Stupidity

[Hansel]

Ever went to hug a lass after misreading a situation, and realising, when its too late, that she was just taking her jacket off?

 

Ended up hugging a colleague at a work night out, when she had arrived late and she had her arms down by her sides with me being the only one who was embracing. Awkward as **** afterwords.

 

[Pete Seeger]

Ever went to hug a lass after misreading a situation, and realising, when its too late, that she was just taking her jacket off?

 

Ended up hugging a colleague at a work night out, when she had arrived late and she had her arms down by her sides with me being the only one who was embracing. Awkward as **** afterwords.

 

That's brilliant.

 

[Hansel]

 

 

That's brilliant.

 

I'll never hug anyone again.

[Floyd]

Excellent thread revival!

 

I wonder if Chester ChocolatePot has anything to add........

[Guest C00l K1d]

Misinterpreting the secret santa game

[PsychocAndy]

Why isn't this in the classics?

[Der Kaiser]

I probably shouldn't post on here as I could probably post all day.

I'm definitely not a clumsy person but I have had a big slice of bad luck.

 

One of my worst is years back was shopping with the wife and she's looking at clothes. I've picked up a T-shirt and I'm holding it in my right hand. In my left hand I'm holding my wifes bag while she hums and haws over a top for about 7 hours. Anyhoo, I feel an itch just below my mouth and go to scratch it.....n

 

My wife later describes me making the strangest yelping noise ever, turns round to see me holding my face in a bit of discomfort. At first I point blanked refused to say what had happened and probably should have as she nearly wet herself when I told her what happened.

 

So you see....this itch under my mouth, well when I went to scratch it I moved my hand fairly quickly, "stupidly" unaware I still had the coat hanger in my hand. Don't ask me how but I managed to ram the metal hook right up and into my nose almost bursting my septum. To make matter worse I replaced my T-Shirt with another from the rack as my coat hanger had blood and snot dripping off it.

 

.....and there's plenty more where that came from.......

[PsychocAndy]

Early in our marriage, I met up with "The far too good for the likes of me" Mrs PsychocAndy on her diner break and head off to Ocean Terminal and walk about the shops. We get to the perfume counter in Debenhams and she spots the tester of the perfume she likes, but can't afford, and she goes to town with it, spraying it all over herself. I was on the floor pishing myself at her. So she stops asks me what's so funny, then looks down at her clothes and it looks like I'd cum all over her. The "perfume" she had picked up was a lotion.

TBF she just burst out laughing herself, nowadays it would be my fault.

[Boris]

Early in our marriage, I met up with "The far too good for the likes of me" Mrs PsychocAndy on her diner break and head off to Ocean Terminal and walk about the shops. We get to the perfume counter in Debenhams and she spots the tester of the perfume she likes, but can't afford, and she goes to town with it, spraying it all over herself. I was on the floor pishing myself at her. So she stops asks me what's so funny, then looks down at her clothes and it looks like I'd cum all over her. The "perfume" she had picked up was a lotion.

TBF she just burst out laughing herself, nowadays it would be my fault.

 

Hahaha - that's the bit that got me!

[Hansel]

I probably shouldn't post on here as I could probably post all day.

I'm definitely not a clumsy person but I have had a big slice of bad luck.

 

One of my worst is years back was shopping with the wife and she's looking at clothes. I've picked up a T-shirt and I'm holding it in my right hand. In my left hand I'm holding my wifes bag while she hums and haws over a top for about 7 hours. Anyhoo, I feel an itch just below my mouth and go to scratch it.....n

 

My wife later describes me making the strangest yelping noise ever, turns round to see me holding my face in a bit of discomfort. At first I point blanked refused to say what had happened and probably should have as she nearly wet herself when I told her what happened.

 

So you see....this itch under my mouth, well when I went to scratch it I moved my hand fairly quickly, "stupidly" unaware I still had the coat hanger in my hand. Don't ask me how but I managed to ram the metal hook right up and into my nose almost bursting my septum. To make matter worse I replaced my T-Shirt with another from the rack as my coat hanger had blood and snot dripping off it.

 

.....and there's plenty more where that came from.......

[Seglespaan]

A good few years back I was finishing a late shift in Burgerking on Princess street. I was in the back cleaning the cooker parts as normal when one of my pals asked if i wanted to go out for a cig. Which we did, but we ended up chatting an having a few, must have been there for at least 30 mins.

 

Next thing we know the manager comes out, apparently soaking wet screaming "what the **** is going on".

