depression

[the posh bit]

Some days are good, some days are bad. Some battles you win, some you don't. Sometimes the path is clear, sometimes it just disappears in front of you. Be good to yourself, treat yourself, speak yourself up, keep going and maybe try doing something completely different for a bit. ❤️

 

[Dick Dastardly]

2 hours ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Feel for you mate.  In a similar situation over this period.  I went from not liking it to meh to making a massive deal because of the kids to now a massive come down that I hate it.  Adverts, music, lights everything.  Hopefully wont be forever though.  The Grinch is green and that aint me.

 

Defo' talk about medication again, really does help tbh.  Used to be the same as you thinking it was silly and attention seeking but it's not at all and gradually they help. 

 

Sorry can't much more advice as in a dark hole myself and discussing brings up raw emotions. 

Sorry pal, i know it gets hard for folk. It must be harder when you have kids. Sorry if I've made things worse 

[JudyJudyJudy]

25 minutes ago, Dirk McTarkin said:

 

Hope yer all good, james. 👍

Im good Dirk thanks

[Naisys Tackle]

50 minutes ago, Dick Dastardly said:

Sorry pal, i know it gets hard for folk. It must be harder when you have kids. Sorry if I've made things worse 

Don’t be daft mate you haven’t. Just hope you feel better soon  

[Lone Striker]

@Dick Dastardly  Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time, and I totally agree with you that Xmas makes things worse for a helluva lot of folk.      If its any consolation, its quite likely that  a surprisingly big proportion of those  enthusiastic Xmas revellers you mention also suffer bouts of depression - but find ways to hide it a lot of the time, or won't even admit it to themselves.     "All that glitters" etc

 

Well done to the other posters above who  have contributed their  thoughts & experiences  -  it shows that depression can take many guises  and affect people differently. I really believe that everyone gets affected in some way at some point in their life.

 

Well done on  becoming a dog owner - it really does help your self-esteem and gives  significant daily purpose & routine to your life.     I've recently realised just how valuable the brief chats with other dog-walkers I bump into  are to my mood.    Dogs are brilliant at bringing  humans with a shared interest in them together for a  few precious minutes when out on a walk.

 

A line in the Johnny Cash version of the Nine Inch Nails song "Hurt" haunts  me - "Everyone I know goes away in the end".    While it was probably written with reference to drug-addiction,   its still true on a wider level.   With each passing year, the list of people we've known & loved & who've been part of our comfort blanket  that have "gone away"  keeps growing. Things you wish you'd said or done, but now its too late - that in itself can be quite a burden to carry.

 

Chin up, and keep going !!

 

[the posh bit]

4 minutes ago, Lone Striker said:

@Dick Dastardly recently realised just how valuable the brief chats with other dog-walkers I bump into  are to my mood.    Dogs are brilliant at bringing  humans with a shared interest in them together for a  few precious minutes when out on a walk.

 

 

This is actually something that I enjoy too and it is an unexpected wee pleasure of having a dog. You do meet and chat with some lovely people, even if you are happily chatting and trying to untangle two daft ****ing dugs who have tied themselves up in knots at the same time. 😃

Edited December 23, 2022 by the posh bit

[Lone Striker]

7 minutes ago, the posh bit said:

 

This is actually something that I enjoy too and it is an unexpected wee pleasure of having a dog. You do meet and chat with some lovely people, even if you are happily chatting and trying to untangle two daft ****ing dugs who have tied themselves up in knots at the same time. 😃

👍  .... and its amazing how you end up knowing the names of their dogs, but not the names of the owners !! 😄

 

 

[the posh bit]

3 minutes ago, Lone Striker said:

👍  .... and its amazing how you end up knowing the names of their dogs, but not the names of the owners !! 😄

 

 

 

Again, very true 😃

[JudyJudyJudy]

35 minutes ago, Lone Striker said:

@Dick Dastardly  Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time, and I totally agree with you that Xmas makes things worse for a helluva lot of folk.      If its any consolation, its quite likely that  a surprisingly big proportion of those  enthusiastic Xmas revellers you mention also suffer bouts of depression - but find ways to hide it a lot of the time, or won't even admit it to themselves.     "All that glitters" etc

 

Well done to the other posters above who  have contributed their  thoughts & experiences  -  it shows that depression can take many guises  and affect people differently. I really believe that everyone gets affected in some way at some point in their life.

 

Well done on  becoming a dog owner - it really does help your self-esteem and gives  significant daily purpose & routine to your life.     I've recently realised just how valuable the brief chats with other dog-walkers I bump into  are to my mood.    Dogs are brilliant at bringing  humans with a shared interest in them together for a  few precious minutes when out on a walk.

