Breaking up with your Partner.

[Der Kaiser]

At the risk of causing an uproar. This is when men find out that there is no equality of the sees and that the female has you over a barrel. They are not interested in equal rights in this scenario.

That's not true. I've had to divulge every penny I earn or have and so has my ex...except any child benefit she claims...and housing benefit she gets....and her salary....but apart from that I know exactly how much I have to pay in maintenance.....wait a minute???

[PTBCAL]

Already asked her. She said no.

Doesn't make me any less suspicious.

I will stick my neck out and say that she is definitely not having someone round. Not when the kids are there. No way.

 

My ex met a guy about 18 months after we split, he who showered my kids with presents etc..... and it was the kids that told me. I was a little disappointed that I had to hear it from the kids that some guy was taking them away on holiday etc but at the end of the day it was none of my business. What hurt me more was my ex moving the kids out of their school (where I moved to be close) to a school nearer the house she got with her new partner. Wasn't a million miles away from current school but again it was the lack of communication - first I heard about it was from the school. Not a lot I could do about it but I was very angry but I didn't react in any way.

 

Tell where I am now with the kids...... All 3 at the game with me on Sat and still in the Woodside Inn at 8.30 having a ball!!!!. Yeah maybe I'm a bad Dad for keeping in the pub but the point I am making is that the kids wanted to do it and they really enjoyed it. Days like Sat are great and if they are happy then I feel I'm doing something right. But again I enjoyed myself as well so its win win.

 

Shame the game got in the way though

Edited February 27, 2017 by PTBCAL

[PTBCAL]

At the risk of causing an uproar. This is when men find out that there is no equality of the sees and that the female has you over a barrel. They are not interested in equal rights in this scenario.

Your not wrong.

 

My ex did loads of sneaky things behind my back - trying to gain access to my pension, shares, my Black cab etc..... she would have been entitled to a share if she hadn't been 3 weeks late in submitting a claim on my assets. Shame that in Scots Law that any unmarried couples have only 12 months from the date they stopped living together to make a reasonable claim on each other's assets.

 

I was kicking my height when her claim was thrown out.

[Walrus]

Already asked her. She said no.

Doesn't make me any less suspicious.

The suspicion is completely natural, try distract yourself though.

 

I would guess that if she has the kids there is very little chance she will have someone round in your family home already.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Greedy_Jambo]

I guess it was the sheer shock and unexpected nature of the split that got me so paranoid that she was getting attention from someone else.

 

I couldn't get my head around the fact that she had thrown 11 years away so easily.

 

Yeah, we had our problems.

Who doesn't?

[auldy19]

I guess it was the sheer shock and unexpected nature of the split that got me so paranoid that she was getting attention from someone else.

 

I couldn't get my head around the fact that she had thrown 11 years away so easily.

 

Yeah, we had our problems.

Who doesn't?

I was the same mate . Only 6 years and 3 kids for me though. I still don't understand to be honest .

Had my head messed for a long time . Lot of good advice on this thread.

[J.T.F.Robertson]

I guess it was the sheer shock and unexpected nature of the split that got me so paranoid that she was getting attention from someone else.

I couldn't get my head around the fact that she had thrown 11 years away so easily.

Yeah, we had our problems.

Who doesn't?

I suppose it's not the right thing to say, but if she is already involved with someone else, she's really not worth letting it get to you like this. You're self esteem is more important than whatever she may be up to.

Easy coming from me, but don't go "crawling", you won't get her back that way, in fact, just the opposite.

 

You both have to want the same thing, a one-sided deal will never work.

 

Good luck.

[Greedy_Jambo]

I suppose it's not the right thing to say, but if she is already involved with someone else, she's really not worth letting it get to you like this. You're self esteem is more important than whatever she may be up to.

Easy coming from me, but don't go "crawling", you won't get her back that way, in fact, just the opposite.

 

You both have to want the same thing, a one-sided deal will never work.

 

Good luck.

Yeah. I've known the treat her mean keep her keen routine for some time. 11 years to be precise.

 

I was a mess the last week so couldn't help myself in regards to texting her ect.

 

I feel stronger now though. This week is dingy week.

[moz]

Your not wrong.

 

My ex did loads of sneaky things behind my back - trying to gain access to my pension, shares, my Black cab etc..... she would have been entitled to a share if she hadn't been 3 weeks late in submitting a claim on my assets. Shame that in Scots Law that any unmarried couples have only 12 months from the date they stopped living together to make a reasonable claim on each other's assets.

