The Internet Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Accidentally clicking the 'mark all as read' or whatever button on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitzroy Pointon Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 7 hours ago, Herbert said: I just got my hand covered in shit water. I don't know why they fill the pan with water so when you wipe your arse you get a horrible surprise. You flush when you're sitting on the pan? Are you in the jail or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 29 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said: You flush when you're sitting on the pan? Are you in the jail or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff the Mince Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 A certain Conservatory company from Glasgow who are anything but "Perfect" These guys are gold star cowboys . . Geoff aint happy !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herbert. Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 2 hours ago, Salad Fingers said: You flush when you're sitting on the pan? Are you in the jail or something? No. The pan is always full of water. You can feel the coldness on your cheeks when your having a crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 25 minutes ago, Herbert said: No. The pan is always full of water. You can feel the coldness on your cheeks when your having a crap. What kind of toilet is this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitzroy Pointon Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 1 minute ago, Sooperstar said: What kind of toilet is this? Or what size is his arse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 10 hours ago, Herbert said: I just got my hand covered in shit water. I don't know why they fill the pan with water so when you wipe your arse you get a horrible surprise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herbert. Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 11 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: What kind of toilet is this? Just a normal toilet. All the toilets are the same here they are full of water, splashback must be a real issue here 10 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said: Or what size is his arse? Its smaller than the seat. I've seen some jumbo people the last few days, the pans must be made extra wide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Sausage Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 36 minutes ago, Herbert said: Just a normal toilet. All the toilets are the same here they are full of water, splashback must be a real issue here Its smaller than the seat. I've seen some jumbo people the last few days, the pans must be made extra wide. Which country is this? Good grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribble Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 16 hours ago, Sooperstar said: A lot of travel seethe from the out of town commuters. Makes you wonder if being a cheapskate is worth all the stress. Sadly I'm the opposite in that I work out of town but live in the city, pay the extra but still spend half my day in the sticks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Governor Tarkin Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 3 hours ago, Geoff the Mince said: A certain Conservatory company from Glasgow who are anything but "Perfect" These guys are gold star cowboys . . Geoff aint happy !!!! Told you you'd be better off doing it yourself, Geoff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whodanny Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 1 hour ago, Captain Sausage said: Which country is this? Good grief. I know FFS I'm on tenterhooks waiting to find out where this lavvie pan is. Maybe I should get out more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 6 hours ago, Geoff the Mince said: A certain Conservatory company from Glasgow who are anything but "Perfect" These guys are gold star cowboys . . Geoff aint happy !!!! in other words the company is mince Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 3 hours ago, whodanny said: I know FFS I'm on tenterhooks waiting to find out where this lavvie pan is. Maybe I should get out more. Pretty sure he's in Philadelphia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 6 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: Pretty sure he's in Philadelphia. he is sitting in soft cheese? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 7 hours ago, Salad Fingers said: Or what size is his arse? I can confirm I have a massive arse and have never got water on it......ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whodanny Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 1 hour ago, Sooperstar said: Pretty sure he's in Philadelphia. Is that a euphemism ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whodanny Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 17 minutes ago, Helzibob said: I can confirm I have a massive arse and have never got water on it......ever. Shower ? Bath ? no even skinny dipping ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Just now, whodanny said: Shower ? Bath ? no even skinny dipping ? Should have been more specific. My fat arse has never had toilet water on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whodanny Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 Just now, Helzibob said: Should have been more specific. My fat arse has never had toilet water on it. ? That's as it should be. Have to be wary of splashback when in unfamiliar "facilities" though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whodanny Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 4 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: The US shitehouses are designed so that yer Thora Hurd floats aboot in a mini pool of water. A bit like Robert Maxwell. On flushing its like Niagara Falls. The doors are a joke too. A two foot gap under the door is very disconcerting during a Forrest I can see the Thora Hurd / Robert Maxwell analogy clearly. Well put Jonno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herbert. Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 9 hours ago, Captain Sausage said: Which country is this? Good grief. I'm in New York the now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWJ Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 50p for a slash in the public bogs in Viewforth Car Park in Fort William. 50 pence! They take credit cards I kid you not. 50 ****ing pence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Governor Tarkin Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 (edited) On 19/12/2018 at 19:33, jonnothejambo said: The US shitehouses are designed so that yer Thora Hurd floats aboot in a mini pool of water. A bit like Robert Maxwell. On flushing its like Niagara Falls. The doors are a joke too. A two foot gap under the door is very disconcerting during a Forrest As an aside Jonno, I've seen you use 'Sir John' to describe a good toley but I don't get which Sir John you're on about. Would you be so kind as to enlighten me so I can see how stupid I am. Cheers. Edited December 21, 2018 by Governor Tarkin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitzroy Pointon Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 17 minutes ago, FWJ said: 50p for a slash in the public bogs in Viewforth Car Park in Fort William. 50 pence! They take credit cards I kid you not. 50 ****ing pence! Small price to pay for your hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 44 minutes ago, FWJ said: 50p for a slash in the public bogs in Viewforth Car Park in Fort William. 50 pence! They take credit cards I kid you not. 50 ****ing pence! its that damn inflation you used to be able to spend a penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Governor Tarkin Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 12 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Not stupid at all, Governor. It derives from the English conductor and cellist, Sir John Barbarolli. My dad takes the credit. Ah, there's absolutely no chance a base simpleton such as myself would get such a high-brow reference. Cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWJ Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 1 hour ago, Salad Fingers said: Small price to pay for your hole. At that price it’s the very least I’d expect.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWJ Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 4 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: 50 pence for a pish ! Q. How much for a wank ? A. £10. Q. How much if yer no a wank ? ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 At 80 my father-in-law finally grew a backbone and refused to leave his house, meaning him and Tweedledum weren't making it here for Christmas. Unfortunately his bravour was short lived and the mad old cow marched him onto a train today. Tweedledum and Tweedledee have now arrived for Christmas. I'm now looking forward to talcum powder all over the family bathroom and her manky tights on the towel radiator. Not to mention wee jobbies on the floor and the presence of the giant jug that his pish gets emptied into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: At 80 my father-in-law finally grew a backbone and refused to leave his house, meaning him and Tweedledum weren't making it here for Christmas. Unfortunately his bravour was short lived and the mad old cow marched him onto a train today. Tweedledum and Tweedledee have now arrived for Christmas. I'm now looking forward to talcum powder all over the family bathroom and her manky tights on the towel radiator. Not to mention wee jobbies on the floor and the presence of the giant jug that his pish gets emptied into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Camazzola Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 15 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: 50 pence for a pish ! Q. How much for a wank ? A. £10. Q. How much if yer no a wank ? Robbo's wee tale at the 'This Is Your Life' celebration. Taking about a night out at the strippers with Mickey Weir: MW. "How much for a wee wank?" Stripper. "£50" Robbo. "How much for a ****in' legend?" ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 11 hours ago, IronJambo said: At 80 my father-in-law finally grew a backbone and refused to leave his house, meaning him and Tweedledum weren't making it here for Christmas. Unfortunately his bravour was short lived and the mad old cow marched him onto a train today. Tweedledum and Tweedledee have now arrived for Christmas. I'm now looking forward to talcum powder all over the family bathroom and her manky tights on the towel radiator. Not to mention wee jobbies on the floor and the presence of the giant jug that his pish gets emptied into. I want to hear more about this jug. And the jobbies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 2 hours ago, Sooperstar said: I want to hear more about this jug. And the jobbies. The poor old guy keeps getting urine infections so he has an almost permanent catheter in. Pishy