

 

also I now live every day trying to make my mum proud of who I turned out to be, trying to be the best possible person for the people that loved me, What I understand is that you are far from that but believe me you will come out the other end a far stronger person for it, A councillor is a great start on the road to recovery, Get all your feelings out and having someone to talk to, You cant put a price on that with the way you are feeling

 

I apologise if I am way off or have offended yourself

 

All the best

 

Thanks for the advice. I tried opening up about how I feel with my family but tonight I recieved a message saying 'Until you grow up and start acting your age, don't contact us'. I think that's the last I'll be seeing of them for some time. The only person I really have left is my friend who's cancer is getting worse and worse every day. Don't know what I'll do without them, and it really scares me to think about what I will do should the worst happen. I'll defo look into a meeting with a GP or a councillor.

 

Cheers

[Notorious BIG]

Thanks for the advice. I tried opening up about how I feel with my family but tonight I recieved a message saying 'Until you grow up and start acting your age, don't contact us'. I think that's the last I'll be seeing of them for some time. The only person I really have left is my friend who's cancer is getting worse and worse every day. Don't know what I'll do without them, and it really scares me to think about what I will do should the worst happen. I'll defo look into a meeting with a GP or a councillor.

 

Cheers

 

No problem, I found talking to family or close friends didnt help me to be honest although everyone is different, I didnt feel comfortable expressing how I felt to the people I see and speak to every day, with the utmost respect I sort or shunned my family rather than what you are experiencing, So I too know how it feels to deal with it alone and its not nice

 

If you fancy a chat drop me a PM mate, I wish you all the best

[Sharpie]

I have total sympathy for anyone who is suffering with depression. I would suggest though that self diagnosis or one made by interested and kind friends are not the best way to face it. I went through a period where I was totally in a depressed mood. I was sure I had depression , after some miserable time for myself and my wife I went to the doctor for help. She subjected me to some basic tests, asked me some searching questions and was able to tell me that certainly I was depressed, but that I did not have depression. She explained that my symptoms were consistent with particularly many cancer survivors. Basically a post traumatic stress symptom after surviving apotential life costing illness and the after effects of the treatments. She gave me some written and some video information. They were both made actually in Scotland. They explained through people suffering from true depression the symptoms and things that go through the mind, to be honest I had none of them. I was just down, low morale and sorry for myself. I have folowedthe suggestions made, exercise, maintain interests, and have accepted life is not always kind and it is somewhat required to accept the kicks in the teeth life has offered you.

 

I honestly knew nothing about depression twenty odd years ago, was only introduced to it by a couple of friends I golfed with, both were on regular medication, and on top of the depression sometimes suffered because medication had been altered in some way, I was never exposed to the misery which they could suffer when not on medication or when the dose was changed.

[Juan Rom?n Riquelme]

Going threw a rough spell at the moment.

 

I guess it is good in one way that I can tell when the storm clouds are gathering. I never used to be able to spot the signs when things were sliding downhill.

 

Think it has been a combination of things really. Struggling to get regular work at the moment. Done on and off stuff for a while but that has dried up. Been applying to all sorts of menial jobs and general office stuff and not hearing back from many places. Been interviewed a couple of times and never got the job which I've over reacted to a bit I think due to being unwell.

 

Gave my details out to a few charities and stuff as well hoping to do some volunteer work in the meantime and haven't even had a reply from that

 

Had a conversation with my mum recently as well where she basically told me she doesn't really think that it's a real thing and everyone feels down and lives 'day to day' whatever that means. Told me that it was all in my head and basically to get on with things. I was on the verge of tears at this to be honest. I've pretty much suffered from depression my whole adult life (from about 18 onwards - I'm 23 now). Considered suicide on numerous occasions but not done it because I didn't want to put my family through it, had spells where I could hardly get out of bed to make a cup of tea for weeks at a time, had to drop out of uni etc etc.

 

To hear that from somebody so close to me was a hammer blow really. It's just compounded things.

 

No point to any of this really, just always a good place to let off steam as there's nowhere else to.

Edited October 13, 2014 by Dani Parejo

[JamboHeriot]

Going threw a rough spell at the moment.

 

I guess it is good in one way that I can tell when the storm clouds are gathering. I never used to be able to spot the signs when things were sliding downhill.

 

Think it has been a combination of things really. Struggling to get regular work at the moment. Done on and off stuff for a while but that has dried up. Been applying to all sorts of menial jobs and general office stuff and not hearing back from many places. Been interviewed a couple of times and never got the job which I've over reacted to a bit I think due to being unwell.