 

I was kicking my height when her claim was thrown out.

Did not know that....

 

I got my lawyer to draw up an agreement that we had no entitlement to each others assets [or debts..!] after we split

Still holding onto that piece of paper and it was 14 years ago now

[jayjay]

Greedy your situ is eerily similar to that of my best mates a few years back.

She basically said she wanted to end it and that was that. She wouldn't answer any question or nothing. He had the Same kind of arrangement you had, living with parents and staying over at the family home now and then to look after the kids. Anyway after a couple months he and another mate moved in together and shared the Bills etc. So it was affordable for both. He met another girl, An absolute cracking lassie who he is still with to this day. They have a little boy and are due to get married in august.

About 7 months after he initially met this girl his Ex was calling him and texting him 10/15 times a day everyday saying she had made the biggest mistake of her life and she lived with the regrets everyday. She just wanted him back and their perfect family life the way it was. The grass wasn't greener and she,d found out the hard way.

As you can tell he had no interest in going back with her, his feelings was if she could chuck 10 years away that easy then So could he. Anyway he's probably the happiest now I've ever seen him. He's got 2 girls from his previous relationship who he sees all the time and they stay over a lot He's got his wee boy with his partner now and marries in the summer.

 

My point is, stay strong. Things get better. If you can stay strong and keep on keeping on. She'll be the one with regrets if you do move on and she'll have only herself to blame. Keep yourself smart and tidy and in shape. Don't let yourself get down or depressed. You never know when you'll meet mrs perfect. And your luck can turn like that.

 

Good luck buddy!

Edited February 28, 2017 by jayjay

[AlphonseCapone]

I was having a pretty good day until she text me to make sure i was staying at my parents tonight. Just makes me suspicious she's bringing someone round.

Could be she is having mates round but didn't want to if you were there in case it was awkward for them.

[mrmarkus1981]

I was having a pretty good day until she text me to make sure i was staying at my parents tonight. Just makes me suspicious she's bringing someone round. 

 

You probably haven't been in touch enough this week, with texts or whatever. So, it'll be a mind ****.

 

Women are craaaazy man

[Greedy_Jambo]

Cheers guys,

 

I'm doing my best to eat healthy now. Lose a bit of weight and dress a bit smarter.

 

I had let myself go a bit while in that comfort zone, I must admit.

[auldy19]

Cheers guys,

 

I'm doing my best to eat healthy now. Lose a bit of weight and dress a bit smarter.

 

I had let myself go a bit while in that comfort zone, I must admit.

Good man . Just do it for yourself and the kids . Not for her benefit .

It wound my ex up no end when I shifted a load of timber and was in the gym all the time . I just said it's for me I'm doing it not you love !

[Greedy_Jambo]

She's been in touch with me about looking after the kids at the weekend as she's working Sunday.

 

I tell her that I'll be round Saturday night.

 

She then asks if I'm taking them to my parents!! I'm like, Where would they sleep!?

 

She tells me to get a blow up rubber mattress!!

 

Then she says she doesn't care and asks me what time I'll be there. 6-7?

 

I say, aye, that's fine, but for some reason she needs to know the exact time!

 

I ask her why it has to be so precise as I still don't know what i'll be doing Saturday afternoon.

 

Her reply "Because i'll be sleeping elsewhere!"

 

 

Is there really any need for her to be saying shit like that to me?

Trying to stop me staying in my own house with the kids in the beginning and then telling me she's going to sleep at someone else's house.

 

How the hell can you spend 11 years with someone, have 3 kids together then just decide to split up without so much as a fight!

Then after breaking their heart, continue to talk to them like you ****kin hate them.

[Der Kaiser]

If she's sleeping elsewhere I'd move back in. This is what I would do and it will undoubtedly cause friction but your kids, your mortgage, your right.

You can't be denied access to your house. You're not abusive or violent.

 

Again this is what I would do and taking my advice over another anonymous kickbacker is something that's completely your decision. I wanted to save my marriage when my wife and I split plus I was very badly depressed prior so staying in the house was something that felt "safe" for me.

[Greedy_Jambo]

If she's sleeping elsewhere I'd move back in. This is what I would do and it will undoubtedly cause friction but your kids, your mortgage, your right.

