Strangest thing you've ever witnessed

[N Lincs Jambo]

1st European away game, September 1984 PSG. About to get the midnight train from the Waverley down to Kings Cross along with about 500 other Jambos and one lone Celtic fan off to wherever they were playing. One Jambo in particular stood out: Hearts top, kilt, Hearts socks and 12" DM boots. He also had a pink elephant on his head with one of the old Churchill Vs Up Hearts stickers in the elephant's ear. Next time I saw him was near the Eiffel Tower on the afternoon of the match wearing exactly the same gear except for one added ingredient - a full rubber schlong hanging down inside his kilt to about the top of his Docs. He had crowds of young female Japanese tourists literally queueing up to get a photo taken with him and I don't think he will have paid for a single drink while he was over.

[Jeff]

3 minutes ago, N Lincs Jambo said:

1st European away game, September 1984 PSG. About to get the midnight train from the Waverley down to Kings Cross along with about 500 other Jambos and one lone Celtic fan off to wherever they were playing. One Jambo in particular stood out: Hearts top, kilt, Hearts socks and 12" DM boots. He also had a pink elephant on his head with one of the old Churchill Vs Up Hearts stickers in the elephant's ear. Next time I saw him was near the Eiffel Tower on the afternoon of the match wearing exactly the same gear except for one added ingredient - a full rubber schlong hanging down inside his kilt to about the top of his Docs. He had crowds of young female Japanese tourists literally queueing up to get a photo taken with him and I don't think he will have paid for a single drink while he was over.

 

Interesting way to attract asian birds. 

[N Lincs Jambo]

1 minute ago, Jeffosphere said:

 

Interesting way to attract asian birds. 

 

And successful

[iantjambo]

34 minutes ago, N Lincs Jambo said:

1st European away game, September 1984 PSG. About to get the midnight train from the Waverley down to Kings Cross along with about 500 other Jambos and one lone Celtic fan off to wherever they were playing. One Jambo in particular stood out: Hearts top, kilt, Hearts socks and 12" DM boots. He also had a pink elephant on his head with one of the old Churchill Vs Up Hearts stickers in the elephant's ear. Next time I saw him was near the Eiffel Tower on the afternoon of the match wearing exactly the same gear except for one added ingredient - a full rubber schlong hanging down inside his kilt to about the top of his Docs. He had crowds of young female Japanese tourists literally queueing up to get a photo taken with him and I don't think he will have paid for a single drink while he was over.

 

Did anyone else think that the lone Celtic fan was going to play a pivotal part in this story?

 

And then be disappointed when he/she didn’t?

[His name is]

1 hour ago, Boris said:

I saw a man walking a goat down Dalry Road once. 

I saw a man walking a racoon in the meadows once.

[Mr Sifter]

Sticky Vicky. 

[N Lincs Jambo]

24 minutes ago, iantjambo said:

 

Did anyone else think that the lone Celtic fan was going to play a pivotal part in this story?

 

And then be disappointed when he/she didn’t?

 

It was a bit strange that he didn't get any grief come to think of it, especially as we'd just played them the previous weekend at Darkheid and took it to them outside the ground after the game. As someone who had spent my childhood years feeling well pissed off at the arse cheeks coming to Tynie and lording it, I wasn't expecting to see Hearts have Celtic on their toes on their own patch.

[Morgan]

1 minute ago, Mr Sifter said:

Sticky Vicky. 

Benalmadena?

[Morgan]

1 minute ago, N Lincs Jambo said:

 

It was a bit strange that he didn't get any grief come to think of it, especially as we'd just played them the previous weekend at Darkheid and took it to them outside the ground after the game. As someone who had spent my childhood years feeling well pissed off at the arse cheeks coming to Tynie and lording it, I wasn't expecting to see Hearts have Celtic on their toes on their own patch.

Plus, 500 folk picking on 1 is more a Celtic kind of trait I would think

[Samuel Camazzola]

At the end of 2009, beginning of 2010 when we had the heavy snowfall which took ages to clear, I (along with dozens of others) witnessed someone heading from Earl Grey Street on to Lothian Road on skis. 

 

This was around 8am and they were on travelling on the road. 

[maroonlegions]

3 hours ago, Bauld said:

 

[Judge Fudge]

3 hours ago, maroonlegions said:

This.