 

My first thought was, why is he soaking wet. My second though was **** me I've left the tap on.

 

We all go back inside to find the kitchen and the entire restaurant area 2-3 inches deep in water.

 

The reason my manager was soaking wet was that the offices were downstairs and apparently the floor wasn't water tight. Wasn't happy.

 

So I strolls into work the following morning to be greeted by all the front counter staff giving me looks as if I'd walked in naked covered in s**te. Apparently along with the offices downstairs, were the computers that ran the till systems which were also soaking wet, and the counter staff had to hand write two recipts for every order. Which in Princess st BK on a saturday would have been a proper ball ache.

 

I went into the back kitchen and stayed there till hometime.

 

To be fair though they really should have seen this coming, on my first day at BK I made it through the morning relatively unscathed. Got myself some lunch, whopper, large fries, large strawberry milkshake. Walks through the door to head upstairs onto a freshly mopped floor. Proper comedy slip, legs in the air land on my back, tray with said lunch straight up the way. Cue large strawberry milkshake falling from about 12 feet.

[Hansel]

A good few years back I was finishing a late shift in Burgerking on Princess street. I was in the back cleaning the cooker parts as normal when one of my pals asked if i wanted to go out for a cig. Which we did, but we ended up chatting an having a few, must have been there for at least 30 mins.

 

Next thing we know the manager comes out, apparently soaking wet screaming "what the **** is going on".

 

My first thought was, why is he soaking wet. My second though was **** me I've left the tap on.

 

We all go back inside to find the kitchen and the entire restaurant area 2-3 inches deep in water.

 

The reason my manager was soaking wet was that the offices were downstairs and apparently the floor wasn't water tight. Wasn't happy.

 

So I strolls into work the following morning to be greeted by all the front counter staff giving me looks as if I'd walked in naked covered in s**te. Apparently along with the offices downstairs, were the computers that ran the till systems which were also soaking wet, and the counter staff had to hand write two recipts for every order. Which in Princess st BK on a saturday would have been a proper ball ache.

 

I went into the back kitchen and stayed there till hometime.

 

To be fair though they really should have seen this coming, on my first day at BK I made it through the morning relatively unscathed. Got myself some lunch, whopper, large fries, large strawberry milkshake. Walks through the door to head upstairs onto a freshly mopped floor. Proper comedy slip, legs in the air land on my back, tray with said lunch straight up the way. Cue large strawberry milkshake falling from about 12 feet.

The best one yet.

[Seglespaan]

I could go on all day with my Burgerking mishaps. Again finishing a late shift, we'd just mopped up for the final time and were moments away from leaving, I just need to drain the water out this fryer and then we can go.

 

F*************, I hadn't swapped the hopper full of hot oil for an empty one to catch the water, and pouring 30-40 litres of water onto 30-40 litres of boiling oil makes a right good mess of the place.

 

Another good one tho, and again on the first day of a new job.

 

Was working on Queen St station roof in Glasgow when it was getting done up. In order to access the underside of the roof the scaffs had created large wooden steps if you like just under the roof, each step being about 7 foot high.

 

Again made it through the morning unscathed. Time for lunch. So we start making our way down these large wooden steps to the car park. For some reason I was a few steps behind the rest of the guys. Shimmies off a step expecting to land on the one below.

 

My harness gets caught on a nail and there I am hung like a ******* picture. Feet dangling a couple of feet of the deck n the ledge behind be was a few feet up so there was no way i could pull myself up.

 

Had to get a couple of boys to lift me off my picture hook. Not before they had a right good laugh about it though. My only savior was that it was back in the days of nokia 3210's, otherwise you'd have probably already seen me hanging there like a f*d on youtube.

 

If there's one job you don't want to make a right **** of yourself on day one I'd say it's probably on a building site. The guys got some good mileage outta that one.

[269miles]

I went out to watch the footy down the boozer and when it was my time to get a round in I realsied I had no cash so rushed up tto he cashpoint and rushed back again only to realise that I'd not taken the money . After getting slaughtered by a crowded pub I sprinted back to the bank but when I got there the cash was gone.

 

So , while I try again and insert card into ATM I notice a fit looking bursd in Cabriolet pull alongside ATM and I stare admiringly while I complete the transaction. Rush back to pub for the 2nd time and go to pay for the beers - but I can't cos I left the money at the ATM , again.

