Strangest thing you've ever witnessed

[...a bit disco]

21 minutes ago, John Gentleman said:

Saw the same in August from my room in a Rosyth guesthouse, but I witnessed the whole episode. The pigeon was pecking on the ground just outside my window. On the gutter line of the neighbouring house sat three (bloody) large "gulls". In an instant, the three of them divebombed the pigeon; one grabbed the doo by the neck while the other two pecked out its eyes. There were a lot of flying feathers for a few minutes, but once (seemingly) lifeless the "gulls" started to tear into the doo until it was reduced to feathers and a few bones. I had noticed some pigeon remains a few days before, but put it down to neighbourhood cats. Witnessing that coordinated ambush soon disabused me of that notion.

I went outside to have a sticky beak and the three of them fronted up to me, making all sorts angry noises and postures. They weren't the slightest bit intimidated by my presence (though I think even they realised I was bit too big for them, as in "meal").

These weren't your Common or Herring gulls. They were a mottley brown colour with big, barrel chests and some flashes of white on the trailing edge of their wings. What I saw (I think) were probably skuas of some sort. Anyone confirm?

  

 

[John Gentleman]

11 minutes ago, ...a bit disco said:

 

 

Aye, looks like one the assailants. Real anger management issues these buggers have.

[RS86]

On my birthday (may have been my 18th) I went to watch Hearts play East Fife through in Methil.

 

On the way to the game I saw the weirdest and funniest thing, there was a very very large woman pushing a pram along a wall ( basically there was this grass area edged by a wall topped with paving slabs and then around a half metre drop to the pavement that ran along by the roadside). As if that wasn't random enough (not sure why the lady was walking along this wall and not the path??) she tripped and did a dramatic roll off the wall onto the path, was ****ing hilarious!! 

 

Should add the pram was fine, it stayed totally still on the wall thankfully - otherwise I'd have been more horrified than in stitches.

[...a bit disco]

This comes pretty close...

 

[davemclaren]

17 hours ago, Morgan said:

Plus, 500 folk picking on 1 is more a Celtic kind of trait I would think

You wouldn’t have said that in Zagreb where one local decided to taunt a horde of drunken Hearts fans while wearing a Celtic top. ?

[King prawn]

Our school rugby pitches had a metal mesh fence around the outside of them separating the changing rooms from the field.

I was walking back to the changing room at the end of a class and saw one of my friends on the pitch throw a bit of mud at me from a few meters away. I instinctively ducked, the mud went through a square in the fence, over my head and into the guy's ear who I was walking with. 

 

It went so far into his ear and clogged the rest that he had to go to hospital to get it surgically removed!

[Салатные палочки]

31 minutes ago, ...a bit disco said:

This comes pretty close...

 

 

 

 

State of that pair.  No chance they made it to the pitch without stopping for a breather.  

[Салатные палочки]

One just came to be  

 

In the grounds of our school there was an old Victorian style building.  It sat half way between the school and the pitches and next to it there was the fire exit and some trees.  That bit is where the smokers went.  In the building there was council offices, where non-school employees worked.  Every day, without fail, two of the schools young love birds used to meet behind there for a shag.  First time I ever seen it, we were playing football at the pitches and stopped for a break.  One of my mates, who had walked over from the smokers laughed and said "here, theres Boab pumping Jenny again".  I turned round and sure enough, there she was sat up on the window ledge of the building, tights hanging off one leg, Boab with his trousers at his ankles going at it like a jackhammer.  No one who hung about the smokers batted an eyelid, as this went on on a daily basis apparently.  

 

It was a case of  then 

[Morgan]

36 minutes ago, davemclaren said:

You wouldn’t have said that in Zagreb where one local decided to taunt a horde of drunken Hearts fans while wearing a Celtic top. ?

Really?

 

Brave man. Or stupid.