 

 

 

Pretty sure that's the guy that ran onto the hockenheim track during a F1 race a few years back. Think it was a god squad issue  for him that time also. 

[Judge Fudge]

3 hours ago, maroonlegions said:

This.

 

 

 

Pretty sure that's the guy that ran onto the hockenheim track during a F1 race a few years back. Think it was a god squad issue  for him that time also. 

[redjambo]

3 minutes ago, Judge Fudge said:

Pretty sure that's the guy that ran onto the hockenheim track during a F1 race a few years back. Think it was a god squad issue  for him that time also. 

 

Silverstone, it looks like.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Horan

[maroonlegions]

13 minutes ago, Judge Fudge said:

Pretty sure that's the guy that ran onto the hockenheim track during a F1 race a few years back. Think it was a god squad issue  for him that time also. 

[Pennywise]

We were playing hide & seek in the grave yard along Slateford Road. Caught a tramp having a wank behind a grave stone. Scud book, the lot. 

[zoltan socrates]

3 hours ago, Bauld said:

Typical hibs

[Unknown user]

I saw a crow eating a dog shite once

[zoltan socrates]

2 hours ago, iantjambo said:

 

Did anyone else think that the lone Celtic fan was going to play a pivotal part in this story?

 

And then be disappointed when he/she didn’t?

See i thought the celtic fan ended up as the boys sporran

[mrcrisps]

40 minutes ago, ManMoth said:

I saw a crow eating a dog shite once

I saw a seagull eat a pigeon.

[Judge Fudge]

56 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

Silverstone, it looks like.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Horan

That's the one, should have realised he would have been stopped and sectioned on arrival in a foreign country. Fair play to him tho. Staying true to his superhero outfit and all that. 

[redjambo]

Just now, Judge Fudge said:

That's the one, should have realised he would have been stopped and sectioned on arrival in a foreign country. Fair play to him tho. Staying true to his superhero outfit and all that. 

 

I have to say that I was pretty annoyed that he ruined that Brazilian runner's race in the Marathon in Athens. The guy may not have won the race in the end, but to put all that training in, to come to the home of the Marathon, and to be leading by 48 seconds near the 35km mark, only to be pushed into the crowds by some lunatic priest, is an awful thing to have happened to him. Horan should have been put away for a while for doing that, imo, not given a suspended sentence.

[Unknown user]

Just now, redjambo said:

 

I have to say that I was pretty annoyed that he ruined that Brazilian runner's race in the Marathon in Athens. The guy may not have won the race in the end, but to put all that training in, to come to the home of the Marathon, and to be leading by 48 seconds near the 35km mark, only to be pushed into the crowds by some lunatic priest, is an awful thing to have happened to him. Horan should have been put away for a while for doing that, imo, not given a suspended sentence.

 

Seriously, he should go in jail for a period of years for pushing someone into a crowd?

I get that it was shite for the guy but that's way OTT for me. 

[redjambo]

Just now, ManMoth said:

 

Seriously, he should go in jail for a period of years for pushing someone into a crowd?

I get that it was shite for the guy but that's way OTT for me. 

 

I didn't say years, now, did I?

[Unknown user]

1 minute ago, redjambo said:

 

I didn't say years, now, did I?

I thought the implication was pretty clear when you said  "should have been put away for a while" but fair enough, apologies if you didn't mean years. 

 

Months, weeks, days though, any jail term would still be ridiculously OTT for me

[niblick1874]

I pulled into a strip mall on a nice day with the windows down when a woman, looking very confused, walked to my car and then back on to the pavement. She looked around then came back to the car, then back to the pavement. As she came back to the car for the third time I asked her what the **** she was doing. She told me not to touch anything and get out of the car. When I did she took me by the arm and lead me to the pavement and told me to listen. The piped music from the mall was playing year of the cat by All Stewart note for note exactly the same as year of the cat I had playing on my car cassette player.

[redjambo]

Just now, ManMoth said:

I thought the implication was pretty clear when you said  "should have been put away for a while" but fair enough, apologies if you didn't mean years. 

 

Months, weeks, days though, any jail term would still be ridiculously OTT for me

 

I was thinking 3-4 weeks would have been sufficient. I apologise for using the phrase "for a while" - I can see how it would have been misinterpreted.

[yabadabadoo1874again]

3 hours ago, iantjambo said:

 

Did anyone else think that the lone Celtic fan was going to play a pivotal part in this story?

