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The all new "seethe" thread

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Morgan
9 minutes ago, whodanny said:

Must say, it fair tempered the seethe. 

Bloody bet it did, Danny!!

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Sooperstar

The noise of the de-icer in your boot rolling around and banging off things as you drive.

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IronJambo
40 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

The noise of the de-icer in your boot rolling around and banging off things as you drive.

Ditch it. All you need is a decent scraper. Heat in full blast at the windscreen and demister on the rear window. Scrape the side windows, then finish off the back and move to the front. De icer is nasty stuff.

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IronJambo
On 10/11/2019 at 17:24, BM1874 said:

2 seperate but related seethes from me

 

have my kids today, (joys of a split with their mother) and I’ve still got a set of keys for the old flat, so I can get them in and put Them to bed at a reasonable hour whilst she’s out with her new guy.

 

except I had the keys to her place in the same pocket of my bag as my work keys. Been out with them all day (up since 5am as one wouldn’t go back to sleep) and finally got to theirs to find I had the wrong keys and a 25 minute drive across town to go and get the proper set.

 

 

part 2

no issue being split up, but her selfish insistence that it is “acceptable” to expect me to be here until “around 10ish” tonight when she comes back, knowing fine well I am getting up at 5am for work and working 12 hour shift tomorrow. 
 

just a pain in the arse

Next time you need to do a reverse poo and forget to flush it. It'll give you an enormous sense of warmth when you think of her trying to clean it.

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whodanny
20 hours ago, IronJambo said:

Next time you need to do a reverse poo and forget to flush it. It'll give you an enormous sense of warmth when you think of her trying to clean it.

Have to ask, whit's a reverse poo ?  Not a term I'm familiar with.

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Morgan
16 minutes ago, whodanny said:

Have to ask, whit's a reverse poo ?  Not a term I'm familiar with.

Doesn't mean a thing to me either.

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...a bit disco
51 minutes ago, whodanny said:

Have to ask, whit's a reverse poo ?  Not a term I'm familiar with.

 

34 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Doesn't mean a thing to me either.

 

noun

: that thing people are always worried about where somebody might sneak up behind you and poop their poop directly up your butthole. A perfectly rational fear, and one which most people are worried about every day.

verb

: the act of committing the above transgression.
"One of our greatest thinkers once mused that it was a blessing indeed that once something passeth through the butt-hole, then truly is there no coming back. Though the ages have proven this optimism to be shortsighted, verily the world would be better were it so. Woe be unto us, sons and daughters of Mankind, for from the time we can walk until our final breath, the terrible specter of Reverse Pooping is never far from our collective nightmares. We wake from dreams made unsound by visions of Reverse Pooping, slink from our beds, and spend each day in furtive creeping with an eye turned ever rearward, lest we be taken unawares with Reverse Pooping. Truly, it is a reasonable fear, and everybody thinks about it pretty much all the time."

~ St. Ignatius the Wise, from the First Canticle of "Reverse Pooping Is a Real Thing, And You Should Think About it A Lot"

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superjack

Driving home tonight, the amount of arseholes Who don’t dip their lights until they are almost level with you. It isn’t difficult, see a car coming towards you and dip your lights. Also, if you know a car is coming round a bend, dip your fecking lights before you’re next to the oncoming vehicle.

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whodanny
3 hours ago, ...a bit disco said:

 

 

noun

: that thing people are always worried about where somebody might sneak up behind you and poop their poop directly up your butthole. A perfectly rational fear, and one which most people are worried about every day.

verb

: the act of committing the above transgression.
"One of our greatest thinkers once mused that it was a blessing indeed that once something passeth through the butt-hole, then truly is there no coming back. Though the ages have proven this optimism to be shortsighted, verily the world would be better were it so. Woe be unto us, sons and daughters of Mankind, for from the time we can walk until our final breath, the terrible specter of Reverse Pooping is never far from our collective nightmares. We wake from dreams made unsound by visions of Reverse Pooping, slink from our beds, and spend each day in furtive creeping with an eye turned ever rearward, lest we be taken unawares with Reverse Pooping. Truly, it is a reasonable fear, and everybody thinks about it pretty much all the time."

