OBE Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 8 hours ago, Pennywise said: Finished up yesterday. Wake up today with sickness & shites. 2 sleeps till Santa & I'm in bed ill. You must've been misbehaving yourself...I envy the misbehaving, get well soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Everyone else in house has had the flu bug going round over last week. Thought I had avoided it but now. Wife keeps saying I need to get better for Xmas and boxing day ( when her folks come over) My focus is getting better for leaving house at 5pm on 27th Dec. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudolf's Mate Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I’m no bah humbug but I really dislike wrapping presents! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah O Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 1 hour ago, C-3PO said: Everyone else in house has had the flu bug going round over last week. Thought I had avoided it but now. Wife keeps saying I need to get better for Xmas and boxing day ( when her folks come over) My focus is getting better for leaving house at 5pm on 27th Dec. Priorities are bang on. God speed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Cannot stop sneezing and my nose will not stop running. If there's anything in the world that makes me consider ending it all, it's this because there is absolutely **** all you can do about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 1 hour ago, tian447 said: Cannot stop sneezing and my nose will not stop running. If there's anything in the world that makes me consider ending it all, it's this because there is absolutely **** all you can do about it. Best close the door so it doesn’t run down the street. I’m here all week folks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 1 minute ago, iantjambo said: Best close the door so it doesn’t run down the street. I’m here all week folks Add that joke to the list of things that make me consider ending it all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Just now, tian447 said: Add that joke to the list of things that make me consider ending it all Bet I made you laugh though. you’re welcome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 5 minutes ago, iantjambo said: Bet I made you laugh though. you’re welcome I'm not proud of it, but yes you did Probably goijg to be the highlight of my day already to be fair! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 1 minute ago, tian447 said: I'm not proud of it, but yes you did Probably goijg to be the highlight of my day already to be fair! Sadder still I was laughing as I was typing it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 5 hours ago, C-3PO said: Everyone else in house has had the flu bug going round over last week. Thought I had avoided it but now. Wife keeps saying I need to get better for Xmas and boxing day ( when her folks come over) My focus is getting better for leaving house at 5pm on 27th Dec. well if you are still ill on boxing day, maybe your in-laws wont come round or you can stay in bed and not have to deal with them. it is better to stay in bed on boxing day so you are fighting fit for the derby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 2 hours ago, iantjambo said: Best close the door so it doesn’t run down the street. I’m here all week folks Don’t give up the day job Ian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 19 minutes ago, milky_26 said: well if you are still ill on boxing day, maybe your in-laws wont come round or you can stay in bed and not have to deal with them. it is better to stay in bed on boxing day so you are fighting fit for the derby Milky I am assuming you are a Dr. So will tell the wife on medical advice, It is bed rest until Derby day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 6 minutes ago, C-3PO said: Milky I am assuming you are a Dr. So will tell the wife on medical advice, It is bed rest until Derby day. weirdly i actually am a doctor (PhD not medical though) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gershwin Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 20 hours ago, Justin Z said: My dad turning on Fox News every fecking day I'm back visiting. The current Mrs Gershwin is a yank and her parents watch MSNBC on 24 hours a bloody day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Wrapping a load of Christmas presents and then after you've chucked them in a big bag for transportation tomorrow discover that the apparently self adhesive gift tags don't really stick very well and have all fallen off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Assembling a new bike for my son. Instructions are bloody useless. I’ve dropped more F-Bombs in one hour than I’ve done the whole of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irufushi Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 6 hours ago, iantjambo said: Assembling a new bike for my son. Instructions are bloody useless. I’ve dropped more F-Bombs in one hour than I’ve done the whole of the year. Had the same with one of those wooden kitchens for kids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 It's not even in the oven yet and the stupid fat mother-in-law is telling us that we should be giving the turkey extra time "as it's better to overcook it". No just feckin no. Get out my kitchen you old fool. If she wants to eat sawdust she can bugger off and have it at home on her own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartsfc_fan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 6 minutes ago, IronJambo said: It's not even in the oven yet and the stupid fat mother-in-law is telling us that we should be giving the turkey extra time "as it's better to overcook it". No just feckin no. Get out my kitchen you old fool. If she wants to eat sawdust she can bugger off and have it at home on her own. Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 7 minutes ago, IronJambo said: It's not even in the oven yet and the stupid fat mother-in-law is telling us that we should be giving the turkey extra time "as it's better to overcook it". No just feckin no. Get out my kitchen you old fool. If she wants to eat sawdust she can bugger off and have it at home on her own. Ha ha. Interfering in laws the real scourge of Xmas day. They get worse as they get older. You’re in someone else’s house, sit down, shut up and behave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 2 hours ago, IronJambo said: It's not even in the oven yet and the stupid fat mother-in-law is telling us that we should be giving the turkey extra time "as it's better to overcook it". No just feckin no. Get out my kitchen you old fool. If she wants to eat sawdust she can bugger off and have it at home on her own. first christmas punch up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 2 hours ago, IronJambo said: It's not even in the oven yet and the stupid fat mother-in-law is telling us that we should be giving the turkey extra time "as it's better to overcook it". No just feckin no. Get out my kitchen you old fool. If she wants to eat sawdust she can bugger off and have it at home on her own. Tremendous Iron. ’Stupid fat’ and ‘old fool’ were the clinchers. Well played old bean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 16 minutes ago, iantjambo said: first christmas punch up. In round two the selfish old bag will be trying to steal all the best and crispiest roasties all whilst the father in law is trying to work out what day it is and where he is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 3 minutes ago, IronJambo said: In round two the selfish old bag will be trying to steal all the best and crispiest roasties all whilst the father in law is trying to work out what day it is and where he is. Better and better. Superb Iron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Round three update is essential Iron, don’t let us down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 9 minutes ago, Morgan said: Tremendous Iron. ’Stupid fat’ and ‘old fool’ were the clinchers. Well played old bean She's got legs like barrels and no obvious ankles. Optimus Prime and Boulder would be lucky to deck her in a tag team! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future's Maroon Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 On 23/12/2017 at 16:08, Helzibob said: Council worker here and we were only allowed to leave from 2pm and only if you had flexi time built up. They changed it to 12, I didn't have the flexi ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 10 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Be subtle and tell the roly poly sow to either shut her feckin yap or bugger off home. Merry Christmas ? it was ready 3 quarters of an hour early as the Mrs put it on at 20 degrees too high. The thing popped out and the juices were clear. She was told to zip it when she wanted it back in for another half hour "to be safe". I've got condom's if I feel the need to be safe. I think she just wants something in the room that's drier than her vagina. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irufushi Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 28 minutes ago, IronJambo said: it was ready 3 quarters of an hour early as the Mrs put it on at 20 degrees too high. The thing popped out and the juices were clear. She was told to zip it when she wanted it back in for another half hour "to be safe". I've got condom's if I feel the need to be safe. I think she just wants something in the room that's drier than her vagina. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 33 minutes ago, IronJambo said: it was ready 3 quarters of an hour early as the Mrs put it on at 20 degrees too high. The thing popped out and the juices were clear. She was told to zip it when she wanted it back in for another half hour "to be safe". I've got condom's if I feel the need to be safe. I think she just wants something in the room that's drier than her vagina. you should have cut her bit off the turkey and put it back into the oven and burnt it to a crisp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 She sounds a delight ironjambo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 (edited) 55 minutes ago, IronJambo said: it was ready 3 quarters of an hour early as the Mrs put it on at 20 degrees too high. The thing popped out and the juices were clear. She was told to zip it when she wanted it back in for another half hour "to be safe". I've got condom's if I feel the need to be safe. I think she just wants something in the room that's drier than her vagina. 10/10 Feckin brilliant Iron. Keep it up! Edited December 25, 2017 by Morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: it was ready 3 quarters of an hour early as the Mrs put it on at 20 degrees too high. The thing popped out and the juices were clear. She was told to zip it when she wanted it back in for another half hour "to be safe". I've got condom's if I feel the need to be safe. I think she just wants something in the room that's drier than her vagina. Too much information Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 51 minutes ago, Morgan said: 10/10 Feckin brilliant Iron. Keep it up! I think I'm done now. Her old man had ate half his dinner before the rest of it was on his plate, I really don't know what to say to that. I was just sitting down to eat after serving up and he was looking for ice cream! I'm looking forward to an inevitable game of Stramash where he'll struggle to know how many spaces to move his laddie when he plays a 3. The saving grace being if he gets upset about me he mumbles things about "Mark" and I don't know who that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 2 minutes ago, IronJambo said: I think I'm done now. Her old man had ate half his dinner before the rest of it was on his plate, I really don't know what to say to that. I was just sitting down to eat after serving up and he was looking for ice cream! I'm looking forward to an inevitable game of Stramash where he'll struggle to know how many spaces to move his laddie when he plays a 3. The saving grace being if he gets upset about me he mumbles things about "Mark" and I don't know who that is. Wish I was there Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 9 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Watching a carry on film (sad yeah I know) so right on queue here' s a quick. We're just killing time now until we have our Christmas meal. Eating at 10.00pm so will start the bevvying around 8.00. And back to you!! How's yer Khyber Pass by the way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 (edited) 8 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Fine. No King Billy's today so the bahooky is in decent order. Turkey sandwiches, birra moretta and red wine while watching the test match later tonight, then a good few tomorrow with the family. Driving the auld yins back to Edinburgh soon so it's been a dry day for me, but I'll have a few later. Have a lovely evening mon ami. Edited December 25, 2017 by Morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konrad von Carstein Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Polish TV using a narrator for films and tv programmes that are in English rather than subtitles, nippy ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BM1874 Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 9 hours ago, Konrad von Carstein said: Polish TV using a narrator for films and tv programmes that are in English rather than subtitles, nippy ? ? can agree with that! Lost track of how many films I’ve given up trying to watch at my in laws due to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 No room in my drawers for multiple socks and pants, need to clear out, wee seeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 2 minutes ago, Harry Potter said: No room in my drawers for multiple socks and pants, need to clear out, wee seeth. Drawers Is that not another name for pants? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 5 minutes ago, Morgan said: Drawers Is that not another name for pants? Correct, but female ones , i think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Just now, Harry Potter said: Correct, but female ones , i think Nothing wrong with having female pants in your drawers Harold. Or indeed, wearing them on occasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 1 minute ago, Morgan said: Nothing wrong with having female pants in your drawers Harold. Or indeed, wearing them on occasion. ha ha brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 13 minutes ago, Harry Potter said: No room in my drawers for multiple socks and pants, need to clear out, wee seeth. No room in your drawers? Look at you bragging Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 21 hours ago, The Future's Maroon said: They changed it to 12, I didn't have the flexi ? They didnt tell us that! I volunteered to stay (despite having 10 hours plus flexi) so others could leave. My good deed of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 1 minute ago, iantjambo said: No room in your drawers? Look at you bragging Aye, Harry’s like Burger King. The home of the whopper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 20 minutes ago, Morgan said: Aye, Harry’s like Burger King. The home of the whopper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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