lost in space Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Trying to cheer myself up so I thought I would do a “Scenes you wouldn’t see” as in Mock the Week. Feel free to add to the list - Things you would not see at Tynecastle - A diagram of Bumps and blips or an explanation of how many blips there are in a bump. Any indication what the baldy guy in the dugout does. Young players. A cup game v Stranraer. Players who give a damn. Anger by anybody, other than fans, about the clubs who fecked us over. Goals/excitement /attacks/pace/imagination/flair. Directors with a spine. Travel claims from our scouts who have actually gone to watch a game. An improvement of just one player this season. Stevie Naismith (he is our club captain – you may have forgotten him). Silverware. Honesty, integrity and anyone taking responsibility. A paper trail showing evidence that appointments of CEO/ DoF/ Coaches were the best available. A youth player thanking the Head Coach for giving him a chance in the first team. Any corner or free kick that is different from the previous unsuccessful one. Filled in corners. Goalkeeping coach (yes, we have one) who can explain what part he took in the recruitment of Stewart/ Bobby/ Irish guy/ the hologram. Jason Roberts (are we the only club to sign a player and then loan him out to a club in a higher division?). Craig Wigton (are we the only club to loan out our centre forward to a direct competitor?). Any evidence that coaches have learned (from Raith Rovers) how to beat Dunfermline. Queues of supporters re-newing their season tickets. AND - Things you would see at Tynecastle - GMS studying Buddhism - he can now go into a trance like state for 90 minutes at a time. A fab restaurant. The fitness/science centre (yes, we have one) confirming that carrying an extra stone each helps players avoid injury. Computers for the Recruitment team (yes, we have one) so they can watch UTube videos. Our CEO (yes, we have one) – popping in to see his wife at her work. A Stenna Stairlift so that most of players can get up to the first floor. Ann Budge’s friends. Ann Budge’s family. Thank you letters from fans – all postmarked “Lochend PO”). HR Notices – warning that there should be no “..isms” or swearing or anything naughty. Journeymen – loads of them. A beautiful players lounge – supplied with mags of Ferraris and Cartier watches. A 33 year old new signing who hasn’t played for months due to injury. Laptops – loads of them. How else could the coaches explain tactics??????? John Murray – although no-one knows why. Pies that are so hot that you cant get them out the foil. A goal scoring centre forward playing poorly in midfield. Ann. SORRY – I got carried away. Any additions??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merrymac Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Hearts players making a forward pass? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Things you won't see - us play good football Things you do see - jazz bands going round the outskirts of the pitch at half time. Does anyone else remember that? 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrystaf Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 7 minutes ago, lost in space said: Trying to cheer myself up so I thought I would do a “Scenes you wouldn’t see” as in Mock the Week. Feel free to add to the list - Things you would not see at Tynecastle - A diagram of Bumps and blips or an explanation of how many blips there are in a bump. Any indication what the baldy guy in the dugout does. Young players. A cup game v Stranraer. Players who give a damn. Anger by anybody, other than fans, about the clubs who fecked us over. Goals/excitement /attacks/pace/imagination/flair. Directors with a spine. Travel claims from our scouts who have actually gone to watch a game. An improvement of just one player this season. Stevie Naismith (he is our club captain – you may have forgotten him). Silverware. Honesty, integrity and anyone taking responsibility. A paper trail showing evidence that appointments of CEO/ DoF/ Coaches were the best available. A youth player thanking the Head Coach for giving him a chance in the first team. Any corner or free kick that is different from the previous unsuccessful one. Filled in corners. Goalkeeping coach (yes, we have one) who can explain what part he took in the recruitment of Stewart/ Bobby/ Irish guy/ the hologram. Jason Roberts (are we the only club to sign a player and then loan him out to a club in a higher division?). Craig Wigton (are we the only club to loan out our centre forward to a direct competitor?). Any evidence that coaches have learned (from Raith Rovers) how to beat Dunfermline. Queues of supporters re-newing their season tickets. AND - Things you would see at Tynecastle - GMS studying Buddhism - he can now go into a trance like state for 90 minutes at a time. A fab restaurant. The fitness/science centre (yes, we have one) confirming that carrying an extra stone each helps players avoid injury. Computers for the Recruitment team (yes, we have one) so they can watch UTube videos. Our CEO (yes, we have