 

*** humiliated in the boozer and ?100 down on the day.

 

In September I got a letter from the RBS to tell me (5 years ago TO THE DAY) that they'd been checking my transcations and noticed I'd taken ?50 from ATM but the money had not actually been taken out of the machine - so they were gonna give me ?50 plus ?7 compo for the delay in notifying me. Not such a bad day after all..

[desmondo]

Went into the bog to do a hobo, turned the light on and it collapsed quicker than a SCF hibs defence

 

Pulled the bulb out, it shattered, thought i;'d grab the remains and literarly got the SHOCK of my life , it went right through me, scary as

 

Idiot by nature, reckon thats about 7/9 lives that was 10mins ago

[Hansel]

Just remembered one from a few months back......

 

Was on holiday in Florida with the Mrs and another couple. Just off the plane and we were picked up by the cabby, so everyone piled into the back, so there was no room for me.

 

"No problem", I thought, as I jumped into the passenger seat while the cabby was sorting out our luggage.

 

As I sit down I see the steering wheel in front of me - I'd sat in the drivers seat.

 

Cabby said "you want to drive"? Everyone pished themselves laughing and I got a Beamer.

[Homme]

On a date with the bursd to the cinema when we had just started going out. We got in there late(ish) when most of the seats were already taken up.

 

Anyway the lights are down and i can hardly see feck all. Started climbing the stairs to go up to one of the back rows when i tripped up, fell and planted my face right in my nacho's and cheese. The lid from my cola also popped off and i gat a face full of the stuff as well.

 

It was all over me. Stringy cheese hanging from my puss, hair and ears. Completely soaked from the juice - face and tshirt abslolutely drenched. Everyone that seen me (and the bursd) in absloute stiches too. I tried to act cool, find my seat and watch the film but could hear sniggering throughout its duration. Still get the fear walking into a cinema to this day.

 

[Der Kaiser]

My stupidity. Part 2.

 

Come home from school one day (many moons ago) and as I come through the back door I see a very dangerous sight. My folks old washing machine has leaked on the floor. Worse though is the plug didn't reach the socket and its attached to an extension cord right under the door and its soaking sitting in this big puddle. I think to myself "that's pretty dangerous...someone could get a real nasty shock.....I better move it out the puddle".

 

I was in 5th year at the time so fairly mature so I don't really have an excuse for what I did next which was to attempt to lift the plug and extension out with my bare hands.

 

I'm not entirely sure to this day how long the next moment lasted but I do remember this odd sensation in my arms. Every muscle seemed to just tighten instantly and I physically couldn't let go as my hands were like steel vices on this plug. I remember my teeth chattering and falling on my arse back across the kitchen with my arms twitching like a loony. I don't know how I managed to let go but I do remember thinking "am I a total ******* idiot?".

 

Darwin Award winner almost in the making.

[BoJack Horseman]

On a date with the bursd to the cinema when we had just started going out. We got in there late(ish) when most of the seats were already taken up.

 

Anyway the lights are down and i can hardly see feck all. Started climbing the stairs to go up to one of the back rows when i tripped up, fell and planted my face right in my nacho's and cheese. The lid from my cola also popped off and i gat a face full of the stuff as well.

 

It was all over me. Stringy cheese hanging from my puss, hair and ears. Completely soaked from the juice - face and tshirt abslolutely drenched. Everyone that seen me (and the bursd) in absloute stiches too. I tried to act cool, find my seat and watch the film but could hear sniggering throughout its duration. Still get the fear walking into a cinema to this day.

 

 

That's not stupid, that's just straight up embarrassing.

[Hansel]

On a date with the bursd to the cinema when we had just started going out. We got in there late(ish) when most of the seats were already taken up.

 

Anyway the lights are down and i can hardly see feck all. Started climbing the stairs to go up to one of the back rows when i tripped up, fell and planted my face right in my nacho's and cheese. The lid from my cola also popped off and i gat a face full of the stuff as well.

 

It was all over me. Stringy cheese hanging from my puss, hair and ears. Completely soaked from the juice - face and tshirt abslolutely drenched. Everyone that seen me (and the bursd) in absloute stiches too. I tried to act cool, find my seat and watch the film but could hear sniggering throughout its duration. Still get the fear walking into a cinema to this day.

 

I'm going to the cinema tonight. Better watch my step.

[joe.gausden]

My stupidity. Part 2.