 

Gave my details out to a few charities and stuff as well hoping to do some volunteer work in the meantime and haven't even had a reply from that

 

Had a conversation with my mum recently as well where she basically told me she doesn't really think that it's a real thing and everyone feels down and lives 'day to day' whatever that means. Told me that it was all in my head and basically to get on with things. I was on the verge of tears at this to be honest. I've pretty much suffered from depression my whole adult life (from about 18 onwards - I'm 23 now). Considered suicide on numerous occasions but not done it because I didn't want to put my family through it, had spells where I could hardly get out of bed to make a cup of tea for weeks at a time, had to drop out of uni etc etc.

 

To hear that from somebody so close to me was a hammer blow really. It's just compounded things.

 

No point to any of this really, just always a good place to let off steam as there's nowhere else to.

 

Don't let anybody tell you that depression is not a real thing, I long believed that what I was suffering was not depression and just some sort of spell in my teenage years that everyone went through. If anyone tries to tell you that then they're just blatantly wrong, look at the destruction it can cause.

I was recently diagnosed and it's something that I've been a victim of for years. Going to my GP was the best thing for my health I've done for a long time. I've been on anti-depressants for 6 weeks now, been off work for a month but still trying to get along at uni, and seeing a therapist who is providing me with Person Centred Therapy.

I still have my dark days, and I'm only in the early stages of dealing with this illness, but accepting that I suffer from it, attempting to embrace it and realise that it has shaped me into who I am has been a bit step towards living everyday life and being able to manage it.

If you ever need to talk about treatment, your experience with it, anything depression related, just drop me a PM buddy. I am a huge believer in the notion that depression is a real mental illness with real consquences, the evidence is there for all to see, but with professional help it can be managed. Anyone who claims that it's not a real thing has clearly never been through what sufferers have - lucky them.

Edited October 13, 2014 by JamboHeriot

[The Future's Maroon]

Hey mate.

 

What's your job if you don't mind me asking?

 

Length of service and the disability discrimination act sometimes comes into play here, however,it's likely that they can dismiss you while off work. What I would say is your worrying is largely unfounded. You won't be the first or last person to go through this and usually in the long run these things become a blessing in disguise as your forced to leave your job and find somthing that makes you happier.

 

If you really feel that they are going to punt you, try to initiate an amicable arrangement with your employer. Remember they don't want to be taken to an employment tribunal under the Disability Discremenatory Act any more than you want to tell your next employer that you were dismissed while off sick.

 

If you think the axe is going to fall, set up a meeting with your line manager, explain how low and worried you've been feeling and come to an amicable parting of ways.

 

Again, don't lose sleep over it, you aren't completely unique and you don't suddenly become a criminal/rapist/Jimmy Saville just because your last employer let you go while you were under stress or had depression.

 

 

Give yourself a break, stop trying to be strong. If you are sick with worry and struggling, start telling your parents, friends, your employer etc...it's the best way you can eradicate all these doubts that seem to be eating away at you.

 

Thanks for the reply, it didn't matter as last Friday (10th October) I was 'dismissed' from my job - I was a Civil Servant (HMRC). My Manager knew my problems and now to my mind pretended to be on my side saying he has been through the same, but still went ahead with the action they have taken on his recommendation...Grrrr, at times I think this is the worst thing in the world, other times I want to wait outside my old work to confront him but what would that achieve?

 

What annoys me more is the fact I know guys who have been off for months and months before I was off, yet I got stung and effectively emptied due to being mentally ill?

 

Rather than being 'sacked', it seems I have actually been paid off - getting so many weeks lui of notice, plus some compensation is coming my way - sounds nice but it doesn't feel 'nice'. I am not interested in the financial side of things, yes its a bonus but seems a cop out to me - I was due to get made redundant in March '15 with a redundancy package of about ?8k...this seems to be an easy way out in my book?

 

I have come to the conclusion that 'feck it' - I WILL do it myself now, my medication has kicked in and I actually feel better than I have in the last few years....still hurts though.

 

I am half raging, half spewing - but what can I do? I will not let this get me down any more than I am already.

[Beverley]

Talk about a kick when your down eh. Things will get better mate and if you ever need a chinwag i, along with countless others here will happily lend an ear. You're not on your own

[The Future's Maroon]

Bev, its weird...why the heck I first posted on this thread all those months ago still confuses me to this day - BUT, and this may sound weird to some...I spoke on here about my shit before telling my family etc but it helped in a strange way.

 

Talking to someone, even if its a daft football forum , really helped me. The PM's I have had is just simply inspiring, humbling even.

 

I can only advise anyone who is reading this thread (like I did originally) and thinking "should I post"...should or feel free to PM me because help is out there. It's amazing the relief I got myself just from getting my problems out there.

 

If you can't post on here to a bunch of 'strangers', you NEED to talk to someone even it its a Dr or a family member or friend - don't bottle this shit up as it doesn't help.