~ St. Ignatius the Wise, from the First Canticle of "Reverse Pooping Is a Real Thing, And You Should Think About it A Lot"

Jeez ! Who'da thunk it. I don't agree though, I certainly don't think about it "pretty much all the time" . I only heard of it for the first time today. Might think about it a bit more now though. 🤢 🤮

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Lemongrab

 

1 hour ago, whodanny said:

Jeez ! Who'da thunk it. I don't agree though, I certainly don't think about it "pretty much all the time" . I only heard of it for the first time today. Might think about it a bit more now though. 🤢 🤮

I only quoted you so you'd think about it again.

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jonesy

Trying to change career. Paying my own way through an HNC. Course is full of folk doing it for nothing, taking it less seriously. I'd like to think a rising tide raises all boats, but not from what I've seen.

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Justin Z
10 hours ago, whodanny said:

Jeez ! Who'da thunk it. I don't agree though, I certainly don't think about it "pretty much all the time" . I only heard of it for the first time today. Might think about it a bit more now though. 🤢 🤮

 

:lol: That isn't what the original poster meant though. He meant take the lid off the tank and drop one in the top of the toilet.

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Salad Fingers
14 hours ago, superjack said:

Driving home tonight, the amount of arseholes Who don’t dip their lights until they are almost level with you. It isn’t difficult, see a car coming towards you and dip your lights. Also, if you know a car is coming round a bend, dip your fecking lights before you’re next to the oncoming vehicle.

 

I've not been driving long admittedly but my route home takes me out into the arse end of nowhere and it's happened to me on a couple of occasions.  What annoys me also is the brightness of some of the headlights.  Jeezo man, seems to be higher end cars like Merc's and some jeep types. A big, bright, white light like a ******* laser beam shining into your eyes.  P*sses me off having to slow right down because of it, usually with someone right up your arse.  Not enjoyable for a new driver anyway.  

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IronJambo

To avoid confusion, I didn't mean either of the above with "reverse poo". I'm not a complete animal. 

 

I meant do a dump in her toilet whilst sat on the seat facing the wrong way round. The resulting jobby will slide all the way down the front part of the inside of the bowl, leaving a nice mess behind. Left alone for a few hours it's not a nice or easy clean up. 

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IronJambo
8 hours ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

I've not been driving long admittedly but my route home takes me out into the arse end of nowhere and it's happened to me on a couple of occasions.  What annoys me also is the brightness of some of the headlights.  Jeezo man, seems to be higher end cars like Merc's and some jeep types. A big, bright, white light like a ******* laser beam shining into your eyes.  P*sses me off having to slow right down because of it, usually with someone right up your arse.  Not enjoyable for a new driver anyway.  

My Skoda SUV has full LED lamps and they're amazing. I call them "arsehole lights" and I normally see similar in the door mirror a mile off. They shouldn't be blinding anyone though as at the right settings (and LED's I'd expect will all be auto levelling) they shouldn't be going through anyone's windows.

 

Edit: full beam is a different story. Id have it on all the time if I could as it's mentally bright. That would definitely blind you. 

Edited by IronJambo

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iantjambo
1 hour ago, IronJambo said:

My Skoda SUV has full LED lamps and they're amazing. I call them "arsehole lights" and I normally see similar in the door mirror a mile off. They shouldn't be blinding anyone though as at the right settings (and LED's I'd expect will all be auto levelling) they shouldn't be going through anyone's windows.

 

Edit: full beam is a different story. Id have it on all the time if I could as it's mentally bright. That would definitely blind you. 

 

Yeah,yeah,yeah...More to the point, are the in-laws visiting for Christmas? :D

 

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Salad Fingers
1 hour ago, IronJambo said:

To avoid confusion, I didn't mean either of the above with "reverse poo". I'm not a complete animal. 

