Arse 'Friends' Dyslexic? Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Just had a shave, during which I noticed I was bleeding a bit more than I usualy do (I do bleed a bit on the neck for some reason ). Also felt a bit more "peely" than usual (we all know that "I've just been Peeled!!!" feeling after shaving. ) Anyway, after finishing, it dawned on me what was wrong - I forgot to apply any shaving foam! So, is this the start of the slippery slope towards mental incompetence? Or just A Momentary Lapse of Reason (great album btw! )? Please, give me examples of other "lapses" to prove I'm not destined for the dribble farm! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo_Gaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Just had a shave, during which I noticed I was bleeding a bit more than I usualy do (I do bleed a bit on the neck for some reason ). Also felt a bit more "peely" than usual (we all know that "I've just been Peeled!!!" feeling after shaving. ) Anyway, after finishing, it dawned on me what was wrong - I forgot to apply any shaving foam! So, is this the start of the slippery slope towards mental incompetence? Or just A Momentary Lapse of Reason (great album btw! )? Please, give me examples of other "lapses" to prove I'm not destined for the dribble farm! Bit late for a shave no?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You have AIDS. And not the good kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo_Gaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You have AIDS. And not the good kind. Good god! Not Bad AIDS? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craigieboy Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I once went out the back stair door to let the dog out with nothing but my top on. Imagine my surprise when I looked down as my neighbour came in the front door, and saw my naked man flesh exposed. I obviously thought/imagined that because I had my top on, I was fully dressed. The woman never looks at me now. She saw my boaby FFS. I'm 31. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo_Gaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I once went out the back stair door to let the dog out with nothing but my top on. Imagine my surprise when I looked down as my neighbour came in the front door, and saw my naked man flesh exposed. I obviously thought/imagined that because I had my top on, I was fully dressed. The woman never looks at me now. She saw my boaby FFS. I'm 31. . She not a bit tasty? Get her PUMPED!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommythejambo Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I had a spell where I kept on forgetting to do obvious things. E.g. Turning off the gas, closing car doors, turning off taps etc. That seems to have passed now though. I turned 19 on Monday... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craigieboy Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 She not a bit tasty? Get her PUMPED!! She's 61. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo_Gaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 She's 61. Helen Mirrens age approx? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alwaysthereinspirit Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 She's 61. and................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Tolbooth Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I'll give you a couple to laugh at seeing as it appears to be "rip into Mitch" week! Not so long ago I was heading to work with my laptop, and got to my car. I opened the back door and was about to throw the laptop onto the back seat when I remembered I needed diesel and thought I'd better put it into the boot instead. I left the back door of my car open as I threw the laptop into the boot, and then proceeded to get in my car and shut the door, only to realise I was in fact sitting in the back seat! It was one of those moments where you get out the car and look around to see if anyone was watching. Last week Linda said to me to chuck my t shirt in the washing machine, which I duly did, or I thought I did. I had thrown it into the bottom of the fridge instead for some bizarre reason and Linda found it there, this old age malarkey ain't all it's cracked up to be like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craigieboy Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Helen Mirrens age approx? She's nae Helen Mirren mate. She's mare St Mirren if you know what I mean. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chad Sexington Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I once went all the way to work, a 40 minute journey that included sitting on a busy bus and a 10 minute walk from the Bridges to Brunswick Street, with odd shoes on. That would have been bad enough if they were both similar looking shoes, but one was black suede and one was blue leather with bright yellow laces. I didn't even notice until someone burst out laughing when I got into work. Then they were all queuing up to see the freak with the odd shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo_Gaz Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I once went all the way to work, a 40 minute journey that included sitting on a busy bus and a 10 minute walk from the Bridges to Brunswick Street, with odd shoes on. That would have been bad enough if they were both similar looking shoes, but one was black suede and one was blue leather with bright yellow laces. I didn't even notice until someone burst out laughing when I got into work. Then they were all queuing up to see the freak with the odd shoes. Sounds like one of those nightmare sequences in a film! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chad Sexington Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Sounds like one of those nightmare sequences in a film! Believe you me mate, it was. I think I was watching telly when I was putting my shoes on but that's no excuse. How the feck I never glanced down and noticed at any point in the journey is a mystery to me. I noticed a couple of folk smirking at me right enough when I was walking down Leith Walk but I thought nothing off it. I got fecking savaged for the whole of my shift. I was only 21 and was embarrassed as hell. I had to phone my mate to pick me up after my shift to spare me further humiliation on the journey home. To this day I still panic and quickly check my shoes are in order when I'm on the bus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benny Factor Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I'll give you a couple to laugh at seeing as it appears to be "rip into Mitch" week! Not so long ago I was heading to work with my laptop, and got to my car. I opened the back door and was about to throw the laptop onto the back seat when I remembered I needed diesel and thought I'd better put it into the boot instead. I left the back door of my car open as I threw the laptop into the boot, and then proceeded to get in my car and shut the door, only to realise I was in fact sitting in the back seat! It was one of those moments where you get out the car and look around to see if anyone was watching. Last week Linda said to me to chuck my t shirt in the washing machine, which I duly did, or I thought I did. I had thrown it into the bottom of the fridge instead for some bizarre reason and Linda found it there, this old age malarkey ain't all it's cracked up to be like. That wee trip to the hospital must