The Great Khali Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 I've went into the shower in my boxers and socks before Bath for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Bath for me Ditto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomstick Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I once poured a beer into a glass, chipping the rim with the bottle. After I finished the beer I noticed the chip in the bottom of the glass. I thought "That's dangerous" so stuck my hand in to get it out. The glass broke and I have a lovely scar on my finger-******* finger now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Khali Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Wish I hadn't started this because now all the stupid stuff I've done is rushing back. Booked a travel lodge at Alton towers for my girlfriend and I, plus 2 pals. Didn't read anything at all just booked the room. It wasn't until the day of the trip, when I put in the address on the sat nav, that I realised something was wrong. 7 hrs 45 minute journey surely can't be right? Id booked us into a travel lodge in a town called Alton.... Just outside London Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake Plissken Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I've got a few beauties myself but the most glaring example of stupidity was from an ex. We were in a Chinese restaurant and there were a lot of fish in tanks around the table, I decided to mess with her. "You know, the fish in these restaurants are robotic" She was sceptical but I insisted, "watch how they always swim in the same pattern, it's cheaper than feeding them and there's no risk of them floating around dead. That would be really off-putting, wouldn't it?" So she watched the fish for a while and as fortune would have it, they kept swimming in the same pattern. "You see? I thought it was common knowledge that restaurants did that." She believed me and then went there again a few weeks later with a friend and shared that anecdote with a friend. I don't think she ever forgave me for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamboinglasgow Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Wish I hadn't started this because now all the stupid stuff I've done is rushing back. Booked a travel lodge at Alton towers for my girlfriend and I, plus 2 pals. Didn't read anything at all just booked the room. It wasn't until the day of the trip, when I put in the address on the sat nav, that I realised something was wrong. 7 hrs 45 minute journey surely can't be right? Id booked us into a travel lodge in a town called Alton.... Just outside London Done similar, had a rowing dinner in Glasgow, so booked a premier inn room for the night, got to the hotel after I had been rowing earlier with all my bags just wanting to get in the room and relax and get ready, say my name to the receptionist who sounds puzzled, I explain I had booked a room for that night at that hotel. She cant find any record of me booking. So trying to find on my phone the e-mailed confirmation to prove that was the case, up pops the confirmation where it dawns on me that I did indeed book a room for this hotel, but for the day that I had done the booking rather then the day I intended. Was an expensive mistake as I had to book another room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Wiseau Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 There was a hotel owner from Jura on Five Live the other week who was talking about a French family who rocked up to his hotel at 10pm with reservations, but the hotel was fully booked. They had turned up at the Jura Hotel on the isle of Jura, yet had booked the Hotel Le Jura in the South of France Since it was 10pm, there were no boats off the island and no other hotels to go to - the owner had to clear a store room for the night Their booking was in French and they paid in Euros, but never realised Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaun.lawson Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 So, little old me arrives here at the start of February, absolutely exhausted after doing a New York to Madrid to Montevideo (yes, really) 2 day journey. But I'm also euphoric, the jetlag seems to have cancelled itself out somehow, so I head straight out into the city after dumping my stuff at the hotel. First thing to do is change my dollars to pesos at a cambio. Except I can't speak a word of Spanish: not one word. I wander in, present my money and mumble something inaudible. The guys behind the desk look at each other confused, then exchange it, and off I go, happy that my first task has been accomplished. Except that, despite having just exchanged 500 dollars, I soon find I only have enough money for about 3 cans of Diet Coke. Uruguay can't be that expensive, can it?! Absolutely raging, I storm back into the cambio, convinced I've been had, on my very first day in the country too... only to look at the money carefully, and realise it's not Uruguayan currency I'm holding. It's Brazilian currency. The chaps at the counter started creasing up when they realised - and I ended up losing a good 30 dollars or so through commission. But this was nothing to what happened a few days later. I'd been nervous of using my UK debit card at an ATM here, as I'd heard alarming stories of machines swallowing up unfamiliar cards and so on. But when I finally bit the bullet, all went well, and I wandered off happily... HAVING LEFT MY CARD STILL IN THE MACHINE. :eek: To my immense good fortune, the security guard inside the bank (ATMs here all have security guards keeping watch over them throughout office hours) started banging frantically on the glass panel, and I turned round... and was horrified and mightily embarrassed at what I'd done. The problem is, unlike cash machines in Britain, ATMs here give you your cash, but then wait about 5 seconds before asking if you'd like another transaction. Force of habit had left me wandering off after the money had appeared: it could've been an absolute catastrophe, and I was very, very lucky that I got away with it really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregory House M.D. Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Speaking of stupid old women at weddings... skip the first 40 seconds then keep your eye on grandma on the right in the red... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgwuWcjsRjs What sort of **** would upload that onto the internet? Their Grans clearly distraught whether it was funny to start with or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Wiseau Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 What sort of **** would upload that onto the internet? Their Grans clearly distraught whether it was funny to start with or not. Yep, that's really not funny - quite uncomfortable to watch actually. Fair play to the boy who tries to lighten the mood but whoever the **** is behind the camera who no doubt uploaded it is a disgrace. Hope the bride went and spoke to the gran as well afterwards, she was cold as ice after it happened Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregory House M.D. Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I was making toast once and the bread wasn't properly in the toaster, I didn't want to burn my finger so, forgetting it was electric, I prodded it in with a knife. Needless to say the toaster was messed and My heart was going mad for the next five minutes. I also had pins and needles in my arm for about half an hour afterwards. :vrface: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregory House M.D. Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Yep, that's really not funny - quite uncomfortable to watch actually. Fair play to the boy who tries to lighten the mood but whoever the **** is behind the camera who no doubt uploaded it is a disgrace. Hope the bride went and spoke to the gran as well afterwards, she was cold as ice after it happened It's champagne as well. The bride looks at her like it was red wine. If I was her I'd be more raging at the tit who ran in and started smearing her make up allover her fizzog with a hand-towel just before she got photo's taken Infact reading the title it's ******* Pimms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cosanostra Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 My mate's burd bought him some expensive, natural facial exfoliating pads from this natural cosmetics company online and gave them to him as a present. She then harrassed him to use them for ages every time he went for a shower. He always avoided using them until finally he relented and decided to give them a try. He then cam out of the shower with his face bright scarlet red with his cheeks in pain and the skin rubbed raw. She asked him what he thought of them and he said "they're great but they hurt a wee bit". She was puzzled by this so asked him to show her exactly what he'd used and how he'd left his face in such a state. He took her through to the bathroom and picked up a steel, scouring pad that she covers in bleach and uses to scrub their tiled shower walls. His face was an absolute state for a fortnight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jezza Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Just before holiday I put a chicken salad in the oven. Also in b&q a few weeks ago and got separated from the bird. So I goes to look for her, walks up behind her and softly plant my knees into the back of hers to make her legs bend forward. Turned out it wasn't her and I got the shock of my life. By this time the missus is almost falling over laughing and this wifie politely smiles and ****s off. I could have died there and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gembon Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Another train one, but I was getting off the train last week, and I turned to a fellow passenger and said "thanks", in the manner you would when getting off the bus. My wife got on the bus on the way to work, put her money in the slot, and said to the driver "Claims Department, Elki speaking", which is what she says when she answers the phone at work. She also once went to work in just her tights. No skirt. Killing myself at this whole post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabienleclerq Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 My mate's burd bought him some expensive, natural facial exfoliating pads from this natural cosmetics company online and gave them to him as a present. She then harrassed him to use them for ages every time he went for a shower. He always avoided using them until finally he relented and decided to give them a try. He then cam out of the shower with his face bright scarlet red with his cheeks in pain and the skin rubbed raw. She asked him what he thought of them and he said "they're great but they hurt a wee bit". She was puzzled by this so asked him to show her exactly what he'd used and how he'd left his face in such a state. He took her through to the bathroom and picked up a steel, scouring pad that she covers in bleach and uses to scrub their tiled shower walls. His face was an absolute state for a fortnight. Reminds me.... Went to the toilet an noticed there was no TP so i asks the Mrs if she has any baby wipes etc "yeah in my bag" so i grabs a pack of wipes out her handbag, does the deed and sits back on the couch.Start to feel a bit uncomfortable, squirm a little then my starfish starts stinging like feck....turns out she not only had baby wipes but kitchen cleaning ones that were laced with bleach!! i was in the shower with the showerhead aimed for the damaged area for twenty