depression

[Beverley]

it may even be worthwhile having a appointment yourself initially with your GP to get advice on the best way to help. Getting her to speak to her GP maybe difficult so setting the paving slabs yourself will maybe help.

 

hope everything works out for you, sounds like a horrible situation to be in

[Alex]

I have no experience myself, but you could try contacting these folk see if they have any advice http://www.crossreach.org.uk/postnatal-depression-services-lothian-0

[rodger whittaker]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

[Craigieboy]

RW - I'm almost certain that this is an extreme form of PND. No one takes extreme actions like this off the cuff.

 

I'll be honest here (as it'd do more harm to tell you otherwise), but it's a condition that can last for quite a while & really must be treated professionally.

 

Try to speak to her. Reassure her that you love her. Don't react to her moods and horrible words (they're a result of the illness). Do everything you can to placate her & reassure her. Easier said than done but the end goal has got to be regaining your partner & getting help for her. Keep that in your sights at all tines and it will help you to deal with her gently & lovingly.

 

It's a terrible illness & results in horrible moments & a lot of words spoken which will be regretted later. But it's cureable.

 

As with any form of depression, patience & long suffering on your part will be essential.

 

Good luck mate.

[rodger whittaker]

Thanks for the advice Craigieboy. I'm glad people who have no vested interest seem to agree that PND could be a possibility. I realise it's not a diagnosis but it helps me reaffirm my believe that this is the cause. At first it seemed like it had come out of the blue but looking back this has been building up slowly for the last 5 months. I'm going to speak to a couple of her family members tonight to speak with them. Hopefully that doesn't make matters even worse.

 

Thanks again.

[rodger whittaker]

RW - I'm almost certain that this is an extreme form of PND. No one takes extreme actions like this off the cuff.

 

I'll be honest here (as it'd do more harm to tell you otherwise), but it's a condition that can last for quite a while & really must be treated professionally.

 

Try to speak to her. Reassure her that you love her. Don't react to her moods and horrible words (they're a result of the illness). Do everything you can to placate her & reassure her. Easier said than done but the end goal has got to be regaining your partner & getting help for her. Keep that in your sights at all tines and it will help you to deal with her gently & lovingly.

 

It's a terrible illness & results in horrible moments & a lot of words spoken which will be regretted later. But it's cureable.

 

As with any form of depression, patience & long suffering on your part will be essential.

 

Good luck mate.

 

One thing I would say is I probably haven't covered myself in glory with the way I've reacted to this. I've tried to stay calm as in the back of my mind I'm pretty sure PND is the cause, but I have reacted a couple of time as everything I say seems to be getting twisted and giving her more justification for disliking me. Even when I have stayed calm, on one occasion this frustrated her to such an extent that she was violent towards me. I immediately left to defuse the situation but a couple of hours later she was back telling me she loves me - but that doesn't matter as she can't trust me.

[Dia Liom]

The subject interests me a lot, though I don't claim to have done a lot of reading on it. I fully sympathise with anyone going through it..however!

 

I simply don't believe that medication prescribed for depression/anxiety can be a good thing. Theres surely not enough known about these illneses to justify doctors handing out powerful drugs too folk.

 

Social anxiety disorder? Etc. Seems to me just different degrees of what everyone goes through, and some people just are happier to label it an illness and take a tablet.

 

Yes I've felt depressed at times in my life but to me it is the way the brain/body that something is wrong (shit job/gf/grief). So people take the easy option instead of properly looking at their life and tryi g to be happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[blondejamtart]

Just a thought, but if the wee one is only five months, is she still in contact with her health visitor - for instance, for check-ups, weighing and so on? They are usually pretty good at keeping an eye open for signs of PND, but it might be worthwhile having a word with them and seeing if they can help or offer advice in any way.

[rodger whittaker]

Just a thought, but if the wee one is only five months, is she still in contact with her health visitor - for instance, for check-ups, weighing and so on? They are usually pretty good at keeping an eye open for signs of PND, but it might be worthwhile having a word with them and seeing if they can help or offer advice in any way.

 

She is under the HV's care because of the wee one's age but isn't due to see her again until our daughter is 6 months old. I called the HV last week but to my knowledge she hasn't called yet. I'll follow it up though as things seem to be escalating. Thank you.

[doctor jambo]

Rodger - she has PND. No doubt. There is little you can do, she needs professional help adn the sooner she gets it the better for you and the child. it is VERY difficult to convince her to seek that help, but go see your own GP if you share a practice and share your concerns.

Good luck mate- and if the HV does nothing - complain- its serious

[Gambo]

Just to echo what others have said, get her (as hard as that may be) to her GP.

 

No matter what she says or does make sure she knows you love her but dont smother her.

 

Do that wee bit extra about the house yourself, but be sure not to make it out you are only doing it because of her deprssion. Also if you can, get her out the house for walks, you get her out the house, walkings quite peaceful and it will just be you, her and the baby.

 

Also, and this is as important as the care she will receive, make sure you take care of yourself. Do the things you normally do....5 asides, football, pint with mates etc. That will be the first piece of advice a HV or doctor will give you.

 

All the best mate.

[rodger whittaker]

Just to echo what others have said, get her (as hard as that may be) to her GP.

 

No matter what she says or does make sure she knows you love her but dont smother her.

 

Do that wee bit extra about the house yourself, but be sure not to make it out you are only doing it because of her deprssion. Also if you can, get her out the house for walks, you get her out the house, walkings quite peaceful and it will just be you, her and the baby.

 

Also, and this is as important as the care she will receive, make sure you take care of yourself. Do the things you normally do....5 asides, football, pint with mates etc. That will be the first piece of advice a HV or doctor will give you.

 

All the best mate.

Rodger - she has PND. No doubt. There is little you can do, she needs professional help adn the sooner she gets it the better for you and the child. it is VERY difficult to convince her to seek that help, but go see your own GP if you share a practice and share your concerns.