[Dunks]

4 hours ago, John Gentleman said:

Saw the same in August from my room in a Rosyth guesthouse, but I witnessed the whole episode. The pigeon was pecking on the ground just outside my window. On the gutter line of the neighbouring house sat three (bloody) large "gulls". In an instant, the three of them divebombed the pigeon; one grabbed the doo by the neck while the other two pecked out its eyes. There were a lot of flying feathers for a few minutes, but once (seemingly) lifeless the "gulls" started to tear into the doo until it was reduced to feathers and a few bones. I had noticed some pigeon remains a few days before, but put it down to neighbourhood cats. Witnessing that coordinated ambush soon disabused me of that notion.

I went outside to have a sticky beak and the three of them fronted up to me, making all sorts angry noises and postures. They weren't the slightest bit intimidated by my presence (though I think even they realised I was bit too big for them, as in "meal").

These weren't your Common or Herring gulls. They were a mottley brown colour with big, barrel chests and some flashes of white on the trailing edge of their wings. What I saw (I think) were probably skuas of some sort. Anyone confirm?

  

 

[Armageddon]

21 hours ago, Boris said:

I saw a man walking a goat down Dalry Road once. 

 

Auto correct could've made this the funniest post in JKB history!

[Morgan]

5 minutes ago, Armageddon said:

 

Auto correct could've made this the funniest post in JKB history!

[Boris]

52 minutes ago, Armageddon said:

 

Auto correct could've made this the funniest post in JKB history!

 

Alas, you would probably have only seen ******* instead.

 

But genuinely, taking a goat for a stroll down Dalry Road.

 

[Blackford Hearts]

Yesterday, I was driving down Nicholson Street towards town.

A guy was running for a bus, his trousers at his knees and going south, showing full bare arse. I had 2 thoughts. Firstly how lucky I was to be arse side and secondly, what the **** did he do when and if he caught the bus and had to get on? 

[milky_26]

while at a friends in paisley i looked out the window and saw a girl around 7 or 8 roller skating down the street while holding a cat 

[maroonlegions]

20 hours ago, niblick1874 said:

I pulled into a strip mall on a nice day with the windows down when a woman, looking very confused, walked to my car and then back on to the pavement. She looked around then came back to the car, then back to the pavement. As she came back to the car for the third time I asked her what the **** she was doing. She told me not to touch anything and get out of the car. When I did she took me by the arm and lead me to the pavement and told me to listen. The piped music from the mall was playing year of the cat by All Stewart note for note exactly the same as year of the cat I had playing on my car cassette player.

Hybrid Alien  nap. 

[Morgan]

24 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

while at a friends in paisley i looked out the window and saw a girl around 7 or 8 roller skating down the street while holding a cat 

[milky_26]

55 minutes ago, Morgan said:

its ok i was wearing my stab proof vest

[Peebo]

I saw a space shuttle getting flown past my office window on the back of a 747 a few years ago.

 

https://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_2359.html

 

 

 

[Morgan]

22 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

its ok i was wearing my stab proof vest

Phew!!

 

What a relief. I thought I was going to have to break out the Mead.

[Салатные палочки]

17 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said:

 

Thanks for the story, Boab.....

 

 

I wish. Despite being a bit of a slag Jenny was tidy. She had that 90s look, tight skirt, long perm and big hooped earrings, scent of Sunflowers. 

[Riddley Walker]

4 hours ago, Boris said:

 

 

But genuinely, taking a goat for a stroke down Dalry Road.

 

 

FTFY.

[Tazio]

4 hours ago, Blackford Hearts said:

Yesterday, I was driving down Nicholson Street towards town.

A guy was running for a bus, his trousers at his knees and going south, showing full bare arse. I had 2 thoughts. Firstly how lucky I was to be arse side and secondly, what the **** did he do when and if he caught the bus and had to get on? 

Reminds of a time years ago when I was sitting in the pub that is now the Red Squirrel on Lothian Road waiting for my mates. The door opened and a guy confidently stride towards the bar. Half way across the floor a pair of red y-fronts dropped out his trouser leg onto the floor. 

 

He’d obviously pulled his trousers on for a night out not noticing last nights kegs were still trapped in the leg. 