have affected your memory too, mate. You told us that before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Spackler Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Very occasionally I find myself going to open the front door of the house with the button the opens the car. It's only for about a second before the thinking brain tells the monkey part it's got it wrong this time. I've never yet made it to the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Tolbooth Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 That wee trip to the hospital must have affected your memory too, mate. You told us that before. I was hoping no one would notice I remember once putting a suit on to go and see a client, and when I got out my car to go knock on their door, to my horror I had a pair of trainers on ffs! I jumped back in the car, drove home, and changed them and then went back lol, I felt like a hobo on court day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe.gausden Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Was a skinhead when i was sixteen and slept in for work. Quickly got dressed and ran up the road, got into the factory, clocked in and had to walk the length of the factory floor. Wondered why everyone was laughing at me until someone pointed out that my jeans were rolled up to just under my knees (the height for my 14" doc martens) and i had a pair of trainers on. Couldn't even roll them down as they were too short for me anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chad Sexington Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I've just remembered that I once jumped out my mates car to go into a shop. When I came out the shop I climbed back into the passenger seat and in a loud voice commanded him "LETS ROLL!" I turned to mate only to see the terrified face of a complete stranger. I was in the wrong car. The poor guy must have thought he was getting carjacked. I got out as fast I could and ran to my mates car which was directly in front. My mate had watched the whole thing in his rear view mirror and was in hysterics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 One of the funniest moments of my life was when me and two of my mates were in a shop. One of them is a short fecker and he was waiting in the queue to buy something. So me and my other mate are walking around and the guy is taking ages so my mate goes up to him and whispers in his ear in an angry voice 'GET IN THAT QUEUE NOW' To his shock and my delight some 10 year old kid turns round and looks like he is going to sh*t himself. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny Crane Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I once went all the way to work, a 40 minute journey that included sitting on a busy bus and a 10 minute walk from the Bridges to Brunswick Street, with odd shoes on. That would have been bad enough if they were both similar looking shoes, but one was black suede and one was blue leather with bright yellow laces. I didn't even notice until someone burst out laughing when I got into work. Then they were all queuing up to see the freak with the odd shoes. Think I can top that. Went to work with a black shoe on either foot only one was an "office" shoe, the other being more suited for a hike. People were coming up to me asking if I had hurt my ankle and given the descrepancy of the respective sole sizes, it did look as if I was limping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny Crane Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I'll give you a couple to laugh at seeing as it appears to be "rip into Mitch" week! Not so long ago I was heading to work with my laptop, and got to my car. I opened the back door and was about to throw the laptop onto the back seat when I remembered I needed diesel and thought I'd better put it into the boot instead. I left the back door of my car open as I threw the laptop into the boot, and then proceeded to get in my car and shut the door, only to realise I was in fact sitting in the back seat! It was one of those moments where you get out the car and look around to see if anyone was watching. Last week Linda said to me to chuck my t shirt in the washing machine, which I duly did, or I thought I did. I had thrown it into the bottom of the fridge instead for some bizarre reason and Linda found it there, this old age malarkey ain't all it's cracked up to be like. Fancy a game of cards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cobblers Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 A few months back after a late night boozy session away from home (hard to believe I know) I sent a late night goodnight soppy text message to my wife. Unfortunately I sent it to my Ex Wife by mistake:eek::eek: To be fair to her (which isn't easy) all she sent back was a thank you:rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Tolbooth Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 A few months back after a late night boozy session away from home (hard to believe I know) I sent a late night goodnight soppy text message to my wife. Unfortunately I sent it to my Ex Wife by mistake:eek::eek: To be fair to her (which isn't easy) all she sent back was a thank you:rolleyes: You must have quite a few of those moments at your age mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cobblers Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You must have quite a few of those moments at your age mate I think my alcohol consumption is more of a contributing factor than my age to be honest and having met me in action I'm sure you'll agree:rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neave Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I quite fancied a girl at Uni and after weeks of chatting and plucking up the courage I asked her for her number and she gave me it. Later that afternoon I was texting her and KB's own Eckauskas at the same time. Eck and I were texting Black Book quotes to each other and I was just chatting away to the lassie. I accidentally texted the girl instead of Eck the famous Black Books quote: "What did you say to Kate? She thinks I'm the Renaissance. She's going to be very upset when she finds out I'm a reclusive ******.". Her quickfire response was: "I'm not sure that was meant to go to me, Scott. 2 things: who's Kate, and I'm not sure I want to go out for a drink with a reclusive ******." Not the best impression you want to set to a girl you're trying to bang. Incidentally, she's a bit of an uptight *****, but I'm still trying my damnedest.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArmiyaRomanova Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Just had a shave, during which I noticed I was bleeding a bit more than I usualy do (I do bleed a bit on the neck for some reason ). Also felt a bit more "peely" than usual (we all know that "I've just been Peeled!!!" feeling after shaving. ) Anyway, after finishing, it dawned on me what was wrong - I forgot to apply any shaving foam! So, is this the start of the slippery slope towards mental incompetence? Or just A Momentary Lapse of Reason (great album btw! )? Please, give me examples of other "lapses" to prove I'm not destined for the dribble farm! A bit off-topic, but still relevant.... If you'd rather not bleed at all when shaving, do it in the morning when skin and bristles are apparently more pliable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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