Good luck mate- and if the HV does nothing - complain- its serious

 

Thank you guys.

 

Doc - can I ask, given your username, are you actually a doctor? Not meaning to be cheeky but it would reassure me even further that I'm not clutching at straws.

 

Gambo - I would do extra around the house but she's moved back to her mum's and taken the kids with her. My wee one's 5 months old today & I won't be seeing her. She's even blocked me on all social network sites, phones and such like because I suggested during our last argument that she may be suffering from PND. I know this was the wrong way to go about it, but it just blurted out.

[doctor jambo]

yes , I am for my sins! and maybe have a word with her mother about your concerns- women tend to explode at each other quite easily, yet forgive each other more readily. The problem is that when people are ill they sometimes lose insight and frequently blame others. This would appear to be the case.

[rodger whittaker]

 

yes , I am for my sins! and maybe have a word with her mother about your concerns- women tend to explode at each other quite easily, yet forgive each other more readily. The problem is that when people are ill they sometimes lose insight and frequently blame others. This would appear to be the case.

 

Thank you Doc. I'm going to see a female family member tonight but not her mum at first. Her mum can be quite fiery and she will be watching the kids whilst my partner is at work. The last thing I want is more confrontation,

 

Thank you for you help.

[Dia Liom]

So the general consensus is; if you are depressed, go to a doctor.

 

Just me that thinks that is weird?

[Gorgiewave]

So the general consensus is; if you are depressed, go to a doctor.

 

Just me that thinks that is weird?

 

Why do you think it's weird? Are you making a cynical comment that doctors will make you more depressed? Or that depression is not a medical matter?

[Beverley]

Its not weird at all. I can understand totally your reservations about medication. I had the same view and didn't want to go down that road but talking it over with my gp, the medication all added to counselling has helped me like I can't explain really.

 

The best thing to do is discuss the problem with health professionals.

[the sub goalie]

So the general consensus is; if you are depressed, go to a doctor.

 

Just me that thinks that is weird?

 

I don't think it is weird.

 

If you had a sore knee that wouldnt shift then you would seek medical advice, it is the same for depression.

 

Everybody feels down at some time or another but for the majority, thankfully it subsides and normal life can be resummed again. Depression sets in and can take over life as you know it.

 

Also the doctor is not just about prescribing medication, they also evaluate the patient and may offer counselling which can be crucial in someones fight with depression.

[rodger whittaker]

Hi folks. I'm not much of a poster, more a lurker, but I could really do with advice from people not involved in my situation to give me a neutral perspective.

 

About 5 months ago my partner and I had a beautiful baby girl. This is my first daughter and my partner's second. We have had our ups and downs over our two year relationship like anyone else, but overall are very strong and loving. The woman is the love of my life.

 

Anyway, following the birth of our daughter my partner started becoming increasingly suspicious of my movements and activities whenever I was out. Even if I was out with our baby girl she seemed suspicious that I was out meeting other women. Obviously I wasn't. I tried to address it with her but it was always just dismissed as nothing to worry about and her mind working overtime. I should say that my partner and I got together when I was in another relationship so I have a history of cheating (one that I'm not proud of) but I have NEVER cheated on her. I never would. This escalated until a couple of weeks ago when we were in the process of moving house and there was a fairly innocuous incident which my partner admitted she over reacted to. Following this she has decided she can't trust me and it's better if we are apart. I have given explanations and proof to the contrary for every suspicion she has yet she says she can't trust me and cannot 'live in doubt' although she still loves me. There was never any doubt prior to our baby girl arriving.

 

Also since our daughter arrived, my partner has been extremely tired alsomst constantly, irritable, varying between low mood to almost extreme highs, low libido, making comments about her not being attractive (seeking constant reassurance on this) and uninterested in her friends or doing anything together. I realise that these could all be part of being a new mum coupled with going back to work fairly quickly after our daughter arrived. But it's just such an extreme change I'm worried she may have some form of Post Natal Depression. I'm not an angel and we have our problems like anyone else. My partner has a fiery side to her and if you cross her then hell mend you. But I have never, ever known her like this. It's almost like I don't recognise her anymore. She has a history of low mood and went through something similar after the birth of her first daughter - although PND was never suggested to my knowledge. It was put down to her having her first daughter very young.

 

Since this kicked off we have both said some horrible things, which I know I don't mean - and she tells me she doesn't either, and the other night I blurted out I thought she may be suffering from PND. Now she won't speak to me, has emptied all of her and the kids belongings from the house and is staying elsewhere and has told friends she is disgusted by that suggestion as it implies she can't look after our girls. Nothing could be further from the truth - she is a fantastic mother.

 

I love my partner dearly. Up until a couple of weeks ago we were excited about or future (marriage, new house, holidays, more kids etc), but now this all seems to be gone - for her at least. I've thought about approaching her family but I'm worried this could make things worse if they don't agree with me. Who knows, maybe they could be right and the relationship has broken down irretrievably, but it's just such a massive shift, I'm worried about her.

 

I've researched PND online and spoken with a couple of support groups and it appears she could be displaying symptoms of PND. Does anyone have any advice on how - or even if - I should approach this in the best manner for my partner, our kids and our relationship?

 

Thanks.

 

Folks. Thank you for all your help and advice yesterday. I intended on going to see one of my partner's relatives last night to try to discuss this with them. Unfortunately before I could do so I was told by my partner that I am not allowed to see my daughter (or step-daughter), she is approaching a lawyer to arrange times, she has the CSA involved, by trying to see her or the kids I am harassing her - followed by all sorts of allegations involving money & women, all of which genuinely are untrue and can be disproved.

