Punishing your kids for bad behaviour.

[AlimOzturk]

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

9 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

No you did the right thing . Dont relent whey you have said a time scale for restricting stuff like phone , games console etc . Keep consistent . If you give it it gives him the wrong  message . Just be clear why you are depriving him of these things. And as you said be clear to him you want him to make a good start at high school so you are thinking long termer . 

[kila]

You sort of have ruined his life by taking away his media stuff  I guess their lifestyle is evermore reliant on a phone and social media, and we find that harder to relate to because we had to actually go out and meet our pals somewhere.

 

Maybe a phase of bravado to show off to his pals? Any chores or DIY jobs you're putting off yourself? Painting a wall, laying some bricks, even if he doesn't do a great job some physical labour as a punishment.

 

[milky_26]

14 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

with it being unusual for him have you spoken to him about why he did it? there might be something going on that you dont know about causing it.

[JudyJudyJudy]

17 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

Depriving him of his phone may seem harsh but it’s a punishment and quite effective . I assume he can still see his mates every day so won’t lose face to face contact just not phone and social media contact . Maybe use the time to interact  with him more too ? I know my heart sang a bit when I was out fir family mean and my nephew who’s now  12 was never off his phone ( I’ve got a cheek 😂) but it just felt it’s a new stage in his life . They start branching out 

Edited March 26 by JudyJudyJudy

[Swanny17]

Just now, milky_26 said:

with it being unusual for him have you spoken to him about why he did it? there might be something going on that you dont know about causing it.

 

Was just going to post very similar.  Perhaps he is anxious about starting High School or is, like many kids, still suffering the after effects of the pandemic. That's not to say that he shouldn't be punished, but if it is out of character for him there may something worrying him? 

[AlimOzturk]

1 minute ago, milky_26 said:

with it being unusual for him have you spoken to him about why he did it? there might be something going on that you dont know about causing it.

Aii, it is something I intend on doing. Best letting the dust settle a little bit then talking with him. He’s in a bit of a huff the now. 
 

If he is worried about something then acting out isn’t the way to go about it but would make it more understandable. 
 

The suggestion of spending more one with him one on one is a good one. I work a lot and must admit I don’t spend as much alone time as I would like to with him. 

[AlimOzturk]

12 minutes ago, kila said:

You sort of have ruined his life by taking away his media stuff  I guess their lifestyle is evermore reliant on a phone and social media, and we find that harder to relate to because we had to actually go out and meet our pals somewhere.

 

Maybe a phase of bravado to show off to his pals? Any chores or DIY jobs you're putting off yourself? Painting a wall, laying some bricks, even if he doesn't do a great job some physical labour as a punishment.

 

The showing off to his pals also crossed my mind. We have all done it. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

4 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

Aii, it is something I intend on doing. Best letting the dust settle a little bit then talking with him. He’s in a bit of a huff the now. 
 

If he is worried about something then acting out isn’t the way to go about it but would make it more understandable. 
 

The suggestion of spending more one with him one on one is a good one. I work a lot and must admit I don’t spend as much alone time as I would like to with him. 

As much as it may seem unlikely in this climate in Scotland with the over each of the Govt in the family and parenting , you as a parent have every legal right to parent your child as you see fit . As long as it’s obviously not abusive etc . Some parents are frightened now to just parent as they see fit . 

[Ray Gin]

Give him the opportunity to earn an item of his stuff back by doing a good deed like washing your car or something.

 

 

[If carlsberg did rivals...]

14 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

Depriving him of his phone may seem harsh but it’s a punishment and quite effective . I assume he can still see his mates every day so won’t lose face to face contact just not phone and social media contact . Maybe use the time to interact  with him more too ? I know my heart sang a bit when I was out fir family mean and my nephew who’s now  12 was never off his phone ( I’ve got a cheek 😂) but it just felt it’s a new stage in his life . They start branching out 

Your nephew may be too young to understand that's rude, but your brother or sister certainly aren't and should have politely pointed this out to him. If it's not mentioned to him now he'll go through life thinking it's normal behaviour.

