Breaking up with your Partner.

[AlimOzturk]

This thread makes me want to change the way I treat my wife and family. Sometimes I probably do take the whole thing for granted.

 

Could probably make more of an to spend more family time rather than seeing mates..

[Greedy_Jambo]

I was in the exact same situation 18 months ago. Unfortunately I don't really have a place I can fall back on so you could literally say all my eggs were in the one basket.

 

I pretty much got myself into a new relationship so I'm probably teetering on the edge again. but I feel better about this relationship, likes it's going place etc. Despite my bursd being a bit of a nutjob on occasion.

 

If you can afford your own place then that's most of the battle won. There's no way on my wages I'd afford a flat, maintenance for my wee one and keep myself alive.

 

Once settled into your new place, whenever it may be, you'll look back wondering what the fuss was all about. Good luck.

I can't afford naff all at the minute mate. Staying back at the parents house. Bloody embarrassing.

[Greedy_Jambo]

This thread makes me want to change the way I treat my wife and family. Sometimes I probably do take the whole thing for granted.

 

Could probably make more of an to spend more family time rather than seeing mates..

Definitely, man. Get her some flowers or something and tell her you love her. minimum.

[Greedy_Jambo]

It's tough at first but a few months down the line you'll be doing things and learning stuff about yourself that you either forgot or never even knew.

 

It won't stop hurting, you're effectively grieving but surprisingly quickly the positives will outweigh the negatives if you reach out and seize them.

 

Make some new friends at work or start going to the pub and reading a paper and chatting to folk. There is a whole world out there that has likely been passing you by for 11 years.

 

And DON'T place her on a pedestal. She isn't perfect, she isn't unique, there are plenty more like her out there and you'll find one eventually but don't rush it.

 

Get out more and meet folk basically; you might soon find she wasn't all you thought anyway.

Thanks mate. Very good point. She certainly isn't perfect. I'd do well to remember that.

[deesidejambo]

Definitely, man. Get her some flowers or something and tell her you love her. minimum.

No!!! She'll suspect something!

[deesidejambo]

Thanks mate. Very good point. She certainly isn't perfect. I'd do well to remember that.

At least tonight you will have something to cheer you up when the vermin get their pumping. Hope the missus isn't a Hibee.

 

Seriously hope all works out. It will.

 

My family motto may help....

 

If things are going badly, don't worry, they'll change.

 

If things are going well, don't worry, they'll change.

[Poseidon]

Greedy, it does get better, trust me. I had to take two weeks off work with that and a couple of other things that all came to a head at the same time. I used the two weeks wisely (not under a duvet or constantly in the pub) and felt like the boy from Shawshank who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side. Good luck.

[Der Kaiser]

It's already been mentioned but keep all texts/emails and don't send or do anything that could be deemed aggressive.

 

If things don't work out its good to keep all this information just in case.

I kept a small diary which helped, also with my depression as well, as I could always refer clearly to past conversations. It also helped with financial discussions if it ever unfortunately comes to that for you.

[Stephen Muddie]

There ye go Greedy Jambo your lucks changed already.

quality

 

Hard times Greedy yes there are quite a few of us been through similar stuff we're all friends here. N e pix of her m8

[EreWeG0..]

How you getting on Greedy?

[Greedy_Jambo]

How you getting on Greedy?

Made some progress ie. Long talk with her mum ect but no further forward with her.

Only a decent period of time passing will tell. The problem I'm having is I'm still texting her which can't be helping. Hard not to when so many things are still to be resolved. Kids ,house ect. I'll be staying at the weekend to look after the kids but she'L be going out with her pals and working the Sunday.

[EreWeG0..]

Made some progress ie. Long talk with her mum ect but no further forward with her.

Only a decent period of time passing will tell. The problem I'm having is I'm still texting her which can't be helping. Hard not to when so many things are still to be resolved. Kids ,house ect. I'll be staying at the weekend to look after the kids but she'L be going out with her pals and working the Sunday.

Difficult times m8, try to cut the texting back, If your feeling it jump back on here and post instead, lots of us been in this position, and know it will be good in the future, but time is the only thing that works.

 

Concentrate on something..treat yourself to Horizon Zero Dawn on the ps4 or something, it does help quite a bit.

[Greedy_Jambo]

Difficult times m8, try to cut the texting back, If your feeling it jump back on here and post instead, lots of us been in this position, and know it will be good in the future, but time is the only thing that works.

Concentrate on something..treat yourself to Horizon Zero Dawn on the ps4 or something, it does help quite a bit.

I appreciate you looking out for someone you dont even know. Cheers.