I'm no angel, but I pride myself on putting my partner and kids before everyone and everything. I work hard (as does she) to provide for the family and only want the very best for all of us. How can a relationship which was so good, and a family who were so strong and happy (with small probelms like everyone right enough!) be torn apart and turned upside down in the space of 2 and a half weeks? Can this really be PND?

[Eric Shin]

Folks. Thank you for all your help and advice yesterday. I intended on going to see one of my partner's relatives last night to try to discuss this with them. Unfortunately before I could do so I was told by my partner that I am not allowed to see my daughter (or step-daughter), she is approaching a lawyer to arrange times, she has the CSA involved, by trying to see her or the kids I am harassing her - followed by all sorts of allegations involving money & women, all of which genuinely are untrue and can be disproved.

I'm no angel, but I pride myself on putting my partner and kids before everyone and everything. I work hard (as does she) to provide for the family and only want the very best for all of us. How can a relationship which was so good, and a family who were so strong and happy (with small probelms like everyone right enough!) be torn apart and turned upside down in the space of 2 and a half weeks? Can this really be PND?

 

Feel for you , some woman can be complete *******s during a break up , hopefully she see's sense and things can get back to normal , i wouldnt worry re the CSA , technically she isnt your kid ( probably not what you want to hear - but it is one less worry )

[rodger whittaker]

Feel for you , some woman can be complete *******s during a break up , hopefully she see's sense and things can get back to normal , i wouldnt worry re the CSA , technically she isnt your kid ( probably not what you want to hear - but it is one less worry )

 

Cheers mate, my step-daughter isn't but the 5 month old is. I couldn't care less re the CSA I'd give both the girls (and their mum) my last penny, I just don't think there's a need for their involvement already. This only came about two and a half weeks ago.

[Gorgiewave]

When you say you're no angel, apart from the infidelity with you're previous woman, what do you mean? Are you talking about not folding your towel or something more serious?

[rodger whittaker]

When you say you're no angel, apart from the infidelity with you're previous woman, what do you mean? Are you talking about not folding your towel or something more serious?

 

Haha, I always fold my towel mate. In my past I had substance misuse issue (a long time ago, well before I met her), nothing that harmed anyone but myself and she was well aware of this when we met and throughout our relationship. I've always been totally honest with her regarding this and have never relapsed as my kids and relationship are far too important to me. Now these issues from my past are one cause for her insecurities apparently. I should say that I am subject to random drugs testing in my line of work and have always passed with flying colours.

[blondejamtart]

Sorry to hear that the situation seems to have escalated - but yes, there is a possibility that the drastic change could be down to PND. One woman I know had to be forcibly sectioned with one of the most severe forms of PND, but even the lesser forms can lead to fairly dramatic changes in personality. One thing I would say is that if she is making these allegations and preventing you from seeing your child, then you need to seek proper advice on this.

[rodger whittaker]

Sorry to hear that the situation seems to have escalated - but yes, there is a possibility that the drastic change could be down to PND. One woman I know had to be forcibly sectioned with one of the most severe forms of PND, but even the lesser forms can lead to fairly dramatic changes in personality. One thing I would say is that if she is making these allegations and preventing you from seeing your child, then you need to seek proper advice on this.

 

Thanks blonde. I was hoping to avoid going down that route but really, as it stands just now, I don't think I have any other option.

[blondejamtart]

I can understand that, but sadly, I think that is your only option at this stage. Fingers crossed it all works out ok for you.

[redm]

So the general consensus is; if you are depressed, go to a doctor.

 

Just me that thinks that is weird?

 

Yes. If you think you might be suffering from depression it's absolutely vital that you see a doctor. In some cases that visit can be a life saver.

 

I understand that you're curious but please be very careful with your line of questioning here, especially when you openly admit to knowing little and not having done any research to find out about the subject either.

[redm]

 

Thanks blonde. I was hoping to avoid going down that route but really, as it stands just now, I don't think I have any other option.

 

I can't add to the excellent advice you've already been given other than to suggest you maybe keep a diary of what has happened/is now happening. Sounds terribly clinical but if/when you end up in a situation where you need to explain the timeline of events it might help you. It might help her sometime too.

 

All the very best to you and to her. I hope things improve soon.

[Jabba]

 

I can't add to the excellent advice you've already been given other than to suggest you maybe keep a diary of what has happened/is now happening. Sounds terribly clinical but if/when you end up in a situation where you need to explain the timeline of events it might help you. It might help her sometime too.

 

All the very best to you and to her. I hope things improve soon.

 

I absolutely echo these sentiments. I've had mates that have had trouble with kids/exes and even though you might be hoping for reconciliation you have to prepare for things going sour too. A diary of events or recording all texts, emails, etc and even a brief note of the content of phone calls or contact with any other family members and what was said when will really help your case.

 

I hope it doesn't come to that and you can patch things up but it's always wise to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

 

 

 

[Rick Grimes]

Haha, I always fold my towel mate. In my past I had substance misuse issue (a long time ago, well before I met her), nothing that harmed anyone but myself and she was well aware of this when we met and throughout our relationship. I've always been totally honest with her regarding this and have never relapsed as my kids and relationship are far too important to me. Now these issues from my past are one cause for her insecurities apparently. I should say that I am subject to random drugs testing in my line of work and have always passed with flying colours.

 

 

You've been given some excellent advice here and I hope it works out for you. I may be wrong in suggesting this, but you or someone close to the pair of you may suggest to your lady that its an idea that she read the last couple of pages of this thread and see for herself how you're trying to get to grips with a difficult situation. You've named no names so no-one knows who you either of you are, but you're clearly expressed a desire to not only do the right thing going forward but also regret for how your face to face dealings have gone up till now.

 

PND is a vicious disease and your partner deserves all the sympathy in the world. You clearly want to offer her that but the heat of the moment is a difficult thing - if she could read for herself, and have the time to also think for herself, she may see that you want what's best for all four of you.