[JudyJudyJudy]

4 minutes ago, If carlsberg did rivals... said:

Your nephew may be too young to understand that's rude, but your brother or sister certainly aren't and should have politely pointed this out to him. If it's not mentioned to him now he'll go through life thinking it's normal behaviour.

Aye thanks for the advice . 👍👍never fails on this 

[AlimOzturk]

8 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

As much as it may seem unlikely in this climate in Scotland with the over each of the Govt in the family and parenting , you as a parent have every legal right to parent your child as you see fit . As long as it’s obviously not abusive etc . Some parents are frightened now to just parent as they see fit . 

 I don’t pay any attention to the nanny state SNP government. 
 

Never liked raising a hand to kids but the old adage of it never did me any harm rings true. Even if I wouldn’t do it myself. 
 

As I said before kids are far to soft for that type of parenting nowadays. 
 

 

[Craigieboy]

5 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

 I don’t pay any attention to the nanny state SNP government. 
 

Never liked raising a hand to kids but the old adage of it never did me any harm rings true. Even if I wouldn’t do it myself. 
 

As I said before kids are far to soft for that type of parenting nowadays. 
 

 

Hitting your children is against the law thankfully in this country. 
 

As for ‘it never did me any harm,’ well I beg to differ. It did. Being on the receiving end of abuse will bring harm to a child psychologically just as being violently attacked as an adult will. It’s cheap and lazy parenting. 
 

As a society we have moved on. There are far better and more advantages ways to reach/discipline your child that doesn’t instil fear and have a negative psychological impact. 
 

 

Edited March 26 by Craigieboy

[John Findlay]

46 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

No reason to feel bad. You survived in your youth, and so will he. He now knows he won't get away with bad/poor behaviour.

[If carlsberg did rivals...]

10 minutes ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

Aye thanks for the advice . 👍👍never fails on this 

Always welcome 👍

[Jim_Duncan]

Whatever you do, don’t raise your fists.
 

Spoiler

Kick shit out of him instead. 

 

[Jim_Duncan]

It’s so disappointing and frustrating when your kids let you down with their actions and attitudes. All you can do is be there for them and set a good example. 

[Nucky Thompson]

A week is a bit harsh for a first offence.

3 days maximum would have the same effect without him resenting you.

 

[AlimOzturk]

1 minute ago, Nucky Thompson said:

A week is a bit harsh for a first offence.

3 days maximum would have the same effect without him resenting you.

 

It will probably end up this way anyways. Better to make them think you are “rewarding them again” early if they do good things than him just thinking  he can see out three days without earning his stuff back. 

[AlimOzturk]

14 minutes ago, Craigieboy said:

Hitting your children is against the law thankfully in this country. 
 

As for ‘it never did me any harm,’ well I beg to differ. It did. Being on the receiving end of abuse will bring harm to a child psychologically just as being violently attacked as an adult will. It’s cheap and lazy parenting. 
 

As a society we have moved on. There are far better and more advantages ways to reach/discipline your child that doesn’t instil fear and have a negative psychological impact. 
 

 

I would hardly call a clip round the ear or a smacked bottom abusive. Not from my experience and it certainly didn’t mentally scar me. Different times though I will agree and I also agree there is better ways to discipline kids. 
 

But some parents could potentially go to far with physical discipline so it being against the law might make them think twice about their actions. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

5 minutes ago, AlimOzturk said:

It will probably end up this way anyways. Better to make them think you are “rewarding them again” early if they do good things than him just thinking  he can see out three days without earning his stuff back. 

Yes too harsh and punitive a punishment can backfire as there is no incentive for the child to behave . Clear dates / times 

[micole]

No you are not to hard on him, back in the day if I was oot of order I got a thick ear, or a scud round the heid......😅

[Der Kaiser]

Absolutely nothing wrong with punishing bad behaviour in this way.

Not to sound too much of an old timer (which I'm not) but I've seen far to many kids in my mainstream teaching days who have come from home environments where it's clear no boundaries are being put in. It might feel harsh but I think consequences is something that's definitely being lost in a lot of modern parenting.

