Jump to content

Stupidity


The Great Khali

Recommended Posts

The Great Khali

Was carrying my works laptop and some paperwork to the car while on the phone at the same time. When I reached the car, i finished my phonecall and placed the phone on top of the car as I raked in pockets for keys etc while still holding laptop.

 

I found said keys and opened the back doors of the car, placing the laptop and paperwork in the back before driving off. When i got home I was away to text someone and wondered where my phone was before reliasing i hadnt taken it off the top of the car. Drove back and found it in a million pieces. :verymad:

 

 

Done that with shoes before. Got to work, couldn't find my shoes anywhere! On my way home one was on the main road and one was still in my drive. Looked a bit dodgy pulling over on a busy main road to pick up a random show at the side of the road.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 428
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Guest C00l K1d

Not really that funny but a couple months ago at work i was having an absolutely shite day. One of those days you glimpse up at the clock every 5mins waiting for the day to end. I finish work at half 5 so it gets to about 25 past and i decide to get my boots of. Sit down while everyone is still finishing odd bits and pieces and start getting changed. Then my boss sends someone of on another job. Glance up at the clock and it was only 25 past 3 :facepalm: Managed to get my boots back on without anyone noticing i had my trainers on and jacket on for 10mins :lol: :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

dalkeithjambo

A similar one from me, my friend had her new car for about a week with continuous problems when we went into town for a couple of drinks (well she was driving so juice for her) anyway we comes out and she couldn't get the drivers door to unlock, it had unlocked the passenger door though so I jump in and open her door manually, she is raging about yet another problem with the car as I put my seatbelt on then I look up, 'Alex that car in front has the same registration number as you'.

 

Same make,model and colour of car although the one we were sitting in was a few years older and an estate.

 

:whistling:

 

Had something very similar.

 

A few years back I was working on a ship in refit at Liverpool. I'd asked a mate if I could borrow his car to nip to a shop. Got the keys and walked round to the car park and there were hundreds of cars.

Saw the back end of a Marroon rover so started pressing the unlock button on the keys. Get to the car and jump in.

Put the key in the ignition and the key got stuck as I tried to turn the engine on.

I was trying to get the key to move but nothing, it was totally stuck. I obviously started panicking and happened to look in the rear view mirror and I see another Marroon rover. Same year on plate.

That's when it dawned on me that I was in the wrong motor. Now both cars had same colour, year, interior- everything.

 

I went back to the ship having left the keys stuck in the ignition. Seen my mate and said "mark, think we have an issue. Your keys are stuck in the ignition of someone else's motor", he thought I was taking the P***.

I was of course like no, think you better come round and call the AA. So we called AA, went back round and not long later they appeared. Explained the situation and the guy jumped and eventually managed to release the key.

Just at that the owner of the car turned up and was raging that we were in his motor for obvious reasons.

 

He actually had a laugh when we explained why, turns out he can't lock his doors hence the reason I managed to get into the car.

The guy from the AA said those 2 cars must have been off the assembly line near each other as the key shouldn't have turned at all.

 

Totally bizarre chain of events.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Doctor FinnBarr

Done that with shoes before. Got to work, couldn't find my shoes anywhere! On my way home one was on the main road and one was still in my drive. Looked a bit dodgy pulling over on a busy main road to pick up a random show at the side of the road.

 

 

That could explain why there always seems to be loads of single shoes lying at the roadside.

 

:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

That could explain why there always seems to be loads of single shoes lying at the roadside.

 

:)

 

:lol:

 

Next time you see someone picking up a shoe from the side of the road, take a minute to think.

 

He might not be a scaff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Future's Maroon

Stupidy....I was going to stick a tenner on Mario first goal at 9/1...but back out!

 

(really I am bumping this thread back to the first page where it belongs) :whistling:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Had something very similar.

 

A few years back I was working on a ship in refit at Liverpool. I'd asked a mate if I could borrow his car to nip to a shop. Got the keys and walked round to the car park and there were hundreds of cars.

Saw the back end of a Marroon rover so started pressing the unlock button on the keys. Get to the car and jump in.

Put the key in the ignition and the key got stuck as I tried to turn the engine on.

I was trying to get the key to move but nothing, it was totally stuck. I obviously started panicking and happened to look in the rear view mirror and I see another Marroon rover. Same year on plate.

That's when it dawned on me that I was in the wrong motor. Now both cars had same colour, year, interior- everything.

