What's the daftest football thing you've ever had to explain to someone you thought was a football fan?

[jamboozy]

74 World Cup, at my mum and dad’s house, watching Scotland , my older brothers (twins) on leave from the Navy, my younger brother in attendance, even my uncle Dan walked up to take in the game. All us blokes are getting excited, shouting and bawling at the Telly. My Mum is catching up with her ironing, her board set up in the corner, and she pipes up “All that fuss, why don’t they just give them a ball each to play with “ 

[redjambo]

2 hours ago, Stupid Sexy Flanders said:

 

If you had one game in hand over that team before the game, you'd still have one after it. 

 

True, but nothing in "How, if you've got a game in hand over one team, that game can't possibly be against that team." specifies what the situation should be after any games in hand are played. The only thing it specifies is that you have at the point in question played one game less than the other team.

Edited March 31 by redjambo

[Locky]

Oh I like this thread. Fairly recently a boy at work was chatting to me about the Euros coming up. Apparently loves watching Scotland, thinking going over etc.

 

We both declare our optimism for the opening match vs Germany. Only his logic was that Lewandowski isn't what he used to be.

 

How I kept a straight face telling him he's Polish, I'll never know.

[Locky]

14 hours ago, Bungalow Bill said:

Found myself explaining to folk around me quite a few times why the linesman hasn’t put their flag up straight away until the phase of play is over. Folk going mental at the linesman for following the new rule. 
 

Clearly not the daftest though. 

I had to explain something similar at a game not long ago. We claimed for a penalty but Clancy let play continue and it went our for a Hearts throw, then gave the penalty.

 

I had to explain that it was actually very good refereeing as if the penalty was overturned then we'd still have a throw-in in an attacking position as opposed to giving the penalty immediately at the risk of surrendering possession to the opposition.

14 hours ago, William H. Bonney said:

I once had to correct a friend who was constantly berating Gary Mackay during a game. 

1. It wasnt Gary Mackay

2. He wasn't even on the field 

Mind similar when I sat in the old main. Some boy giving Christian Nade pelters for every mistake he made. Only Nade was on the bench and it was in fact David Obua he was shouting at.

[Morgan]

3 hours ago, jamboozy said:

74 World Cup, at my mum and dad’s house, watching Scotland , my older brothers (twins) on leave from the Navy, my younger brother in attendance, even my uncle Dan walked up to take in the game. All us blokes are getting excited, shouting and bawling at the Telly. My Mum is catching up with her ironing, her board set up in the corner, and she pipes up “All that fuss, why don’t they just give them a ball each to play with “ 

  FFS!

 

At least we now know where you got your daftness from, Boozy. 

 

[Mikey1874]

That Celtic and Rangers fans believe they are hard done by from referees.

[Fort Vallance]

A player being given offside in his own half. To be fair I had to have it explained to me.

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

2 hours ago, redjambo said:

 

True, but nothing in "How, if you've got a game in hand over one team, that game can't possibly be against that team." specifies what the situation should be after any games in hand are played. The only thing it specifies is that you have at the point in question played one game less than the other team.

 

I'm not following you mate. If we've got a game in hand over Hibs, then we play Hibs, we'll still have a game in hand over them. There is no scenario in which we'd then have played the same number of games, therefore our GiH can't possibly be against them. 

[boag1874]

Celtic fan at work believes all referees are against them, moaning his head off after the game at Tynie

Him: “I mean that’s just a shambles, the refs would never give Celtic a penalty for that but they’re desperate to give them against!”

 

Me: ”do you know you’ve had more penalties for & less against than any other team?”

 

Him: ”naw that can’t be right”

 

Me: ”it is, that was the first pen against you in the league all season”

 

Him: ”…I’ll need to look that up but I think you’re mixed up there”

 

10 minutes pass of silence

 

Me: “so did you look that up?”

 

Him: ”aye, I’ll give you that one”

 

[Watt-Zeefuik]

A team winning the overwhelming majority of its games for a 10+ game streak is by definition not playing poorly.

[Watt-Zeefuik]

1 minute ago, boag1874 said:

Celtic fan at work believes all referees are against them, moaning his head off after the game at Tynie

Him: “I mean that’s just a shambles, the refs would never give Celtic a penalty for that but they’re desperate to give them against!”

 

Me: ”do you know you’ve had more penalties for & less against than any other team?”