 

Bloody ps4 and tv is at my house. No room for it at the rents :/

[kingantti1874]

Vegas, go to Vegas

[PTBCAL]

Get yourself on POF bud.... you know it makes sense.

 

In all seriousness coming on here and laying out all your frustrations and angst can only help - espically if it stops you texting and trying to speak you your Ex when she clearly needs space.

 

Can I ask? In speaking to her Mum did you get a hint of a chance to get back together in time?

[Greedy_Jambo]

Get yourself on POF bud.... you know it makes sense.

In all seriousness coming on here and laying out all your frustrations and angst can only help - espically if it stops you texting and trying to speak you your Ex when she clearly needs space.

Can I ask? In speaking to her Mum did you get a hint of a chance to get back together in time?

She couldnt say. She basically said i will need to show her over time that i have changed because words dont really mean much just now.

 

There has just been some new info though! Her mum has just had a massive fight with her and walked out the house!

Sticking up for me over the fact that i shouldnt be looking after the kids while she goes out on the town. "No wonder he's suspicious"

 

She's blaming me for speaking to her mum.

I told her im sick of taking the blame for everything and shes not perfect.

She asks why she never gets time to go out

I say, cos you treat everyone like shit?

 

Now she's asking if im still coming round tomorrow night cos she needs to know now. Im like "dunno, i'm away out, speak to ye later" haha

 

Shoes on the other foot now!

 

Yeaaahhhhh boiiii

Edited February 23, 2017 by Greedy_Jambo

[Jambo316]

Vegas, go to Vegas

This!

[mullen13]

Vegas, go to Vegas

 

Absolutely superb advice.

[Jamboelite]

She couldnt say. She basically said i will need to show her over time that i have changed because words dont really mean much just now.

 

There has just been some new info though! Her mum has just had a massive fight with her and walked out the house!

Sticking up for me over the fact that i shouldnt be looking after the kids while she goes out on the town. "No wonder he's suspicious"

 

She's blaming me for speaking to her mum.

I told her im sick of taking the blame for everything and shes not perfect.

She asks why she never gets time to go out

I say, cos you treat everyone like shit?

 

Now she's asking if im still coming round tomorrow night cos she needs to know now. Im like "dunno, i'm away out, speak to ye later" haha

 

Shoes on the other foot now!

 

Yeaaahhhhh boiiii

 

You seem to have her mum onside so dont be a dick about looking after the kids, which I know you arent. Its good to have the power and being high and mighty but its not a position you want to stay in, I would suggest its better to go back (although not straight away) and  say that you are obviously happy to spend time with the kids and look after them.

 

Balance of being a doormat and also not enraging the situation, the good news is that her mum will be a good influence on her from your point of view without you having to pester her with text etc...

[PTBCAL]

She couldnt say. She basically said i will need to show her over time that i have changed because words dont really mean much just now.

There has just been some new info though! Her mum has just had a massive fight with her and walked out the house!

Sticking up for me over the fact that i shouldnt be looking after the kids while she goes out on the town. "No wonder he's suspicious"

She's blaming me for speaking to her mum.

I told her im sick of taking the blame for everything and shes not perfect.

She asks why she never gets time to go out

I say, cos you treat everyone like shit?

Now she's asking if im still coming round tomorrow night cos she needs to know now. Im like "dunno, i'm away out, speak to ye later" haha

Shoes on the other foot now!

Yeaaahhhhh boiiii

At the end of the day you still have to live and get on with things. So if that means looking after the kids one night at the weekend and going out the other (even just for a few after the game etc) then it allows you to give her space but also spend time with the kids.

 

Plus you need to make time for YOU also - never forget that.

[iantjambo]

She couldnt say. She basically said i will need to show her over time that i have changed because words dont really mean much just now.

 

There has just been some new info though! Her mum has just had a massive fight with her and walked out the house!

Sticking up for me over the fact that i shouldnt be looking after the kids while she goes out on the town. "No wonder he's suspicious"

 

She's blaming me for speaking to her mum.

I told her im sick of taking the blame for everything and shes not perfect.

She asks why she never gets time to go out

I say, cos you treat everyone like shit?

 

Now she's asking if im still coming round tomorrow night cos she needs to know now. Im like "dunno, i'm away out, speak to ye later" haha

 

Shoes on the other foot now!

 

Yeaaahhhhh boiiii

While it's nice to have the upper hand for once I would say don't start being a dick when it comes to looking after the kids,if you've agreed to take them then stick to it,don't start using them as a way to piss her off. I'm sure you won't do that though.

 

As the above poster says though,make time for yourself as well and don't allow her to take the piss by dumping them on you constantly while she goes out.