jug comes with it but between the pair of them they can't seem to put it somewhere out of sight. On one of their previous visits I tried to pick up a small "leave" from the bathroom floor and it turned out to be a small jobby. I only realised after picking it up and getting it behind my fingernail ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 8 minutes ago, IronJambo said: The poor old guy keeps getting urine infections so he has an almost permanent catheter in. Pishy jug comes with it but between the pair of them they can't seem to put it somewhere out of sight. On one of their previous visits I tried to pick up a small "leave" from the bathroom floor and it turned out to be a small jobby. I only realised after picking it up and getting it behind my fingernail ? Hope your ok bud, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GBJambo Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 (edited) On 18/12/2018 at 20:42, Sooperstar said: A lot of travel seethe from the out of town commuters. Makes you wonder if being a cheapskate is worth all the stress. Hardly being cheapskate when likelyhood is that they can’t afford to live in the city. Does Edinburgh have lots of affordable housing? I see lots of trains cancelled up to Aberdeen. Cheapskates too? Edited December 22, 2018 by GBJambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter_hmfc Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 (edited) 56 minutes ago, GBJambo said: Hardly being cheapskate when likelyhood is that they can’t afford to live in the city. Does Edinburgh have lots of affordable housing? I see lots of trains cancelled up to Aberdeen. Cheapskates too? Train fares are expensive these days too, I paid £25 for an off-peak anytime return from Edinburgh to Glasgow. Edited December 22, 2018 by peter_hmfc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 15 hours ago, IronJambo said: At 80 my father-in-law finally grew a backbone and refused to leave his house, meaning him and Tweedledum weren't making it here for Christmas. Unfortunately his bravour was short lived and the mad old cow marched him onto a train today. Tweedledum and Tweedledee have now arrived for Christmas. I'm now looking forward to talcum powder all over the family bathroom and her manky tights on the towel radiator. Not to mention wee jobbies on the floor and the presence of the giant jug that his pish gets emptied into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBE Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Wednesday 19th Brewhemia bar Edinburgh...Coat hat & scarf nicked...peasants! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 just seen an advert for a app controlled set of hair straighteners. Why? there is no need arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 1 hour ago, milky_26 said: just seen an advert for a app controlled set of hair straighteners. Why? there is no need arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You obviously don't have to deal with the inevitable 'did I turn my straighteners off?' question as soon as the front door is closed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 The mother-in-law insisting the turkey stays in for another half hour. Oot my kitchen ya bint. The turkey came out when it was ready, no before and no after. The result was a properly cooked bird, moist to levels the old cow hasn't reached in over 30 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 13 minutes ago, IronJambo said: The mother-in-law insisting the turkey stays in for another half hour. Oot my kitchen ya bint. The turkey came out when it was ready, no before and no after. The result was a properly cooked bird, moist to levels the old cow hasn't reached in over 30 years. How do you know your mother in law isn't moist? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 20 minutes ago, IronJambo said: The mother-in-law insisting the turkey stays in for another half hour. Oot my kitchen ya bint. The turkey came out when it was ready, no before and no after. The result was a properly cooked bird, moist to levels the old cow hasn't reached in over 30 years. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 14 minutes ago, Der Kaiser said: How do you know your mother in law isn't moist? She's 75. Got calf's like Captain caveman's club and no ankles. Any moisture that women has is leaking out her arse or stuck in her 5 stone feet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herbert. Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 5 minutes ago, IronJambo said: She's 75. Got calf's like Captain caveman's club and no ankles. Any moisture that women has is leaking out her arse or stuck in her 5 stone feet. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 38 minutes ago, IronJambo said: The mother-in-law insisting the turkey stays in for another half hour. Oot my kitchen ya bint. The turkey came out when it was ready, no before and no after. The result was a properly cooked bird, moist to levels the old cow hasn't reached in over 30 years. I love it when IronJambo’s in-laws visit for Christmas. ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 20 minutes ago, iantjambo said: I love it when IronJambo’s in-laws visit for Christmas. ? Even better that his father in law trolled him by pretending he wasn't going to bother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 2 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: Even better that his father in law trolled him by pretending he wasn't going to bother. Indeed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.