 

And then be disappointed when he/she didn’t?

 

Yes.  A bit of me died when this character failed to make it past the second sentence.

 

We'll get over it in time.  

[Judge Fudge]

10 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

I have to say that I was pretty annoyed that he ruined that Brazilian runner's race in the Marathon in Athens. The guy may not have won the race in the end, but to put all that training in, to come to the home of the Marathon, and to be leading by 48 seconds near the 35km mark, only to be pushed into the crowds by some lunatic priest, is an awful thing to have happened to him. Horan should have been put away for a while for doing that, imo, not given a suspended sentence.

I'd forgotten about. Not jail just a rubber room and help. He's picking the wrong sporting events for his own mental health. If he runs onto Wimbledon centre court next year in his lucky charm leprechaun get up, he will get the help he needs or he will be taking down by a sniper. both scenarios make great tv. Win, win.

[Teddy]

The Walking Man

[Morgan]

5 hours ago, Boris said:

I saw a man walking a goat down Dalry Road once. 

On that very note, there's an old boy walks a sheep on the beach here every lunchtime.

[tokyowalnut]

1 hour ago, mrcrisps said:

I saw a seagull eat a pigeon.

I watched a gang of the feckers demolish a pigeon outside my flat. Horrendous.

 

Tonight I parked my car, got out and there was a fox having a number 2 on the other side of the road.

 

Leith is an interesting place.

[Салатные палочки]

58 minutes ago, niblick1874 said:

I pulled into a strip mall on a nice day with the windows down when a woman, looking very confused, walked to my car and then back on to the pavement. She looked around then came back to the car, then back to the pavement. As she came back to the car for the third time I asked her what the **** she was doing. She told me not to touch anything and get out of the car. When I did she took me by the arm and lead me to the pavement and told me to listen. The piped music from the mall was playing year of the cat by All Stewart note for note exactly the same as year of the cat I had playing on my car cassette player.

 

I'll be honest I expected something a bit more exciting when you were approached in your car by a woman standing on the pavement. 

 

However, that is pretty freaky. What are the chances of that ever happening. 

[Morgan]

12 minutes ago, tokyowalnut said:

I watched a gang of the feckers demolish a pigeon outside my flat. Horrendous.

 

Tonight I parked my car, got out and there was a fox having a number 2 on the other side of the road.

 

Leith is an interesting place.

They organised a 'party' on Leith Links three weeks to the day after they won their 'holy grail' last year.

 

About 43 folk turned up.

 

As you say, Leith is interesting.

[Jambof3tornado]

The guy walking his turkeys in camelon near lock 16 is a bit strange.

 

 

Mate and I thought the aliens had arrived when driving near Milnathort. Turns out it was a laser light show in perth!!

 

Also saw a huge camel tied down in the back of a daihatsu pickup truck in saudi. 

[main]

Walking home from the gym in clovenstone, looked up and saw a guy's entire living room wall covered by a giant swatstika. Skinhead drew the curtains before we could take a picture. 

[Tazio]

Not something I saw but something I heard. 

 

A few years ago I got a phone call to my land line not long before I was going to bed, picked it up to have an Eastern European woman start shouting at me. For some reason I didn't hang up as I was trying to get her to shut up so I could say wrong number. She then started ranting at me asking me what kind of animal I was that I raped her dog and she was going to make sure I got what I deserved for being such a pervert. I was a bit surprised to say the least. She eventually realised that it was a wrong number, apologised profusely and hung up. 

 

For the record I was innocent of the accusation.

[chester copperpot]

Once caught an old couple screwing in the graveyard on the corner of princes street and lothian road. Ironically we caught them because myself and my bird from uni were about to do the same thing.

 

Put us off so waited till we got home.

[jambo-fletch]

Seeing a bloke take a shite outside the dentist's was pretty bizzare

[Say What Again]

3 hours ago, mrcrisps said:

I saw a seagull eat a pigeon.

 

Walking to work one day I saw a half dozen of the ***** trying to swoop down onto the road and get a recently knocked down pigeon. 

 

One of them eventually got it in its beak and took to the skies. A seagull Battle of Britain broke out and the air, all bombing the prize holder until it dropped it from about 100 feet. 

 

It splatted about 6 inches from my feet. 6 inches away from having a blood dripping pigeon carcass drop on my bonce from a great height. 