 

As for her mum, it's great that she obviously likes you enough that she's fighting your corner but personally I don't think she should have said what she did,she's entitled to some sort of social life as well and since they're your kids you should obviously be the first person she goes to when she has a night out planned. That of course is just my opinion though.

 

All in all mate,I hope things work out for you. I've been there as well and I know how it feels.

 

Finally stop texting her all the time,you need to give her space and she'll just end up getting pissed off with you. Again I know it's difficult but as another poster said,just come on here and vent if you need to.

[CollyWolly]

'Looking after the kids' or not doing so isnt a favour or a weapon you can use to manipulate a situation to your liking.

 

trust me the kids will feel it and your ex will use it against you.

 

Its your duty as a dad and it should NEVER be a chore or something you do grudgingly.

 

As far as that part of the break up goes, you need to man up, bite your tongue and get on with it, like a proper loving dad would do.

If you don't, you'll regret it, trust me.

[chester copperpot]

'Looking after the kids' or not doing so isnt a favour or a weapon you can use to manipulate a situation to your liking.

 

trust me the kids will feel it and your ex will use it against you.

 

Its your duty as a dad and it should NEVER be a chore or something you do grudgingly.

 

As far as that part of the break up goes, you need to man up, bite your tongue and get on with it, like a proper loving dad would do.

If you don't, you'll regret it, trust me.

 

Totally agree.

 

I used to do it when the ex was going on a date etc and although I hated the idea of abother guy in their lives, I got to see my kids and came to realise quite quickly that she was a boot and was better off without her so would never refuse to see my kids.

 

I felt better actually that she asked me and wasn't palming them off at every opportunity.

[mullen13]

Women are not worth the hassle (or men for that matter)

 

Make the love of your life yourself and life will be an absolute joy.

[Greedy_Jambo]

I'm with my kids just now.

 

The ex is away out with her friends.

[chester copperpot]

I'm with my kids just now.

 

The ex is away out with her friends.

 

Good lad

[PTBCAL]

I'm with my kids just now.

 

The ex is away out with her friends.

Xbox marathon bud

[CRWJambo1991]

Things will get better mate. I was with a woman that was a Hearts fan and everything, unfortunately towards the end we just didn't get on but I literally wanted the world to end. Years later I'm now with someone else and couldn't imagine being without her

[chester copperpot]

Things will get better mate. I was with a woman that was a Hearts fan and everything, unfortunately towards the end we just didn't get on but I literally wanted the world to end. Years later I'm now with someone else and couldn't imagine being without her

You are aware this is a hearts site mate?

[CRWJambo1991]

You are aware this is a hearts site mate?

Aye. Have I said something wrong?

[Irufushi]

Aye. Have I said something wrong?

Don't think you said anything wrong at all.

[Jamboelite]

You are aware this is a hearts site mate?

Huh ?

[AlphonseCapone]

Huh ?

Think Chester misinterpreted the post.

[John Findlay]

I deliberately stayed away from posting on this thread. So the following is speaking from my own personal experience.

 

Be careful in what she says to you. Seek professional help as in a lawyer asap. If you are not able to afford their fees then there is a good chance you will qualify for legal aid. I didn't and was paying ?155 an hour away back in 2004. This was also down in Portsmouth. My total solicitor bill was over ?4,000. To me it was worth every penny.

 

The female changes. They will say one thing and then do another. Example 1. You are not going to sell the house are you? Me no. What father would take the roof from his children' s head? Plus it was a joint mortgage but like most men I had left the family home. Week later I get a letter via her solicitor. Stating it was her intention to sell the family home and keep all the profit to buy a new home for her and the children. Suggest I seek legal advice. I did and put a stop to the abovE. This pissed her off and she started bad mouthing me to the children. Son aged 12 and daughter aged 16 st the time. Telling the children I had abondoned them. I didn't love them etc etc. Was all nonsense but I had to work damn hard with the children to disprove her.

Four months after I left the family home there was a pair of new male slipper under her bed. Telling the children she had met this guy after I left. Completely untrue as proved by myself, courtesy of her own family.

 

Claiming via her lawyer that her relationship with the guy was purely platonic. Until again I proved otherwise through a letter she has written to her brother that he kindly gave me.

 

She was more than pissed off she never got all her own way and was more pissed off that the female judge never gave her all she wanted which was basically everything.

She was miffed I stood up for myself. In that I only wanted 50%. Nothing more and nothing less. I played everything by the book. Went to the CSA voluntary and paid maintenance as advised by them and solicitor. Never missed a payment. Never turned up unannounced. Never shouted at her. Was never under the influence of alcohol. Played with a straight bat and she loathed me more for it. Just the way she is made. So be aware. But do everything by the book. Always.