You can't be denied access to your house. You're not abusive or violent.

 

Again this is what I would do and taking my advice over another anonymous kickbacker is something that's completely your decision. I wanted to save my marriage when my wife and I split plus I was very badly depressed prior so staying in the house was something that felt "safe" for me.

 

She's only sleeping elsewhere if i'm gonna be there.

 

I said It was my house and I was moving back in last week just to see her reacting and she told me if I move back in she will be moving out and I will have to deal with the 3 kids.

 

1. I start work before the kids even leave for school.

 

2. I can't afford to pay the whole mortage on my own.

[jambo1961]

Sell the house or threaten to

[Greedy_Jambo]

Sell the house or threaten to

 

At the end of the day, it's my kids house. I can't sell it.

[Der Kaiser]

So she's effectively saying

 

If you move back in I'll neglect my duty of care to my children. That's a pretty big threat to make.

 

I'd call her bluff on that and move back...tonight....but AGAIN it's what I'd do.

 

Also, joint mortgage so jointly liable. It would not be in her interest to have arrears on a mortgage if she can't financially buy you out. Nobody wants those black marks on their credit score.

[Say What Again]

I'm going to say it, and I hope it doesn't make me sound the bad guy.

 

If I was you I'd definitely think she's seeing someone. It doesn't mean she is, but 100% I'd think she was if it were me.

 

Having to know where you'll be, and importantly, where you definitely won't be? Nah, that's suss.

 

In the long run I'm positive it'll work out for you, Greedy, you've always come across as a good guy, not just on this thread where it's easy to afford you sympathy.

[Rudi123]

I'm going to say it, and I hope it doesn't make me sound the bad guy.

 

If I was you I'd definitely think she's seeing someone. It doesn't mean she is, but 100% I'd think she was if it were me.

 

Having to know where you'll be, and importantly, where you definitely won't be? Nah, that's suss.

 

In the long run I'm positive it'll work out for you, Greedy, you've always come across as a good guy, not just on this thread where it's easy to afford you sympathy.

Was wanting to post on this for ages but didnt wanna come out and say it, i think its nailed on she is seeing someone else

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Morgan]

She's been in touch with me about looking after the kids at the weekend as she's working Sunday.

 

I tell her that I'll be round Saturday night.

 

She then asks if I'm taking them to my parents!! I'm like, Where would they sleep!?

 

She tells me to get a blow up rubber mattress!!

 

Then she says she doesn't care and asks me what time I'll be there. 6-7?

 

I say, aye, that's fine, but for some reason she needs to know the exact time!

 

I ask her why it has to be so precise as I still don't know what i'll be doing Saturday afternoon.

 

Her reply "Because i'll be sleeping elsewhere!"

 

 

Is there really any need for her to be saying shit like that to me?

Trying to stop me staying in my own house with the kids in the beginning and then telling me she's going to sleep at someone else's house.

 

How the hell can you spend 11 years with someone, have 3 kids together then just decide to split up without so much as a fight!

Then after breaking their heart, continue to talk to them like you ****kin hate them.

Followed this for eight days now mate. I'm so sorry for you. I think you're wife is with another guy.

 

Take care pal, she's not worth your pain. Easy to say from the outside by the way - sorry.

[Greedy_Jambo]

It definitely all points to her seeing someone but if she is it's basically a whatsapp text relationship.

 

She has stayed away at her "friends" 2 weekends in a row since the split, but other than that, she's been with the kids or stuck to her phone in the house.

[Sarah O]

Stick in there Greedy, what a totally shan situation. I think you are dealing with this whole shit storm very well indeed.

[iantjambo]

I'm going to say it, and I hope it doesn't make me sound the bad guy.

 

If I was you I'd definitely think she's seeing someone. It doesn't mean she is, but 100% I'd think she was if it were me.

 

Having to know where you'll be, and importantly, where you definitely won't be? Nah, that's suss.

 

In the long run I'm positive it'll work out for you, Greedy, you've always come across as a good guy, not just on this thread where it's easy to afford you sympathy.

I didn't want to be the one to say it but sorry Greedy,I agree with what this poster says Wanting to know precise times you'll be at the house etc raises a massive red flag for me.

[Riddley Walker]

I didn't want to be the one to say it but sorry Greedy,I agree with what this poster says Wanting to know precise times you'll be at the house etc raises a massive red flag for me.