[Jeff]

32 minutes ago, Tazio said:

Reminds of a time years ago when I was sitting in the pub that is now the Red Squirrel on Lothian Road waiting for my mates. The door opened and a guy confidently stride towards the bar. Half way across the floor a pair of red y-fronts dropped out his trouser leg onto the floor. 

 

He’d obviously pulled his trousers on for a night out not noticing last nights kegs were still trapped in the leg. 

 

I've done that but with socks in the legs. Not as embarrassing but still a tough one to explain

[Riddley Walker]

When I was 15-16 I was on the bus on the way to football training with my mate. We were on the top deck about 3/4 the way down the top deck. An awkward-looking bearded guy in a suit stood up and walked towards the stairs, and his trousers fell right down to his ankles. Right down, I've no idea how it happened. He was wearing bright red baggy boxers. He was so embarrassed he didn't even stop to pull them up, just waddled quickly to the steps. 

 

It was absolutely perfect, still one of the funniest things I've seen in the flesh.

[davie1980]

2 hours ago, Peebo said:

I saw a space shuttle getting flown past my office window on the back of a 747 a few years ago.

 

https://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_2359.html

 

 

 

 

How high is your office?

[Peebo]

10 minutes ago, davie1980 said:

 

How high is your office?

Don’t work in that one any more, but it was 46 stories tall. I was on the 11th floor. 

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, jonnothejambo said:

 

 

A bit of a slag ?

 

A lassie that gets shafted on a daily basis while at school is a bit more than that.

 

Who's Boaby ? Anybody's Boaby...

Watsons girls were not adverse to using their bloomers to keep their ankles warm.

 

Just adding this to the discussion.

 

 Navy or white they were too.

[main]

Another weird one, a well known junkie came into my work one day and picked up some doughnuts that you pay for at the till. He then proceeded to eat them whilst walking around the shop and when at the till buying other stuff, he is questioned about whether he planned to pay for the doughnuts. He is outraged and starts stripping down to prove he has no doughnuts. We know you don't have them on you you tube, they're in your belly.

[Angry Haggis]

2 hours ago, Tazio said:

Reminds of a time years ago when I was sitting in the pub that is now the Red Squirrel on Lothian Road waiting for my mates. The door opened and a guy confidently stride towards the bar. Half way across the floor a pair of red y-fronts dropped out his trouser leg onto the floor. 

 

He’d obviously pulled his trousers on for a night out not noticing last nights kegs were still trapped in the leg. 

Brilliant. 

[Dunks]

A few years ago, I was furiously thrashing a wee baw around Melrose Golf Course when what seemed like wave after wave of fighter jets flew over us heading North and not at a terribly high altitude. Visions of WW3 having started were flashing through my mind. 

 

After a pause of around 30 seconds, another 6 or so appeared and started a mini air display/ pretend dog fight type of thing right over us. Only lasted for a minute or so, then they all shot off in completely different directions 

 

Quite a sight it has to be said.

 

On a similar theme, but less strange .... I worked for Hydro Electric a good few years ago and when carrying out some work atop Mullardoch Dam in the Highlands, I heard a loud drone coming from down the valley. I looked down and there was a Vulcan bomber complete with Tornado outriders flying right up the valley floor. A majestic sight as they rose over the dam with me on it. Proper full on robot chubby moment.

[tynietot]

Another pigeon story,

about 20 years ago me and a mate sitting in a park in Sheffield, beautiful day, loads of people about, in walks a guy who immediately gets everyone's attention.

6 foot 5 and dressed in black hooded cloak looking just like The Grim Reaper.

I swear the whole time he was there you could not see his face.

Anyway, people all nudging each other, look at this character etc,

he begins to feed the pigeons until he is surrounded by maybe 30 or 40 of the buggers, everyone watching him going Aw that's nice etc, finally when he knows he has the attention of all the people and all the pigeons he launches himself and dives into the pigeons scattering them everywhere.

Everyone sounds shocked, what's he doing? Etc.

He stands up holding a pigeon in one hand and goes and sits down at a bench and lays the pigeon down on it's side next to him. it doesn't move.

