Morgan Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 1 hour ago, jonnothejambo said: Don't knock it until ye've tried it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted May 23, 2019 Share Posted May 23, 2019 Just arrived at the in-laws after a five and a half hour drive. I'm largely allergic to their house because they've got air fresheners hidden everywhere. They know this. I'm loaded up on fexofenadine and a nasal spray but less than 5 minutes in the place and I'm sneezing. The Mrs suggests to the old rhino that there maybe shouldn't be air fresheners out and she giggled and puts one in a cupboard, whilst mentioning the others that are all over. Stinking old cow. Whatever she does with them now doesn't matter, it's way too late. All that shits in the air for days. I went for a piss and I swear, there are more toxins in that bathroom than in Chemical Ali's spare bedroom! 3 days of joy ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 7 hours ago, IronJambo said: Just arrived at the in-laws after a five and a half hour drive. I'm largely allergic to their house because they've got air fresheners hidden everywhere. They know this. I'm loaded up on fexofenadine and a nasal spray but less than 5 minutes in the place and I'm sneezing. The Mrs suggests to the old rhino that there maybe shouldn't be air fresheners out and she giggled and puts one in a cupboard, whilst mentioning the others that are all over. Stinking old cow. Whatever she does with them now doesn't matter, it's way too late. All that shits in the air for days. I went for a piss and I swear, there are more toxins in that bathroom than in Chemical Ali's spare bedroom! 3 days of joy ahead. At least you're not missing our biggest match in 7 years for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 I can see that on the telly here in Cumbria just like I would at home in Berkshire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 I wonder if Iron Jambo's in laws anticipate his visits as keenly as he anticipates theirs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 14 minutes ago, Horatio Caine said: I wonder if Iron Jambo's in laws anticipate his visits as keenly as he anticipates theirs? Strategically placing the piss jug and air freshener to annoy him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 On 24/05/2019 at 09:23, milky_26 said: Strategically placing the piss jug and air freshener to annoy him Said jug has been sat on top of piece of kitchen roll on the cistern for the duration. I shiver to think what lurks on the kitchen roll. I cooked here last night and it took 35 minutes to cook chips in the oven at a supposed 230 degrees. Just at well as it took over 20 minutes to heat beans on what is probably one of the first ceramic hobs that the UK ever seen. It heats up well, but then the thermostat cuts it out for two minutes (it cools so much you could touch it)before you get a 20 second blast of heat again. Apparently it's supposed to be like that and just because it's different to mine and everybody else's it doesn't mean it's broken. Baby bejesus had better cooking facilities on his car bonnet I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 On 12/05/2019 at 12:40, Morgan said: Och, was looking for something more erm.... juicy!! On 12/05/2019 at 12:41, sadj said: ?Like the last juicy things i sent ya ? On 12/05/2019 at 12:44, Morgan said: Exactly like them, thanks very much!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadj Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 1 minute ago, Bridge of Djoum said: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Just now, sadj said: Yes... I didn't get the 'juicy'' PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadj Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 1 minute ago, Bridge of Djoum said: Yes... I didn't get the 'juicy'' PM. Apologies.... will see if i still have it or ill send similar to one of your dms when i get a minute my good sir... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 7 minutes ago, Bridge of Djoum said: Honeymoon. 4 minutes ago, sadj said: He’s just jealous of the juicy PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 1 minute ago, Morgan said: Honeymoon. He’s just jealous of the juicy PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 On 18/05/2019 at 05:52, jonnothejambo said: It's the lycra clad twats that almost rocket up yer erse before tinging their wee bell on the canal that piss me off. Feckin arseholes. Yes, but what about cyclists? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Just now, jonnothejambo said: My dog barked at one of them earlier today and he nearly shat his padded shorts. At least I think they were padded..... Mon the dugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 What on earth is going on in this thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irufushi Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 Tui. Absolute *****. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Mikey Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 On the topic of cyclists ... this heats up at approximately 1 minute in ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Mikey Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 And for those who have time to spare ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 10 minutes ago, Wee Mikey said: On the topic of cyclists ... this heats up at approximately 1 minute in ... Clowns Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 6 hours ago, Wee Mikey said: On the topic of cyclists ... this heats up at approximately 1 minute in ... Arseholes, I was just hoping to see them get taken out by someone opening their car door at the appropriate moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 1 hour ago, superjack said: Arseholes, I was just hoping to see them get taken out by someone opening their car door at the appropriate moment. Was hoping for an artic lorry myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Folk that nowadays can’t converse without saying either ‘guys’ or ‘issues’. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BM1874 Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Pretty much every time I’m at a set of lights, i’ll Keep my foot on the break, bad habit I know, but as soon as I stick the handbrake on instead boom lights change also when I’m about to go around a car that’s trying to turn off right, as soon as I start to go round it, it will turn off meaning I then need to come back into lane daft things but gets me every time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 10 hours ago, Morgan said: Folk that nowadays can’t converse without saying either ‘guys’ or ‘issues’. I can understand why that's an issue for guys like you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 When you listen to good music you love on the way to work in the morning to set you up for the day. Then you pop in to grab a coffee before you start and they are playing something shit that then proceeds to get stuck in your head as an ear worm. Today. All Around The World by Lisa Stansfield is ruining my morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheetah Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 1 hour ago, Tazio said: When you listen to good music you love on the way to work in the morning to set you up for the day. Then you pop in to grab a coffee before you start and they are playing something shit that then proceeds to get stuck in your head as an ear worm. Today. All Around The World by Lisa Stansfield is ruining my morning. I ******* despise that song. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 2 hours ago, Horatio Caine said: I can understand why that's an issue for guys like you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 People who say "Welp, ?♂️" when stating an opinion on social media. Trying to be cute or "against the crowd" doesn't make your point valid. It makes you a complete and utter *****. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 17 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Fantons who say "oh my days" should be hung, drawn and quartered. I said it once and felt a right Dick. No idea why I even said it. It just came out. Also these weather wank presenters almost coming in their pants because it's to be nice and hot in the South East. Get tae feck. Come November and they get a bit of sleet and the tadgers go into meltdown. Soft as a wet shite that lot and soor faced twats as well. ‘Oh my days’ is right up there with ‘simples’. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 30 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Also these weather wank presenters almost coming in their pants because it's to be nice and hot in the South East. Get tae feck. Come November and they get a bit of sleet and the tadgers go into meltdown. Soft as a wet shite that lot and soor faced twats as well. Oh my days, that's some rant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graygo Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I hate the cinema at the best of times but today I'm taking the wee man to see The Secret Life of Pets 2. £22 to sit on my arse bored oot ma tits with folk coughing all over the shop and going for a piss every 5 minutes with their screaming kids. He needn't think he's getting a hotdog or a drink or anything like that either. In the dear seats, no way I'm puting my Duke of Argyll's through the pain of a hard seat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 13 hours ago, Morgan said: ‘Oh my days’ is right up there with ‘simples’. Anybody know what `Oh my days` actually means?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribble Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 2 hours ago, Horatio Caine said: Anybody know what `Oh my days` actually means?? It’s the non-blasphemous version of oh my god Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 2 hours ago, Horatio Caine said: Anybody know what `Oh my days` actually means?? Didn't, but.I do now. 42 minutes ago, Ribble said: It’s the non-blasphemous version of oh my god Good God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 19 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Fantons who say "oh my days" should be hung, drawn and quartered. I said it once and felt a right Dick. No idea why I even said it. It just came out. Also these weather wank presenters almost coming in their pants because it's to be nice and hot in the South East. Get tae feck. Come November and they get a bit of sleet and the tadgers go into meltdown. Soft as a wet shite that lot and soor faced twats as well. You leave us in the South East alone. And just stick to your own teuchtar telly in the future if you find our weather offensive ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) 7 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: It'll be pishing doon before long.... ? Hopefully. At 24 degrees today it's about 7 degrees too hot. Can't wait until November. Edited June 1, 2019 by IronJambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thommo414 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 5 hours ago, graygo said: I hate the cinema at the best of times but today I'm taking the wee man to see The Secret Life of Pets 2. £22 to sit on my arse bored oot ma tits with folk coughing all over the shop and going for a piss every 5 minutes with their screaming kids. He needn't think he's getting a hotdog or a drink or anything like that either. In the dear seats, no way I'm puting my Duke of Argyll's through the pain of a hard seat. £5.99 for a leather recliner down at OT...although having worked there I'd advise against giving them a penny. Arseholes every single one of them. But to keep on the topic of the thread, I once complained my lack of hours were hurting my ability to financially provide for my children and was asked if I'd considered quitting to get child benefits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thommo414 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 18 hours ago, Barack said: Robert Pattinson, as the new Batman. That isn't even the worst decision dc have made in the film department. That (dis)honour goes to casting Ezra Miller as the Flash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 21 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Fantons who say "oh my days" should be hung, drawn and quartered. I said it once and felt a right Dick. No idea why I even said it. It just came out. Also these weather wank presenters almost coming in their pants because it's to be nice and hot in the South East. Get tae feck. Come November and they get a bit of sleet and the tadgers go into meltdown. Soft as a wet shite that lot and soor faced twats as well. Tadgers /meltdown, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 3 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Neither can I. Going to Australia then.... I hope you like spiders and folk that love their own voice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3fingersreid Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Down at the western general hospital visiting my father in law on the way out went for a quick piss , 2 cubicles go into the first one lift the seat up and there is this big stinking shit sitting in the pan . In a hospital !!! What kind of scummy ******* does that in a hospital ???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 22 hours ago, superjack said: Oh my days, that's some rant. 22 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: In a bad mood. My golf was shite . Simples. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 18 minutes ago, 3fingersreid said: Down at the western general hospital visiting my father in law on the way out went for a quick piss , 2 cubicles go into the first one lift the seat up and there is this big stinking shit sitting in the pan . In a hospital !!! What kind of scummy ******* does that in a hospital ???? You can bet your baws that the dirty **** didn’t wash his hands either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 (edited) 6 hours ago, Morgan said: Good God. Edited June 1, 2019 by Sooperstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3fingersreid Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 1 hour ago, iantjambo said: You can bet your baws that the dirty **** didn’t wash his hands either! My thoughts exactly , with the exception of my knob , everything touched was in contact with toilet paper not my hands , even after washing my hands the door was opened with bog roll . Must’ve used half a tub of alcohol gel when in the corridor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Just now, 3fingersreid said: My thoughts exactly , with the exception of my knob , everything touched was in contact with toilet paper not my hands , even after washing my hands the door was opened with bog roll . Must’ve used half a tub of alcohol gel when in the corridor Your boaby must be toxic if you have to do all that after touching it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 10 hours ago, Horatio Caine said: Anybody know what `Oh my days` actually means?? It's short for "Oh my heavenly days", which is just an expression of surprise. It's more hoity-toity than 'wow!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Camazzola Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 1 hour ago, iantjambo said: You can bet your baws that the dirty **** didn’t wash his hands either! Or wipe his hoop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3fingersreid Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: Your boaby must be toxic if you have to do all that after touching it. Called many things but never toxic ?? would your mum in law like to check it ? ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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