My ex thought at times I was a bit too hard on my boys when they were younger.

 

10 years later.

Always good school reports. Both gentleman. Think I've raised my voice maybe once in the last 10 years at them.

Give me no grief bar the usual teenage laziness of leaving clothes lying about that kind of stuff. We get on like a house on fire. 

 

[henrysmithsgloves]

Thankfully my kids turned out good, I gave them the same treatment I had getting raised. 

[Maple Leaf]

Children need to be taught what is acceptable behavior in our society, and that should start at an early age.  And they need to learn that unacceptable behavior has consequences.  The consequences / repercussions will vary depending on the circumstances.  Violence against the child is never the answer, even a whack on the bum sends the wrong message.

 

Parenting is not easy, but clear guidelines and consistency are a good start.

[PaddysBar]

1 hour ago, Craigieboy said:

Hitting your children is against the law thankfully in this country. 
 

As for ‘it never did me any harm,’ well I beg to differ. It did. Being on the receiving end of abuse will bring harm to a child psychologically just as being violently attacked as an adult will. It’s cheap and lazy parenting. 
 

As a society we have moved on. There are far better and more advantages ways to reach/discipline your child that doesn’t instil fear and have a negative psychological impact. 
 

 

Spot on. Plus they’ll think you’re an absolute prick for doing it in the first place. 

[EH11_2NL]

Big stick with nails in it. Never did me any harm. 

[Des Lynam]

3 hours ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

 

Have you considered the vice head might be a ?

[rudi must stay]

I would recommend you have a sit down with him. Sounds like things are happening to him (maybe he's being bullied) either way a good chat that's good for you and him. I see my parents as my friends and I think that's the right thing 

[rudi must stay]

2 minutes ago, Des Lynam said:

 

Have you considered the vice head might be a ?

 

He may be but that's irrelevant

[Armageddon]

3 hours ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

 

Nip it in the bud now, he knows the line and knows ****s ups come with expectations of respect from within the home... things are going to get bumpy at High School and you don't want him being the prick who thinks he can cause chaos with no consequenses.   The boys that are off the scale on the chaos front come from either broken home or homes where there's nobody saying "Oi ya wee *****, reign it in".

[Ulysses]

38 minutes ago, Armageddon said:

"Oi ya wee *****, reign it in".

 

Sometimes that's all you need to do, or maybe throw in one inconvenience or annoyance on top as a punishment.  Kids at that age sometimes need to be reminded that doing some things is wrong, and to be told off for doing the wrong thing.  It's only if they do something badly wrong or else persist in bad behaviour that you need to bring punishments into the equation.  The most important thing is the lesson taught and learnt.  Boys tend to be closer to their mothers when younger, but between about 10 and 14 they tend to pivot more towards their fathers.  That's the time when a father can make a huge difference to a fella by saying and doing the right things at the right times.  Hearing annoyance and disappointment from your mother at that age doesn't matter half as much as hearing it from your dad, if you're a boy.  Likewise, a good lesson in what's the right and wrong way to do something will resonate much more if it comes from a boy's father.  Later on in their teens, fellas will branch out and lean away from both parents and towards the outside world, but in that 10-14 (ish) stretch I reckon fathers have a much stronger influence than mothers, and it's up to them to decide to use it well.  That means picking up on bad behaviours and correcting them, and it also means reinforcing good messages and codes/standards of behaviour.

[the posh bit]

4 hours ago, JudyJudyJudy said:

As much as it may seem unlikely in this climate in Scotland with the over each of the Govt in the family and parenting , you as a parent have every legal right to parent your child as you see fit . As long as it’s obviously not abusive etc . Some parents are frightened now to just parent as they see fit . 

 

 

FFS 😁😁😁

[the posh bit]

4 hours ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

 

Let it settle for a couple of weeks and then take him away for a night, do something you both like and talk it through then, would be my tuppence worth. 

[Dawnrazor]

You've done the right thing, kids need boundaries and have to know there are consequences if they are crossed, it's an important life lesson you've given him.