 

Come home from school one day (many moons ago) and as I come through the back door I see a very dangerous sight. My folks old washing machine has leaked on the floor. Worse though is the plug didn't reach the socket and its attached to an extension cord right under the door and its soaking sitting in this big puddle. I think to myself "that's pretty dangerous...someone could get a real nasty shock.....I better move it out the puddle".

 

I was in 5th year at the time so fairly mature so I don't really have an excuse for what I did next which was to attempt to lift the plug and extension out with my bare hands.

 

I'm not entirely sure to this day how long the next moment lasted but I do remember this odd sensation in my arms. Every muscle seemed to just tighten instantly and I physically couldn't let go as my hands were like steel vices on this plug. I remember my teeth chattering and falling on my arse back across the kitchen with my arms twitching like a loony. I don't know how I managed to let go but I do remember thinking "am I a total ******* idiot?".

 

Darwin Award winner almost in the making.

 

I remember when i was young breaking the back of a plug while it was in the socket while carrying a table down the hall.

 

My mother shouts to me to switch the power off but instead of going to the mains i attempted to take the plug out..........cue getting battered back and forward of the walls in the hall..........never done anything like that again!

[viva kujabi]

When i was about 8 I was staying with my granny for the night. She took me out for the day and went to the shop on the way home for juice. I picked up a big bottle of "Cresta Lemonade" (with the polar bear on the front) to which my gran said "Naw darling, put that back, 'cresta' is Spanish for 'shite" I had no reason not to believe my loveable wee Granny.

 

Didn't know that wasn't the case until I was 21, in Ibiza, and arguing with a Spanish waiter about how 'cresta' the cold meal we'd just been served was. What a ridder.

[Ryan Jarman]

Not me but the bursd.

 

Lying on the sofa watching the tele and she was in the kitchen, cant remember what it was I was watching but suddenly there's horses on it clopping along a road. Cue the bursd running full pelt past me, nose up against the window and saying 'wow, where are the horses?? I can't see them?' I just stared incredulously. At this point the scene changed on the tv and the horse noises stopped. She turned round and said 'Rats, I missed them.' I literally burst with laughter, not laughed like that in ages. She couldn't get her head round why I was peeshing myself. I couldn't speak for laughing, thank God you can rewind live tv these days!

[Hansel]

Not me but the bursd.

 

Lying on the sofa watching the tele and she was in the kitchen, cant remember what it was I was watching but suddenly there's horses on it clopping along a road. Cue the bursd running full pelt past me, nose up against the window and saying 'wow, where are the horses?? I can't see them?' I just stared incredulously. At this point the scene changed on the tv and the horse noises stopped. She turned round and said 'Rats, I missed them.' I literally burst with laughter, not laughed like that in ages. She couldn't get her head round why I was peeshing myself. I couldn't speak for laughing, thank God you can rewind live tv these days!

It's nippy when the doorbell goes in a TV show and you think it's your front door, but that's a belter.

[269miles]

Mate got a 4 bird (bursd ?) roast for Sunday dinner and was talking about what the 4 birds were : he says chicken , turkey , duck but can't remember what the 4th is.

 

His missus shouts " Pork !".

 

He has never stopped going on about it.

[gadgey55]

It's nippy when the doorbell goes in a TV show and you think it's your front door, but that's a belter.

 

Even worse when the sound of a police siren comes on the car radio!

[Jambomuzz]

1 of many to come...

We've it fire doors in the house that close after you. Anyhow, I'd been printing something off using the wireless printer, oh yea that's right . Anyway I'd ran through to see if it was printing off ok, forgetting to catch the door as I went through, so i jumped back to catch it, caught it then quickly flung myself back to see if it was printing, cue my face somehow catching the corner of a wall and spending the next 20 mins with an ice pack on my nose thinking I've broken it! Such a tit.

 

I'm sure there's plenty more stupid things I've done, ill have a wee think!

[Jambomuzz]

When I was a bit younger I injured my ankle playing football, so went to JJB with my dad and got an ankle support. Got back to the house and sat down to put it on, got my dad to help! He starts starts trying to force it on, and it just wasn't fitting, spend about 10 minuites of this and I'm nearly in tears with pain, finally give up and go to put it back in the packaging. Look at the package...guess what, it's a bloody wrist support :-o. DOH!

[PsychocAndy]

The Wee Fella was talking about his Uncle Graham just now and reminded me of my stupidity.

He doesn't talk to his family now but when the Wee Feela was born he had fell out with the wife.

I was getting ready to "wet the babies' head" & invited him along.

