FWJ Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What do you call a deer with no eyes No idea What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. Quote
Ryan Jarman Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Continuing the cheese gags. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Quote
iantjambo Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What a horrendous joke Would the pie have HP sauce in it though Bet you lol'd though Quote
martoon Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What did John Wayne call his kids? The weans. Quote
rudolfskai Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 knock knock who's there? Europe Europe who? Naw you're a poo Quote
Der Kaiser Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 3 Teddy Bears in an airing cupboard. Which one is the hardest? The one in the tank. Quote
highlandjambo3 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 they don't show the flintstones in Kuwait but..........................Abu diabi doo Quote
Zico Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) What did the constipated mathematician do? Worked it out with a pencil. They don't have the Flintsones in Saudi Arabia. But Abu Dhabi do. A carrot and a beetroot are watching Bullseye. The carrot's being a dick to the beetroot so after a while, the beetroot batters the carrot. You can't bully a bit of beet. Edited August 26, 2015 by Zico Quote
michael_bolton Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 My personal favourite is more of a visual/have to be there joke. I like to claim the nearest colleague's cuppa, then place it in front of my work station. I then tell the person next to me that I don't really like my computer. When he/she asks why I say 'It's not my cup of tea'. Maybe you have to be there. I don't care. I know I'm hilarious Quote
highlandjambo3 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 toothless woodworm crawls into a pub and asks..................."where's the bar tender"............ Quote
highlandjambo3 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 they don't show the flintstones in Kuwait but..........................Abu diabi doo I even checked how to spell Abu Dhabi.................and still typed it wrong........DOH!! Quote
His name is Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 For example The guy who found a trumpet growing in his garden- he rooted it oot Make me cringe kickback That's my party piece [emoji1] Sent from my D5833 using Tapatalk Quote
aussieh Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Knock Knock whos there? Avon, your bells fecked. Quote
Neilson's Shank Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 If the universe implodes, ach no matter Quote
aussieh Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) What do you call a deer with no eyes No idea What do you call a deer, with eyes and no legs?.Still no idea. Edited August 26, 2015 by aussieh Quote
friendly_jasper Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 two flies on a jobbie.... one farted and the other one said "cmon George not while im eating" Quote
Thunderstruck Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's the fastest place in Scotland Ayr Toon Centre. Quote
Private Hudson Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's E.T. short for? He's only got wee legs. Quote
Maple Leaf Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 knock knock who's there? Europe Europe who? Naw you're a poo Pedantic: knock knock me: Who's there? Pedantic: To me: To who? Pedantic: No, that should be 'To whom?' Quote
superjack Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What do you call a deer, with eyes and no legs?. Still no idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no tadger?Still no fecking idea. What type of bees give milk? Boo bees. What type of key can climb trees? Mon key. Quote
Big D Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 My personal favourite is more of a visual/have to be there joke. I like to claim the nearest colleague's cuppa, then place it in front of my work station. I then tell the person next to me that I don't really like my computer. When he/she asks why I say 'It's not my cup of tea'. Maybe you have to be there. I don't care. I know I'm hilarious I was delighted (after about a decade waiting) when a colleague asked me where to get copier toner. it's in the stationary cupboard. Where's that? Where it always is. it's the stationary cupboard. Quote
Kmeister Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar and the barman says "Is this some kind of joke?" Why should you never pick a fight with a Eucalyptus cough sweet? Cos they are pure menthol. Quote
Haken Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your jammies? Yer granny! Quote
WSTR Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Knock Knock Who's there Jehovah's Witness' **** off. Quote
Getintaethem Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's black and white and lies in the jungle?... ...Tarzan's old St Mirren top. Quote
Kmeister Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's and swings through the jungle? Tarzan the Fridge. Why do elephants paint their balls red? So they can hide in cherry trees. What is the loudest noise in the jungle? Giraffes eating cherries. Quote
I P Knightley Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 A man walks into the butchers and asks 'have you got a sheep's heid? No says the butcher' it's just the way I part my hair'. Man asks the butcher, "Is that your Ayrshire bacon?" "Naw. Ah'm just warmin' ma hauns". Quote
I P Knightley Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Knock knock Who's there? Interrupting Cow Interrupting C... MOOOOO! Quote
ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Gay guy walks into a butcher and asks "can I have a mince round?" "Aye on you go" says the butcher Quote
I P Knightley Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's a pirate's favourite letter? Quote
Kmeister Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's a pirate's favourite letter? Rrrrrrrrrr Quote
Stupid Sexy Flanders Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's green and invisible? This cabbage. Quote
I P Knightley Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Rrrrrrrrrr You'd have thought, but it be the C. A-harrrr! Without a P, they'd be irate. Quote
Maiden Gorgie Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What did the blacksmith's dog do when it got a fright? Made a bolt for the door Quote
Thunderstruck Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 You'd have thought, but it be the C. A-harrrr! Without a P, they'd be irate. The name of the Pirate Robot - A-harr 2 D 2 What do Pirate Children learn - The 3 A-harrs Quote
Kalamazoo Jambo Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. Quote
Jeff Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Did you hear about the circumcisor with the shaky hand? He got the sack Quote
Alan_R Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 -whats the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I didnt pay ?50 to have a lentil on my face -what does a walrus and a tupperware box have in common?they both like a good tight seal Quote
Pennywise Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Why did the baker have brown hands? Cos he was kneading a jobby. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote
Billy the Jambo Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Whats black and white and eats like a horse , A zebra Quote
ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Did you hear about the circumcisor with the shaky hand? He got the sack Quote
RudiHMFC Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Two monkeys in a bath One turns to the other and says 'OOO AAHHH AHH AHH!' The other says 'Put some cold in then' Laughed at this for some reason :lol: Quote
RudiHMFC Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Gay guy walks into a butcher and asks "can I have a mince round?" "Aye on you go" says the butcher Reminds me of the classic Harry Enfield sketch when his son's boyfriend asks for a Mince pie Quote
FWJ Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's pink and hard? A pig with a flick-knife. Quote
FWJ Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's pink and hard in the morning? The Financial Times crossword Quote
Guess The Crowd Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What's pink and hangs out your pants? Your mother Quote
Guest Bilel Mohsni Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Wee rabbit called Bill has been feeling really ill for a few weeks. His friends (assortment of squirrels and hedgehogs etc) ask him round for supper one night and plan to try and find out what's wrong with him, and hopefully help him. So on the Friday night he agrees to meet them all at Kevin the Squirrel's house. Tracy the hedgehog pops in to the kitchen and offers to make them all a bite to eat. Kevin and Bill want cheese and ham toasties. Tracy agrees and makes them all one each. Half way through supper Kevin asks Bill what's wrong. Bill relents and says he has been feeling terrible recently, but he's not sure why. Tracy asks if it is maybe the flu, but Bill doesn't think so, Kevin suggests a stomach bug, but again Bill doesn't look convinced. "What have you eaten these last few weeks Bill?" Asks Tracy. "Just this sort of thing, Tracy" Replies Bill... "I had a cheese and beans toastie on Monday, a chips and cheese one on Tuesday, a salad and tuna one on Wednesday, and yesterday I had a chicken and cheese one". Suddenly Bill takes a bite of his snack, then stares right at both of his friends and looks terrified... "OH MY GOD... I KNOW WHAT IT IS! ITS MIXING MY TOASTIES!" Bill died. Quote
¼½¾ Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a ghost? A cocker poodle boo. Quote
GlasgoJambo Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know One. Two. One-two. Quote
GlasgoJambo Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know Cos you weren't there man. Quote
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