 

I meant do a dump in her toilet whilst sat on the seat facing the wrong way round. The resulting jobby will slide all the way down the front part of the inside of the bowl, leaving a nice mess behind. Left alone for a few hours it's not a nice or easy clean up. 

 

An A.C. Slater? 

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IronJambo
1 hour ago, iantjambo said:

 

Yeah,yeah,yeah...More to the point, are the in-laws visiting for Christmas? :D

 

They've just been here for the wee man's birthday. I was rather restrained because I was quite unwell. 

 

Her old man does my nut in. Lost sight in ONE eye a couple of years ago. His other eye is fine. Pretends he can't see and walks around with his arms in front of him. Apparently can't see a cup of tea that's an arms length away. I was fitting the TV on the wall and when levelling it up I was asking for opinions on how straight it was and which way it needed adjusting. Her mum said nothing as she only got a big mouth when she's not even nearly being helpful. Her dad pipes up that it's straight and needs no more adjusting. He's ten feet from the TV. I tell him to be quiet because he can't even see his hands. The telly didn't need any more adjusting and was indeed straight. Hamming Prick. 

 

The big jug has accumulated kit. It seems it doesn't get used though as there's always piss on the seat when he's in the bathroom. Still, at least there was always a pair of tights on the towel radiator to mop it up with. And lights. Every frickin light was always on. 

 

I'm still falling over sweeties that she's left behind. Celebrations, heroes, maltesers...... I don't know how the fat cow doesn't have diabetes. 

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iantjambo
1 hour ago, IronJambo said:

They've just been here for the wee man's birthday. I was rather restrained because I was quite unwell. 

 

Her old man does my nut in. Lost sight in ONE eye a couple of years ago. His other eye is fine. Pretends he can't see and walks around with his arms in front of him. Apparently can't see a cup of tea that's an arms length away. I was fitting the TV on the wall and when levelling it up I was asking for opinions on how straight it was and which way it needed adjusting. Her mum said nothing as she only got a big mouth when she's not even nearly being helpful. Her dad pipes up that it's straight and needs no more adjusting. He's ten feet from the TV. I tell him to be quiet because he can't even see his hands. The telly didn't need any more adjusting and was indeed straight. Hamming Prick. 

 

The big jug has accumulated kit. It seems it doesn't get used though as there's always piss on the seat when he's in the bathroom. Still, at least there was always a pair of tights on the towel radiator to mop it up with. And lights. Every frickin light was always on. 

 

I'm still falling over sweeties that she's left behind. Celebrations, heroes, maltesers...... I don't know how the fat cow doesn't have diabetes. 

 

Disappointed that you didn’t inform us of this visit earlier :(

 

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Lemongrab
2 hours ago, IronJambo said:

They've just been here for the wee man's birthday. I was rather restrained because I was quite unwell. 

 

Her old man does my nut in. Lost sight in ONE eye a couple of years ago. His other eye is fine. Pretends he can't see and walks around with his arms in front of him. Apparently can't see a cup of tea that's an arms length away. I was fitting the TV on the wall and when levelling it up I was asking for opinions on how straight it was and which way it needed adjusting. Her mum said nothing as she only got a big mouth when she's not even nearly being helpful. Her dad pipes up that it's straight and needs no more adjusting. He's ten feet from the TV. I tell him to be quiet because he can't even see his hands. The telly didn't need any more adjusting and was indeed straight. Hamming Prick. 

 

The big jug has accumulated kit. It seems it doesn't get used though as there's always piss on the seat when he's in the bathroom. Still, at least there was always a pair of tights on the towel radiator to mop it up with. And lights. Every frickin light was always on. 

 

I'm still falling over sweeties that she's left behind. Celebrations, heroes, maltesers...... I don't know how the fat cow doesn't have diabetes. 

I bet the wee man loves them. There will probably be a big jug on his Christmas list.