 

I went back to the ship having left the keys stuck in the ignition. Seen my mate and said "mark, think we have an issue. Your keys are stuck in the ignition of someone else's motor", he thought I was taking the P***.

I was of course like no, think you better come round and call the AA. So we called AA, went back round and not long later they appeared. Explained the situation and the guy jumped and eventually managed to release the key.

Just at that the owner of the car turned up and was raging that we were in his motor for obvious reasons.

 

He actually had a laugh when we explained why, turns out he can't lock his doors hence the reason I managed to get into the car.

The guy from the AA said those 2 cars must have been off the assembly line near each other as the key shouldn't have turned at all.

 

Totally bizarre chain of events.

 

I did that one day when I was in the post. Put my car key in the ignition of the postie van and it got stuck fast. Had to wait for ages for the mechanic to get it out! nearly fecked my one and only car key too!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

Arriving at work this morning, 5:58am. Was meant to be opening up.

 

Forgot my keys :facepalm:

 

25 minute drive back home to get them :facepalm:

 

Late opening :facepalm:

 

Wish I hadn't started this thread. Really has me questioning my intelligence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:lol:

 

I once sprayed my mate's shaving foam under my armpits thinking it was his deodorant. :vrface:

 

Put hair styling paste all over my face once. Couldn't figure out how I'd done it until it dawned on me that I'd just moisturised my hair... :facepalm:

 

I'm horrendous at breaking phones, it's the only things I take extra insurance on. They've been in the bath, down the stairs, in the urinals, kicked along the street. But even for me this one was special:

 

Few nights previously I'd been out on the piss. Dropped my Motorola Razr and then bending over to pick it up, poured half a pint of lager over it. Now, thankfully everything still worked, with the exception of the end call key (although I had to guess which button was which as I'd broken the number pad cover the week before this) so to end calls I had to close the top of the phone. Fast foward to midweek, i'm driving home from work down the A63 into Hull which at about half 5 gets stupidly busy with ferry traffic. Anyway, my mum calls and I answer and tell her quickly i'll phone her back as soon as I get into the flat (she worries I've died if I don't answer within two rings). As the end call button isn't working, I attempt a one-handed 'flick' to close the top of the phone and promptly throw it clean out the window...luckily the traffic was barely moving so I stopped (outside lane ffs), hazards on, got out and walked two car lengths back to retrieve it from underneath the Range Rover of a very irate man... :facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I moved to Bath 10 years ago or so. After 3 months of crashing on my mates sofa, I fianally found myself a pad. On my first trip to Sainsburys I had so much shopping I phoned a taxi. So I phone Abbey cabs in Bath (easiest to remember as its the same number a Livi Cabs up North 444444) So I got out my trusty mobile and phoned for a taxi....

 

And the call whent a little like this.....

 

Operator "Taxis"

 

Me "Hi I wish to order a taxi please."

 

Operator "Ok No problem where are you?"

 

Me "Sainsburys"

 

Operator "Sainsburys?"

 

Me "Yeah Sainsburys"

 

Operator "Sainsburys, where??"

 

"Sainsburyas, Bath" (rather annoyed at the stupidity of the operator)

 

"BATH :confused: "

 

"Yesss Bath, next to Green Park Station" (getting a little pissed off now)

 

"muffled speaking in background; Are you sure you have the right number?"

 

:facepalm:

 

I had gone and phoned 01506 444444 rather than my local frim 01225 444444

 

"er sorry er I mis-dialed"

 

She must have had a right laugh at my expense :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Zerothehero

Not my stupidity but one of the funniest things I've seen... at lunchtime crossing the road at George Square, a girl out to grab some food ignores the traffic lights and has to jog over the road to avoid cars. Panics, drops her freshly bought roll and accidentaly boots it mid stride. It exploded into a million bits then gets run over. I almost died laughing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hector Riva

I came out my flat to walk the dug.

The lift door was open so walked into the lift.

Pressed the ground floor button.

My phone started ringing so I stepped out of the lift for a better reception.

The lift door closed behind me.

Tht dug is still in the lift.

 

Im outside the lift with the handle of the dug's 16 foot extendable lead in my hand.

The dug's got a choker coller on

Off the dug went to the ground floor in the lift. :rolleyes:

Im now on ma knees as the lead start's reelin off downward.

 

A male boxer is a fair old weight.

Did I mention im on the 2nd floor approx 20 feet fi the ground.

You should try reaching the lift button when your on your knees hudin a 20+kg dug.

