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Riddley Walker
Posted

The Spy Who Sent Me a Picture of Her ***.

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Maroon Sailor
Posted

Looks like she is The pie who came in from the cold

Posted

Looks like she is The pie who came in from the cold

No, she's just a cold pie.

 

Mainly because she's so old.

Riddley Walker
Posted

Was that the one with George Lazenby?

 

Nope, Pie Brosnan.

Posted

octogenarian pussy judging by the picture she sent me

:lol:

 

Stay away....you only live once... :jj:

Posted

Was that the one with George Lazenby?

On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Riddley Walker
Posted

On Her Vajesty's Secret Service.

 

FTFY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm here all night.

Posted

Give her a treat: Goldfingered.

 

Or dumped: Piefall

 

When the pie falls,

It will crumble,

We will stand taaaall,

And eat it all together...

 

I'll get me coat.

 

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

Posted

Give her a treat: Goldfingered.

Or dumped: Piefall

When the pie falls,

It will crumble,

We will stand taaaall,

And eat it all together...

I'll get me coat.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

Can I help you put the coat on?

Maroon Sailor
Posted

If it's meant to be

 

Piemonds Are Forever

chester copperpot
Posted

These threads start off great then get spoiled by the shitest of shite puns ever.

 

Its not even remotely funny or witty.

Maroon Sailor
Posted

These threads start off great then get spoiled by the shitest of shite puns ever.

Its not even remotely funny or witty.

I think she has frightened The Living Daylights out of Salad

Posted

Gashino Royale.

Posted

These threads start off great then get spoiled by the shitest of shite puns ever.

 

Its not even remotely funny or witty.

Aye.

 

People who post ones that have been said already are the worst...

 

 

Gashino Royale

...

 

Gashino Royale.

 

[emoji85]

Posted

Gashino Royale

 

FFS.  I never even noticed you'd beaten me to this :rofl:

 

:sob:

Posted

The Spy who loved Fray Bentos?

 

Quiche of Solace?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not even trying...... sorry......

Posted

FFS.  I never even noticed you'd beaten me to this :rofl:

:sob:

Och lets share.

 

:lol:

Posted

Dr. Hole.

Very good Mish Moneypenny.

 

:lol:

Posted

Salad - how'd the date go last night? Or are we onto the mod girly?

Posted

More importantly, what sauce would you put on a steak pie?

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Posted

More importantly, what sauce would you put on a steak pie?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Man milk?
Fitzroy Pointon
Posted

Salad - how'd the date go last night? Or are we onto the mod girly?

It was pretty good. Nice lass. Meeting her again tomorrow night to go to the pub and then back to hers "but nothings happening" as she said :rofl: Got to be up and out early as well on Saturday as I have VIP tickets for the Pipe Band Championships and I don't want to miss out on the free breakfast rolls. I really hope I don't wake up tied to the bed cos that would just be.......awful. Don't want to seem like a misery guts so it's fair to say I'll be hanging on Saturday.

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

Posted

Give her one for Kickback :rofl:

Maroon Sailor
Posted

Looks like steak pie girl is done and crusted

Posted

Looks like steak pie girl is done and crusted

No hot meat filling for her.

Posted (edited)

Need some advice lads and lassies.

Been single for about a year now. Between having the kids every Friday and every second Friday/Saturday I have found it difficult to get out there and meet a woman. Anyway I thought I would give online dating a try (nothing fancy, I'm not paying for it yet).

Anyway after about a month of talking to some nice and some not so nice girls one in particular messaged me. She was pretty much bang on, nice girl, nice photo, great patter and banter. Anyway what worried me was that she only had one picture. So we continued to chat and I gave her my number. Everything was going well, a little too well and she sent me another picture of her at a party. However it was a screen shot from Facebook and I seen the date at the top, 2011. Continued to chat in the hope that she still resembled that. Then she hit me with he picture from last week of her on holiday, of her and her dad. Now I could have sworn she sent me a picture of her parents. She looked terrible, nothing compared to her profile picture.

the problem is now that I don't fancy her. However she has cracking patter and the chat between us is top notch. I'm not the kind of guy to go for a girl based on looks alone but this is taking the piss. I also am not an oil painting myself but I'm still fairly young and I would say handsome enough (just) to do a lot better.