 

It doesn't sound great to be honest. However, she could be messing with his head. Horrible and cruel but I've heard worse.

[Greedy_Jambo]

Her mother doesn't think she's seeing anyone but that's not exactly hard evidence.

 

I'll be asking my oldest if she's brought anyone round.

 

I'm more bothered about it effecting my kids and the fact that she might of lied to me than anything else.

 

Going to have to accept the fact that she will be with someone eventually.

[iantjambo]

Her mother doesn't think she's seeing anyone but that's not exactly hard evidence.

 

I'll be asking my oldest if she's brought anyone round.

 

I'm more bothered about it effecting my kids and the fact that she might of lied to me than anything else.

 

Going to have to accept the fact that she will be with someone eventually.

I can understand why you would want to do that and like you I would be desperate to know,but asking your daughter to effectively be a spy can't lead anywhere good. After all her mum might have told her to say nothing and that would put her in a horrible position.

[Fitzroy Pointon]

The signs so far do seem point to her seeing someone however its not guaranteed.  Eleven years is a long time and she might just feel that she has missed out on a lot of things and now thinks that the single life is more attractive to her.  I think when she says she will be sleeping elsewhere she is probably talking about her friends house. I don't believe she would be as flippant as to tell you she is sleeping at some other blokes house, she will have more respect for you than you think.  

[John Findlay]

Her mother doesn't think she's seeing anyone but that's not exactly hard evidence.

 

I'll be asking my oldest if she's brought anyone round.

 

I'm more bothered about it effecting my kids and the fact that she might of lied to me than anything else.

 

Going to have to accept the fact that she will be with someone eventually.

Don't ask your children any direct questions. If your children's mother has had anyone round there will be tell tale signs. You will know them when you see them. Giving time the children will let slip eventually. When they do don't react or say anything. Keep your powder dry for the right moment.

[Irufushi]

Personally think she's just messing with your head, mate. The exact time thing seems a bit obvious to me, like she's trying to get you to think the worst.imo.

 

Chin up.

[Greedy_Jambo]

Personally think she's just messing with your head, mate. The exact time thing seems a bit obvious to me, like she's trying to get you to think the worst.imo.

 

Chin up.

Possibly.

 

I hadn't contacted her in a couple of days so she was maybe missing the drama.

[PTBCAL]

It definitely all points to her seeing someone but if she is it's basically a whatsapp text relationship.

She has stayed away at her "friends" 2 weekends in a row since the split, but other than that, she's been with the kids or stuck to her phone in the house.

Keep the texts in case things turn nasty.

 

Honestly I know your at you are a low point in life but look to the future.

 

You don't need someone in your life other than your kids. Focus on them and yourself.

 

Be civil with your ex but that's it. Don't pamper to her every request in the feint (sorry) hope that you might get back together.

[Elias Henry Furst]

Yeah, not staying in the house 2 weekends running would have alarm bells ringing, tbh.

 

It's easy to dish out advice, and there has been some very good advice on here...reality is it's a nightmare to deal with.

 

Keep strong, time will help although it might seem bad just now.

[Greedy_Jambo]

I want to tell her I miss her.

 

That's a bad idea isn't it?

[Taffin]

I want to tell her I miss her.

 

That's a bad idea isn't it?

Yes.

[EreWeG0..]

I want to tell her I miss her.

 

That's a bad idea isn't it?

Everything you will want to tell her she knows already m8, contact will be used against you and convince her your 'spying' on her. You will have ups and downs just now. Concentrate on the game tonight instead of sending any messages.

[jambo1961]

Kick her melt in

 

 

 

Only messing

[PTBCAL]

I want to tell her I miss her.

 

That's a bad idea isn't it?

Mate.

 

Gonna be blunt.

 

Get yourself a weekend away with your mates, even if it's a wee while away from now get it booked and in the diary.

 

Shows her that life is moving on and it gives you something to look forward.

 

But don't do it to make her jealous as I think we are past that stage. Do it for yourself.

[iantjambo]

Mate.

 

Gonna be blunt.

 

Get yourself a weekend away with your mates, even if it's a wee while away from now get it booked and in the diary.

 

Shows her that life is moving on and it gives you something to look forward.

 

But don't do it to make her jealous as I think we are past that stage. Do it for yourself.

[moshy]

Waiting on the fireworks when it gets messy as it will.

