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Unashamedly crap jokes (some are pure gold!)


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Posted

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that Angus?"

Posted

Young couple just moved in next door to me and they've already made a sex tape................................they obviously don't know this yet.

Posted
On 25/04/2020 at 03:50, narre said:

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger...

It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles,

that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room!

😄

Posted

As a small boy, I shared a bed with my 5 big brothers,

and an old raincoat instead of a blanket...

It was tough growing up in the hood!

Posted

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says, "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Posted

A wife comes home early to find her husband shagging a midget.

"You promised me you wouldn't cheat on me again!" she screamed.

"Calm down will you," he replied. "Can't you see I'm trying to cut down!"

Posted

Going to start a dildo repair service after the lockdown..

I'll call it "InspectHerGadget!"

Posted

Did ye hear about the Irish shite?

It done a Man.

 

 

 

ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ
Posted

Hear about the fly that won the lottery?

He bought a shite in Spain.

Posted
3 hours ago, narre said:

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says, "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Copycat.

Posted
2 minutes ago, superjack said:

Copycat.

Sorry matey,can't remember whats been done before       :facepalm:

Posted
1 hour ago, narre said:

Sorry matey,can't remember whats been done before       :facepalm:

As you're the best poster on this thread (after me obviously), I'll forgive you.

Posted
2 hours ago, superjack said:

As you're the best poster on this thread (after me obviously), I'll forgive you.

:fonzie:

Posted
On 29/04/2020 at 10:43, superjack said:

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that Angus?"

 

10 hours ago, narre said:

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says, "G".

The teacher says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Right, guys.

 

I’ve read this 119 times, I’m still lost.  🤷🏿‍♂️

 

:sad: 

Posted
1 minute ago, Morgan said:

 

Right, guys.

 

I’ve read this 119 times, I’m still lost.  🤷🏿‍♂️

 

:sad: 

 

Take the g away from Angus. What have you got? ;)

Posted
1 minute ago, redjambo said:

 

Take the g away from Angus. What have you got? ;)

It almost works with his name too. :whistling: 

ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ
Posted
4 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

Right, guys.

 

I’ve read this 119 times, I’m still lost.  🤷🏿‍♂️

 

:sad: 

:laugh:

get_a_brain_morans.jpg

ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ
Posted
1 minute ago, Lemongrab said:

It almost works with his name too. :whistling: 

Haha beat me to it

Posted
4 minutes ago, Lemongrab said:

It almost works with his name too. :whistling: 

 

:D

Posted
20 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

Take the g away from Angus. What have you got? ;)

 

18 minutes ago, Lemongrab said:

It almost works with his name too. :whistling: 

 

16 minutes ago, Smithee said:

:laugh:

get_a_brain_morans.jpg

 

16 minutes ago, Smithee said:

Haha beat me to it

 

13 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

:D

Ok, ok.  😢😢

 

I’m tired, right?

 

 

Posted
1 minute ago, Morgan said:

Ok, ok.  😢😢

 

I’m tired, right?

 

That's ok, Morgan, old chap. You probably could do with a gnap. 🤗

ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ
Posted
1 minute ago, redjambo said:

 

That's ok, Morgan, old chap. You probably could do with a gnap. 🤗

:yas:

Posted
2 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

That's ok, Morgan, old chap. You probably could do with a gnap. 🤗

 

Just now, Smithee said:

:yas:

Gpiss off!

 

:gok: 

ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ
Posted
40 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

Gpiss off!

 

:gok: 

:laugh: there he is!

Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Morgan said:

 

Right, guys.

 

I’ve read this 119 times, I’m still lost.  🤷🏿‍♂️

 

:sad: 

Anus

 

 

 

 

Aa well!

Edited by ri Alban
Posted
1 hour ago, Smithee said:

:laugh: there he is!

 

14 minutes ago, ri Alban said:

Anus

 

 

 

 

Aa well!

I’m in the huff now.  :sadrobbo:

 

And I won’t be coming out of it any time soon.

 

So there.  :P

Posted
13 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

I’m in the ghuff now.  :sadrobbo:

 

And I won’t be coming out of it any time soon.

 

So there.  :P

ftfy

Posted
1 hour ago, milky_26 said:

ftfy

:lol: 

 

I somehow get the impression that I’ve not heard the end of this.

 

Wish I’d shut my biG mouth.

Posted
31 minutes ago, Morgan said:

:lol: 

 

I somehow get the impression that I’ve not heard the end of this.

 

Wish I’d shut my biG mouth.

That’s the problem with the wine bein so cheap in France, easy to miss thins.

Posted
26 minutes ago, superjack said:

That’s the problem with the wine bein so cheap in France, easy to miss thins.

:isee:  Very ood. :clap:

Posted

The heaviest man to ever ride a derby winner was Lester Piggott's cell mate.

Posted

What do you call a magician who’s lost his magic?

 

Ian. 

Posted

"Doctor, Doctor, please help! I'm getting married soon and I can't get over my fear of wedding vows.

Do you know of a cure?"

"I can't say I do."

"Not you as well!"

scott herbertson
Posted
4 hours ago, Swanny17 said:

What do you call a magician who’s lost his magic?

 

Ian. 

 

 

I shouldn't find that funny but I do

 

Jeez I must be getting bored!

Worthing Jambo
Posted

Love this thread👍😂

Posted (edited)

My wife who is a bit deaf came back from the doctors in tears and told me the doctor said she had a nice hole. Turns out she acute angina 

Edited by 80bob
Spelling
Maple Leaf
Posted
14 hours ago, Swanny17 said:

What do you call a magician who’s lost his magic?

 

Ian. 

Clever.  :thumb:

Posted

I saw my neighbour jogging at 1am this morning

. I said, "It's a bit late for you Sarah, isn't it?"

"I couldn't sleep," she replied.

"That's not what I meant, you fat cow!"

Posted

A lot of people are doing puzzles to pass the time in lockdown.

I’m ok with jigsaws, crosswords and sudoku but not join the dots..

You have to draw the line somewhere!

Posted
18 hours ago, Worthing Jambo said:

Love this thread👍😂

Ood, isn’t it?

 

:biggrin:

Posted
4 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Ood, isn’t it?

 

:biggrin:

Yep reat stuff😄

Posted
7 minutes ago, narre said:

Yep reat stuff😄

:2thumbsup:

Posted

Teacher: .... and what's your favourite letter of the alphabet Morgan? 

 

Morgan: It's 'M' Miss, otherwise I'd be an organ. 

 

Teacher: [insert your own brutal punchline here, don't know him well enough myself!] 

Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, Smack said:

Teacher: .... and what's your favourite letter of the alphabet Morgan? 

 

Morgan: It's 'M' Miss, otherwise I'd be an organ. 

 

Teacher: [insert your own brutal punchline here, don't know him well enough myself!] 

Cock no start with a C. :jjyay:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:leveinproblem:

 

 

 

 

 

Only joking Angus. :D

Edited by ri Alban
I P Knightley
Posted

I've just invented a new word:

 

Plagiarism. 

Posted
 
 
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello
Posted
6 hours ago, narre said:
 
 
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello

I can’t decking disagree with that. 

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