Now my question is how to I let her down gently cos I now don't want to meet her.

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

Mate, I did a power of this and I met the wife through this method.

 

Early days on t'net I was getting some right munters turning up for dates and such like... Nothing like their photos at all. But I got out of things if I didn't fancy the lady in question by saying I had a busy life with my kids and my ex was proving difficult and that would put them off - although I did bobby quote a few though regardless of looks I am ashamed to say.

 

If you like someone then get on their FB straight away - I set up an account just to allow me to view etc.... Soon sorted out the fatties from the fabbies If you know what I mean ( there is a lot of over weight ladies on the online dating scene for obvious reasons). I should know I married one..........

 

Just be honest to a point..... Just say your only interested in some online banter but not really wanting much else. Lame but it means that if she sees you logged on after you have let her down gently then at least she will know why....

Edited by PTBCAL
Riddley Walker
Posted

Updates throughout the night from the bog Salad.

Posted

Updates throughout the night from the bog Salad.

Perv.

 

:whistling:

Riddley Walker
Posted

Perv.

 

:whistling:

Got to build up my wank bank somewhere mate. I'm not gonna turn my nose up at a good ol' fashioned bog text.

Posted

It was pretty good. Nice lass. Meeting her again tomorrow night to go to the pub and then back to hers "but nothings happening" as she said :rofl: Got to be up and out early as well on Saturday as I have VIP tickets for the Pipe Band Championships and I don't want to miss out on the free breakfast rolls. I really hope I don't wake up tied to the bed cos that would just be.......awful. Don't want to seem like a misery guts so it's fair to say I'll be hanging on Saturday.

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

What kind of pie is she making?

Posted

Got to build up my **** bank somewhere mate. I'm not gonna turn my nose up at a good ol' fashioned bog text.

Good and fair point. Well made.

 

I'm humbled by your honesty. :wink:

Posted (edited)

The only time KB unite together is at someone else's expense.

 

:jjyay:

Edited by Chaps
Posted

Shit how did I miss this?

 

Did he finally meet the fattie or is this a new one?

Posted

Big night tonight.

 

When you get back to hers I would be grateful if you both set up a Fantasy Premier League team and pay a fiver.

 

Cheers.

Posted

SF, if you're not going to Periscope tonight, at least have the decency to wear a GoPro and upload tomorrow.

 

Thanks.

Fitzroy Pointon
Posted

I hope it's not all an anti-climax, so to speak.

 

Imagine the updates go kinda like this:

 

21:30 "Just having a couple of drinks. Nice lass, good laugh, and she looks amazing tonight."

 

21:57 "Just in the taxi back to hers..."

 

22:28 " Sat in her living room with a beer, she's on the wine. She's been quite flirty with me!"

 

22:53 "Got a kiss and a fumble just now. She's gone to the toilet. Been gone a while though."

 

22:59 " She's just shouted on me if she can see me for a second. Asked where she was, and she said the bedroom...****, this might be it JKB!"

 

23:01 " Knew I should've had a pre-**** before I left the house tonight. Sorry all. Waiting on my taxi..."

 

 

Don't fail us SF!

 

:rofl: this could pretty much be how it pans out.  Don't let me down wee chap!!!!!

Fitzroy Pointon
Posted

Small update; after some back and forth messages last night it's fair to say I will be having a tactical tug before I leave the house later. 

 

Alan-Partridge-Jurassic-Park.gif

Posted

Small update; after some back and forth messages last night it's fair to say I will be having a tactical tug before I leave the house later.

 

 

That's too soon. Best do it in the pub prior to leaving.

Riddley Walker
Posted

Small update; after some back and forth messages last night it's fair to say I will be having a tactical tug before I leave the house later.

 

Alan-Partridge-Jurassic-Park.gif

:yas:

 

#tugforfingers

Posted

That's too soon. Best do it in the pub prior to leaving.

Aye, and he can forget the Periscope.

Posted

Small update; after some back and forth messages last night it's fair to say I will be having a tactical tug before I leave the house later.

 

Alan-Partridge-Jurassic-Park.gif

DeE1X.gif

chester copperpot
Posted

KB really is brilliant at times.

 

Nothing better than rooting for an absolute stranger that Ive never met with a dodgy user name purely so that he can get his hole.

 

Gon yerself wee man

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