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Salad Fingers

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Salad Fingers

If salad gives us the site and the lassies name, we could be on to a potential classic here.

 

Go on fella, make it happen.

It's obviously a POF. I didn't sign up for this shit though :sob:

 

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jonnothejambo

:rofl: my patter is decent, a little too decent for her. I'm regretting even replying to her.

 

She invited me over to hers today. She is making steak pie. I'm now torn.

 

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Remember to take the talcum powder so you can locate the wet bit.....or icing sugar.

 

Either works so I have been told !

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Remember to take the talcum powder so you can locate the wet bit.....or icing sugar.

Either works so I have been told !

Aye - so you've been told. :facepalm:

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Go pump and get a scran.

I fail to see how you can lose out of this situation. Remember and practise safe sex and not let her know where you stay ;)

Oh and blob up!

:nojustno:

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Salad Fingers

Remember to take the talcum powder so you can locate the wet bit.....or icing sugar.

 

Either works so I have been told !

:rofl: she actually isn't that fat she just looks about fifty. And not Julia Bradbury type fifty.

 

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:rofl: she actually isn't that fat she just looks about fifty. And not Julia Bradbury type fifty.

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Fifty stone?

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gashauskis9

:rofl: my patter is decent, a little too decent for her. I'm regretting even replying to her.

 

She invited me over to hers today. She is making steak pie. I'm now torn.

 

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Eat the Pie (Steak Pie that is), then feign food poisoning. Gets you out of the physicals and she'd probably be too ashamed to ask for a follow up date.

 

In all seriousness, if you haven't met yet, just sack it. it sounds to me though that you like her, but need to reign in your expectations a bit.

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Michael_Jackson

Eat the steak pie then tell her she's special and you don't want to ruin anything, make your escape then change your number and move to Barry Island.

Edited by Michael_Jackson
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Get over there. Who knows you might have an enjoyable night. Without spending some time in her company you'll never know what she is like. Keep us updated tho. Nip to toilet every 15 mins to let us know what's happening

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Queensland Jambo

Just a word of warning as you enjoy that steak pie. Once you smell the chloroform, it's too late.

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What's she offering for pudding?

 

That could be the deal maker or deal breaker.

Edited by Paolo
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Bet she reading this thread, thinking it her your talking about so mentioned she making a steak pie for tea to see if you write more stuff about her before going round  :rofl:

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Bet she reading this thread, thinking it her your talking about so mentioned she making a steak pie for tea to see if you write more stuff about her before going round  :rofl:

:rofl:

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Bet she reading this thread, thinking it her your talking about so mentioned she making a steak pie for tea to see if you write more stuff about her before going round :rofl:

Genius.

 

There's a place on the best sellers list and a film deal waiting for the person who writes this story.

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Salad Fingers

Right, thankfully she cancelled as she had to pick her son up (thank you wee man) but suggested we meet up for a drink next week. I might go just to get the monkey off my back then as suggested earlier, slowly start calming down on the texts until she gets the hint.

 

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Right, thankfully she cancelled as she had to pick her son up (thank you wee man) but suggested we meet up for a drink next week. I might go just to get the monkey off my back then as suggested earlier, slowly start calming down on the texts until she gets the hint.

 

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Sounds like she has read this thread after all and got in their first. Which means you will have to settle for Pam and her five sisters.

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Sounds like she has read this thread after all and got in their first. Which means you will have to settle for Pam and her five sisters.

And no pie.

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Right, thankfully she cancelled as she had to pick her son up (thank you wee man) but suggested we meet up for a drink next week. I might go just to get the monkey off my back then as suggested earlier, slowly start calming down on the texts until she gets the hint.

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The son is probably about 34.

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Michael_Jackson

The son is probably about 34.

He's probably posted in this thread then the dreaded reality that it's about his mum kicks in....

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Right, thankfully she cancelled as she had to pick her son up (thank you wee man) but suggested we meet up for a drink next week. I might go just to get the monkey off my back then as suggested earlier, slowly start calming down on the texts until she gets the hint.

 

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TBF mate, if you have already decided she isn't for you then what is the point in meeting for a drink? It sounds like you think you owe her something. Make your excuses and move on IMO.

 

You have only just started on your Online Dating odyssey. Put this down to a learning curve

Edited by TheOak88
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Angry Haggis

What would be helpful on this thread for those foreign to online dating is if other KB members who have successfully used it share their expirences.

 

Tell us about the keepers chaps (and ladies too).