 

Him: ”naw that can’t be right”

 

Me: ”it is, that was the first pen against you in the league all season”

 

Him: ”…I’ll need to look that up but I think you’re mixed up there”

 

10 minutes pass of silence

 

Me: “so did you look that up?”

 

Him: ”aye, I’ll give you that one”

 

Fair play to him for actually taking the L on it.

[Ricardo Quaresma]

15 hours ago, martoon said:

The away goal rule.

 

A relative of mine just could not get his head around it. It didn’t help that he couldn't let go of the "away goals count double" notion.

 

No one was happier than me when they scrapped it.

 

The guy is otherwise quite clever. 

 

His brain just could not grasp it.

 

Aw, loads of people came at me with that

 

The quick answer is AYE, IN THE EVENT OF A DRAW, DAFTIE!

 

I just used to visualise it as, if it's a draw, the team with more away goals gets 1 added, unless obviously ET if all's equal, still

[FarmerTweedy]

14 hours ago, Stupid Sexy Flanders said:

 

Oh here's another one I've had... We had a sweep on our bus for the time of our first goal in the second leg at home to Rosenborg. I got 105-115 minutes, ie during extra time. I had to explain how I couldn't possibly win! (Clue: We were 2-1 down from the first leg.)

You were well shafted there!

[martoon]

1 hour ago, Ricardo Quaresma said:

 

Aw, loads of people came at me with that

 

The quick answer is AYE, IN THE EVENT OF A DRAW, DAFTIE!

 

I just used to visualise it as, if it's a draw, the team with more away goals gets 1 added, unless obviously ET if all's equal, still

 

😄

 

Aye, that "...count double" nonsense was a right mindbender for some.

[Wee Mikey]

Seek fed up explaining to hibb1e5 the meaning of 'Natural Order'.

 

Pffft!!! 🤷‍♂️

[redjambo]

1 hour ago, Stupid Sexy Flanders said:

 

I'm not following you mate. If we've got a game in hand over Hibs, then we play Hibs, we'll still have a game in hand over them. There is no scenario in which we'd then have played the same number of games, therefore our GiH can't possibly be against them. 

 

I don't think I can explain it any other way than I have already, but I'll try. Having a game in hand over another team is commonly taken to mean that a team has played one less game in the league than the other team. That doesn't mean however that the club in question is only one game behind schedule.

 

After 12 rounds of a hypothetical league:

Team      P W D L Pts

Team A  12 10 1 1 31

Team B   11  8 2 1 26

Team C  10  7 1 2 22

Team D  12 6 3 3 21

Team E  11  5 2 4 17

and several other teams, all having played 12.

 

Team B is one game behind schedule. Team C has a "game in hand" against Team B as it has played one game fewer. However it is two games behind schedule, one of those being between itself and Team B, the other against Team E.

 

Therefore Team C has a game in hand against Team B but still has to play them.

[jamboozy]

3 hours ago, Morgan said:

  FFS!

 

At least we now know where you got your daftness from, Boozy. 

 

Aye, I think I got some of her football sense Morg.

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

2 hours ago, redjambo said:

 

I don't think I can explain it any other way than I have already, but I'll try. Having a game in hand over another team is commonly taken to mean that a team has played one less game in the league than the other team. That doesn't mean however that the club in question is only one game behind schedule.

 

After 12 rounds of a hypothetical league:

Team      P W D L Pts

Team A  12 10 1 1 31

Team B   11  8 2 1 26

Team C  10  7 1 2 22

Team D  12 6 3 3 21

Team E  11  5 2 4 17

and several other teams, all having played 12.

 

Team B is one game behind schedule. Team C has a "game in hand" against Team B as it has played one game fewer. However it is two games behind schedule, one of those being between itself and Team B, the other against Team E.

 

Therefore Team C has a game in hand against Team B but still has to play them.

 

Well aye, they still have to play them, but that game won't be the game in hand over them, because after they've played they'll still have the game in hand. 

 

Currently, they've played 11 and 10. If their next fixture is against each other, then they'll have played 12 and 11. So they'll still have a game in hand, like they did before they played each other. The rest of the league is irrelevant, we're only talking about two teams. 

[BRY]

20 hours ago, Locky said:

I had to explain something similar at a game not long ago. We claimed for a penalty but Clancy let play continue and it went our for a Hearts throw, then gave the penalty.

 

I had to explain that it was actually very good refereeing as if the penalty was overturned then we'd still have a throw-in in an attacking position as opposed to giving the penalty immediately at the risk of surrendering possession to the opposition.