 

If it gives her the opportunity to see how you're working to find a way, I can't help but recommend you find some way to make her see how you're trying.

 

All the best.

[Rick Grimes]

The subject interests me a lot, though I don't claim to have done a lot of reading on it. I fully sympathise with anyone going through it..however!

 

I simply don't believe that medication prescribed for depression/anxiety can be a good thing. Theres surely not enough known about these illneses to justify doctors handing out powerful drugs too folk.

 

Social anxiety disorder? Etc. Seems to me just different degrees of what everyone goes through, and some people just are happier to label it an illness and take a tablet.

 

Yes I've felt depressed at times in my life but to me it is the way the brain/body that something is wrong (shit job/gf/grief). So people take the easy option instead of properly looking at their life and tryi g to be happy.

 

There's an answer to this, but I feel you'll be taken badly for being too glib about the entire subject before I respond. Yes, people used, and largely still do, just deal with this kind of thing. What's changed & continuing to change is the ability to talk about these issues openly in society.

 

Its a combination of a chemical imbalance issue for some people & a thought process training issue for others. That doesn't make the anti-depressants doled out by doctors necessarily a bad thing, its more an indication of the time they're able to devote to helping someone before the next patient comes in and how the depressed patient is left. Medication undoubtedly has its place and I'm happy to discuss that further with anyone who needs to (20mg of fluxoteine/[prozac daily myself with a plan to stop this spring after 2 years).

 

Continue to approach the subject with interest and sympathy and you'll help us all along the road of not having to suffer or empathise.

[Kalamazoo Jambo]

 

 

I may be wrong in suggesting this, but you or someone close to the pair of you may suggest to your lady that its an idea that she read the last couple of pages of this thread and see for herself how you're trying to get to grips with a difficult situation. You've named no names so no-one knows who you either of you are, but you're clearly expressed a desire to not only do the right thing going forward but also regret for how your face to face dealings have gone up till now.

 

 

Afraid if she is suffering from PND, which seems likely, this could backfire badly in a 'what are you doing sharing our business?' kind of a way.

[Private Womble]

I was suffering from depression last year, found this thread extremely helpful. A few things I would mention would be - you're not alone, find the friends who look out for you. If you don't have friends use your family. I you feel totally alone join a club of you choosing, I decided on boxing, the exercise and socialising done me the world of good.

[Beverley]

so a little update

 

i've been completely off the tablets for a few weeks now and had a bit of a hideous time. the initial withrawals passed within a week or 2 thankfully, but i ended up with a horrible flu that lasted about 3 weeks and is still just lingering. this last couple of days though i've felt angry and today really low.

 

a quick google tells me this is quite common however and is not a sign that its returning in any way. constantly tired though and can't decide if its related to the withdrawals or the flu virus.

 

gonna give it another week or so and if its not lifted will head back to the docs for a wee chinwag. i'm telling myself its just the flu thats wore me down a bit and see. couple of things not going too swimmingly, but i'm managing to remember its not about me and stop personalising things

 

 

hope you all are doing ok

[Ragnar]

After years of not receiving professional help l finally went to see my GP and told him about my anxiety / depression symptoms.

 

He referred me to a councillor over 6 months ago and only recently have I been given a slot for treatment. Been to 3 sessions so far and obviously not noticed any major difference so far, but at least I'm getting some form of professional treatment.

 

Currently doing CBT therapy, anyone done something similar before? Councillor also mentioned potentially doing a combination approach of CBT and medication, but going to see how this goes first, it's a start at least.

[Juan Rom?n Riquelme]

Hey guys.

 

Just wanted to share this with everyone in here.

 

As a depression sufferer some of the stuff in this felt like it could have been talking about me personally and I'm sure it'll resonate with a lot of you guys.

 

One of the most touching things I've ever read.

 

http://thechrisgethardshow.tumblr.com/post/31345619495/for-gethard-anonymous-asks-gethard-i-know-youve

[Franco Fascione]

I reckon I've put this on here before.

 

If anyone is struggling to find or be referred to a counsellor, through their GP/NHS, for mental health issues and is able to pay to be seen, or you feel you just cannot wait for months to be seen, then please consider the following organisation based in Morningside:

 

www.pfcounselling.org.uk

 

I have a family member who found their services very helpful. You pay what you can afford from ?5 to ?45 per session. I believe the average paid is ?20. The sessions are on a weekly basis and all the info you need is on their web site. They even have self help brochures you can download in their 'Resources' section.

 

I'm not connected to them in any way, they just come highly recommended as professional and keeping things confidential.

 

If you are suffering or believe you need to speak to someone, I wish you all the best and hope you find the right kind of treatment.

 

 

[Beverley]

After years of not receiving professional help l finally went to see my GP and told him about my anxiety / depression symptoms.

 

He referred me to a councillor over 6 months ago and only recently have I been given a slot for treatment. Been to 3 sessions so far and obviously not noticed any major difference so far, but at least I'm getting some form of professional treatment.

 

Currently doing CBT therapy, anyone done something similar before? Councillor also mentioned potentially doing a combination approach of CBT and medication, but going to see how this goes first, it's a start at least.

 

I took fluoxetine and had a really shit counsellor which almost put me off but I eas then referred through work for cbt. I found it really helpful. Was booked in for 12 with a possible 6 more but was able to stop after 6 or 7 sessions. I still use loads of what I learned. It won't be to everyone's taste but if you can open yourself up to change and realise its not all your fault while still taking responsibility you'll do well to try it.

 

Hope it works for you as much as it did for me

[gordiegords]

After years of not receiving professional help l finally went to see my GP and told him about my anxiety / depression symptoms.

 

He referred me to a councillor over 6 months ago and only recently have I been given a slot for treatment. Been to 3 sessions so far and obviously not noticed any major difference so far, but at least I'm getting some form of professional treatment.