 

Yours in anticipation, long time watcher, first time online dater

 

*AH*

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All roads lead to Gorgie

What's she offering for pudding?

 

That could be the deal maker or deal breaker.

As long as it's not spotted dick you could be on to something !

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Few years back I met a lass on Match.com. Now I'm a pretty fussy bugger when it comes to birds. I like em pretty, slim and good craic. Messaged this bird and we swapped numbers and for a week or 2 messaged each other a few times a day. Thought I would take the plunge and ask her out on a date as you do. She accepts. RESULT!!

 

SO i decided I really quite liked her. She ticked all my choosey boxes. Tall, slim, nice tits, great personality. What could possibly go wrong?

 

I thought I would push the boat out a bit and take her to this really nice restaurant near where I live. Expensive but the foods excellent, the wines great and more importantly its a short taxi back to mine. (forward thinking there lads!!). I arrive a bit early as you do, had a smoke (since given up), had some chuggy (1st impressions), sat in the car and waited till she showed. We had already told each other what cars to expect and sure enough 10 mins later she pitches up and parks. Deep breath lad and off I go to say hello. 

 

Now at this point all is 100%. She is exactly as I saw on Match. Tall, slim, nice tits, warm welcome smile and I march over, giver her a peck on the cheek, this dating lark is easy. At that point as I turned to escort her into the restaurant she sort of twitched? I thought thats a bit weird? Like a sudden head movement? Just to one side? Flicking her hair that's all it is? It wasn't.

 

Walk in straight to the bar, tables reserved order a drink, "what would you like?" (cant remember name) "Oh I'l have a glass of wine please". Twitch. WTF? Did she just flick her hair again or did she just twitch again? That was a definite twitch! Nah I say to myself. It cant be that. Carry on. Don't be daft.

 

Sat down with drinks waiter comes over. "Menus Sir/Madam" 

 

Small talk now. "How was your day". "Works tough". Any other dates". Looking over the menu. TWITCH. That was definitely a twitch. Now fecking doubt about it that girl just twitched. Then she sniffed. Then twitched and sniffed?. FFS!!!

 

"WTF is going on here" I'm saying to myself. I'm on a date with a twitching sniffing nervous bag of emotions here. What if she orders the soup? WTF do I do if she orders soup? 

 

FFS "my name" don't let this poor lass know that you have spotted her twitch and her sniff. Shes obviously nervous as hell and it will go away. It didn't. She twitched again just to 100% confirm to me and by now all the other people sitting close by that she had a nervous twitch. I could see other guests prodding their partners at this point and could read the minds. 

 

I'm paranoid now but finding the whole thing hilarious at the same time. I try not to giggle but when you suppress it it makes it worse. She sniffed. Oh god im going to pop. Then twitched. Its got tits up written all over it this one. "just nipping to the toilet "her name".

 

Had a long look in the mirror at this point. Attempted to make head and tail of WTF was actually going on in my favorite restaurant. One where people know me and now I have a random lass sniffing and twitching her body all over the fecking place. They will think shes on drugs! as mild paranoia rears it ugly head again. I deduced that I simply could not just walk past the poor unfortunate girl and leave. That would probably have tipped her over the edge. I wasn't prepared to have that on my conscience!

 

Pulled myself together walked back in and sat down. "Have you decided" (please dont say your having soup)

 

No soup for her THANK FECK!!!. Cant remember what she did have but I had but I had the soup.Made that a principal! French onion and it didn't end up over anyone within twitching distance!

 

So she twitched and sniffed the whole way through a rather embarrassing and extremely expensive meal for 2 much to the amusement of the other guests. 

 

No taxi back to mine. No second date. I just could not handle a repeat :)

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Few years back I met a lass on Match.com. Now I'm a pretty fussy bugger when it comes to birds. I like em pretty, slim and good craic. Messaged this bird and we swapped numbers and for a week or 2 messaged each other a few times a day. Thought I would take the plunge and ask her out on a date as you do. She accepts. RESULT!!

 

SO i decided I really quite liked her. She ticked all my choosey boxes. Tall, slim, nice tits, great personality. What could possibly go wrong?

 

I thought I would push the boat out a bit and take her to this really nice restaurant near where I live. Expensive but the foods excellent, the wines great and more importantly its a short taxi back to mine. (forward thinking there lads!!). I arrive a bit early as you do, had a smoke (since given up), had some chuggy (1st impressions), sat in the car and waited till she showed. We had already told each other what cars to expect and sure enough 10 mins later she pitches up and parks. Deep breath lad and off I go to say hello.