 

 

I understand the rule, but the thing that really bugs me is the obvious ones, like when they let blatant offsides go until the play stops.

Usually these are at high-intensity parts of the game, and players could easily get injured making unnecessary challenges.

And what about being sent off for a challenge they otherwise would not even have had to make if the blatant call had been made earlier...?

[Batistuta87]

On 30/03/2024 at 20:28, CostaJambo said:

A random once asked my son what time the game started and when my son replied "Kick-off's at quarter to eight" the guy said "Is that when the game starts?".

 

Another one pre-internet my brother and I were watching one of those football funnies videos with the silly clips and my first wife's sister's boyfriend who was a total hooray henry wanders in, looks at the screen and says, "Number one, is he the goalie?".

 

 

What about the time someone thought number 1 was only for goalkeepers? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[TexasAndy]

The hardest thing is explaining to my wife why I have to leave the house at 10:30am for a 3pm Kick off 😙

[Batistuta87]

3 minutes ago, TexasAndy said:

The hardest thing is explaining to my wife why I have to leave the house at 10:30am for a 3pm Kick off 😙

Big queues. One to buy your ticket, one to get into the game, one for a pie. Easily 1hr each. 

 

[kila]

29 minutes ago, BRY said:

I understand the rule, but the thing that really bugs me is the obvious ones, like when they let blatant offsides go until the play stops.

Usually these are at high-intensity parts of the game, and players could easily get injured making unnecessary challenges.

And what about being sent off for a challenge they otherwise would not even have had to make if the blatant call had been made earlier...?

 

I'm sure either earlier this season or last at Tynecastle, Celtic were offside, play then continued in the box for a bit before the ball ended up going out for a corner. Celtic got to take the corner and earlier offside ignored.

 

[Captain Scarlett]

When I first met the wife and she knew I was going to the Hearts game. When I received the ticket with Heart of Midlothian FC v Aberdeen she said, “Oh, are Hearts and Heart of Midlothian the same team then?”

[Tommy Brown]

2 hours ago, kila said:

 

I'm sure either earlier this season or last at Tynecastle, Celtic were offside, play then continued in the box for a bit before the ball ended up going out for a corner. Celtic got to take the corner and earlier offside ignored.

 

Shouldn't happen, the assistant should signal offside when phase of play changes.

 

ie Offside given when ball went out for a corner.

 

[Wee Mikey]

3 hours ago, Captain Scarlett said:

When I first met the wife and she knew I was going to the Hearts game. When I received the ticket with Heart of Midlothian FC v Aberdeen she said, “Oh, are Hearts and Heart of Midlothian the same team then?”

 

½ way along Dalry en-route to Tynecastle a posh lass from Oxford who I was taking to the match asked with a quizzical look, "So, tell me, Michael, what exactly is a Jambon?"

[tian447]

On 31/03/2024 at 12:22, Locky said:

Oh I like this thread. Fairly recently a boy at work was chatting to me about the Euros coming up. Apparently loves watching Scotland, thinking going over etc.

 

We both declare our optimism for the opening match vs Germany. Only his logic was that Lewandowski isn't what he used to be.

 

How I kept a straight face telling him he's Polish, I'll never know.

 

Must have confused him with Robert Lewandöwßki! 

 

To be fair, Germany had a period not that long ago where their best strikers were both Polish... but I'm guessing that logic isn't what happened here

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

4 hours ago, Captain Scarlett said:

When I first met the wife and she knew I was going to the Hearts game. When I received the ticket with Heart of Midlothian FC v Aberdeen she said, “Oh, are Hearts and Heart of Midlothian the same team then?”

 

I knew a girl who once asked me if Hearts and Hibs were the same team! So you got off lightly 😄

[Locky]

45 minutes ago, tian447 said:

 

Must have confused him with Robert Lewandöwßki! 

 

To be fair, Germany had a period not that long ago where their best strikers were both Polish... but I'm guessing that logic isn't what happened here

 

Aye I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking he was mixed up somehow with Klose or Podolski but he kind of drew a blank when I mentioned their names.

 

His backtrack was that because he was at Bayern and Dortmund for so long he momentarily thought he was German. Still, what a *****.

[FarmerTweedy]

12 hours ago, kila said:

 

I'm sure either earlier this season or last at Tynecastle, Celtic were offside, play then continued in the box for a bit before the ball ended up going out for a corner. Celtic got to take the corner and earlier offside ignored.