 

Currently doing CBT therapy, anyone done something similar before? Councillor also mentioned potentially doing a combination approach of CBT and medication, but going to see how this goes first, it's a start at least.

 

 

I've been utilising and incorporating CBT in my life for nearly 3 years now :-)

Edited April 10, 2014 by gordiegords

[Hansel]

Anyone tried mindfulness meditation? Did a course in it last year and pretty helpful for mood and mental state. Kind of works well in conjunction with CBT

 

That Napier' s at Bristo square do it I think.

[gordiegords]

Sure have :-)

[Ragnar]

First week on Citalopram 20mg, feel utterly dreadful.

 

- No sleep, literally none.

- Body temperature messed up, one minute boiling and the next minute shivering.

- Headache

- Feel even more anxious / depressed.

 

Hopefully these all subside after time.

 

[Maiden Gorgie]

First week on Citalopram 20mg, feel utterly dreadful.

 

- No sleep, literally none.

- Body temperature messed up, one minute boiling and the next minute shivering.

- Headache

- Feel even more anxious / depressed.

 

Hopefully these all subside after time.

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

Would recommend seeing your GP/Councillor again, lots of alternative meds out there and maybe this one just isn't for you. I went through pretty bad times on fluoxetine but changed meds and felt a lot better really quickly.

 

Hope you start feeling better soon

[The Future's Maroon]

I think if I had spotted this thread when it was originally started I would have went and seen about myself ages ago.

 

Sorry for the war and peace, but although this is a footy forum this topic is close to my heart because it took me (not anyone else...ME) until Christmas 2013 from childhood to admit something was wrong.

 

I have had many many ups and downs in my life, it probably started when I was about seven and had a younger sister who died - she got caught up in the cord of an venetian blind and basically strangled herself and although that was about 30 years ago now I can still see my Dad frantically trying to save her on the bottom of my bed that night...that vision I don't think will ever leave me. From what happened my parents couldn't cope and had to leave the council House they were in and move away from the area altogether.

 

So we ended up moving to the 'right' side of Edinburgh, but unfortunately the problems for me didnt stop there. I turned into a really nasty little barsteward which involved stealing from my parents and shops and was very disruptive when I first went to school, then a bit of bullying kicked in too so all in all as a kid my head was fkd up real bad. My parents took to some kind of shrink, I can even remember being in the room talking away with a two way mirror in the room - I can only remember that cos I spotted someone moving at the other side and asked whoever I was talking to who was behind the mirror.

 

As I grew up the bullying got worse and worse, my parents were not well off at all so I was the kid who had the Panam/Gola/Nae Name trainers, horrible clothes (including hand me downs from relatives) and it just egged on the bullies to continue what they were doing. My parents went to the school but the headteacher said she knew nothing of it and had asked my teacher - of course it was hidden, most bullying is. On one occasion when I come home crying as my school bag and lunch money was chucked in a wee stream (the one near Balgreen Primary) he sat me down and told me I had to deal with it because there was nothing he could do. He told me that the next time "John Smith" done something I was to follow him into the toilet and when he was doing his business 'ram his head off the wall'...being a kid I though ok then I will. A few weeks after that conversation it did kick off and something silly like my calculator got broken when my bag was taken off me...so I done exactly what my Dad had said - next thing I am in the headteachers office about to be excluded from the school, my Dad went nuts in that office that day and basically dragged me out and took me home, once home he told me I had not done bad or anything and as it was only a couple of months from the end of Primary my parents kept me off school until I went to High School (Tynie). I remember those Summer holidays because I was dreading the first day and seeing the bully, thankfully he had went to a different school so I got a clean slate/fresh start and ended up really enjoying high school, so much so I stayed on an extra year to do highers.

 

So I thought life was back on track, then some horrible months followed with losing all four grandparents whom I was very close too in the space of two years sent me a bot off the rails again, back to shop lifting and being a wee barsteward...thankfully when school finished I managed to score a job with a local company (I sheet you not, my interview for that job went like this....Hi, I see you have an advert for an apprentice how do I go about applying to which the reply was "are you a Hearts fan", which I said of course...."Be hear on Monday at 8am" - six years later I gave up that trade, but that job really really sorted me out and made me grow up and see things are not always as bad as they seem.

 

When I was about 16/17 I started to suffer from 'blackouts', one minute I was doing whatever and fine then next min I was out cold on the ground, a couple of times I was coming too and either a stranger or a mate was trying to bring me back round....I was meant to go for a MRI/ECG or what ever but out of fear I didn't go (yes I know). All of a sudden they stopped happening.

 

Everything in my life was going well, I had moved from the building trade and landed a job with Standard Life and shortly after I even managed to convince a lass I had fancied for about three years to go out with me. We were brilliant together for about four years, ended up engaged and moved in together. About seven years ago, I had my 30th birthday gathering in my local pub with family and friends, me and the then-partner went home and done what couples do - no signs of trouble in paradise. The next day she went out of town to visit her Mum who was poorly, she text me to ask if it was alright to stay over at her Mums to which I obviously said aye no worries...I got a text the next day simple saying "sorry, but I am not coming back" - and for about two years I never seen or heard from her...BOOM, right back to feeling terrible etc. Even at this stage I never even considered depression, I knew about it as my Mum was on tablets due to her and my Dad having to go bankrupt.

 

So the last seven years I have jumped from job to job, taking silly days off where I just simply could face leaving the house - being left with the original flat/bills/debts from the ex had taken its toll on me financially too as all savings I had were gone and I basically lived on a week to week basis, mainly relying on drink and drugs to get my kicks (nothing heavy drugs wise, cannabis and speed). I couldn't hold onto a steady job because I would go from being a happy chirpy chappie to a miserable sod in a matter of hours - honestly if I were to type out a 'real CV' it would be pages and pages long with all the jobs I have had, pity too because somehow I must have done well at interviews because I had jobs with Scottish Widows, RBS, Bank of New York, HSBC which would have turned my life around had I managed to keep them.