minutes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hansel Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Reminds me.... Went to the toilet an noticed there was no TP so i asks the Mrs if she has any baby wipes etc "yeah in my bag" so i grabs a pack of wipes out her handbag, does the deed and sits back on the couch.Start to feel a bit uncomfortable, squirm a little then my starfish starts stinging like feck....turns out she not only had baby wipes but kitchen cleaning ones that were laced with bleach!! i was in the shower with the showerhead aimed for the damaged area for twenty minutes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hansel Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 My boss took one of the patients for an outing to asda one day, but when she came out from asda she couldn't find her car anywhere. She searched and searched the car park, but eventually came to the conclusion that it had been stolen. After humming and hawing for a few minutes, she decided to report the car missing. Half way through her conversation to the police, it dawned on her what had happened. The whole time she had been searching for her own car, but she hadn't even taken her own car. It was the hospital car she'd used, so no wonder she couldn't find her own car. :vladstupid: She was well embarrassed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambothump Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Travelling home from London for the week end, train arrives at Waverley but going on to Aberdeen, I decide to stay on till Haymarket, nearer home. Wake up in Aberdeen, taxi back to Edinburgh. Glasgow/Edinburgh/Glasgow done more than a few times, I'm a heavy sleeper jt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannibal Lecter Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 About a year ago I came out of the Gyle shopping centre and pointed the key at what I thought was my own car ( same make, colour) I thought the key battery must be dead and was about to try manually when I noticed the reg. My own motor was three cars along Donne the same except put the key into the boot lock and it wouldn't turn then clocked the reggie plate My dad was also guilty of this after coming out the cinema once. He was street parked late at night and was trying to unlock the drivers door (before the days of remote central locking) and wondered why the door wouldn't unlock. Turns out his car was a few cars further down I've went into the shower in my boxers and socks before Have also done this but was in the bath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamdub Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I was working at the Rank Hovis when the boys told me to go up and see the boss. I knocked on his door. Turned out it was a wind up. "Back to work", my boss said - have a red face after that gaffe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Benoit Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 My boss took one of the patients for an outing to asda one day, but when she came out from asda she couldn't find her car anywhere. She searched and searched the car park, but eventually came to the conclusion that it had been stolen. After humming and hawing for a few minutes, she decided to report the car missing. Half way through her conversation to the police, it dawned on her what had happened. The whole time she had been searching for her own car, but she hadn't even taken her own car. It was the hospital car she'd used, so no wonder she couldn't find her own car. :vladstupid: She was well embarrassed. Went to the cinema one time and spotted Malky's car in the car park (bright yellow punto hard to miss) so parked beside hoping to bump into him. Went in and watched the film and on way out walked up to Malky's motor and there's no sign of mine. Totally panicking thinking my cars been nicked and just about to call the police when I spotted mine 20 yards away. Turned out he was in for a Halloween double bill and had nipped out to McDonalds in between films Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Two winters ago as I left to go to work, still half asleep (I never feel fully awake until about 10am), I opened the front door to find my car absolutely covered in snow. I went to stick my key in the driver's door. Totally frozen up, nae chance. Tried the passenger side door. Same. Try the boot - great success! I get the boot open, crawl in over the back seats, grab my scraper and turn the ignition on and blast the heating on to warm the car up quicker. Attempt to open the doors from the inside but they're totally frozen up and won't open even with a shoulder barge. So I crawl back out the boot, and proceed to scrape all the car windows. Then it comes to doing the rear windscreen, which naturally I can't do while the boot is open. Without thinking, I push down the boot door. It closes in slow motion as I realise instantly what I've just done. My boot is now locked shut, along with doors, with the keys in the ignition, motor running, and me stuck out in the cold and snow like a f@nny and already running 10 minutes late for work. I sheepishly call my dad, who has spare keys to my car, and have to ask him to head round to my house to turn my car off while I trudge off to get the bus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bindy Badgy Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 About a year ago I came out of the Gyle shopping centre and pointed the key at what I thought was my own car ( same make, colour) I thought the key battery must be dead and was about to try manually when I noticed the reg. My own motor was three cars along I spent a good few minutes trying to get into 'my' car once. I only noticed my mistake when the irate owner asked me what I was playing at Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoJack Horseman Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A couple summers ago I'd gone for a lie in the garden on one of our rare hot days. As I'm a man I never used any cream and the sun was pretty unforgiving that day. Ended up burning my face and my arms. Sent the ex out for some after sun which she obliged and I went ahead and used it as you would. After a few nights of lathering this stuff on my face my sister comments that I'm looking a bit 'orange'. Aye, that's my tan I says, caught the sun the other day. Nah, she says, your face looks actually orange. On closer inspection I could see what she meant, the front of my face was bright orange and there was obvious streaks around the chin and my neck. Stupid bint had gone and bought after sun with added self tan. I looked like fecking David Dickinson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Speaking of stupid old women at weddings... skip the first 40 seconds then keep your eye on grandma on the right in the red... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgwuWcjsRjs That was really funny up until she started crying. Then it became hilarious. :'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hansel Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 That was really funny up until she started crying. Then it became hilarious. :'> I can almost taste her tears. :'> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WagonWheel Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 "Hmm, I wonder if that shower curtain would take my weight". Eh, no. One broken curtain rail and two broken tiles. Also drunkenly got into the third of three taxis in a rank, drivers says "get in the one in front mate", so of course I then get out and jump in taxi number two of three which is bumper to bumper with the other two...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartleys_Jam_Tart Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Another train one, but I was getting off the train last week, and I turned to a fellow passenger and said "thanks", in the manner you would when getting off the bus. My wife got on the bus on the way to work, put her money in the slot, and said to the driver "Claims Department, Elki speaking", which is what she says when she answers the phone at work. She also once went to work in just her tights. No skirt. Absolutely decking myself at this post . I have also done the no skirt just tights thing but it was to school And have known to ( when extremely inebriated ) forget to put the toilet lid up when going for a pee .... bad times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konrad von Carstein Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Asda self check out, pay for goods and ask for ?20 cash back - complete transaction pick up reciept and walk out the door - get home only to realise I'd not picked up the ?20, would be hilarious if it wasn't the THIRD time I've done this in as many months. Got my money back each time though, thanks to the 'onest people of Chesser and it's surrounding areas!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cairneyhill Jambo Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A good few years ago, I came back from the pub steaming. I had the munchies so after raking through the fridge and freezer to see what I could have, I decided I would fry a couple of burgers as it would take less time than grilling them. After about 5 minutes of frying them, there was a honking smell in the kitchen and I couldn't work out what it was. I only then realised that I had used lime cordial, rather than vegetable oil, to fry the burgers when it starting foaming in the frying pan. The house was stinking for days and the missus wasn't amused. The burgers were fine though. Another time, I was making sunday dinner. I put the brussel sprouts on to start cooking them and then left for about 2-3 minutes to allow the water to start boiling. Problem was that I forgot to put the water in the pot. Again, the house was stinking for days and I burnt the @rse out the pot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I booked flights from Edinburgh to Gatwick for a 7.30am flight on a Saturday a few seasons ago ready for the game. I also booked flights from Edinburgh to Gatwick for the 8.30pm flight for the journey home. Fortunatly I noticed my small error the day before when I printed the boarding passes and managed to transfer at great cost onto the correct flight, I had already taken the travel money off the mate I was flying up with and had to fork out the extra. Think I got stung for an extra ?200 me = ****** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A good few years ago, I came back from the pub steaming. I had the munchies so after raking through the fridge and freezer to see what I could have, I decided I would fry a couple of burgers as it would take less time than grilling them. After about 5 minutes of frying them, there was a honking smell in the kitchen and I couldn't work out what it was. I only then realised that I had used lime cordial, rather than vegetable oil, to fry the burgers when it starting foaming in the frying pan. The house was stinking for days and the missus wasn't amused. The burgers were fine though. Another time, I was making sunday dinner. I put the brussel sprouts on to start cooking them and then left for about 2-3 minutes to allow the water to start boiling. Problem was that I forgot to put the water in the pot. Again, the house was stinking for days and I burnt the @rse out the pot. I once managed to use coffee instead of gravy granules In my defence the jars were almost identical to each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Khali Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 I once managed to use coffee instead of gravy granules In my defence the jars were almost identical to each other. a couple of weeks ago my mrs used 4 tablespoons of gravy granules. She shouted me through saying something's wrong with the gravy. It was like wallpaper paste! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Yep, that's really not funny - quite uncomfortable to watch actually. Fair play to the boy who tries to lighten the mood but whoever the **** is behind the camera who no doubt uploaded it is a disgrace. Hope the bride went and spoke to the gran as well afterwards, she was cold as ice after it happened This. At the start as well, "I'm on Grandma watch. She's only had one Pimms" Oh give us a break you heartless ****s, get over yourselves. Hope the feckers never need to rely on anyone else in their old age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabienleclerq Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A good few years ago, I came back from the pub steaming. I had the munchies so after raking through the fridge and freezer to see what I could have, I decided I would fry a couple of burgers as it would take less time than grilling them. After about 5 minutes of frying them, there was a honking smell in the kitchen and I couldn't work out what it was. I only then realised that I had used lime cordial, rather than vegetable oil, to fry the burgers when it starting foaming in the frying pan. The house was stinking for days and the missus wasn't amused. The burgers were fine though. Another time, I was making sunday dinner. I put the brussel sprouts on to start cooking them and then left for about 2-3 minutes to allow the water to start boiling. Problem was that I forgot to put the water in the pot. Again, the house was stinking for days and I burnt the @rse out the pot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Just before holiday I put a chicken salad in the oven. Also in b&q a few weeks ago and got separated from the bird. So I goes to look for her, walks up behind her and softly plant my knees into the back of hers to make her legs bend forward. Turned out it wasn't her and I got the shock of my life. By this time the missus is almost falling over laughing and this wifie politely smiles and ****s off. I could have died there and then. My mate done something similar. We were in a shop waiting for my mate to buy something, he was taking a while so he goes up to him and whispers in his ear from behind 'get in that ******* queue', turns out it was a complete stranger Creasing myself about the woman going on the bus and saying what she says at work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottish_chicP Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I should have a few to add to this but can't think right now. I have got into the bath in my bra before.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribble Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 When I still lived with the folks out in gorebridge I would occasionally get the x95 bus home on a friday night as the 3 or 86 took far too long with a bladder full of drink, one night I get on the x95 and despite my best efforts promptly dozed off. When I wake up I instantly panic knowing I'm on the x95 and can end up in gala, it takes me a few seconds to focus but the the reief hits me as I see we are just crossing the bridge on the A7 before gorebridge, so pings the bell and jumps off at the next stop. Only just as the bus is pulling away ( I was the only person that got off) I realise that it wasn't the bridge just before Gorebridge and every direction I look all I can see is pitch blackness! I use the light on my phone (which has no reception at all) to check the bus stop to see where the hell I am, turns out I was at Fountainhall and according to the timetable the last bus in the opposite direction had been due 6 minutes ago! I start panicing as I have no idea how far fountainhall is on the road to gala and am I best walking towards Gorebridge or Gala? I guess towards gorebridge and start walking then 5 mins later, out of nowhere the last x95 to edinburgh comes hurtling round the corner and I'm jusmpintg about like a madman in the middle of the road trying to get him to stop which thankfully he does and lets me on for free as I explained what had happened, was so glad that bus was empty! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottish_chicP Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I was in the Wetherspoons in Livi centre one Thursday night and we were just leaving, I walked towards what I thought was an open door. Turns our the windows were just realllllly clean and I walked right into it. In front of hundreds of people Anyone who has been in will know there are stickers on all the doors, I got them put there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A boy in our uni water polo team had the ultimate 'stupidity week' when we went to play a tour in Greece. Highlights Lowlights included: Snorting a double rockstar line of chilli powder in a Newcastle curry house the night before our flight, to win a pint of lager. He wanted to impress so much he went back and hoovered up the crumbs, before his head almost exploded. Getting so smashed on the flight he nicked a life jacket from under his seat. Continuing to get so smashed he later chased the swim club captain - a nice looking lass who was hugely well endowed up top and who was a friend of his - down a Greek village street, taps aff with his barely concealed stauner peeking out his shorts and started trying to peck her with it. Continued to drink before disappearing while we ate a meal in a small Greek taverna. We kept seeing people going to the toilet and quickly heading back, or guys queuing at the side the ladies toilet was on. Eventually one of our team went to go to the toilet and it turned out there was one cubicle on one side for men and one on the other for women. The boy in question had gone for a sit down and fallen