[chester copperpot]

Aye. Have I said something wrong?

 

Sorry I was a bit (pished) confused when I posted this.

 

Apologies mate.

[Greedy_Jambo]

I deliberately stayed away from posting on this thread. So the following is speaking from my own personal experience.

 

Be careful in what she says to you. Seek professional help as in a lawyer asap. If you are not able to afford their fees then there is a good chance you will qualify for legal aid. I didn't and was paying ?155 an hour away back in 2004. This was also down in Portsmouth. My total solicitor bill was over ?4,000. To me it was worth every penny.

 

The female changes. They will say one thing and then do another. Example 1. You are not going to sell the house are you? Me no. What father would take the roof from his children' s head? Plus it was a joint mortgage but like most men I had left the family home. Week later I get a letter via her solicitor. Stating it was her intention to sell the family home and keep all the profit to buy a new home for her and the children. Suggest I seek legal advice. I did and put a stop to the abovE. This pissed her off and she started bad mouthing me to the children. Son aged 12 and daughter aged 16 st the time. Telling the children I had abondoned them. I didn't love them etc etc. Was all nonsense but I had to work damn hard with the children to disprove her.

Four months after I left the family home there was a pair of new male slipper under her bed. Telling the children she had met this guy after I left. Completely untrue as proved by myself, courtesy of her own family.

 

Claiming via her lawyer that her relationship with the guy was purely platonic. Until again I proved otherwise through a letter she has written to her brother that he kindly gave me.

 

She was more than pissed off she never got all her own way and was more pissed off that the female judge never gave her all she wanted which was basically everything.

She was miffed I stood up for myself. In that I only wanted 50%. Nothing more and nothing less. I played everything by the book. Went to the CSA voluntary and paid maintenance as advised by them and solicitor. Never missed a payment. Never turned up unannounced. Never shouted at her. Was never under the influence of alcohol. Played with a straight bat and she loathed me more for it. Just the way she is made. So be aware. But do everything by the book. Always.

I think there's a crazy switch in every woman's head to be honest. You sound like you got a real head case though. In my case, I'm pretty confused how she can just stop loving me over night. She's not got a problem with me seeing my kids or anything.

[CRWJambo1991]

Sorry I was a bit (pished) confused when I posted this.

 

Apologies mate.

No worries mate, I'm sure we've all done it at some point

[John Findlay]

I think there's a crazy switch in every woman's head to be honest. You sound like you got a real head case though. In my case, I'm pretty confused how she can just stop loving me over night. She's not got a problem with me seeing my kids or anything.

That's good. Let's hope she stays good to her word. Just be wary. Just make sure you do everything by the book. Keep a diary.

[auldy19]

Just picked up on this thread ! Very close to the last 18 months of my life to be honest . Some great advice by John Findlay up above. Best advice I got was maintain your dignity and don't give them an excuse to throw anything in your face . Unfortunately I had a few crazy moments mainly from being steaming . Not proud of them but only human and it was nothing horrific .

Keep concentrating. On yourself mate . Kids 1st then you .

I'm military so I had to move back into barracks for last 18 months . At first I was having the kids in our old house which was torture and then in her house while she pissed off out with her mates then her boyfriend who used to be my "friend" . This was even more torture . Wasn't long before the can't moved in and was living with my kids !

All these things take some getting over . It's rubbish. But it does get better . Only have to look at all th lads that have been through the same here and are now happier than they were . I said to my mam only an hour ago that I'm probs better off out of it. I'm moving in my own place next week and can't wait to establish my own space with my kids . I'm also seeing a fantastic girl with a wee boy and feel good about that .

Always be there for the kids . It's about quality time not the quantity of it . Plus if your happy healthy and head in a good place then your kids will pick up on that . God knows I struggled to keep a lid when with the kids when your heads messed .

Try and establish some boundaries and schedule your time with the kids into your routine .

I done it against advice as well so I know it's hard as feck but text her only to do with the kids . Don't engage in anything else .

If you feel like texting her . Text a good mate instead and get them to tell you to stop being a muppet because I bet you do feel like that after . Then I bet you worry when she doesn't reply . Best to just cut it out .

Does get better though !

 

Also if your that way inclined ? Get down the gym and use her as motivation to smash out the extra reps . Channel the rage into it . Worked for me . But good luck

[Say What Again]

I've no kids myself but a guy I know has never seen his daughter since he split from her Mum. He turned up at her door one night in desperation to see his kid, but unfortunately pissed, which made him think it was a bright idea. When she wouldn't let him in he started kicking the door and abusing her. Not his finest moment and one he'll regret for the rest of his life.