After about 20 seconds people are getting angry, they are asking themselves what's he doing? I even hear someone say he's killed that poor pigeon, let's get him.

As people start to rally themselves to confront "The Grim Reaper" he claps his hands together once and I kid you not the pigeon was immediately in the air flying away. It didn't stand up and rouse itself and then take off . One minute it looked dead the next it was flying away. Incredible. I'll never forget that.

[BM1874]

2 days ago

 

came out the local shop, when all I hear is “OI YOU GET BACK HERE YOU MANKY GET”

i turn round to see some woman in a doorway 8 doors up shaking with rage, again “you manky get who takes a shit in a stairway’

and Some old jakey looking guy marching away shouts back “it wasn’t me” over and over

the two of them shouting at each other, for the duration of the 2 minutes I took to walk around the corner

 

beat part is a police car was parked in the car park,

only in the inch!

 

who shits in a staircase? 

[Locky]

Last summer I was walking through Potterrow. Mini cab pulled out right in front of a black cab causing a bit of a bump.

 

Disabled guy in his wheelchair speeds over and starts punching **** out the black cab.

[Locky]

11 hours ago, Dunks said:

A few years ago, I was furiously thrashing a wee baw around Melrose Golf Course when what seemed like wave after wave of fighter jets flew over us heading North and not at a terribly high altitude. Visions of WW3 having started were flashing through my mind. 

 

After a pause of around 30 seconds, another 6 or so appeared and started a mini air display/ pretend dog fight type of thing right over us. Only lasted for a minute or so, then they all shot off in completely different directions 

 

Quite a sight it has to be said.

 

On a similar theme, but less strange .... I worked for Hydro Electric a good few years ago and when carrying out some work atop Mullardoch Dam in the Highlands, I heard a loud drone coming from down the valley. I looked down and there was a Vulcan bomber complete with Tornado outriders flying right up the valley floor. A majestic sight as they rose over the dam with me on it. Proper full on robot chubby moment.

 

I was in my aunties house in the newer (80's build I think) flats at the end of Junction Street. There was some air show going on at Ocean Terminal, and we could see the jets flying about from her living room window.

 

Group of 4 or 5 jets flew over down past the flats opposite and within seconds, a big plume of black smoke appears. We were genuinely convinced that one had crashed for a wee while.

[I P Knightley]

1. A full-grown adult in a suit driving a Segway along the Bayswater Road in London during the evening rush hour. (And plenty of full-grown adults on kids' scooters belting around the place)

 

2. A man with a stocking over his head having a piss into the engine bay of a Fiat 126; late night, after chucking out time. 

[Locky]

14 hours ago, Jeffosphere said:

 

I've done that but with socks in the legs. Not as embarrassing but still a tough one to explain

 

I've had one 10 times more embarrassing. Went into the shop to get sweets on the way to school with my mates. Pulled my jacket open to put something in the pocket and attached to the Velcro inside was a pair of my maws knickers.

 

Worse yet, my granny's husband ran a taxi company and dropped disabled children off at the school. I went straight to him mortified, and told him he had to do something as I couldn't keep them all day.

 

He chucked them in the glove compartment, but unfortunately my granny found them before he even had a chance to explain.

[Jeff]

7 minutes ago, Locky said:

 

I've had one 10 times more embarrassing. Went into the shop to get sweets on the way to school with my mates. Pulled my jacket open to put something in the pocket and attached to the Velcro inside was a pair of my maws knickers.

 

Worse yet, my granny's husband ran a taxi company and dropped disabled children off at the school. I went straight to him mortified, and told him he had to do something as I couldn't keep them all day.

 

He chucked them in the glove compartment, but unfortunately my granny found them before he even had a chance to explain.

 

Classic haha. Did they stay together?

[Locky]

11 minutes ago, Jeffosphere said:

 

Classic haha. Did they stay together?

 

Yeah I vouched for him and all was good. It's still a well told family story. Unfortunately though her husband died in a car crash a couple of years back.