 

Would have been a definite low point of my life had it hit

[Maple Leaf]

2 hours ago, Tazio said:

Not something I saw but something I heard. 

 

A few years ago I got a phone call to my land line not long before I was going to bed, picked it up to have an Eastern European woman start shouting at me. For some reason I didn't hang up as I was trying to get her to shut up so I could say wrong number. She then started ranting at me asking me what kind of animal I was that I raped her dog and she was going to make sure I got what I deserved for being such a pervert. I was a bit surprised to say the least. She eventually realised that it was a wrong number, apologised profusely and hung up. 

 

For the record I was innocent of the accusation.

 

The dog was willing?  

[jamborich]

Back in the 80s workmate of mine was having a bad time with his missus, we finished work and decided to go for a pint the pub we were in had a domino night so we thought **** it let's have a sesh. After a couple of hours at the dominos the door burst open and the guy's wife walks in with his tea on a  tray I swear all she had on was a jumper obviously been on the bevvy next thing she launches the tray then falls on her arse exposing her bush to be fair the guy gets up from the table dripping in gravy and says think it's time to go home 

[davie1980]

9 hours ago, His name is said:

I saw a man walking a racoon in the meadows once.

I've spotted a guy walking a great big red parrot on a leash around Falkirk.

 

Spotted him in Bathgate once too, at the galaday.

 

I was walking down the river carron with my dogs and he was approaching in the distance with this on his shoulder. Next thing the daft bugger starts running towards us and throws the damn bird up in the air about 20m in front of us, my dogs sh1t themselves.

I stopped him to ask what he was doing and he says that's how he exercise it.

 

dafuk?

[Brian Whittaker's Tache]

Once saw a jakie at the bottom of Leith Walk trying to consume his dropped carry out (alcoholic not food) using the broken end of the voddie bottle as a spoon!

Dedication to the cause!!

[Homme]

I once killed a wasp with an M&M from a distance of around 4m

 

[Unknown user]

19 minutes ago, Homme said:

I once killed a wasp with an M&M from a distance of around 4m

 

My wife calls bullshit

 

I was arguing with her, I can see how it's doable, but she's having none of it!

[John Gentleman]

11 hours ago, mrcrisps said:

I saw a seagull eat a pigeon.

Saw the same in August from my room in a Rosyth guesthouse, but I witnessed the whole episode. The pigeon was pecking on the ground just outside my window. On the gutter line of the neighbouring house sat three (bloody) large "gulls". In an instant, the three of them divebombed the pigeon; one grabbed the doo by the neck while the other two pecked out its eyes. There were a lot of flying feathers for a few minutes, but once (seemingly) lifeless the "gulls" started to tear into the doo until it was reduced to feathers and a few bones. I had noticed some pigeon remains a few days before, but put it down to neighbourhood cats. Witnessing that coordinated ambush soon disabused me of that notion.

I went outside to have a sticky beak and the three of them fronted up to me, making all sorts angry noises and postures. They weren't the slightest bit intimidated by my presence (though I think even they realised I was bit too big for them, as in "meal").

These weren't your Common or Herring gulls. They were a mottley brown colour with big, barrel chests and some flashes of white on the trailing edge of their wings. What I saw (I think) were probably skuas of some sort. Anyone confirm?

  

[Homme]

1 minute ago, ManMoth said:

My wife calls bullshit

 

I was arguing with her, I can see how it's doable, but she's having none of it!

 

I swear

 

I was in second or third year at high school!

 

Obviously i will never do it again

[Unknown user]

Just now, Homme said:

 

I swear

 

I was in second or third year at high school!

 

Obviously i will never do it again

She actually said to me "you better not start going about pissing off every wasp you see"

[redjambo]

10 hours ago, Tazio said:

Not something I saw but something I heard. 

 

A few years ago I got a phone call to my land line not long before I was going to bed, picked it up to have an Eastern European woman start shouting at me. For some reason I didn't hang up as I was trying to get her to shut up so I could say wrong number. She then started ranting at me asking me what kind of animal I was that I raped her dog and she was going to make sure I got what I deserved for being such a pervert. I was a bit surprised to say the least. She eventually realised that it was a wrong number, apologised profusely and hung up. 

 

For the record I was innocent of the accusation.

 

Are you claiming it was consensual?