Next morning the Mrs asks how it went did everyone behave and did everyone turn up. Aye excellent night but Graham never turned up.

"What Graham? My brother Graham?"

Aye he is Liam's uncle.

"But I'm not talking to him."

And that's you not me

"He called me a cow. What do you say to that"

He's known you longer than I have

About a week later she started speaking to her brother. I had to wait a fortnight before she started to speak to me again.

[ArcticJambo]

I was about 7 ot 8, mid-seventies, summer family holiday driving around N America, the usual. Get to campground and while folks are setting up tent and getting our tea together off I go exploring ... make my way to the beach; come across a tin of paint so back to the campsite I go; get hammer. Back to tin and cannae get it open so took the age old batter it approach. Whack to the top; cue explosion and I'm standing there rather shocked dripping in green paint. Commando style back through the campground feared someone's gone spy me and laugh their tits off. Reveal myself to the folks who look initially perplexed then piss themselves. Spend next 15 mins being clothed down in cold water.

[milky_26]

I was about 7 ot 8, mid-seventies, summer family holiday driving around N America, the usual. Get to campground and while folks are setting up tent and getting our tea together off I go exploring ... make my way to the beach; come across a tin of paint so back to the campsite I go; get hammer. Back to tin and cannae get it open so took the age old batter it approach. Whack to the top; cue explosion and I'm standing there rather shocked dripping in green paint. Commando style back through the campground feared someone's gone spy me and laugh their tits off. Reveal myself to the folks who look initially perplexed then piss themselves. Spend next 15 mins being clothed down in cold water.

you almost rival mitchell with your tales of woe

[Vic Vespa]

On holiday in Kos as a teenager returning to appartment tried to impress some birds by running over a few cars, last one was a jeep as in nae roof, ended up inside upside down with a broken toe.

 

Didnt pull either :-(

[Doctor FinnBarr]

On holiday in Kos as a teenager returning to appartment tried to impress some birds by running over a few cars, last one was a jeep as in nae roof, ended up inside upside down with a broken toe.

 

Didnt pull either :-(

 

Fickin mods, eh?

[Vic Vespa]

 

 

Fickin mods, eh?

 

A big bad rocker made me do it :-)

[Doctor FinnBarr]

A big bad biker made me do it :-)

 

 

 

FTFY

[Jamhammer]

I was very green when I joined the air force and was getting my welcome "greeting" from our Sgt. "There's only two things come from Wales boyo, sheep shaggers and queers. Which are you"? I had no idea what a queer was so I asked him. I thought he was gonna kill me.

 

I once reversed into a lampost in an empty car park in Inverary.

 

Went looking for a verbal agreement form

 

When I was a postie I was ringing the intercom to get in a stair and stroking a cat while I was waiting for an answer. When the woman answered instead of saying "Postman" I said

"PUSSYCAT"

[Floyd]

 

When I was a postie I was ringing the intercom to get in a stair and stroking a cat while I was waiting for an answer. When the woman answered instead of saying "Postman" I said

"PUSSYCAT"

 

 

Did she let you in??

[Jamhammer]

 

Did she let you in??

 

She did. I have another one that my mate did in a similar situation. He had a registered letter for a Chinese fella, right at the end of his Saturday morning delivery. Failure to deliver it meant a trip to a post office when he was finished rather than jist going home. He was cursing this fella who wasn't answering the intercom when the fella did. Instead of saying "Postie" he said a word used by older people to describe a Chinese restaurant. I can only imagine what the boy thought. One minute you're in your scratcher then you get woken up by a racist postie

[The Great Khali]

I just took the dog out a walk, picked up his shite in the wee bag but didn't tie it for some reason.

 

The shite ended up fleeing out the bag as I was walking and covered my top and trousers.

 

Absolute tit.

[Jim Rusty]

Went through to Edinburgh to watch Scotland - Italy. The game we had to win to qualify. Really drunk on the train back to Fife, i checked other results in the hope that England also didnt qualify. IIRC they went out if Russia beat Israel. Everypne looked gutted on the train so i stood up and said ' Never mind, at least Israel won!'. The whole train started booing me and throwing thier rubbish at me. My mates never let me live that one down

[Shapes]

Last night in the pub two of my friends were talking about coming home from their holiday in Gran Canaria and how they got into Prestwick late at night and were worried because they didn't think the bus was going to show up. Firstly, I was amazed you could get a bus back to Edinburgh late at night so I said "you can get a bus at that time from Prestwick to Edinburgh?" and one of my friends said "yeah, there's loads of poles get it but sometimes its not full" I turned round and said "so you share a bus with a bunch of posties going to work, do you get that through your dad?" (his dad is a posty)

 

i had misheard him and cue hysterics from everybody and them ripping me saying oh aye the whole front of the bus is filled with bags of letters

[Shapes]

[Paolo]

Stupidity.