 

Now at this point all is 100%. She is exactly as I saw on Match. Tall, slim, nice tits, warm welcome smile and I march over, giver her a peck on the cheek, this dating lark is easy. At that point as I turned to escort her into the restaurant she sort of twitched? I thought thats a bit weird? Like a sudden head movement? Just to one side? Flicking her hair that's all it is? It wasn't.

 

Walk in straight to the bar, tables reserved order a drink, "what would you like?" (cant remember name) "Oh I'l have a glass of wine please". Twitch. WTF? Did she just flick her hair again or did she just twitch again? That was a definite twitch! Nah I say to myself. It cant be that. Carry on. Don't be daft.

 

Sat down with drinks waiter comes over. "Menus Sir/Madam"

 

Small talk now. "How was your day". "Works tough". Any other dates". Looking over the menu. TWITCH. That was definitely a twitch. Now fecking doubt about it that girl just twitched. Then she sniffed. Then twitched and sniffed?. FFS!!!

 

"WTF is going on here" I'm saying to myself. I'm on a date with a twitching sniffing nervous bag of emotions here. What if she orders the soup? WTF do I do if she orders soup?

 

FFS "my name" don't let this poor lass know that you have spotted her twitch and her sniff. Shes obviously nervous as hell and it will go away. It didn't. She twitched again just to 100% confirm to me and by now all the other people sitting close by that she had a nervous twitch. I could see other guests prodding their partners at this point and could read the minds.

 

I'm paranoid now but finding the whole thing hilarious at the same time. I try not to giggle but when you suppress it it makes it worse. She sniffed. Oh god im going to pop. Then twitched. Its got tits up written all over it this one. "just nipping to the toilet "her name".

 

Had a long look in the mirror at this point. Attempted to make head and tail of WTF was actually going on in my favorite restaurant. One where people know me and now I have a random lass sniffing and twitching her body all over the fecking place. They will think shes on drugs! as mild paranoia rears it ugly head again. I deduced that I simply could not just walk past the poor unfortunate girl and leave. That would probably have tipped her over the edge. I wasn't prepared to have that on my conscience!

 

Pulled myself together walked back in and sat down. "Have you decided" (please dont say your having soup)

 

No soup for her THANK FECK!!!. Cant remember what she did have but I had but I had the soup.Made that a principal! French onion and it didn't end up over anyone within twitching distance!

 

So she twitched and sniffed the whole way through a rather embarrassing and extremely expensive meal for 2 much to the amusement of the other guests.

 

No taxi back to mine. No second date. I just could not handle a repeat :)

You went on a date with Harry Redkapp?

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Salad Fingers

TBF mate, if you have already decided she isn't for you then what is the point in meeting for a drink? It sounds like you think you owe her something. Make your excuses and move on IMO.

 

You have only just started on your Online Dating odyssey. Put this down to a learning curve

Your probably right actually [emoji106]

 

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Your probably right actually [emoji106]

 

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Tell her that it's great you've met because you've a big court case coming up and you'll really need her support to get through. Lay it on thick. Tell her she's amazing because all your friends have walked away since the multiple rape charges came to light. It's brilliant that she'll be waiting for you after your 20 stretch.

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Heartsmad1874

Right, thankfully she cancelled as she had to pick her son up (thank you wee man) but suggested we meet up for a drink next week. I might go just to get the monkey off my back then as suggested earlier, slowly start calming down on the texts until she gets the hint.

 

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If you didn't meet her today just drop a message and say your no interested in her going to be harsh and she might take it bad but your never gonna have to face this chick are you?

 

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Edited by Heartsmad1874
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Your probably right actually [emoji106]

 

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Add her on Facebook (assuming you both have it)

 

If she's an ancient hound then just strip messaging her altogether, don't even give an explanation just patch her, sounds harsh but loves cruel :lol:

 

I always try and have 2-3 on the go at once so you've got options incase things like this go down.

 

If you really don't want to hurt her feelings just tell her you've been on a date with someone else and that's that. Your free to plunder away.

 

No point in kidding yerself on here.

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Sandy Clark

Right, thankfully she cancelled as she had to pick her son up (thank you wee man) but suggested we meet up for a drink next week. I might go just to get the monkey off my back then as suggested earlier, slowly start calming down on the texts until she gets the hint.

 

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Forgive me but you sound like a good guy trying to do the 'right thing',  As you already know the outcome it's best you just message her and end it for the good of you both.  You don't have to feel guilty or responsible in any way either, just be honest and then you'll feel better for it.  All the best mate.