 

I'd assume that was a simple case of the linesman getting it wrong and thinking the player was onside, rather than thinking he was off but not being 100% sure so letting it play out, because in the latter case he should have flagged for offside as soon as the ball went out of play.

[Wee Mikey]

Just now, FarmerTweedy said:

I'd assume that was a simple case of the linesman getting it wrong and thinking the player was onside, rather than thinking he was off but not being 100% sure so letting it play out, because in the latter case he should have flagged for offside as soon as the ball went out of play.

 

I'm not so sure. Have you noticed clear throw-ins whereby the assistant ref keeps his flag down until the ref gives the call?

 

It happens all the time. If I could, I'd seek out where that was mentioned ... by a ref ... he basically admitted that such calls were his to give.

 

The assistant refs are beholden to the main man.

[N Lincs Jambo]

Sort of on-topic but the difference being I would have had to sign up to a Rangers forum to put a Hun dickhead right. That didn't happen but here's the story anyway.

 

December 1972 and Hearts famously beat Rangers 1-0 at Ibrox. In the lead up to our goal, one of our players sat on the ball before passing it to Jim Brown who crossed for Donald Ford to head home.

 

One obviously bigotted hun frother on Bears Den recanted the story with his seethe getting bigger by every word he typed. Words such as "Taig" were being used as well as the more frequent descriptions for those of an RC background. He finally went into full overdrive and his anti-Taig conspiracy resulted in him naming the "F", "Taig" barsteward as none other than Bobby Prentice. I was tempted to sign up for the site to tell him that the person who sat on the ball was actually Tommy Murray and that Bobby Prentice didn't play for us that day as he was still at Celtic.

 

Amazingly enough there wasn't a single Rangers fan pull him up about this matter of fact afterwards....

[Jambo61]

On 30/03/2024 at 20:20, Stupid Sexy Flanders said:

I've got three examples that i can't believe I had to explain:

 

1. That your goal difference can't possibly go up if you get beat.

 

2. How a team can clinch the title without playing, if their nearest challengers lose. (Specifically Liverpool a couple years ago.)

 

3. How, if you've got a game in hand over one team, that game can't possibly be against that team. 

 

Anyone got any others?

How do you become a Hobo supporter.....get a lobotomy!

[Ricardo Quaresma]

21 minutes ago, N Lincs Jambo said:

Sort of on-topic but the difference being I would have had to sign up to a Rangers forum to put a Hun dickhead right. That didn't happen but here's the story anyway.

 

December 1972 and Hearts famously beat Rangers 1-0 at Ibrox. In the lead up to our goal, one of our players sat on the ball before passing it to Jim Brown who crossed for Donald Ford to head home.

 

One obviously bigotted hun frother on Bears Den recanted the story with his seethe getting bigger by every word he typed. Words such as "Taig" were being used as well as the more frequent descriptions for those of an RC background. He finally went into full overdrive and his anti-Taig conspiracy resulted in him naming the "F", "Taig" barsteward as none other than Bobby Prentice. I was tempted to sign up for the site to tell him that the person who sat on the ball was actually Tommy Murray and that Bobby Prentice didn't play for us that day as he was still at Celtic.

 

Amazingly enough there wasn't a single Rangers fan pull him up about this matter of fact afterwards....

 

 

[gerryjambo41]

1 hour ago, N Lincs Jambo said:

Sort of on-topic but the difference being I would have had to sign up to a Rangers forum to put a Hun dickhead right. That didn't happen but here's the story anyway.

 

December 1972 and Hearts famously beat Rangers 1-0 at Ibrox. In the lead up to our goal, one of our players sat on the ball before passing it to Jim Brown who crossed for Donald Ford to head home.

 

One obviously bigotted hun frother on Bears Den recanted the story with his seethe getting bigger by every word he typed. Words such as "Taig" were being used as well as the more frequent descriptions for those of an RC background. He finally went into full overdrive and his anti-Taig conspiracy resulted in him naming the "F", "Taig" barsteward as none other than Bobby Prentice. I was tempted to sign up for the site to tell him that the person who sat on the ball was actually Tommy Murray and that Bobby Prentice didn't play for us that day as he was still at Celtic.

 

Amazingly enough there wasn't a single Rangers fan pull him up about this matter of fact afterwards....

To be fair Bobby Prentice did rip them a new one early the next season when we beat them again 3-0 😂

[Doctor FinnBarr]

A few seasons back......well maybe 5 or 6 Sevco had won their opening game !-0 in an early KO Sunday game. I was starting work at 2 so had the pleasure of listening to the following conversation between 2 huns......