 

 

My specialist subject.

[Hansel]

Has anyone else, whilst boarding a plane, ever dropped their passport down and through the gap between the door and the gangway and on to the runway?

 

No, just me then.

 

I needed to ask a member of the crew to go down and pick it up off the runway for me while I waited anxiously and held up the flight to cypress.

[maroonlegions]

Could not find my mobile phone in my house once so phoned it with my wife's phone, heard it ringing ,found it and then i preceded to pick it up and ANSWER it with a "yip,hello who is it" with my wife staring in disbelieve at me.

[Hansel]

Could not find my mobile phone in my house once so phoned it with my wife's phone, heard it ringing ,found it and then i preceded to pick it up and ANSWER it with a "yip,hello who is it" with my wife staring in disbelieve at me.

Be funny if you answered yourself saying, "who's this and why have you got my phone"?

[joe.gausden]

Has anyone else, whilst boarding a plane, ever dropped their passport down and through the gap between the door and the gangway and on to the runway?

 

No, just me then.

 

I needed to ask a member of the crew to go down and pick it up off the runway for me while I waited anxiously and held up the flight to cypress.

 

No but my mate when we were going to Magaluf for the Hearts game decided after he had booked in the airport reception to stick his passport in his baggage just before it went through.

A good few pints later and the flight gets called. Get to the gate and he starts asking which of us has his passport and boarding card. Then the penny drops so flight held up until someone goes into the baggage hold to retrieve his bag. What a feckin' plank

[Hansel]

 

 

No but my mate when we were going to Magaluf for the Hearts game decided after he had booked in the airport reception to stick his passport in his baggage just before it went through.

A good few pints later and the flight gets called. Get to the gate and he starts asking which of us has his passport and boarding card. Then the penny drops so flight held up until someone goes into the baggage hold to retrieve his bag. What a feckin' plank

Bet he was popular after that.

 

I always get a bit nervous in airports so I'm more likely to do daft things.

[maroonlegions]

Be funny if you answered yourself saying, "who's this and why have you got my phone"?

 

If my wife was not there with her usual look of ,"FFS" to keep me in check then that could have possibly happened.

 

 

 

There was another couple of sheer bad luck situations or just not paying enough attention to my surroundings .The first one goes as follows.

 

While at the cinema with the future Mrs, i needed a pesh so off i went bearing in mind that it was "pitch black", and that was the name of the movie we were watching , anyway i proceeded to make my way back to my seat , everything was fine eventually sat down to what i perceived to my future wife only to glanced up and look to the next row and to my horror saw my future wife looking at me with a wry smile , i had sat down next to a complete stranger, the woman just laughed and i had to sheepishly make my way to my proper seat.

 

 

The next one was even worse, i jumped out my wifes car to get something from a shop , bought item, got back in car only to see that my wife was NOT there , then realised that my wifes car was in FRONT of the car i was now sitting in ,scared the shiote out of this woman in her car i was now sitting in :beats: , i apologised and explained and she was fine , my wife was just peshing herself.

[Hansel]

 

 

If my wife was not there with her usual look of ,"FFS" to keep me in check then that could have possibly happened.

 

 

 

There was another couple of sheer bad luck situations or just not paying enough attention to my surroundings .The first one goes as follows.

 

While at the cinema with the future Mrs, i needed a pesh so off i went bearing in mind that it was "pitch black", and that was the name of the movie we were watching , anyway i proceeded to make my way back to my seat , everything was fine eventually sat down to what i perceived to my future wife only to glanced up and look to the next row and to my horror saw my future wife looking at me with a wry smile , i had sat down next to a complete stranger, the woman just laughed and i had to sheepishly make my way to my proper seat.

 

 

The next one was even worse, i jumped out my wifes car to get something from a shop , bought item, got back in car only to see that my wife was NOT there , then realised that my wifes car was in FRONT of the car i was now sitting in ,scared the shiote out of this woman in her car i was now sitting in :beats: , i apologised and explained and she was fine , my wife was just peshing herself.

I thought I was bad.