 

A line in the Johnny Cash version of the Nine Inch Nails song "Hurt" haunts  me - "Everyone I know goes away in the end".    While it was probably written with reference to drug-addiction,   its still true on a wider level.   With each passing year, the list of people we've known & loved & who've been part of our comfort blanket  that have "gone away"  keeps growing. Things you wish you'd said or done, but now its too late - that in itself can be quite a burden to carry.

 

Chin up, and keep going !!

 

Terrific posting 

[Dick Dastardly]

Cheers for all the comments folks. It means a lot. The coronavirus i came down with in the early hours of Saturday morning helped me get my mind off it as well 👍 

[Kennedy Bakircioglu]

I realise depression is an exceptionally complex topic with many complicated and intricate contexts across the individuals it affects.

 

That said, in my own experience, the experience of feeling down (not depression, but feeling down) is nearly always linked to times of higher alcohol consumption.

 

I'm absolutely not saying people shouldn't drink alcohol but in my own experience over-consumption of alcohol (like many things I'd imagine) leads to more negative times.

[BlueRiver]

1 hour ago, Dick Dastardly said:

Cheers for all the comments folks. It means a lot. The coronavirus i came down with in the early hours of Saturday morning helped me get my mind off it as well 👍 

 

Look after yourself, Dick. All the best. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

30 minutes ago, Kennedy Bakircioglu said:

I realise depression is an exceptionally complex topic with many complicated and intricate contexts across the individuals it affects.

 

That said, in my own experience, the experience of feeling down (not depression, but feeling down) is nearly always linked to times of higher alcohol consumption.

 

I'm absolutely not saying people shouldn't drink alcohol but in my own experience over-consumption of alcohol (like many things I'd imagine) leads to more negative times.

Definitely 

[JudyJudyJudy]

2 hours ago, Dick Dastardly said:

Cheers for all the comments folks. It means a lot. The coronavirus i came down with in the early hours of Saturday morning helped me get my mind off it as well 👍 

👍👍

[Pap]

1 hour ago, Kennedy Bakircioglu said:

I realise depression is an exceptionally complex topic with many complicated and intricate contexts across the individuals it affects.

 

That said, in my own experience, the experience of feeling down (not depression, but feeling down) is nearly always linked to times of higher alcohol consumption.

 

I'm absolutely not saying people shouldn't drink alcohol but in my own experience over-consumption of alcohol (like many things I'd imagine) leads to more negative times.

 

100% agree. I used to sink a bottle of wine every other night. And although my life is generally good. I felt something pulling my mood to a negative thinking and then, i'd then start sinking into a low mood most days. Just living surrounded by negative fog. I just didnt understand why. Even though i knew alcohol would do this. Its like i subconciously didnt want to join the dots and reveal the answer to the issue, even although i already knew the answer. After a week or so of not touching wine, the fog slowly left and i was feeling positive again.

 

Alcohol has many ways on creeping up on you. Got to be very careful with it. Dont think you will get away with going over top most nights thinking you'll be fine. Alcohol doesnt discriminate.

[rudi must stay]

Brother just called me pathetic says I have to do something every day what are my plans for my life etc. Difficult guy I think I'll say I don't want to see him for a few months 

[JudyJudyJudy]

23 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

Brother just called me pathetic says I have to do something every day what are my plans for my life etc. Difficult guy I think I'll say I don't want to see him for a few months 

He doesn't sound very supportive of you.  

[Dick Dastardly]

4 hours ago, BlueRiver said:

 

Look after yourself, Dick. All the best. 

Cheers 

[rudi must stay]

52 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

He doesn't sound very supportive of you.  

 

He's horrible to me. I had a thing on my back in the middle of a busy pub he mentioned flipping cancer he's crazy. He is really poor at reassurance and is to be honest with you a total jerk. Different rules apply for him he can do what he likes buy what he likes treat people like crap. I have never clicked with him anytime you get comfortable he says something you have to be on your guard with him

[PTBCAL]

Exercise and tattoos help me feel on top of things 

 

It’s good to find something that stimulates you. Ideally something daily - even if it’s learning a language or new skill. Something for YOU 😀. Something to focus your mind 

Edited December 26, 2022 by PTBCAL

[rudi must stay]

He is the opposite of me 

[Lone Striker]

1 hour ago, rudi must stay said:

Brother just called me pathetic says I have to do something every day what are my plans for my life etc. Difficult guy I think I'll say I don't want to see him for a few months 

How about setting yourself a wee challenge around that, Rudi ?   Decide on a month when you next want to speak to your brother, and push yourself (as best you can) to achieve some small "wins" each week - like a small activity or achievement which you didn;t think you were capable of doing.   Small things which you can write in a diary to show him - but more importantly, to remind YOURSELF yourself that you actually broke some new ground.