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IronJambo
1 hour ago, iantjambo said:

 

Disappointed that you didn’t inform us of this visit earlier :(

 

Apologies. I've not been on here much in the last month due to being battered with man flu and labyrinthitis. The latter was great, felt like I was 5 pints deep every time I stood up. Not so keen on the tinnitus it's left behind though.

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iantjambo

The Chase has been replaced by some shite called Cash Trapped!

 

🤬🤬🤬

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obua
1 hour ago, iantjambo said:

The Chase has been replaced by some shite called Cash Trapped!

 

🤬🤬🤬

It looks shite at first ,It’s not that bad if you give it a chance.

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iantjambo
7 minutes ago, obua said:

It looks shite at first ,It’s not that bad if you give it a chance.

 

I watched it and enjoyed it :lol:

 

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obua
1 minute ago, iantjambo said:

 

I watched it and enjoyed it :lol:

 

👍

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Horatio Caine
4 hours ago, iantjambo said:

The Chase has been replaced by some shite called Cash Trapped!

 

🤬🤬🤬

You have to watch it to understand how it works but it's quite clever and there's much more to it than your standard quizes.  It's apparently Walsh's own idea.  I like it.  It's one of the very few quizes i would ever consider going on.

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BarneyBattles

The amount of total knob ends who now say ‘take-out’ instead of take-away 

 

Just %^** right off. Dicks. 

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tokyowalnut

Currently seething at the greed of people in the hotel I'm staying in. Filling plates up with a huge portion, eating only half then going back for more food, again not eating all of it. Sitting in the centre of London, homeless people everywhere and people in here wasting mountains of food! 

 

That's my save the people/environment rant of the day done 😄

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Captain Sausage

Mrs has her pal round for dinner. 
 

Tell me they want steaks. I stick the hot plate on and prep the steaks. As I’m sticking them on the plate, they inform me they want them well done, so that’s my timings ****ed. 
 

End up with my steak resting for too long and going cold, while their arid burnt pieces of shit weren’t cooked enough for them. 
 

I am a shite chef, but I can cook a nice steak. Last minute curveballs have ruined my Saturday dinner. And her pal brought round profiteroles for pudding. I ****ing hate profiteroles. 
 

**** off. 

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Ray Gin
21 minutes ago, Captain Sausage said:

Mrs has her pal round for dinner. 
 

Tell me they want steaks. I stick the hot plate on and prep the steaks. As I’m sticking them on the plate, they inform me they want them well done, so that’s my timings ****ed. 
 

End up with my steak resting for too long and going cold, while their arid burnt pieces of shit weren’t cooked enough for them. 
 

I am a shite chef, but I can cook a nice steak. Last minute curveballs have ruined my Saturday dinner. And her pal brought round profiteroles for pudding. I ****ing hate profiteroles. 
 

**** off. 

 

Well done steaks :vrface:

 

Ruined. 

 

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milky_26
52 minutes ago, Ray Gin said:

 

Well done steaks :vrface:

 

Ruined. 

 

may as well just chew on leather

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Morgan
40 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

may as well just chew on leather

Another of Janet’s food choices.

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Dagger Is Back

Ru Paul’s Drag Race

The infuriating increase in the use of like and literally in language

Strictly

Jonathan Ross 

Graham Norton

Trump

Boris

Hearts

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Samuel Camazzola
2 hours ago, Captain Sausage said:

Mrs has her pal round for dinner. 
 

Tell me they want steaks. I stick the hot plate on and prep the steaks. As I’m sticking them on the plate, they inform me they want them well done, so that’s my timings ****ed. 
 

End up with my steak resting for too long and going cold, while their arid burnt pieces of shit weren’t cooked enough for them. 
 

I am a shite chef, but I can cook a nice steak. Last minute curveballs have ruined my Saturday dinner. And her pal brought round profiteroles for pudding. I ****ing hate profiteroles. 
 

**** off. 

Tell her to find new pals if they are wasting good meat by requesting that. 

