Shapes Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 I will tell my tale once I am home from work.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 I will tell my tale once I am home from work.... Tease...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maurice Moss Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 If my wife was not there with her usual look of ,"FFS" to keep me in check then that could have possibly happened. There was another couple of sheer bad luck situations or just not paying enough attention to my surroundings .The first one goes as follows. While at the cinema with the future Mrs, i needed a pesh so off i went bearing in mind that it was "pitch black", and that was the name of the movie we were watching , anyway i proceeded to make my way back to my seat , everything was fine eventually sat down to what i perceived to my future wife only to glanced up and look to the next row and to my horror saw my future wife looking at me with a wry smile , i had sat down next to a complete stranger, the woman just laughed and i had to sheepishly make my way to my proper seat. The next one was even worse, i jumped out my wifes car to get something from a shop , bought item, got back in car only to see that my wife was NOT there , then realised that my wifes car was in FRONT of the car i was now sitting in ,scared the shiote out of this woman in her car i was now sitting in :beats: , i apologised and explained and she was fine , my wife was just peshing herself. Your wife seems pretty tolerant seeing as you keep trying to run away with other women right in front of her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Khali Posted December 30, 2012 Author Share Posted December 30, 2012 If my wife was not there with her usual look of ,"FFS" to keep me in check then that could have possibly happened. There was another couple of sheer bad luck situations or just not paying enough attention to my surroundings .The first one goes as follows. While at the cinema with the future Mrs, i needed a pesh so off i went bearing in mind that it was "pitch black", and that was the name of the movie we were watching , anyway i proceeded to make my way back to my seat , everything was fine eventually sat down to what i perceived to my future wife only to glanced up and look to the next row and to my horror saw my future wife looking at me with a wry smile , i had sat down next to a complete stranger, the woman just laughed and i had to sheepishly make my way to my proper seat. The next one was even worse, i jumped out my wifes car to get something from a shop , bought item, got back in car only to see that my wife was NOT there , then realised that my wifes car was in FRONT of the car i was now sitting in ,scared the shiote out of this woman in her car i was now sitting in :beats: , i apologised and explained and she was fine , my wife was just peshing herself. Two guys once jumped in my car by mistake. They realised straight away, apologised and got out but I ******* shit myself. Thought I was a dead man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shapes Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 So today I was due to start work in town at 4.30 pm. Had got myself all organised and was running early for once and was about to leave my house at about 3.45pm. I had left my house keys in the car earlier that afternoon and there were house keys in the house door so I thought I'd just use the ones that were in the house door to lock the house and then I'd post them through the letterbox. Got all my stuff together, had my big work jacket over my shoulder, a can of juice with me as well as a packet of crisps and a bottle of water, oh and my hat. So I was carrying quite a lot and was just going to dump it all in the car. Locked the door, posted the house keys through the letterbox then it dawned on me that I hadn't picked my car keys up My brother had just stepped on a train to Glasgow and my mum and dad were away out to the cinema so I had to walk round to my grans house with all this stuff in my hands and the wind and rain battering off my face. By the time I got there so much cold air had got in my throat that I could hardly breathe and my hands were stinging from being so cold. Then had to walk back in the same conditions before being able to unlock my house and get my car keys. Absolute disaster I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe.gausden Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 So today I was due to start work in town at 4.30 pm. Had got myself all organised and was running early for once and was about to leave my house at about 3.45pm. I had left my house keys in the car earlier that afternoon and there were house keys in the house door so I thought I'd just use the ones that were in the house door to lock the house and then I'd post them through the letterbox. Got all my stuff together, had my big work jacket over my shoulder, a can of juice with me as well as a packet of crisps and a bottle of water, oh and my hat. So I was carrying quite a lot and was just going to dump it all in the car. Locked the door, posted the house keys through the letterbox then it dawned on me that I hadn't picked my car keys up My brother had just stepped on a train to Glasgow and my mum and dad were away out to the cinema so I had to walk round to my grans house with all this stuff in my hands and the wind and rain battering off my face. By the time I got there so much cold air had got in my throat that I could hardly breathe and my hands were stinging from being so cold. Then had to walk back in the same conditions before being able to unlock my house and get my car keys. Absolute disaster I am. Could you not have put the coat and hat on, put the juice, crisps and water in the pockets and kept yourself warm? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Buaben Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 So today I was due to start work in town at 4.30 pm. Had got myself all organised and was running early for once and was about to leave my house at about 3.45pm. I had left my house keys in the car earlier that afternoon and there were house keys in the house door so I thought I'd just use the ones that were in the house door to lock the house and then I'd post them through the letterbox. Got all my stuff together, had my big work jacket over my shoulder, a can of juice with me as well as a packet of crisps and a bottle of water, oh and my hat. So I was carrying quite a lot and was just going to dump it all in the car. Locked the door, posted the house keys through the letterbox then it dawned on me that I hadn't picked my car keys up My brother had just stepped on a train to Glasgow and my mum and dad were away out to the cinema so I had to walk round to my grans house with all this stuff in my hands and the wind and rain battering off my face. By the time I got there so much cold air had got in my throat that I could hardly breathe and my hands were stinging from being so cold. Then had to walk back in the same conditions before being able to unlock my house and get my car keys. Absolute disaster I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nookie Bear Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Similar but when I used to use a (non wireless) headset for the phone at work I lost count of the amount of times I tried to get up and walk away from my desk without taking it off I had a wireless headset for a while which I became accustomed to wearing and usually forgot to switch it off when I left my desk. Ended up taking a call whilst standing in the queue in Greggs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maroonlegions Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Your wife seems pretty tolerant seeing as you keep trying to run away with other women right in front of her cinema and then a car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maroonlegions Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Ok one more and again the Mrs was involved but this time she did very well not to pesh her self laughing . Could not find my reading glasses(i had been previously reading before hand , which will become