 

Apologies if these sound a bit insulting - but for example, leaving the house for a 5 minute gentle walk (with or without someone else).  After a week or 2, try 10 minutes (etc).  Or going in to a shop/store and asking the assistant if they have a particular item which you like (to give you confidence talking to someone who won't judge you).     If these sound too easy, then thats great - just come up with a few other "challenges" which would represent a real step forward for you.

 

Just imagine how it might feel to make a note of things like that to show your family - proof that you're seriously trying to do what you can to  improve your situation.

 

 

 

[rudi must stay]

12 minutes ago, Lone Striker said:

How about setting yourself a wee challenge around that, Rudi ?   Decide on a month when you next want to speak to your brother, and push yourself (as best you can) to achieve some small "wins" each week - like a small activity or achievement which you didn;t think you were capable of doing.   Small things which you can write in a diary to show him - but more importantly, to remind YOURSELF yourself that you actually broke some new ground.

 

Apologies if these sound a bit insulting - but for example, leaving the house for a 5 minute gentle walk (with or without someone else).  After a week or 2, try 10 minutes (etc).  Or going in to a shop/store and asking the assistant if they have a particular item which you like (to give you confidence talking to someone who won't judge you).     If these sound too easy, then thats great - just come up with a few other "challenges" which would represent a real step forward for you.

 

Just imagine how it might feel to make a note of things like that to show your family - proof that you're seriously trying to do what you can to  improve your situation.

 

 

 

 

And get odd looks from people. Mate I just need to watch more films that's my life now

[JudyJudyJudy]

19 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

He's horrible to me. I had a thing on my back in the middle of a busy pub he mentioned flipping cancer he's crazy. He is really poor at reassurance and is to be honest with you a total jerk. Different rules apply for him he can do what he likes buy what he likes treat people like crap. I have never clicked with him anytime you get comfortable he says something you have to be on your guard with him

That’s not good . What mark is on your mark ? Maybe he noticed a mark abs was concerned . You need to be careful with skin cancer 

[rudi must stay]

12 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

That’s not good . What mark is on your mark ? Maybe he noticed a mark abs was concerned . You need to be careful with skin cancer 

 

I went to the doctor they didn't say anything, he worried me it was the timing a few pints good night out and he says that. It hurts me to this day family you are meant to be nice to each other but to him and his boyfriend it means you can be incredibly well I would rather everyone is nice to each other. 

[rudi must stay]

10 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I went to the doctor they didn't say anything, he worried me it was the timing a few pints good night out and he says that. It hurts me to this day family you are meant to be nice to each other but to him and his boyfriend it means you can be incredibly well I would rather everyone is nice to each other. 

 

Incredibly honest 

[Pap]

15 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

And get odd looks from people. Mate I just need to watch more films that's my life now

 

How do you manage in the post office?

[Lone Striker]

1 minute ago, rudi must stay said:

 

And get odd looks from people. Mate I just need to watch more films that's my life now

Rudi - this sounds  like you've already locked yourself into a vicious circle, with no intention of breaking it. 

 

 Why would anyone give you odd looks, just for going out for a walk or asking a shop assistant something ?    And how do you know they're ODD looks ?   Of course people will look at you when you pass them by or speak to them - thats entirely normal, nothing ODD about it at all.    Is that REALLY the reason why you're dismissing anything which might help your self-esteem & mental/physical  health ?

 

Ask anyone on this forum to describe the last stranger who spoke to them yesterday - I'll bet no-one can remember enough to answer.  People only remember things which matter to them - a shop assistant will get dozens of questions every day from customers, there's no way they're going to specifically remember yours.   

 

 

 

[rudi must stay]

10 minutes ago, Pap said:

 

How do you manage in the post office?

 

I am usually there alone. I go in I don't say anything I'll put the thing in the scales say first class. Any chat and I'm screwed to be honest that's how it's been I've had no relationship with the postie. It gets tough when there's a queue 

[rudi must stay]

Sadly there is not the complete silence and lack of comedy I crave

[JudyJudyJudy]

28 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I went to the doctor they didn't say anything, he worried me it was the timing a few pints good night out and he says that. It hurts me to this day family you are meant to be nice to each other but to him and his boyfriend it means you can be incredibly well I would rather everyone is nice to each other. 