When the lift came back up he panting a wee bit lol :whistling:

P.s Iv done this twice!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not my stupidity but one of the funniest things I've seen... at lunchtime crossing the road at George Square, a girl out to grab some food ignores the traffic lights and has to jog over the road to avoid cars. Panics, drops her freshly bought roll and accidentaly boots it mid stride. It exploded into a million bits then gets run over. I almost died laughing.

 

She got run over and you laughed?

 

Bit harsh. unsure.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

luckyshe never got sandwiched between 2 cars

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:ninja: ill get my coat!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In work a colleague brought back to the South from Scotland a Numpty place mat. So we now have a "Numpty" award whenever somebody does something worthy of said award. laugh.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My brother was working in the Caymans about 8 year ago and I managed to blag a cheap air ticket to see him.

 

Once I arrived we went back to his to drop off my stuff and go for a beer. We hit a couple of pubs but I'm knackered after the 17 hours of traveling so I decide to head back to his, it wasn't far and easy to find.

 

On the way back I stop for a quick night cap and get talking to the bar staff. I end up getting wrecked and go clubbing with them. Once it finished, I grab a cab but no problem as I remember the address.

 

However I don't recognise the way the taxi driver was taking me so accused her of trying to rip me off and told her stop and stormed off. Now, I'd been on the island for six hours, most of them in a pub/club reeking so why I expected to recognise the right way I'll never know.

 

I slumped in a bus stop and fell asleep until it got light at 6:00 am. Looked up, and saw my brother's house 50 feet away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was closing a bucket full of tennis balls (which was sitting on my desk) and it wasn't closing properly so I decided to lean on it and put my weight down on the lid.

 

Unfortunately a small roll of my flab was sitting on the rim of the bucket and I didn't realise, so I ended up trapping it when the lid snapped shut.

 

Managed to give myself a nice wee cut and the bruising is starting to come up nicely!

 

Cue the fat boy jokes....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Everybody loves Baz

Quite surprised John Mitchell hasn't posted anything about me yet,

 

Currently holidaying in Rhodes just now and yesterday I was wandering in and out of shops looking at all the shite that was on offer,

 

Anyway, One shop I was in had these big massive windows with a window space size gap in between each window.

 

You all know what happens next, I was in one gap into the shop out the next onto the pavement and so forth, I must have been distracted and mis-counted were I was and walked straight into a window.

 

 

Bust my lip and have a Harry Potter type gash on my forehead now.

 

What a Dick !!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

I was closing a bucket full of tennis balls (which was sitting on my desk) and it wasn't closing properly so I decided to lean on it and put my weight down on the lid.

 

Unfortunately a small roll of my flab was sitting on the rim of the bucket and I didn't realise, so I ended up trapping it when the lid snapped shut.

 

Managed to give myself a nice wee cut and the bruising is starting to come up nicely!

 

Cue the fat boy jokes....

 

:rofl:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quite surprised John Mitchell hasn't posted anything about me yet,

 

Currently holidaying in Rhodes just now and yesterday I was wandering in and out of shops looking at all the shite that was on offer,

 

Anyway, One shop I was in had these big massive windows with a window space size gap in between each window.

 

You all know what happens next, I was in one gap into the shop out the next onto the pavement and so forth, I must have been distracted and mis-counted were I was and walked straight into a window.

 

 

Bust my lip and have a Harry Potter type gash on my forehead now.

 

What a Dick !!!!

 

My Auld Man did something similar in London - he walked straight into a glass door :facepalm:

 

I'm sure poster John Brownlee can come up with a few too, but he's in Bulgaria at the mo', so John if your reading get posting thumbsup.gif

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

PsychocAndy

We like to listen to the radio as we go to sleep so we have bought, and returned, 3 Dab radios over the years, but we seem to live in a blackspot and cant get a signal.

So we are down in a hotel near Stafford and they don't have talksport in their radio menu and the Mrs goes and buys a Dab radio. Works a treat in Stafford and she couldn't work out why it didn't work back home.

My late uncle done the same thing with a multi wave radio he bought in Huddersfield because the guy in the shop got radio RTE, or whatever it's called, and he was buggered about how it worked down their but not in Balerno.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was watching the Italy v England game the other night when the wife pipes up "See that Balotelli, where's he from"?

 

:facepalm:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've 'made' a few cups of tea over the years without boiling the kettle! It's not the same.

 

I worked a nightshift the other day. I said 'Cheers mate' to the ATM after taking ?20 out.

 

I'm putting it down to the tiredness!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

.