 

Things were on the up in recent years and got a job with an energy company which I was good at and got promoted to team leader (a job I never thought I could do) and was excellent at it, my staff liked me and I got on well with everyone within the company. About three years ago the government funding was cut so jobs were cut and (again) due to a poor attendance I was one of the ones let go, I managed to get a new job pretty soon after and I am still there today.

 

So, around November it was announced that I would be loosing my job because the type of contract I was on (It was originally a fixed term type appointment which started out to be for six months part time, but kept getting extended) they could basically get shot of staff no problems and due to the building I worked in being closed down I was sure that was me out on my ear again, I got a really bad bout of sciatica which floored me...had to take time off work as per my Doctors instructions. Just before Xmas I completely messed up money wise and ended up getting into debt with mates, payday loans, catalouges etc and one of these payday companies whom I had not paid went into my account on payday and took almost ?600 off me, not all my wages but about half. I had no money for living, no money for prezzies, no money to pay back my mates...so I done the worst possible thing at the time, I buried my head in the sand thinking it would go away but it didn't. On boxing day, my Sister was due to come with her hubby and new daughter (not even one at the time) to have their Xmas dinner with us...I was dreading it as I had no prezzies for them and felt so guilty and worthless. Thankfully one of my mates (who I was owe money) noticed how I was a different guy to the one he knew, he came to my house on Boxing Day with a bundle of old toys his own daughter had finished with and gave them to me to give to my niece - even though this was an amazing gesture, it really hit me hard and although I had only had two cans of lager that day I decided I had had enough of my life, I was no use to anyone. No use to my parents as we were always arguing, no use to my work as I was signed off, no use to myself cos I could hardly move without the pain of sciatica (I had it really bad in case someone comes on and says its not that bad). So like I said I decided enough was enough and when my parents went to bed I went through the kitchen and grabbed as many pills from the cupboard I could find, I didnt even know what half them were as they were a mix of my strong painkillers and my parents medication and promptly went through to my room and cracked open a bottle of vodka and started downing them one and the other....that could have been me.

 

Thankfully, ever since I was young I have always struggled to swallow any kind of tablet (I must have choked as a kid or something) and after I had swallowed maybe a dozen I ended up puking (probably the straight vodka) and the tablets came flying out with the sick...thank god, because it was then and only then that I myself realised there was something seriously wrong with me. I made an appointment with the GP not even knowing if he was the right person to talk too or not, turns out it was probably one of the best choices in my life to actually go to that appointment. My blackouts had started again about a year ago but were more controllable now, I could feel one coming on and would be able to get myself into a squat/sitting position and it would ease off (I used to think it was just standing up to quick, until I had a fit type thing in my bed and ended up not breathing and the parents had to call 999). The GP said it was more likely anxiety attacks and if I had any issues or problems in my life...so I told him pretty much what I have typed here and bang...diagnosed with depression, I told the GP I didn't want pills because I knew once you start on them its very difficult to stop, I have always struggled to get to sleep at night...as in I can go to bed at 11pm and guaranteed I will still be awake at 1am so the GP gave me sleeping pills to see if they would help. The first lot he gave me done nothing, I still think they were just placebo tablets, then he gave me a different kind and the sleeping was sorted I went weeks with the best sleep I had had in years.

 

The feeling useless, worthless and no 'get-up-and-go' continued so I went back to the GP who gave me Citalopram 20mg (like the poster above mentioned), I went to the chemist and collected them determined to get better...well, I have probably done the wrong thing because I still have that packet in a drawer unopened because the GP warned me about the effects at first and if/when I was better coming off them can be hard. I have never took one but I look at the packet now and again and think to myself "do I really want to go down that road"? The GP also gave me the number for Breathing Space Scotland, a helpline mainly aimed at men, whom I have spoke to a few times and they have been great because talking about depression is one of the best things to help beat it. Oh, I didn't mention that the events at Xmas, the Citalopram, the sleeping tablets...none of my friends or family know about and for some reason I don't want them to.

 

I went back to work in March this year, got my contract extended and was transferred to another part of the business and moved to an office in the city centre rather than traveling to Livingston (public transport) every day...I was as honest as I could be with my boss (previous one in Livi) and told him everything. I will be honest I hated the guy as we clashed personality wise but from the day I told him about my problems he became my 'go to person'. He was amazing and helped me so much, my opinion of that guy has changed so much its frightening. Obviously this sort of thing is in my file at work so my new boss now knows about it all...on my first day, although supposedly training, he asked if he could have a chat with me...I was worried about this chat, but he took me into his office and basically told me he had went through similar years and years ago and knew exactly how I was feeling. He told me if I need anything, even just to take an hour out I can or if I want to chat just to give him a shout...that has helped

massively and I am now settled at my work and enjoying it (and life).

 

To anyone who has thoughts they might be suffering from depression I can only say please please talk to someone, like me it doesn't even have to be someone from your family or circle of friends but I would urge you to even just speak to your GP - they know exactly what to look out for. If you think maybe a family member of friend is possibly suffering from it then please approach them....you just never know they might just crack like I did and try to do something stupid.

 

if you go this far, thank you and I hope it spurs others into some kind of action if its required. This depression word is thrown about a lot, but the fact is a hell of a lot of people suffer from it and it is a medical illness - I used to be the type who would mock if I heard 'so and so is off with depression...I would say, aye right they are just getting a wee paid break from work pffft......now I know first hand that is certainly not the case.

 

Cheers,

[Craigieboy]

The Futures Maroon

 

I read every word of your story.

 

I'm so glad things are working out. Your new boss sounds just what you've needed.