Yes the wrong place and time to mention that I guess .

[Lone Striker]

7 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I am usually there alone. I go in I don't say anything I'll put the thing in the scales say first class. Any chat and I'm screwed to be honest that's how it's been I've had no relationship with the postie. It gets tough when there's a queue 

So, there's an example of a very worthwhile challenge -  to conquer your fear/phobia  of conversing with another human.   If you don't mind me stating an opinion,  you seem to have a low self-esteem and you've locked your mind  into thinking that everyone who isn't afraid of speaking to a customer or stranger is some kind of threat to you.

 

If thats close to the truth, your life & self-esteem would definitely benefit if you could overcome that fear - and to do that you need to be willing to confront it  head-on, not run away from it.   

 

Ponder this - you seem to have no problem conversing with your brother, but  you don't like him and resent his forwardness & criticism of you.    Yet   99% of all strangers you meet or speak to are NOT like your brother - they're not poisonous, they're not judging you, they won't criticise you.

 

Let me suggest a simple strategy which ought to help.      Take a walk in a park that  dog-walkers use -  go up to one and ask if you can pet the dog. Most dog-owners are fine with that.  Ask the owner what the dogs name is, what breed it is, how old it is, pet the dog.   Then go on your way - a brief 60 seconds in which you've spoken to a stranger, got a reply, and no-one has criticised you.     Whats not to like ?   There's something to put in your diary !!       Practice non-threatening stuff like that.       I have experience of this with an autistic lad I occasionally bump into - he admits to finding people difficult to relate to, but he comes alive when my dogs go over to him.  As a result, he relates to me a lot easier now.

 

 

 

[Des Lynam]

1 hour ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I am usually there alone. I go in I don't say anything I'll put the thing in the scales say first class. Any chat and I'm screwed to be honest that's how it's been I've had no relationship with the postie. It gets tough when there's a queue 

If I was in a relationship with my postie he’d be getting dumped due to disappearing for the last few weeks! 

[rudi must stay]

55 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

Yes the wrong place and time to mention that I guess .

 

100% the right time is never to mention the big c. For me the big c is something you should never say and I wish that was shared. All this c this 1 in 2 of us all that I think it is partly psychological I'm not a  doctor but worrying about it that doesn't help and I wish it would go back to how it used to be

[JudyJudyJudy]

18 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

100% the right time is never to mention the big c. For me the big c is something you should never say and I wish that was shared. All this c this 1 in 2 of us all that I think it is partly psychological I'm not a  doctor but worrying about it that doesn't help and I wish it would go back to how it used to be

Unfortunately c is a major illness mate. 

[rudi must stay]

23 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

Unfortunately c is a major illness mate. 

 

Course. I'm old fashioned gets talked about too much 

[JudyJudyJudy]

7 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

Course. I'm old fashioned gets talked about too much 

Better talking about it as it raises awareness , can help prevent people acquiring  it

[rudi must stay]

10 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

Better talking about it as it raises awareness , can help prevent people acquiring  it

 

Talked about way too much. Mentioned way too much in the doctors and way too much in the media. Look at the thread the other day somebody having a piss that's strong and he thinks he has it for goodness sake, that wouldn't happen 20 years ago. We are scaring people into living as nervous wrecks over it

[JudyJudyJudy]

1 minute ago, rudi must stay said:

 

Talked about way too much. Mentioned way too much in the doctors and way too much in the media. Look at the thread the other day somebody having a piss that's strong and he thinks he has it for goodness sake, that wouldn't happen 20 years ago. We are scaring people into living as nervous wrecks over it

I think there’s a balance Rudi . Many cancers if caught early can be cured or at least lives prolonged further . 

[rudi must stay]

10 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

I think there’s a balance Rudi . Many cancers if caught early can be cured or at least lives prolonged further . 

 

That's correct. But your risk of cancer is not as high as they say and doctors should be honest about that. But they have let the fire grow, which is irresponsible

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I am usually there alone. I go in I don't say anything I'll put the thing in the scales say first class. Any chat and I'm screwed to be honest that's how it's been I've had no relationship with the postie. It gets tough when there's a queue 

If you could see my postie, you’d want a relationship.

 

 

[JudyJudyJudy]

2 minutes ago, Morgan said:

If you could see my postie, you’d want a relationship.

 

 

 

[rudi must stay]

So I texted the doctors to say I'm changing practice 

[rudi must stay]

Not that I am. No doctors is best 

[rudi must stay]

I'm going to make things as miserable for the doctors as possible. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

21 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

I'm going to make things as miserable for the doctors as possible. 