[Beverley]

Oh i hear that. No idea why i posted either and like you, was truly taken aback by the pms and offers of help.

 

I think the near anonymity of it being an Internet forum helps too though.

[Stuart Lyon]

The Future's Maroon - sorry to read of your problems and hope things get better. Were you a union member at HRMC? If you were did you not consider getting them involved. Is it too late to mention it to them especially if you feel your illness was treated differently to that of others?

[Stoddyhmfc]

 

I can only advise anyone who is reading this thread (like I did originally) and thinking "should I post"...should or feel free to PM me because help is out there. It's amazing the relief I got myself just from getting my problems out

 

This is exactly what I thought when I 1st posted on here. Got so much good advice some that even helped me take the decision to quit my job! Since I done this I now feel like there is light at the end of this horrific tunnel I've been in for the past year.

[The Future's Maroon]

The Future's Maroon - sorry to read of your problems and hope things get better. Were you a union member at HRMC? If you were did you not consider getting them involved. Is it too late to mention it to them especially if you feel your illness was treated differently to that of others?

 

I did have them involved yes and to be fair the rep I had done as much as he could really, but in the end there wasn't anything they could do. I have accepted what has happened and although its a massive blow to lose my job, I also see it as a chance to possibly 'move on' and get a fresh start in life. The way I see it I cannot allow myself to wallow away in self pity and get into a rhythm of lazing about everyday (which I did about six years ago and ended up on the 'rock n roll' for about six months), so I have set myself little goals to do at least one thing in regards to finding a job each day...for example yesterday I sat and spent over an hour updating my CV, today I will get registered with a few agencies (even though I hate working for them from past experience).

Edited October 14, 2014 by The Future's Maroon

[Stuart Lyon]

TFM - definitely continue with the positive approach you have outlined in your last post. As you say there dis no sense in wallowing in self pity. Hopefully you will get a job quickly and then re-evaluate as time goes on. Good luck.

[Marvin]

After a referral to Occupational Health by my current Team Leader at work they have finally accepted that although not depressed I have an anxiety disorder linked to the neurological condition known a Neurofibromatosis which essentially is a Genetic disorder that effects people in varying degrees. What annoys me most is that previous TL's completely dismissed the condition when I explained it to them in my monthly 1 to 1 and was put on a performance review thingy and a written warning (which to this day I never received notification of their action). I was really lucky because its an Atos department who conduct the assessment and because I work for the DWP I'm well aware of the criticism that Atos get. So was pleased to get assessed by someone who turned out to be very knowledgeable on the condition. So as a result, Equality Laws state my employer must put in place Special Measures to assist me do my job to the best of my ability. And my Minimum Expected Level (formerly known as 'benchmarks') have been reduced. But it has only taken 11 years for this to be recognised.

[Floyd]

At least it's been recognised fella. A step in the right direction that they are making reasonable adjustments too.

[The Future's Maroon]

After a referral to Occupational Health by my current Team Leader at work they have finally accepted that although not depressed I have an anxiety disorder linked to the neurological condition known a Neurofibromatosis which essentially is a Genetic disorder that effects people in varying degrees. What annoys me most is that previous TL's completely dismissed the condition when I explained it to them in my monthly 1 to 1 and was put on a performance review thingy and a written warning (which to this day I never received notification of their action). I was really lucky because its an Atos department who conduct the assessment and because I work for the DWP I'm well aware of the criticism that Atos get. So was pleased to get assessed by someone who turned out to be very knowledgeable on the condition. So as a result, Equality Laws state my employer must put in place Special Measures to assist me do my job to the best of my ability. And my Minimum Expected Level (formerly known as 'benchmarks') have been reduced. But it has only taken 11 years for this to be recognised.

 

Its a good think that it has been diagnosed and hopefully the road to recovery can begin.

 

In regards your performance review and written warning which you have not had notification, if you are a member of PCS (or whatever union DWP use) I would contact them, especially because you have been telling them about your issues in each 1 to 1 you have....the union might (don't want to say should but its my take on it) be able to get it wiped off your record. Its worth talking to a rep about.

 

Also, it was Atos I was assessed by when off myself and despite the poor press they have had in the past (rightly to be fair) they were very good with me.

Edited October 25, 2014 by The Future's Maroon

[Marvin]

Its a good think that it has been diagnosed and hopefully the road to recovery can begin.

 

In regards your performance review and written warning which you have not had notification, if you are a member of PCS (or whatever union DWP use) I would contact them, especially because you have been telling them about your issues in each 1 to 1 you have....the union might (don't want to say should but its my take on it) be able to get it wiped off your record. Its worth talking to a rep about.

 

Also, it was Atos I was assessed by when off myself and despite the poor press they have had in the past (rightly to be fair) they were very good with me.