 

Hun A - Good win but should be scoring more.

 

Hun B - If we win every league game 1-0 the league is ours.

 

Hun A - Hmm, we could get pipped on goal difference if we're only winning games 1-0.

 

I nearly pissed myself and even Hun B shook his head and walked away.

 

 

 

[gregzy2k7]

Not really daft but had to explain the offside rule to a couple of american tourists,

They didn’t understand why the play had stopped whilst watching a game involving Wellington pheonix in Auckland.

 

Apart from that not much tbf.

[BelgeJambo]

Not so much trying to explain something, but when I lived in Denmark, I had the auld man on the phone and he was watching Bulgaria vs Germany 3/4 place playoff.  Told him it finishes 3-2 Bulgaria.  How do you know that son?  Am an hour ahead here dad!!

low and behold, it finished 3-2.

[FarmerTweedy]

11 hours ago, Wee Mikey said:

 

I'm not so sure. Have you noticed clear throw-ins whereby the assistant ref keeps his flag down until the ref gives the call?

 

It happens all the time. If I could, I'd seek out where that was mentioned ... by a ref ... he basically admitted that such calls were his to give.

 

The assistant refs are beholden to the main man.

Either way, it's one of the officials making a wrong judgment on whether someone was offside or not.  It's got nothing to do with the topic that was brought up, of deliberately allowing play to go on when they think someone is offside in case they're wrong. 

[Robbo-Jambo]

On 01/04/2024 at 09:24, TexasAndy said:

The hardest thing is explaining to my wife why I have to leave the house at 10:30am for a 3pm Kick off 😙

😄

[Sooks]

That it is better to keep possession of the ball than to boot it up the field in the general direction of a striker who is being marked by two or three giant central defenders . This is quite a recurring one tbh 

[Tommy Brown]

23 hours ago, Wee Mikey said:

 

I'm not so sure. Have you noticed clear throw-ins whereby the assistant ref keeps his flag down until the ref gives the call?

 

It happens all the time. If I could, I'd seek out where that was mentioned ... by a ref ... he basically admitted that such calls were his to give.

 

The assistant refs are beholden to the main man.

 

Throws are more obvious, let the ref signal first, then assistant will signal with the flag.

If the ref is unsure, then the assistant will lead.

 

[Bring Back Paulo Sergio]

On 31/03/2024 at 14:07, Fort Vallance said:

A player being given offside in his own half. To be fair I had to have it explained to me.

Eh? A player cannot be offside in his half. You'll have to explain it to me as well.

[Pans Jambo]

1 minute ago, Bring Back Paulo Sergio said:

Eh? A player cannot be offside in his half. You'll have to explain it to me as well.

🍿

[Daveandal]

This is like a PTSD thread.

 

I remember at the Stuttgart game a guy a row down really couldn't grasp the concept of away goals. 

 

I went out with a lass from Ballymena and took her to a Hearts Rangers 0-0 game mid 2000s.... she kept asking if "they knew what they were singing about".... the short answer is probably no.

 

And one from myself. My first ever game... age 6.... An offside is given and I asked if that meant it was now 0-0 again.... I'd only ever heard offside in the context of goals being disallowed.... Hearts had scored about 20 mins earlier. 🙈

[Sinbad the Sailor]

Ibrox Sunday Sevco no one likes us song the line "We hate....." how will PC plods have enough handcuffs says the missus. Good point. 

[Pans Jambo]

Explaining why someone who lives in Dunbar, Duns, Aberdeen, Inverness, East Neuk of Fife or Dumfries supports Ranger or Celtic.

[Fort Vallance]

11 hours ago, Bring Back Paulo Sergio said:

Eh? A player cannot be offside in his half. You'll have to explain it to me as well.

If the player is in an offside position in his opponents half when the ball is played. He comes back into his own half and plays the ball. The offside free kick is given from where he touches the ball. ie his own half. Not from where he was when the ball was played.

[Bad Religion]

11 minutes ago, Fort Vallance said:

If the player is in an offside position in his opponents half when the ball is played. He comes back into his own half and plays the ball. The offside free kick is given from where he touches the ball. ie his own half. Not from where he was when the ball was played.

So the free kicks awarded when he touches the ball. He’s not actually offside in his own half.  

[Joey J J Jr Shabadoo]

I once had to explain to a Falkirk fan, I worked beside, that hitting the crossbar or post is not a shot on target.