 

Do you think it's the case that a lot of what went wrong in your life began with the death of your wee sister?

 

[susanjambo]

The Future's Maroon ..... reading your story there brought tears to my eyes then a big smile on my face at the end. You are obviously a stranger to me but I just wanted to say I wish u all the best in life. .....Susan xx

[graygo]

What a fantastic post - the future is indeed maroon

[scott_jambo]

I think if I had spotted this thread when it was originally started I would have went and seen about myself ages ago.

 

Sorry for the war and peace, but although this is a footy forum this topic is close to my heart because it took me (not anyone else...ME) until Christmas 2013 from childhood to admit something was wrong.

 

I have had many many ups and downs in my life, it probably started when I was about seven and had a younger sister who died - she got caught up in the cord of an venetian blind and basically strangled herself and although that was about 30 years ago now I can still see my Dad frantically trying to save her on the bottom of my bed that night...that vision I don't think will ever leave me. From what happened my parents couldn't cope and had to leave the council House they were in and move away from the area altogether.

 

So we ended up moving to the 'right' side of Edinburgh, but unfortunately the problems for me didnt stop there. I turned into a really nasty little barsteward which involved stealing from my parents and shops and was very disruptive when I first went to school, then a bit of bullying kicked in too so all in all as a kid my head was fkd up real bad. My parents took to some kind of shrink, I can even remember being in the room talking away with a two way mirror in the room - I can only remember that cos I spotted someone moving at the other side and asked whoever I was talking to who was behind the mirror.

 

As I grew up the bullying got worse and worse, my parents were not well off at all so I was the kid who had the Panam/Gola/Nae Name trainers, horrible clothes (including hand me downs from relatives) and it just egged on the bullies to continue what they were doing. My parents went to the school but the headteacher said she knew nothing of it and had asked my teacher - of course it was hidden, most bullying is. On one occasion when I come home crying as my school bag and lunch money was chucked in a wee stream (the one near Balgreen Primary) he sat me down and told me I had to deal with it because there was nothing he could do. He told me that the next time "John Smith" done something I was to follow him into the toilet and when he was doing his business 'ram his head off the wall'...being a kid I though ok then I will. A few weeks after that conversation it did kick off and something silly like my calculator got broken when my bag was taken off me...so I done exactly what my Dad had said - next thing I am in the headteachers office about to be excluded from the school, my Dad went nuts in that office that day and basically dragged me out and took me home, once home he told me I had not done bad or anything and as it was only a couple of months from the end of Primary my parents kept me off school until I went to High School (Tynie). I remember those Summer holidays because I was dreading the first day and seeing the bully, thankfully he had went to a different school so I got a clean slate/fresh start and ended up really enjoying high school, so much so I stayed on an extra year to do highers.

 

So I thought life was back on track, then some horrible months followed with losing all four grandparents whom I was very close too in the space of two years sent me a bot off the rails again, back to shop lifting and being a wee barsteward...thankfully when school finished I managed to score a job with a local company (I sheet you not, my interview for that job went like this....Hi, I see you have an advert for an apprentice how do I go about applying to which the reply was "are you a Hearts fan", which I said of course...."Be hear on Monday at 8am" - six years later I gave up that trade, but that job really really sorted me out and made me grow up and see things are not always as bad as they seem.

 

When I was about 16/17 I started to suffer from 'blackouts', one minute I was doing whatever and fine then next min I was out cold on the ground, a couple of times I was coming too and either a stranger or a mate was trying to bring me back round....I was meant to go for a MRI/ECG or what ever but out of fear I didn't go (yes I know). All of a sudden they stopped happening.

 

Everything in my life was going well, I had moved from the building trade and landed a job with Standard Life and shortly after I even managed to convince a lass I had fancied for about three years to go out with me. We were brilliant together for about four years, ended up engaged and moved in together. About seven years ago, I had my 30th birthday gathering in my local pub with family and friends, me and the then-partner went home and done what couples do - no signs of trouble in paradise. The next day she went out of town to visit her Mum who was poorly, she text me to ask if it was alright to stay over at her Mums to which I obviously said aye no worries...I got a text the next day simple saying "sorry, but I am not coming back" - and for about two years I never seen or heard from her...BOOM, right back to feeling terrible etc. Even at this stage I never even considered depression, I knew about it as my Mum was on tablets due to her and my Dad having to go bankrupt.

 

So the last seven years I have jumped from job to job, taking silly days off where I just simply could face leaving the house - being left with the original flat/bills/debts from the ex had taken its toll on me financially too as all savings I had were gone and I basically lived on a week to week basis, mainly relying on drink and drugs to get my kicks (nothing heavy drugs wise, cannabis and speed). I couldn't hold onto a steady job because I would go from being a happy chirpy chappie to a miserable sod in a matter of hours - honestly if I were to type out a 'real CV' it would be pages and pages long with all the jobs I have had, pity too because somehow I must have done well at interviews because I had jobs with Scottish Widows, RBS, Bank of New York, HSBC which would have turned my life around had I managed to keep them.

 

Things were on the up in recent years and got a job with an energy company which I was good at and got promoted to team leader (a job I never thought I could do) and was excellent at it, my staff liked me and I got on well with everyone within the company. About three years ago the government funding was cut so jobs were cut and (again) due to a poor attendance I was one of the ones let go, I managed to get a new job pretty soon after and I am still there today.