 

Thanks but the condition is incurable and like I said people are effected in varying degrees. Already spoke to my rep who is going to see if i can appeal my appraisal decision where I lost my performance award (?374 too) but it seems as if I'm too late as we have a month to put in an appeal and its been almost 2 months now. But the rep is excellent so we will see.

[Marvin]

At least it's been recognised fella. A step in the right direction that they are making reasonable adjustments too.

 

Thats exactly what I was wanting from my employer mate.

[Beverley]

Actually wasn't aware that neurofibromatosis was linked to anxiety or depression. I need to read up on this as i suspect that this might be reasons behind a family members problem.

[Marvin]

Actually wasn't aware that neurofibromatosis was linked to anxiety or depression. I need to read up on this as i suspect that this might be reasons behind a family members problem.

 

Hey Bev my anxiety seems to be indirectly related to the condition as I have been struggling to meet targets at work. When I have more time I will pm you some of the contents of the letter. Probably Monday as I have a day off to see my GP so will have time in the afternoon, that is if I'm not too hanging after Sunday's win

[muldoon74]

Just came across this thread,.. I'll be reading through it properly later as I can't just now as I'm busy doing stuff for college on depression, anxiety and training programmes to tackle them.

 

I'm doing a HND in Applied Sport Science and in this the second year we do a lot on Psychological skills training and the Psychology of sport. A large part of which is to do with depression, anxiety etc..

 

I'd be interested to know if any of those who do suffer from either of these have ever been prescribed or referred to a gym/personal trainer for exercise to help treat their conditions? GP's can do this in the same way they can refer you to a gym if you are overweight as part of the govt initiatives to combat obesity. The reason I ask is because this is an area I am looking to specialize in and was wandering if anyone has actually been referred or if its a vastly underused or known about resource. I was having problems with my weight and I had to press my GP quite a lot before he would refer me to the 10 week free membership of council facilities. I'd be interested to know if, in peoples experience, their GP has generally just given them pills to take or if there is a more pro-active and positive aspect to their treatment of sufferers.

 

Whilst I am by no means an expert, I do tend to try and think about things in a logical way. A large part of depression and anxiety is hormonal imbalances.. Exercise and training help to restore the balance of hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol thereby helping to alleviate the condition.

 

Looking forward to reading through this thread in more depth...

[djf]

Hey Bev my anxiety seems to be indirectly related to the condition as I have been struggling to meet targets at work. When I have more time I will pm you some of the contents of the letter. Probably Monday as I have a day off to see my GP so will have time in the afternoon, that is if I'm not too hanging after Sunday's win

 

Hope you enjoyed the goal today bud today.

[Captain Canada]

Reading some of this thread again tonight, the thing that jumps out at me is how long people suffer before seeking help. I did this for many years and know how difficult it can be to find the courage to talk to someone.

 

I've also found it so much easier to talk to strangers than people I know.

 

There's still so much ignorance about depression and mental health. I recently wore a mental health awareness wristband to work and my boss made a joke about it in front of everyone in the office. If I hadn't needed the money from the job to support my family I'd have decked him on the spot and never gone back.

[RustyRightPeg]

I started to feel a bit down, alone and felt like there was nowhere I could go. Felt like this for the last 3-4 months or so and did virtually nothing about it till I broke down in work one day and my manager noticed a significant difference in my mood. God knows why I kept it in for that amount of time as the best thing I did was talk to someone, the only person I felt like I could speak to and at that time it was my manager at work. Since I sought help things have improved significantly, not very quickly, but everyday is an improvement. It affected everything, i'd rarely see my pals, I started to bump going to football, etc. But honestly, one piece of advice I have, regardless of how hard it may seem is to find someone to speak to and let it all out. The only way is up from there.

[Marvin]

Reading some of this thread again tonight, the thing that jumps out at me is how long people suffer before seeking help. I did this for many years and know how difficult it can be to find the courage to talk to someone.

 

I've also found it so much easier to talk to strangers than people I know.

 

There's still so much ignorance about depression and mental health. I recently wore a mental health awareness wristband to work and my boss made a joke about it in front of everyone in the office. If I hadn't needed the money from the job to support my family I'd have decked him on the spot and never gone back.

 

I think within the confines of this topic nobody is being judgmental and we all have our usernames to protect our identity so it makes it easier. I find my friends don't seem to understand how I am actually feeling and give advice that although meant with the best of intentions but doesn't really help. Yet discussing the feelings on a board where there are others who are in similar circumstances gets a load of your chest. And I have found that the anonymity of the username is also beneficial.

[Der Kaiser]

I've got my 3 month review appointment coming up. Pills have really helped but I can't stop worrying about this appointment.