asleep, door open, pants down, mid-s**t on the toilet. The next day he went out into the sea on a lilo - one short brush of factor 10 on - at about 9am and only came in to get another huge jug of beer before heading back out to sit in the sea with it, all day, until about 4pm when he was this horrible lobster red mess. He had some kind of heat stroke and was an absolute zoomer for the rest of the week. Played in goals for a game later in the week and had to be subbed as he was still zooming about the place, totally on another planet. A pitiful shot popped over his head and all he did was slowly turn around and look at it. SUB! As you can imagine there was much more but these are the ones that stand out for the moment. The thing is, it sounds like a shocking litany of wild behaviour - uni lads on tour woo etc - it really wasn't. It was just him. So, although we were all on the beers and had a great time, it was perfectly pretty well behaved and we spent a lot of time with Greek hosts in cracking restaurants and so on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I feel sorry for the KB'er on here who got dumped by his girlfriend for pissing himself laughing when she asked him if Cloverfield was based on a true story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Merse Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Used to do a a shift at Sainsburies starting at 7am on a Sunday morning. Every Saturday night I'd panic about sleeping in the next day. Fall asleep about midnight, wake up running late, throw my clothes on, jump in the car driving for 10 mins get half way to Cameron Toll and notice that the car clock says it is 3:30am. Christ knows what had happened but I had somehow read my clock saying 7:15am instead of 3:15am. SO have to turnaround, drive back to my house, back to bed and up again in a couple of hours. After a night out, pished as a fart, decide I want some cigarettes (I don't smoke), tell my taxi driver to go to petrol station to get some fags, get back to my flat, go to the window to light up, the window comes in the way, opened it and smashed it right into my face leaving a cut under my eye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy the Jambo Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A few years ago I worked part time in boots at Shandwick Place packing shelves .On my first day there i opened up a massive carton of tampax I asked a female colleague where do these go she just laughed and said do you really want me to tell you . I could have died on the spot .Another one of my stupid moments .I was working night shift security at easter road that morning i just bought a car .I drove it to easter road but in the morning when I finished I was on way home thinking I have forgotten something .Thats right I forgot the car Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Benoit Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Used to do a a shift at Sainsburies starting at 7am on a Sunday morning. Every Saturday night I'd panic about sleeping in the next day. Fall asleep about midnight, wake up running late, throw my clothes on, jump in the car driving for 10 mins get half way to Cameron Toll and notice that the car clock says it is 3:30am. Christ knows what had happened but I had somehow read my clock saying 7:15am instead of 3:15am. SO have to turnaround, drive back to my house, back to bed and up again in a couple of hours. Did that when I was at college, woke up thought I was late, rushed out the house and jumped on the bus, only realised when I turned up at 7.05 and the only folk there were the cleaners. Thing is I'd managed to put my watch on and never even realised what time it was. Bus was dead and still didn't click Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Khali Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Just missed my armpit and blasted myself In the face with sure for men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I went into work 5 hours early on Wednesday. Didn't check the rota so I went in at one instead of two. Fud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hansel Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Just missed my armpit and blasted myself In the face with sure for men. I once sprayed my mate's shaving foam under my armpits thinking it was his deodorant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
269miles Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I went out to watch the footy down the boozer and when it was my time to get a round in I realsied I had no cash so rushed up tto he cashpoint and rushed back again only to realise that I'd not taken the money . After getting slaughtered by a crowded pub I sprinted back to the bank but when I got there the cash was gone. So , while I try again and insert card into ATM I notice a fit looking bursd in Cabriolet pull alongside ATM and I stare admiringly while I complete the transaction. Rush back to pub for the 2nd time and go to pay for the beers - but I can't cos I left the money at the ATM , again. *** humiliated in the boozer and ?100 down on the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cosanostra Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 A couple of weeks ago while out on the lash in Fremantle in Australia, I grabbed what I thought was burd's arse and gave it a damn good squeeze and made the comedy "honk, honk" horn noise at heroic volume. My girlfriends small Indian mate then turned round to face me, looking quite taken aback and said "we'll have none of that thank you very much". They both had black jackets on, are about the same height and it was dark and they had their backs to me. I couldn't look the chick in the eye for the rest of the evening. Not my finest moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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