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iantjambo
2 hours ago, Ray Gin said:

 

Well done steaks :vrface:

 

Ruined. 

 

 

I’m not a food snob by any stretch of the imagination. Until it comes to steaks.

 

I genuinely fume when people ask for them to be cooked well done.

 

”Here’s a cracking piece of meat. Now cook the utter **** out of it”

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IronJambo
3 hours ago, Ray Gin said:

 

Well done steaks :vrface:

 

Ruined. 

 

My father-in-law says he can't taste the difference between any beer/lager. Then he'll go and order the most expensive pint on the menu along with a well done fillet steak. Grade A *****.

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milky_26

on my way home from work today i spotted two houses that have christmas decorations up with lights in their windows etc. it is not even december yet

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Justin Z
On 23/11/2019 at 10:23, Captain Sausage said:

Mrs has her pal round for dinner. 
 

Tell me they want steaks. I stick the hot plate on and prep the steaks. As I’m sticking them on the plate, they inform me they want them well done, so that’s my timings ****ed.

 

:what:

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IronJambo

Not in work this week. The Mrs has decided to ruin Thursday but taking the day off and has dragged me out Christmas shopping. Ffs. Dying in Smyths right now.

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Ribble
On 23/11/2019 at 17:23, Captain Sausage said:

Mrs has her pal round for dinner. 
 

Tell me they want steaks. I stick the hot plate on and prep the steaks. As I’m sticking them on the plate, they inform me they want them well done, so that’s my timings ****ed. 
 

End up with my steak resting for too long and going cold, while their arid burnt pieces of shit weren’t cooked enough for them. 
 

I am a shite chef, but I can cook a nice steak. Last minute curveballs have ruined my Saturday dinner. And her pal brought round profiteroles for pudding. I ****ing hate profiteroles. 
 

**** off. 

 

I'd have ****ing well microwaved their steaks so mines was still hot by the time they were chomping into their leather on a plate, tramps wouldn't have known the difference anyway

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3fingersreid

Major roadworks at Gayfield , so which prick in the council okayed the road works at the west end of Queen street as well ? Arseholes the ****ing lot of them .

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Old Blue Eyes
2 minutes ago, 3fingersreid said:

Major roadworks at Gayfield , so which prick in the council okayed the road works at the west end of Queen street as well ? Arseholes the ****ing lot of them .

 

Deliberately done to piss everyone off. I'd empty the lot of them, amateurs in every department. Yellow vest protest anyone?...thought not.

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3fingersreid
10 minutes ago, Old Blue Eyes said:

 

Deliberately done to piss everyone off. I'd empty the lot of them, amateurs in every department. Yellow vest protest anyone?...thought not.

Or stop voting for the same ****ing idiots 

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Lemongrab
2 hours ago, IronJambo said:

Not in work this week. The Mrs has decided to ruin Thursday but taking the day off and has dragged me out Christmas shopping. Ffs. Dying in Smyths right now.

Looking for a 'My First Big Jug' by any chance?

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Old Blue Eyes
26 minutes ago, 3fingersreid said:

Or stop voting for the same ****ing idiots 

 

Other ****ing idiots with idle promises are waiting patiently for your vote...politics are fecked, have been for a long long time.

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FWJ

People that park right at the entrance to a car wash and then saunter into the kiosk to pay for it blocking it for those who pay first.

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tokyowalnut
3 minutes ago, FWJ said:

People that park right at the entrance to a car wash and then saunter into the kiosk to pay for it blocking it for those who pay first.

Yes!! This brings on the Michael Douglas in me!

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cheetah

Newcastle xmas market can get to ****, almost impossible to walk through the city centre now.

 

 

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Sooperstar
1 hour ago, FWJ said:

People that park right at the entrance to a car wash and then saunter into the kiosk to pay for it blocking it for those who pay first.

Have done this once and would again. 

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Joey J J Jr Shabadoo
3 hours ago, Sooperstar said:

Have done this once and would again. 

Aye, if you're not fast, you're last.

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