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Salad Fingers

Forgive me but you sound like a good guy trying to do the 'right thing', As you already know the outcome it's best you just message her and end it for the good of you both. You don't have to feel guilty or responsible in any way either, just be honest and then you'll feel better for it. All the best mate.

Sometimes it would be good to be a ******* but going on the advice of the majority on here it's just time to let her down gently.

 

I never even considered stuff like this when I started the whole online dating thing.

 

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The Real Maroonblood

If salad gives us the site and the lassies name, we could be on to a potential classic here.

Go on fella, make it happen.

It's probably a porn site.
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Riddley Walker

I reckon Salad needs to take one for his KB buddies and keep this thing moving along for our entertainment. Go on the date, periscope, frantic updates from the toilet etc.

 

In all seriousness though, it sounds like you have a good chat and some folk aren't that photogenic. She might be alright looking in reality and if you have that spark you'll think she's tidier than she is anyway.

 

I'd say go for one date and see how it goes.

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Ryan Jarman

Take a paper bag with eye holes cut in it with you on the date. Give it to her and say you're only staying of she wears it. She'll probably get the hint.

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Just tell the girl its no happening. Too much time being wasted mate. Move on.

Right from now on;

Always a full body PIC or they're hiding they're hefty!

Plenty use filters etc so you have to be wary.

Don't message for too long. Some birds just like chat. Get chatting, if it's going somewhere suggest a quick coffee/drink relatively soon into the chat but not too soon.

That way of it's all good no harm done.

Don't give away too much info too soon,there are some total nutters out there.

Be prepared for some damaged goods.

Plenty of young tidies looking for a decent guy after being messed around by young dudes.

I was rattling this tidy 31 year old when I was 45.

PoF is inhabited by total rockets. Maybe try another site but depends what you want. PoF OK for a quick midweek leg over but that's about it.

If you try Match be prepared for sky divers, scuba divers and birds who have walked the Andes etc!!

Good luck mate. It's a good laugh though.

Have fun but ffs play safe!!

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The Old Tolbooth

My mate met a good few burds on "plenty more fish"(?) all no strings attached meets for a shag!! He got talking to one lass from Nottingham, he had the same, one pic of her face and one of her ######, apparently it's the thing to do!!! He was a bit suspicious but jumped on a train to Nottingham to meet her, she turned out to be a fecking whale!!! He said he didn't have the heart to do a runner as soon as eye contact was made, he felt he had to follow through, he's all heart is Derek!!! He recons even the wee blue pill get him sorted!! Anyway with the very real prospect of burning his erse on the ceiling light if he managed to climb on he gave her the "it's been a long journey and I'm a bit tired" line, got dressed and buggerd off!! He phoned on the train journey home, both of us were pissing our selves!!!! I'd make sure all pics are recent and from head to toe

Imagine going all the way to Nottingham to meet a burd he hasn't even seen before, I mean, who would do that? :whistling:

 

:ninja:

 

 

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chester copperpot

Imagine going all the way to Nottingham to meet a burd he hasn't even seen before, I mean, who would do that? :whistling:

 

:ninja:

 

 

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:lol:

 

Who indeed :rofl:

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Samuel Camazzola

Next time you are messaging her, just drop a comment to say you're going on a date with someone you've met on same site. It should be enough to put her off you. Hopefully...

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Salad Fingers

Right, small development this morning.  She sent me a message when I was sleeping last night so this morning I replied with some sh**t about being back at work today etc. I got this reply "dunno".  Now I'm thinking, okay what is it I have done to warrant that response.  So I replied "what's up" and she sent back "nothing, doesn't matter".  

 

Now, my question is, do I reply further or do I just leave it as it is.  Half of me wants to message back again but half of me is like, this is your chance to get out of this.  

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Right, small development this morning. She sent me a message when I was sleeping last night so this morning I replied with some sh**t about being back at work today etc. I got this reply "dunno". Now I'm thinking, okay what is it I have done to warrant that response. So I replied "what's up" and she sent back "nothing, doesn't matter".

 

Now, my question is, do I reply further or do I just leave it as it is. Half of me wants to message back again but half of me is like, this is your chance to get out of this.

Can I asked why you want go back to her.

 

Youve admitted you don't fancy her. Your better being straight with her and both moving on. Be honest with her with a degree of diplomacy.

 

You owe this girl nothing, you just chatted on a web site.

 

Be a decent guy and be honest us with her.

Edited by Lord BJ
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