clearer), and also my back up pair,( in case of situations like this one and had hidden them that well i could not find them either), , anyway the Mrs was suggesting various places were i might have left them, so the hunting began, much to the amusement of my wife, i now realise looking back on the number of possible locations she was suggesting were i might have left said reading glasses, that will become clearer soon.So spent a while looking here looking there , even went out to my garden hut and rummaged about there, up to the kids bedrooms (my wee girl can be a bit of a Magpie and collect various things, bless here),and looked about there.Sat down next to the Mrs after all searching proved to be unfruitful , she quite calmly said "go check out your face in the bathroom mirror, it looks quite red with all the searching you have been doing", thought nothing off it but went to the bathroom anyway to check my face AND........................................................................................... MY GLASSES WERE ON MY FECKING HEAD, ON TOP, HALF WAY UP THE CROWN OF MY HEAD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Ok one more and again the Mrs was involved but this time she did very well not to pesh her self laughing . Could not find my reading glasses(i had been previously reading before hand , which will become clearer), and also my back up pair,( in case of situations like this one and had hidden them that well i could not find them either), , anyway the Mrs was suggesting various places were i might have left them, so the hunting began, much to the amusement of my wife, i now realise looking back on the number of possible locations she was suggesting were i might have left said reading glasses, that will become clearer soon.So spent a while looking here looking there , even went out to my garden hut and rummaged about there, up to the kids bedrooms (my wee girl can be a bit of a Magpie and collect various things, bless here),and looked about there.Sat down next to the Mrs after all searching proved to be unfruitful , she quite calmly said "go check out your face in the bathroom mirror, it looks quite red with all the searching you have been doing", thought nothing off it but went to the bathroom anyway to check my face AND........................................................................................... MY GLASSES WERE ON MY FECKING HEAD, ON TOP, HALF WAY UP THE CROWN OF MY HEAD. Top WUMery from the lady @@@@@ moment though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future's Maroon Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I came out my flat to walk the dug. The lift door was open so walked into the lift. Pressed the ground floor button. My phone started ringing so I stepped out of the lift for a better reception. The lift door closed behind me. Tht dug is still in the lift. Im outside the lift with the handle of the dug's 16 foot extendable lead in my hand. The dug's got a choker coller on Off the dug went to the ground floor in the lift. Im now on ma knees as the lead start's reelin off downward. A male boxer is a fair old weight. Did I mention im on the 2nd floor approx 20 feet fi the ground. You should try reaching the lift button when your on your knees hudin a 20+kg dug. When the lift came back up he panting a wee bit lol P.s Iv done this twice! If you could see the tears streaming from my face when I go to this one you'd think I was at a close relatives funeral...also took about ten mins to compose myself enough to even type this reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ortarkod Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I've spent the last two nights sitting in the uni library until 2:30 AM attempting to revise for a Maths test I have tomorrow. Just realised it's actually next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future's Maroon Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I've spent the last two nights sitting in the uni library until 2:30 AM attempting to revise for a Maths test I have tomorrow. Just realised it's actually next week. Bonus, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest C00l K1d Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Does anybody look back at their old posts and just absolutely cringe? It was only about 2 year ago as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future's Maroon Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Does anybody look back at their old posts and just absolutely cringe? It was only about 2 year ago as well It depends what was said I guess! I came across a couple of mine in this thread which I had forgotten about...made me chuckle at my stupidity again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ortarkod Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Bonus, no? Yes, but it's still utterly ******* stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 i once stepped off a moving bus.....i went feckin flyin and landed right on my arse. sore and embarrasing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angry Haggis Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Does anybody look back at their old posts and just absolutely cringe? It was only about 2 year ago as well Generally speaking, when it comes to posting on Kickback never, ever look back at old postz and self critique. Deviant behaviour IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Price Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Bump. Any tales to tell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamtartan74 Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Was making super noodles in the microwave a couple year back and could smell burning, went through and the microwave was full of smoke, silly ***** forgot to put water in with them, never again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Came home pissed one night and decided to make a cheese sandwich, my mum had one of those hand held cheese slicer things, so I'm standing there for a good 5 minutes trying in vain to slice this cheese but getting nowhere. My dad came through and asked what I was doing to which I said "this cheese is to hard, it won't slice", he replied "maybe you should try cutting the wrapping off the cheese" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Started smoking again after 4 years off the fags. Gave up again a few year ago as i realised it was fekin rank Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambomuzz Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Once forgot to pull my trousers down when I went for a shit after a heavy night down the pub. Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Shopping at a large retail park yesterday I moved the car from outside one shop I had been in to be closer to another about 200m away. Came out second shop and walked back to where the car was parked first time around completely forgetting I had moved it. Stooooooooopid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Shopping at a large retail park yesterday I moved the car from outside one shop I had been in to be closer to another about 200m away. Came out second shop and walked back to where the car was parked first time around completely forgetting I had moved it. Stooooooooopid. Deserved for incredible laziness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doctor jambo Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Pre op for a vasectomy- nurse-" if you dont mind there is an examination we need to do" so she turns away and I pre-empt things by dropping my jeans and boxers, she turns back round and goes "I meant your blood pressure" Nightmare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Deserved for incredible laziness. Laziness is my middle name so I'll give you that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hansel Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Pre op for a vasectomy- nurse-" if you dont mind there is an examination we need to do" so she turns away and I pre-empt things by dropping my jeans and boxers, she turns back round and goes "I meant your blood pressure" Nightmare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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