My uncle when younger dug up cats eyes out the road, to use in his tent as a light when camping

 

When I got my first car and showing off to my mates, got out and locked up, got back in and couldn't for the life of me start the car. An hour later we realised the steering lock was on

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've 'made' a few cups of tea over the years without boiling the kettle! It's not the same.

 

I worked a nightshift the other day. I said 'Cheers mate' to the ATM after taking ?20 out.

 

I'm putting it down to the tiredness!

:lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I first started driving, and got my new car, I was trying to park in the fountain park car park.......

 

 

There was a space, but it was between a big concrete pillar and a badly parked car, so it was rather tight.

 

I got the front end in, and thought I was home and hosed, so I pulled forward in to get the back end in too......

 

CRUNCH! The side of my new car hit the concrete pillar, leaving a huge dent. :seething:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I first started driving, and got my new car, I was trying to park in the fountain park car park.......

 

 

There was a space, but it was between a big concrete pillar and a badly parked car, so it was rather tight.

 

I got the front end in, and thought I was home and hosed, so I pulled forward in to get the back end in too......

 

CRUNCH! The side of my new car hit the concrete pillar, leaving a huge dent. :seething:

 

 

So what did you say to your Insurance company? laugh.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've 'made' a few cups of tea over the years without boiling the kettle! It's not the same.

 

I worked a nightshift the other day. I said 'Cheers mate' to the ATM after taking ?20 out.

 

I'm putting it down to the tiredness!

 

I took out 20 squid out and walked away without the taking the money sad.gif

 

I didn't realise until I went to pay for drinks at the bar, good job the bill got put on my tab thumbsup.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Went into work one Monday Morning, wondered why the place was deserted,but opened up and started working as normal (it was in a Sub Post Office).Guy comes in about 9.20 , on leaving says 'Didn't realise you opened September weekend'

I was back in bed for 10..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

dalkeithjambo

When I first started driving, and got my new car, I was trying to park in the fountain park car park.......

 

 

There was a space, but it was between a big concrete pillar and a badly parked car, so it was rather tight.

 

I got the front end in, and thought I was home and hosed, so I pulled forward in to get the back end in too......

 

CRUNCH! The side of my new car hit the concrete pillar, leaving a huge dent. :seething:

 

Fountainpark is a disaster for parking, bloody pillars!

I done the same as you. I work at Virgin active there and always parked in the same space which has a pillar next to it. Was fine for about 10 months then one day where I would normally reverse straight back because of the pillar before turning I turned the wheel straight away whilst reversing, cue the loud crunch.

I'd ripped the mirror off and smashed the door in. ?1300 damage!!

Had to get it done through insurance so was ?350 excess.

There are marks on most pillars in Fountainpark so think there's been a few wee accidents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fountainpark is a disaster for parking, bloody pillars!

I done the same as you. I work at Virgin active there and always parked in the same space which has a pillar next to it. Was fine for about 10 months then one day where I would normally reverse straight back because of the pillar before turning I turned the wheel straight away whilst reversing, cue the loud crunch.

I'd ripped the mirror off and smashed the door in. ?1300 damage!!

Had to get it done through insurance so was ?350 excess.

There are marks on most pillars in Fountainpark so think there's been a few wee accidents.

 

Oooft!

I spoke to another guy who did the same. I don't feel quite as daft knowing that others have done this. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've 'made' a few cups of tea over the years without boiling the kettle! It's not the same.

 

I worked a nightshift the other day. I said 'Cheers mate' to the ATM after taking ?20 out.

 

I'm putting it down to the tiredness!

 

I've said thanks to a few cash machines in my time, usually much to the amusement of someone waiting to use it after me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've said thanks to a few cash machines in my time, usually much to the amusement of someone waiting to use it after me.

:lol:

As long as you don't start hearing the machine saying "no worries, mate", you'll be ok.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This one's not about me ...... honest huh.gif

 

But my younger cousin (about 15 at the time) was going on a school camping trip. So his mother packed his stuff and gave him a disposable camera to capture some of his trip.

 

On his return his mum is unpacking his bag..... Mum: "where's the camera?" Cousin: "I threw it away. You said it was disposable?" woot.gifwoot.gifwoot.gifwoot.gif

 

He still gets it tight to this day and rightly so!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Work in an office and the wimmin are discussing beds etc. One woman pops up and says with a straight face "i've got one of them memory foam mattresses, i can tell you it doesnt help as my memory is terrible" ................. Nobody had the heart to tell her, awkward silence laugh.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Juan Rom?n Riquelme

Got drunk not this christmas but the one before.