 

She used that to stop his access, and when he fought it, she'd also used it to brainwash the wee one against him. They met in a lawyer's (I'm sure) to try and allow him some kind of access. The wee one wouldn't go to him and cried. That's the last he's ever seen of his daughter

[Greedy_Jambo]

I was having a pretty good day until she text me to make sure i was staying at my parents tonight. Just makes me suspicious she's bringing someone round. 

[Салатные палочки]

I've no kids myself but a guy I know has never seen his daughter since he split from her Mum. He turned up at her door one night in desperation to see his kid, but unfortunately pissed, which made him think it was a bright idea. When she wouldn't let him in he started kicking the door and abusing her. Not his finest moment and one he'll regret for the rest of his life.

 

She used that to stop his access, and when he fought it, she'd also used it to brainwash the wee one against him. They met in a lawyer's (I'm sure) to try and allow him some kind of access. The wee one wouldn't go to him and cried. That's the last he's ever seen of his daughter

 

That's a sad story and unfortunately it could happen to anyone.  

[auldy19]

I was having a pretty good day until she text me to make sure i was staying at my parents tonight. Just makes me suspicious she's bringing someone round.

Chin up . It will but don't let it bother you . Been there myself . It will consume you if you let it and obsession is very unhealthy . If it's gonna happen there's feck all you can do about it . Don't let it destroy you . Not good for your kids . They need a healthy happy dad .

[Салатные палочки]

I was having a pretty good day until she text me to make sure i was staying at my parents tonight. Just makes me suspicious she's bringing someone round. 

 

I wouldn't reply to it.  If you don't you have done nothing wrong and she can't make any plans.  If she texts later or tomorrow and asks why you didn't reply say sorry you were busy.  

[auldy19]

I've no kids myself but a guy I know has never seen his daughter since he split from her Mum. He turned up at her door one night in desperation to see his kid, but unfortunately pissed, which made him think it was a bright idea. When she wouldn't let him in he started kicking the door and abusing her. Not his finest moment and one he'll regret for the rest of his life.

 

She used that to stop his access, and when he fought it, she'd also used it to brainwash the wee one against him. They met in a lawyer's (I'm sure) to try and allow him some kind of access. The wee one wouldn't go to him and cried. That's the last he's ever seen of his daughter

Brutal stuff . Relationships make you do crazy things . just a shame she's used it to feck him over . Poor bloke .

[doctor jambo]

I was having a pretty good day until she text me to make sure i was staying at my parents tonight. Just makes me suspicious she's bringing someone round. 

As long as you work on the principle that most of them are mentally and emotionally damaged and unstable, you will be fine.

Accept that, work on that basis and don't expect tolerance, rationality or her to behave in a fair manner

( with the exception of my wife, daughter and Granny)

[doctor jambo]

As long as you work on the principle that most of them are mentally and emotionally damaged and unstable, you will be fine.

Accept that, work on that basis and don't expect tolerance, rationality or her to behave in a fair manner

( with the exception of my wife, daughter and Granny)

And I say that as someone whos man friends are nearly all getting divorced

-most have been physically attacked. one in public where she feckin launched into him during a night out- fists the lot.

Another had his Xmas works night disrupted as she stormed in and threw drinks everywhere and he needed a police escort home........

Some not getting to see their kids- not that they are dangerous men mind, just that their wives are, well, bitter and twisted and cannot put their kids first - they also cannot get over the fact they cannot control what their exes do anymore, so use the kids as leverage on them

which is sad.......

[Der Kaiser]

I'd say if you think there may be someone else in her life then just ask her straight out. Do it calmly obviously but your concern is your children. Having their dad move out is traumatic enough without having someone else being introduced so soon after a separation.

 

It'll help you stop being paranoid or suspicious. If there is someone new on the scene then you're right to question this and suggest that they are not spending time with your children whilst they come to terms and process the split.

[Greedy_Jambo]

I'd say if you think there may be someone else in her life then just ask her straight out. Do it calmly obviously but your concern is your children. Having their dad move out is traumatic enough without having someone else being introduced so soon after a separation.

 

It'll help you stop being paranoid or suspicious. If there is someone new on the scene then you're right to question this and suggest that they are not spending time with your children whilst they come to terms and process the split.

Already asked her. She said no.

Doesn't make me any less suspicious.

[John Findlay]

At the risk of causing an uproar. This is when men find out that there is no equality of the sees and that the female has you over a barrel. They are not interested in equal rights in this scenario.