one) – popping in to see his wife at her work. A Stenna Stairlift so that most of players can get up to the first floor. Ann Budge’s friends. Ann Budge’s family. Thank you letters from fans – all postmarked “Lochend PO”). HR Notices – warning that there should be no “..isms” or swearing or anything naughty. Journeymen – loads of them. A beautiful players lounge – supplied with mags of Ferraris and Cartier watches. A 33 year old new signing who hasn’t played for months due to injury. Laptops – loads of them. How else could the coaches explain tactics??????? John Murray – although no-one knows why. Pies that are so hot that you cant get them out the foil. A goal scoring centre forward playing poorly in midfield. Ann. SORRY – I got carried away. Any additions??? Brilliant. Can't argue with any of that. Things we would see at Tynie - A manager who offers any excuses for our displays/results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riccarton3 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 A gazebo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stendelnator Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Excitement. Entertainment. Atmosphere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 A competent striker jumping to head the ball and attaining a height greater than he was prior to leaving the ground. ... Actually, a competent striker jumping to head the ball in the first place. ... Actually, just a competent striker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Daddy Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Things you will - Fine dining in the centre circle Things you won't - An official NOT from the west coast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElGee1973 Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 Things you won’t see - a resignation or a sacking. Things you will see - chips being served at our wonderful stadium Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdav Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 The bald guy is the kitman and in another life was Hearty Harry which makes me think even the mascots were better than under this regime 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomaso Posted March 31, 2021 Share Posted March 31, 2021 2 hours ago, lost in space said: Trying to cheer myself up so I thought I would do a “Scenes you wouldn’t see” as in Mock the Week. Feel free to add to the list - Things you would not see at Tynecastle - A diagram of Bumps and blips or an explanation of how many blips there are in a bump. Any indication what the baldy guy in the dugout does. Young players. A cup game v Stranraer. Players who give a damn. Anger by anybody, other than fans, about the clubs who fecked us over. Goals/excitement /attacks/pace/imagination/flair. Directors with a spine. Travel claims from our scouts who have actually gone to watch a game. An improvement of just one player this season. Stevie Naismith (he is our club captain – you may have forgotten him). Silverware. Honesty, integrity and anyone taking responsibility. A paper trail showing evidence that appointments of CEO/ DoF/ Coaches were the best available. A youth player thanking the Head Coach for giving him a chance in the first team. Any corner or free kick that is different from the previous unsuccessful one. Filled in corners. Goalkeeping coach (yes, we have one) who can explain what part he took in the recruitment of Stewart/ Bobby/ Irish guy/ the hologram. Jason Roberts (are we the only club to sign a player and then loan him out to a club in a higher division?). Craig Wigton (are we the only club to loan out our centre forward to a direct competitor?). Any evidence that coaches have learned (from Raith Rovers) how to beat Dunfermline. Queues of supporters re-newing their season tickets. AND - Things you would see at Tynecastle - GMS studying Buddhism - he can now go into a trance like state for 90 minutes at a time. A fab restaurant. The fitness/science centre (yes, we have one) confirming that carrying an extra stone each helps players avoid injury. Computers for the Recruitment team (yes, we have one) so they can watch UTube videos. Our CEO (yes, we have one) – popping in to see his wife at her work. A Stenna Stairlift so that most of players can get up to the first floor. Ann Budge’s friends. Ann Budge’s family. Thank you letters from fans – all postmarked “Lochend PO”). HR Notices – warning that there should be no “..isms” or swearing or anything naughty. Journeymen – loads of them. A beautiful players lounge – supplied with mags of Ferraris and Cartier watches. A 33 year old new signing who hasn’t played for months due to injury. Laptops – loads of them. How else could the coaches explain tactics??????? John Murray – although no-one knows why. Pies that are so hot that you cant get them out the foil. A goal scoring centre forward playing poorly in midfield. Ann. SORRY – I got carried away. Any additions??? Add to your things you will see A beautiful glass facade 😊 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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