[JudyJudyJudy]

1 hour ago, Armageddon said:

 

Nip it in the bud now, he knows the line and knows ****s ups come with expectations of respect from within the home... things are going to get bumpy at High School and you don't want him being the prick who thinks he can cause chaos with no consequenses.   The boys that are off the scale on the chaos front come from either broken home or homes where there's nobody saying "Oi ya wee *****, reign it in".

Yep it’s a massive leap from primary to high school . Kids meet newcmates and Some meet the wrong ones . It’s also the psycho - social age of “ identity  v  role confusion “ where kids are Desperate to be liked , to fit in and belong with a group , it’s their most rebellious stage  so needs careful handling by parents . 

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

 

He may be but that's irrelevant

Why is it irrelevant ?

[Ked]

6 hours ago, AlimOzturk said:

Oldest lad got in trouble at school for a series of daft things and snapping back at  the vice head teacher. Nothing serious or that but a little out the ordinary for him as he is generally well behaved. 
 

I have done the usual taking his play station away, grounded, no phone for a week. 

 

Dunno if I have went a bit overboard with the punishment though. He got a big dressing down from me as well as like I say this is unusual and I want to get on top of it now as he is starting high school next year and I just want him to do well. 
 

The problem is I am a soft touch and feeling pretty Shan. When i think back to how bad I was he is nothing in comparison so feel a bit hypocritical. Then again i don’t want him making the same mistakes

Kids seem much more sensitive these days than back when I was younger. You’d think I had ruined his life by taking away away his media stuff. 

The reason you are feeling reticent is in your own words.

It was a little bit out the ordinary for him.

And we forget what wee dafties we were .

Wee things can bother ye buddy at our age .

By doing what you have done shows him you care .

Even if the wee toerag doesn't realise.

 

Listen just accept yirra a shit Dad .

And take it from there .

🤣

 

[il Duce McTarkin]

Chuck the laddie 20 fags and a half dozen cans of lager. Let him know that even if he was a wee ^**t on this occasion, you're still proud of him and have his back.

[Seaside Dave]

Tell him if he continues to **** about. You'll be taking him to Easter road every week 

[Dennis Reynolds]

22 minutes ago, Seaside Dave said:

Tell him if he continues to **** about. You'll be taking him to Easter road every week 

 

https://www.freedomfromtorture.org/

[Ulysses]

1 hour ago, Seaside Dave said:

Tell him if he continues to **** about. You'll be taking him to Easter road every week 

 

It'll never work.  The kid already knows his da's not that crazy.

[Threedoorsdown]

The fact you’ve made this post speaks volumes about your parenting mate. No doubt you’re smashing it.

 

Nobody really knows what they are doing, follow your gut - try and be the dad you would want to take for a pint and everything else should hopefully work out.

[Jim_Duncan]

7 hours ago, Seaside Dave said:

Tell him if he continues to **** about. You'll be taking him to Easter road every week 

Every time my boys make a mess of a shot, save or pass in our back garden football, I warn them that Hibs scouts may be watching. 

[Harry Potter]

14 hours ago, Ray Gin said:

Give him the opportunity to earn an item of his stuff back by doing a good deed like washing your car or something.

 

 

Is there an app on washing a car😧

[Dazo]

9 hours ago, Morgan said:

Why is it irrelevant ?

Because you should still behave yourself if your teacher is touching you inappropriately. 

[Spellczech]

Best approach is to discipline first then talk to him later once the emotions have cooled. If there is any mitigation then you can soften the punishment a little.

[Horatio Caine]

15 hours ago, AlimOzturk said:

I would hardly call a clip round the ear or a smacked bottom abusive. Not from my experience and it certainly didn’t mentally scar me. Different times though I will agree and I also agree there is better ways to discipline kids. 
 

But some parents could potentially go to far with physical discipline so it being against the law might make them think twice about their actions. 

Yeah but smacking is against the law in Scotland.  So you have to drive them to Berwick or anywhere just over the border to smack them.  Bloody nuisance ffs.

[Morgan]

3 hours ago, Dazo said:

Because you should still behave yourself if your teacher is touching you inappropriately.