[Say What Again]

44 minutes ago, Locky said:

 

I've had one 10 times more embarrassing. Went into the shop to get sweets on the way to school with my mates. Pulled my jacket open to put something in the pocket and attached to the Velcro inside was a pair of my maws knickers.

 

Worse yet, my granny's husband ran a taxi company and dropped disabled children off at the school. I went straight to him mortified, and told him he had to do something as I couldn't keep them all day.

 

He chucked them in the glove compartment, but unfortunately my granny found them before he even had a chance to explain.

[Morgan]

57 minutes ago, Locky said:

 

I've had one 10 times more embarrassing. Went into the shop to get sweets on the way to school with my mates. Pulled my jacket open to put something in the pocket and attached to the Velcro inside was a pair of my maws knickers.

 

Worse yet, my granny's husband ran a taxi company and dropped disabled children off at the school. I went straight to him mortified, and told him he had to do something as I couldn't keep them all day.

 

He chucked them in the glove compartment, but unfortunately my granny found them before he even had a chance to explain.

Tremendous

[All roads lead to Gorgie]

Bump.

I was waiting at the traffic lights at Broughham Street earlier today and a guy was standing in front of the stopped traffic juggling. He then walked between the cars waving to everyone. He looked like one of those " alternative lifestyle types" ! Very odd.

[tian447]

On 10/18/2017 at 11:34, Locky said:

 

I've had one 10 times more embarrassing. Went into the shop to get sweets on the way to school with my mates. Pulled my jacket open to put something in the pocket and attached to the Velcro inside was a pair of my maws knickers.

 

Worse yet, my granny's husband ran a taxi company and dropped disabled children off at the school. I went straight to him mortified, and told him he had to do something as I couldn't keep them all day.

 

He chucked them in the glove compartment, but unfortunately my granny found them before he even had a chance to explain.

 

Ooh ya ****er

 

Winner.

[Riddley Walker]

On 18/10/2017 at 11:34, Locky said:

 

I've had one 10 times more embarrassing. Went into the shop to get sweets on the way to school with my mates. Pulled my jacket open to put something in the pocket and attached to the Velcro inside was a pair of my maws knickers.

 

Worse yet, my granny's husband ran a taxi company and dropped disabled children off at the school. I went straight to him mortified, and told him he had to do something as I couldn't keep them all day.

 

He chucked them in the glove compartment, but unfortunately my granny found them before he even had a chance to explain.

 

Was this before or after your dad smelled your arse?

[iantjambo]

11 minutes ago, Riddley Walker said:

 

Was this before or after your dad smelled your arse?

 

 

That remains the best typo in internet history 

 

[Alwayssunnyingorgie]

1 hour ago, All roads lead to Gorgie said:

Bump.

I was waiting at the traffic lights at Broughham Street earlier today and a guy was standing in front of the stopped traffic juggling. He then walked between the cars waving to everyone. He looked like one of those " alternative lifestyle types" ! Very odd.

You should have ran the weirdo over. 

[Jamhammer]

I was having a pish in the Hoochie Coochie Club (Ask your grandparents) and a guy comes in and stands next to me. He was dressed as a fried egg. Does a pee and leaves. I goes into the club again and no sign of him. Asked me mates and no-one else has seen him. (No drugs were abused in relation to this story, honest)

[milky_26]

6 minutes ago, Jamhammer said:

I was having a pish in the Hoochie Coochie Club (Ask your grandparents) and a guy comes in and stands next to me. He was dressed as a fried egg. Does a pee and leaves. I goes into the club again and no sign of him. Asked me mates and no-one else has seen him. (No drugs were abused in relation to this story, honest)

Your head was scrambled 

[Locky]

3 hours ago, Riddley Walker said:

 

Was this before or after your dad smelled your arse?

 

 

Can't even remember what I was posting about that time.

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, Jamhammer said:

I was having a pish in the Hoochie Coochie Club (Ask your grandparents) and a guy comes in and stands next to me. He was dressed as a fried egg. Does a pee and leaves. I goes into the club again and no sign of him. Asked me mates and no-one else has seen him. (No drugs were abused in relation to this story, honest)

Dressed as a fried egg.