 

Got ejected by bouncers and tried to ski home sans snow or skiing equipment.

 

Fell asleep face down on the bathroom floor and my mum got a coat hanger and poked my head under the door with it because she was freaking out thinking I'd banged my head and died.

 

Woke up the next morning on the bathroom floor with a blanket on me.

 

I don't drink anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was a teenager, I got stoned and hid from my mate in a wheelie bin. I copped the giggles, so the bin started moving from side to side.

 

My mate came out his house and noticed the bin moving, so he kung-foo kicked it over, and I fell out. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Great Khali

My Fianc?es brother in law just told me this beauty.

 

He was out on the raz once and was really, really hammered. So instead of going back to his house, where his wife and bairn were, he went back to his mum and dads as they lived close to where he was.

 

So he got in the house, went to his bed and about an hour later he needed a pish. So, stark bollock naked, he walked the usual route he would take to the bathroom in his own house and started peeing.

 

Although, the usual route he took was of course not the same route he had to take in his mum and dads house.

 

His dad came out into the hall to see him, naked, peeing from the top of the stairs, down to the bottom. When he noticed his dad he got such a fright, he fell down the stairs into a pool of his own pish and fell asleep.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lobey Dosser

My Fianc?es brother in law just told me this beauty.

 

He was out on the raz once and was really, really hammered. So instead of going back to his house, where his wife and bairn were, he went back to his mum and dads as they lived close to where he was.

 

So he got in the house, went to his bed and about an hour later he needed a pish. So, stark bollock naked, he walked the usual route he would take to the bathroom in his own house and started peeing.

 

Although, the usual route he took was of course not the same route he had to take in his mum and dads house.

 

His dad came out into the hall to see him, naked, peeing from the top of the stairs, down to the bottom. When he noticed his dad he got such a fright, he fell down the stairs into a pool of his own pish and fell asleep.

 

laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Snake Plissken

:lol:

As long as you don't start hearing the machine saying "no worries, mate", you'll be ok.

 

One told me to feed it a stray cat but an old lady stopped me so I shot her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One told me to feed it a stray cat but an old lady stopped me so I shot her.

:lol:

That's ok. As long as it was a head shot. :thumbsup:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

InNothingWeTrust

Last week i was out celebrating graduation on George Street where I ended up getting pretty pished, full kilt attire. I started the walk home in the wee hours of the morning and decided that it would be a good idea to text the missus that i was on my way home. Before i knew it, i dropped my phone. Trying to avoid standing on it, my next step was to the side, however, that's where the phone landed too, resulting in me slipping on my phone and landing square on my arse, legs up in the air. Fortunately, nobody was around to see that i was a true scotsman, but i picked up my phone to find the screen was smashed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Craig Gordons Gloves

We had a work weekend in Cyprus, flew out on the Thursday so were basically drinking solidly through Thursday night into Friday and then Saturday, there were numerous amusing stories but this one ( not about me) still has me laughing.

 

Sunday morning, around 4am we all head back from the club we were in and proceed to go to the pool and drink more, a few guys had headed to bed so we hasn't noticed the absence of Neil who was mortal. Turns out he has decided to call it a night and goes up to his room, key won't work so he comes back down an in a thick spouse accent tries to explain this to the wee Cypriot felly using lots of swat words, ventilation the wee guy gets it, his back upstairs with the master key and opens the door, Neil thanks the guy, closes the door and proceeds to flop down on the bed, only to discover a couple in their 70s awake and scared shitless that someone had come into their room. Turns out he has gone to the hotel next door which looked exactly the same as ours.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had a work weekend in Cyprus, flew out on the Thursday so were basically drinking solidly through Thursday night into Friday and then Saturday, there were numerous amusing stories but this one ( not about me) still has me laughing.

 

Sunday morning, around 4am we all head back from the club we were in and proceed to go to the pool and drink more, a few guys had headed to bed so we hasn't noticed the absence of Neil who was mortal. Turns out he has decided to call it a night and goes up to his room, key won't work so he comes back down an in a thick spouse accent tries to explain this to the wee Cypriot felly using lots of swat words, ventilation the wee guy gets it, his back upstairs with the master key and opens the door, Neil thanks the guy, closes the door and proceeds to flop down on the bed, only to discover a couple in their 70s awake and scared shitless that someone had come into their room. Turns out he has gone to the hotel next door which looked exactly the same as ours.

Brilliant :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.




×
×
  • Create New...