Why ? 

[rudi must stay]

36 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

Why ? 

 

Because mate they made me feel irrelevant. They made me feel worthless and useless and like I didn't matter. I was in a waiting room by myself nobody there and he gave me two minutes  looked down at me no questions no looking up my medical history and I am stuck like this it is not on. All the advances in medicine and that. It took guts to go to the doctors to say I had problems if he had made me comfortable it could have been different. I just ask for the same treatment as everyone else 

[hisnameisdrewbusby]

Just looking to add a wee bit to some great ideas in the recent chat. As some of you will know I'm involved with The Changing Room project The Changing Room | Big Hearts.

 

The 12-week course has sessions based around the 5-ways to better wellbeing Leaflet_digital (samh.org.uk), and the chat about getting out (with a dog or not) and just having passing conversations or learning something new like a language all fit in with the 5-ways:

Connect (with people, because isolation is known to be a slow killer),

Be Active (whatever that means for your circumstances and fitness, because even a wee bit of an endorphin release makes you feel better)

Learn (anything really - as it makes you concentrate on that and not those bad thoughts)

Give (not money, but support - like happens in this chat. Or, helping someone by taking time to listen to their story without judgement), 

Take Notice (like places, people, buildings, clouds, trees, waves, other dogs....and...your own feelings)

 

I left Take Notice to last because it's one most folk aren't that aware of and I was thinking was a useful wee addition here - because if you do any or all of the 5 ways, it's great to recognise this and gives yourself a pat on the back. Recognising how any of them make you feel better or take your mind off bad thoughts, can great for starting with tiny steps and rewarding yourself. Even if  just telling yourself - I did it 🙂 - helps you then next time you can't be bothered, then if you think back or read what you wrote down, it easier to tell yourself  - I did then, I can do it again.

 

[JudyJudyJudy]

21 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

 

Because mate they made me feel irrelevant. They made me feel worthless and useless and like I didn't matter. I was in a waiting room by myself nobody there and he gave me two minutes  looked down at me no questions no looking up my medical history and I am stuck like this it is not on. All the advances in medicine and that. It took guts to go to the doctors to say I had problems if he had made me comfortable it could have been different. I just ask for the same treatment as everyone else 

Some Drs can lack the human touch but at my surgery the GPs are terrific. They really are.  Maybe think about changing GPs? 

[JudyJudyJudy]

11 minutes ago, hisnameisdrewbusby said:

Just looking to add a wee bit to some great ideas in the recent chat. As some of you will know I'm involved with The Changing Room project The Changing Room | Big Hearts.

 

The 12-week course has sessions based around the 5-ways to better wellbeing Leaflet_digital (samh.org.uk), and the chat about getting out (with a dog or not) and just having passing conversations or learning something new like a language all fit in with the 5-ways:

Connect (with people, because isolation is known to be a slow killer),

Be Active (whatever that means for your circumstances and fitness, because even a wee bit of an endorphin release makes you feel better)

Learn (anything really - as it makes you concentrate on that and not those bad thoughts)

Give (not money, but support - like happens in this chat. Or, helping someone by taking time to listen to their story without judgement), 

Take Notice (like places, people, buildings, clouds, trees, waves, other dogs....and...your own feelings)

 

I left Take Notice to last because it's one most folk aren't that aware of and I was thinking was a useful wee addition here - because if you do any or all of the 5 ways, it's great to recognise this and gives yourself a pat on the back. Recognising how any of them make you feel better or take your mind off bad thoughts, can great for starting with tiny steps and rewarding yourself. Even if  just telling yourself - I did it 🙂 - helps you then next time you can't be bothered, then if you think back or read what you wrote down, it easier to tell yourself  - I did then, I can do it again.

 

Good posting.  The " take notice" is similar to the " gratitude" concepts in meditation where you can begin to appreciate even the slightest every days things which may make you smile. Maybe a mother smiling to her baby and the baby smiling back. It can be anything. Being alert to what is around you and appreciated it or them .  

 

Giving " yourself" a pat on the back is very important too i feel. We often talked down ourselves due to risk of being seen as over confident or arrogant. Nothing wrong with blowing your own trumpet at times. In my job , I got praise from a person I had been supporting for a while and I acknowledged it and said " thankyou". It made me feel I had been doing a worthwhile job and also the person was feeling my support was helping them. 

 

Completely agree about getting out the house and if you can meeting people. I started a few different courses this year and really enjoyed them. 

Edited December 28, 2022 by JudyJudyJudy