 

So, around November it was announced that I would be loosing my job because the type of contract I was on (It was originally a fixed term type appointment which started out to be for six months part time, but kept getting extended) they could basically get shot of staff no problems and due to the building I worked in being closed down I was sure that was me out on my ear again, I got a really bad bout of sciatica which floored me...had to take time off work as per my Doctors instructions. Just before Xmas I completely messed up money wise and ended up getting into debt with mates, payday loans, catalouges etc and one of these payday companies whom I had not paid went into my account on payday and took almost ?600 off me, not all my wages but about half. I had no money for living, no money for prezzies, no money to pay back my mates...so I done the worst possible thing at the time, I buried my head in the sand thinking it would go away but it didn't. On boxing day, my Sister was due to come with her hubby and new daughter (not even one at the time) to have their Xmas dinner with us...I was dreading it as I had no prezzies for them and felt so guilty and worthless. Thankfully one of my mates (who I was owe money) noticed how I was a different guy to the one he knew, he came to my house on Boxing Day with a bundle of old toys his own daughter had finished with and gave them to me to give to my niece - even though this was an amazing gesture, it really hit me hard and although I had only had two cans of lager that day I decided I had had enough of my life, I was no use to anyone. No use to my parents as we were always arguing, no use to my work as I was signed off, no use to myself cos I could hardly move without the pain of sciatica (I had it really bad in case someone comes on and says its not that bad). So like I said I decided enough was enough and when my parents went to bed I went through the kitchen and grabbed as many pills from the cupboard I could find, I didnt even know what half them were as they were a mix of my strong painkillers and my parents medication and promptly went through to my room and cracked open a bottle of vodka and started downing them one and the other....that could have been me.

 

Thankfully, ever since I was young I have always struggled to swallow any kind of tablet (I must have choked as a kid or something) and after I had swallowed maybe a dozen I ended up puking (probably the straight vodka) and the tablets came flying out with the sick...thank god, because it was then and only then that I myself realised there was something seriously wrong with me. I made an appointment with the GP not even knowing if he was the right person to talk too or not, turns out it was probably one of the best choices in my life to actually go to that appointment. My blackouts had started again about a year ago but were more controllable now, I could feel one coming on and would be able to get myself into a squat/sitting position and it would ease off (I used to think it was just standing up to quick, until I had a fit type thing in my bed and ended up not breathing and the parents had to call 999). The GP said it was more likely anxiety attacks and if I had any issues or problems in my life...so I told him pretty much what I have typed here and bang...diagnosed with depression, I told the GP I didn't want pills because I knew once you start on them its very difficult to stop, I have always struggled to get to sleep at night...as in I can go to bed at 11pm and guaranteed I will still be awake at 1am so the GP gave me sleeping pills to see if they would help. The first lot he gave me done nothing, I still think they were just placebo tablets, then he gave me a different kind and the sleeping was sorted I went weeks with the best sleep I had had in years.

 

The feeling useless, worthless and no 'get-up-and-go' continued so I went back to the GP who gave me Citalopram 20mg (like the poster above mentioned), I went to the chemist and collected them determined to get better...well, I have probably done the wrong thing because I still have that packet in a drawer unopened because the GP warned me about the effects at first and if/when I was better coming off them can be hard. I have never took one but I look at the packet now and again and think to myself "do I really want to go down that road"? The GP also gave me the number for Breathing Space Scotland, a helpline mainly aimed at men, whom I have spoke to a few times and they have been great because talking about depression is one of the best things to help beat it. Oh, I didn't mention that the events at Xmas, the Citalopram, the sleeping tablets...none of my friends or family know about and for some reason I don't want them to.

 

I went back to work in March this year, got my contract extended and was transferred to another part of the business and moved to an office in the city centre rather than traveling to Livingston (public transport) every day...I was as honest as I could be with my boss (previous one in Livi) and told him everything. I will be honest I hated the guy as we clashed personality wise but from the day I told him about my problems he became my 'go to person'. He was amazing and helped me so much, my opinion of that guy has changed so much its frightening. Obviously this sort of thing is in my file at work so my new boss now knows about it all...on my first day, although supposedly training, he asked if he could have a chat with me...I was worried about this chat, but he took me into his office and basically told me he had went through similar years and years ago and knew exactly how I was feeling. He told me if I need anything, even just to take an hour out I can or if I want to chat just to give him a shout...that has helped

massively and I am now settled at my work and enjoying it (and life).

 

To anyone who has thoughts they might be suffering from depression I can only say please please talk to someone, like me it doesn't even have to be someone from your family or circle of friends but I would urge you to even just speak to your GP - they know exactly what to look out for. If you think maybe a family member of friend is possibly suffering from it then please approach them....you just never know they might just crack like I did and try to do something stupid.

 

if you go this far, thank you and I hope it spurs others into some kind of action if its required. This depression word is thrown about a lot, but the fact is a hell of a lot of people suffer from it and it is a medical illness - I used to be the type who would mock if I heard 'so and so is off with depression...I would say, aye right they are just getting a wee paid break from work pffft......now I know first hand that is certainly not the case.

 

Cheers,

 

Thanks for posting that.

 

My advice would be to "fix your roof when the sun is shining". What I mean is, inevitably the job market will change at some point and inevitably you will meet someone you love again and with any relationship there will always come some heartache.

 

I would suggest you keep calling Breathing Space, keep seeing your GP and get professional councelling while you are currently in a reasonably good place.

 

Inspirational story and I really think proper councelling will provide you with the coping mechanisms to deal when life's a bitch. Good luck.

Edited May 14, 2014 by scott_jambo

[Maiden Gorgie]

The Future's Maroon.

 

Don't know where to start with that post mate. Glad you have turned things around and, as you say, it is all down to you.

 

All the best

[Beverley]

the futures maroon

 

i read that story and was an absolute basket case in the end. i can relate to much of what you've said here, and your early memories will be most likely where it all began.

 

thank you so much for posting that, it was an incredibly brave thing to do. you will have good days and bad days, and thankfully you sound like you have good people to talk with.

 

keep chatting to breathing space as scott said. they will never judge you, or do anything but listen to you and that in itself as you know, can be half of your battle.

 

this thread has been a godsend for many of us, so carry on posting in here as you will be stunned by the support you will get.

 

 

all the best mate,