Francis Albert Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Triggered by another thread, what are your least favourite JKB cliches? For starters 1. He's "not a footballer" (variants "never a footballer", "will never be ... etc) ... applied to any player disliked and always to a player who is in the top 1% and usually top 0.1% of his profession. Commonly applied to a Hearts player, rarely an opposition player. 2. He has been or will be "ripped a new one", applied whenever an attacking player, usually wide, beats a defender more than once in a game (or is expected to - see Suso). 3. "Bombscare" 4. "Bambi on ice" ... the last two usefully descriptive the first hundred times you read them but thereafter just annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 any of the family of 'better fan than thou' claims. anything involving the word 'vouch'. IMO... when it's a cr** opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie-Brown Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 'apologies for having an opinion' ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Marsh Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 'Its a big ask'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxteth O'Grady Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 runs aboot like a heidless chicken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoMarkDevriesy Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Big Strong physical team. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Dover Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 fact Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoMarkDevriesy Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Cant reveal my source. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny D Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 We aim to split the OF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cosanostra Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "There's a player in there somewhere" = **** OFF!!! "They've set their stall out well" = AAARGH!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr X Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "There's a player in there somewhere" = **** OFF!!!"They've set their stall out well" = AAARGH!! Beat me to it!! I hate that one, usually as it's used in conjunction with Obua (who basically runs about like Bambi on ice). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 good feet for a big man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitster Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 He could do a job for us..well aye if he happens to play football you'd like to think so wouldn't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mundojambo Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 SAUCE? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Kilpatrick Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Nade is fat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skivingatwork Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Straight as a die? (obviously this one was invented as the converse to a hibees sexual orientation) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosie1 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 They both went for the same ball. How many balls are there ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skivingatwork Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "He has his work cut out for him" Cut out of what, a magazine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miller Jambo 60 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Triggered by another thread, what are your least favourite JKB cliches? For starters 1. He's "not a footballer" (variants "never a footballer", "will never be ... etc) ... applied to any player disliked and always to a player who is in the top 1% and usually top 0.1% of his profession. Commonly applied to a Hearts player, rarely an opposition player. 2. He has been or will be "ripped a new one", applied whenever an attacking player, usually wide, beats a defender more than once in a game (or is expected to - see Suso). 3. "Bombscare" 4. "Bambi on ice" ... the last two usefully descriptive the first hundred times you read them but thereafter just annoying. Parkhead is paradise it aint now you clowns:10900: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxteth O'Grady Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Guid honest Scottish laddies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The xx Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 He's ran his socks off. They were the 12th man tonight. I know it's a cliche, but [...] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo walesy Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "Give it 110%" Really hate that one, its not fecking possible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Francis Albert Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 "Stonewaller" or "stonewall penalty", almost always used to describe a dubious penalty decision or claim. (eg Celtic's claim tonight as described on here). If it is a definite penalty the word "penalty" works fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAMBOANDO Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Two good feet.:Hearts Man dance: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HillmanHearts Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 It's not rocket science !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheile Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Up go the heads. (Copyright Arthur Montford) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djf Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "form goes out the window in a derby" really now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ERjambo Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 'when will we sign a goal scorer' sick of hearing it. but it's a fair point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicholas Brody Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 'Worth a punt' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ERjambo Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "...when he settles in!" add your own obvious prefixes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo, Goodbye Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I hate the "We know it'll be a tough game" quote that every manager and player comes out with time and time again before just about every game. Yes we flippin well ken that!!! Unless it's a derby of course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ERjambo Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 "the derby games are never easy". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlo2 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 "Covered every blade of grass on the pitch". whilst "Doing lots of unseen work". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radioactive Mince Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 "Crack outfit" I'm sorry but if I invented the English language "crack" would not be a good thing, unless it was preceded by "tidy bird's". This kind of stuff gets on my boobs - Chick Young last night: "So, Arsene, what did you think of the atmosphere tonight?" What atmosphere FFS? Oh aye, it's highly atmospheric witnessing a bunch of green and grey clad mongoloids holding their scarves still and outstretched above their heads repeating their club's name over and over in a nasal, Weegie bore-a-tone. Even more atmospheric when they sit silent for 90 mins while they are given a footballing lesson then slink away, leaving simply a trail of slime, at around 75 minutes to be replaced by seats. Class. Why not ask him about the actual match instead of fishing for patronising compliments. So sad. What else? Hmmm. I hate the term "in the hole". The only ground I know of with trenches is Fir Park and even then I doubt you could fit a Nade or Obua in one of them. "The diminutive forward". Diminutive? What the ****? Since when did your average sports journalist write/say things like that? Why not just say "little" or "small". Trying too hard to seem intelligent and confuse readers in the West IMO. Which leads me to my next point..... "Pint sized". What? Come ****ing off it! Nobody's that small, are they? "Dazzling skill" That's right because when, say, a winger does a step-over I lose sight in both eyes momentarily. **** off! A bit obvious but "Hibs flair" or "The Celtic way". Firstly, what is this and when did it start? Hibs for my whole life have been gash, hopeless cloggers and Celtic at their most successful recently, under O'Neill, were a team full of human battering rams! "He lit up the place/match/game/night". I'm choking for some commentator or other to crack a pyromania joke straight after that old chestnut. I'll go away and have a think. I'll most probably be back. Mince. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bighusref Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 'Its a big ask'. I have to admit that is something I say a lot at the football. Not often on here to be honest but quite a lot at the games. "Give it 110%"Really hate that one, its not fecking possible! Me too. Much like the two minute silence, it has now went into the world of oneupmanship and has progressed to 200%. I have not heard 300% yet but we cannot be far off the first footballer to give 300%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hans von Luck Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 wwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooffffff cc. Ibrox Erchie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 "The diminutive forward". Diminutive? What the ****? Since when did your average sports journalist write/say things like that? Why not just say "little" or "small". Trying too hard to seem intelligent and confuse readers in the West IMO. Which leads me to my next point..... It's the tabloid curse; using words in print that nobody would ever say out loud. Not football, I know, but another is "eatery". I ****in' HATE that word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Whittaker's Tache Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Chick Young Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBjambo Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 'At the end of the day...' What? It gets dark?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 They both went for the same ball. How many balls are there ? One of my favourites at the game ... heard minutes into the new season on Monday night is when two of our players go for the same ball - and people in the stand shout 'one of youse'. It is heard every time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Kilpatrick Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 We need a striker. It may be true but it is tiresome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny Crane Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Who can forget the art of 'Ronglish' prior to Atkinson's racist faux-pas? Examples include:- He's given it the full gun He's done him a lollipop Put the reducer on him In off his eyebrows He must be watching cartoons if he'd thought he'd score from there He went down faster than Buddy Holly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego10 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Anyone who thinks 'insert opinion here' knows nothing about football Wage Thief Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Francis Albert Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 ""Pint sized". What? Come ****ing off it! Nobody's that small, are they? True but there is also a sort of inverted size-ism at work in the world of football cliches. Being little (even "pint sized") is usually linked to compliments. "Clever little player", "nippy wee winger". Whereas "big and strong team", usually implies some lack of "pure" footballing skill. The phrase "small and weak team" never appears. Commentators feel free to refer to someone as "a big lump" (well one person anyway, presumably the only large player ever seen in Scotland), never to "a little runt". Even compliments referring to size usually make size seem a handicap - "good feet for a big man" or (my favourite) "good turn of pace for a big fella" (Usain Bolt anyone?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackJAC? Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Not so much cliches as such, but when people type the likes of 'Murderwell', 'Rankgers', 'Chelski' etc thinking they're still being original and funny when in actual fact, it's something you used to run around saying when you were around 11 year old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ERjambo Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Who can forget the art of 'Ronglish' prior to Atkinson's racist faux-pas? Examples include:- He's given it the full gun He's done him a lollipop Put the reducer on him In off his eyebrows He must be watching cartoons if he'd thought he'd score from there He went down faster than Buddy Holly he also invented the phrase "early doors". wtf does that mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJGJ Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Damage limitation really irks me especially when people use it about the european match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 It's not exclusive to Kickback but the "politically correct brigade" cliche is pretty grating. Why is it always a brigade? Why is it never a bigger or smaller unit? You never hear people talking about The Tolerant Batallion, The polite platoon or The Dogooder division, Never mind the hand-wringing hussars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedbump Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 The back stick.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamcraigbeattie Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 50p heed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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