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Unashamedly crap jokes (some are pure gold!)


Smithee

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A hawk, lion and skunk were having a debate over who was the best.

Hawk: I can fly & have the best sight.

Lion: I'm the king of animals.

Skunk: I don't have to fight.

A crocodile came & swallowed all of them. Hawk, Lion & Stinker.

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whodanny
14 hours ago, A Boy Named Crow said:

What's in a name eh 😉

:2thumbsup:

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samgolden
On 05/01/2021 at 22:14, superjack said:

My wife left me for a tractor salesman. Just got a John Deere letter.

I gave up my obsession for tractors years ago you could say I’m a ex-tractor fan 

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Bunny Munro

Been watching a lot of Roman lesbian pornography.

 

Just saw two girls Caesaring.

Edited by Bunny Munro
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It's a shame you don't see more kids called Lance these days. 

Back in medieval times they were called Lance a lot. 

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Daddy, why do people hang horses?" asked my daughter.

"Nobody hangs horses darling," I replied.

"Who told you that people hang horses?"

"I just heard mummy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse!"

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superjack

What's the difference between a tick and the Eiffel tower?

Nothing they're both Paris sites.

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Maple Leaf

A husband and wife are lying in bed, having just wakened from a night's sleep.

 

Wife:  "I had a dream I was at Walmart."

Husband: "I had a dream I was in bed with two women."

Wife: "Was I one of the women?"

Husband. "No, you were at Walmart."

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I'm having difficulty remembering the brand name of fizzy sweets I used to enjoy as a kid,

so I'm going on a Refresher course

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My mate once said, "The first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss."

It's true. I still remember mine,

an old banger that stank of piss... For the life of me I can't remember what the car was though!

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superjack

The vaccine war is on.
Asda offering the Oxford / Astra Zenica for £2.00
Tesco doing 3 for a Pfizer.
 

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132goals1958

Two businessmen in the centre of London were sitting down for a break in their soon to be new store. As yet the store wasn’t ready with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other.”I bet any minute now some old pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek , and in a soft voice asked . “ What are you selling here.

 

One of the men replied sarcastically. We’re selling a*seholes  .

Without skipping a beat. The old woman said.” Must be doing well..... Only two left

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1 hour ago, I P Knightley said:

There are serious problems in the supply chain of he Covid vaccine.

 

The Pfizer Chiefs have predicted a riot.

I'm happy to wait if you wanna come back with a better vaccine joke than that...

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I've just been offered a job making plastic draculas...
Theres only 2 of us on the production line,so I'll be making every second count ...

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I P Knightley
1 hour ago, narre said:

A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak...

So to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!

Ouch!!

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2 hours ago, narre said:

A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak...

So to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!

 

OK, the thread title is "crap jokes", but .... :sad:

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13 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said:

 

OK, the thread title is "crap jokes", but .... :sad:

I actually thought it was 1 of narres better jokes. Nowhere near as good as mine though, but still not bad.

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34 minutes ago, superjack said:

I actually thought it was 1 of narres better jokes. Nowhere near as good as mine though, but still not bad.

 

There have been some belters on the thread, for sure, but I have a soft spot for dogs.  :527:

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Stood at the bar minding my own when a lovely young lady asked me "You smell really nice, what have you got on"?

 

I replied "I've got a Hard on but I didn't think you could smell it".

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7 minutes ago, Pans Jambo said:

Stood at the bar minding my own when a lovely young lady asked me "You smell really nice, what have you got on"?

 

I replied "I've got a Hard on but I didn't think you could smell it".

A girl came up to me and said she loved my aftershave and asked what it was called. I told her it was called "come to me". She replied "doesn't smell like cum to me".

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A Boy Named Crow
19 hours ago, narre said:

A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak...

So to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy!

 

18 hours ago, I P Knightley said:

Ouch!!

 

17 hours ago, Maple Leaf said:

 

OK, the thread title is "crap jokes", but .... :sad:

I've got a wee dug, and she's cracking, but if you don't find this funny, I've got to think you're taking life a bit too seriously 😁

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