[Blackford Hearts]

At the end of the day, it's my kids house. I can't sell it.

 

Hi. Your kids will be happy to live where you are happy. I kept the family home after me and their mum split up thinking same as you. When i finally asked them if we could move they said they didn't mind where they lived as long as it was near school and they had their own rooms. You may want to keep the house but honestly they won't mind. All this in time as you feel ready. Don't rush into any change as you've enough to contend with already

[CollyWolly]

Her mother doesn't think she's seeing anyone but that's not exactly hard evidence.

 

I'll be asking my oldest if she's brought anyone round.

 

I'm more bothered about it effecting my kids and the fact that she might of lied to me than anything else.

 

Going to have to accept the fact that she will be with someone eventually.

If she is seeing someone else, that's going to be hard for you to deal with and think about, but actually its none of your business and making it yours will simply eat away at you. The only time it becomes your business is if the 'someone else' is around your kids and having an influence there. Then you have the right to know about this person and what they are like.

[chester copperpot]

I had a similar thing whereby my kids met my ex's new fella one weekend and he basically moved in there and then

 

 

They had been seeing each other for a while but I was still furious that she done this.

 

As hard as it was I bit my tongue despite my wee boy being pretty upset and staying in his room for the first few months.

 

Turns out the guy is actually pretty sound and I get the feeling that the realisation that has moved in too sudden and he's now starting to get the fact she's a ****ing fruitcake.

 

This for me is pleasing however I think it would harm the kids if he moved out however I will just sit back and be all smug about it as she will show her nut job side to him eventually.

 

Meanwhile I didn't introduce my kids to my Mrs until I knew she was the one and they both love her to bits and come stay every weekend.

 

My ex hates it as I am so happy and I never share any good news with her but **** her, it was her choice to end it after 14yrs together. My life is so much better for not having her in it and all I can say to greedy is chin up mate. I never ever thought it would get better but it really does.

[Greedy_Jambo]

Thanks for reminding me that things will get better. It helps.

 

Deep down I know that's the case but it's just so bloody hard at the moment.

I'm constantly having to fight the urge to text her. I miss her. I feel like maybe I should tell her since I neglected her over the years.

 

On the other hand, I know I could make things worse.

 

I'm at work just now thinking why am I wasting my time here. Everything is just so insignificant.

[John Findlay]

Greedy. Patience and lots of it are required. Time is indeed a great healer. When you go through the messy side of things and you will. Keep reminding yourself things will get better and believe me they will. Patience.

[North Berwick Jambo]

I'm going to say it, and I hope it doesn't make me sound the bad guy.

 

If I was you I'd definitely think she's seeing someone. It doesn't mean she is, but 100% I'd think she was if it were me.

 

Having to know where you'll be, and importantly, where you definitely won't be? Nah, that's suss.

 

In the long run I'm positive it'll work out for you, Greedy, you've always come across as a good guy, not just on this thread where it's easy to afford you sympathy.

 

I am glad somebody finally had the balls to say this. When it comes to women and these situations there is no smoke without fire and from the moment I read your first post on this thread Greedy it is what me and probably quite a few others on here would have been thinking. I really feel for you mate but it really is time now to start treating yourself as number one. You need to just take life one day at a time and try to move forward. Spend as much time as possible with your friends etc and try and come up with a plan to get yourself set up somewhere else as soon as possible. Don't sit on your own and dwell on things you need to be with people who can help you stay positive and can help you move forward. As many others on here have said already time does heal the pain and I hope things get better for you asap mate.

[Deviskan]

This might be a stupid question, and please don't take this the wrong way...

 

You have been with your partner for a number of years, so she knows you're a Jambo...but does she know you post on JKB/what username you use etc?

 

As if so, then might be an idea to take this to PM's with people's opinions you respect?

 

As this thread could inflame the situation...or it could show her how much you mean to her too I suppose.

Edited March 2, 2017 by Deviskan

[Greedy_Jambo]

This might be a stupid question, and please don't take this the wrong way...

 

You have been with your partner for a number of years, so she knows you're a Jambo...but does she know you post on JKB/what username you use etc?

 

As if so, then might be an idea to take this to PM's with people's opinions you respect?

 

As this thread could inflame the situation...or it could show her how much you mean to her too I suppose.

Yeah, I had thought of that. She knows I'm a jambo but would never come on here, never mind find the shed.

 

It is maybe time to end this thread though.