i8hibsh Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 (edited) Women do not have a print of their rules on their forehead. What is not ok for someone may be ok with the vast majority. By the vast majority of women I am sure, no line would be crossed. Are we all to stop being nice, romantic, cheesy just because one women out of every few thousand is a little delicate? Edited October 12, 2018 by i8hibsh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Governor Tarkin Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 8 hours ago, Francis Albert said: Seriously, I don't agree that guys (men as I prefer to call them) get a bad deal compared to girls and lasses (or women as I prefer to call them). I think on the whole women get a worse deal. But what I can't agree with and find objectionable is the stereotyping of men and women which I think insults both. Women encompass a whole spectrum (of behaviour, beliefs and attitudes) as do men. Ludicrous assertions such that men only ever tell women to "cheer up it will never happen " but never tell men to do the same is just so far adrift from my experience that I find it hard to take seriously anyone who makes that assertion. Good post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Sifter Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 16 hours ago, Ugly American said: behave. My comment about the beer was not based on my "non-centrist religious views" (what does that even mean?) but on my long and unglorious career as an inveterate barfly. For those who are really struggling with this (TBH not sure if Mr. Sifter is being sarcastic or is really struggling), let's break this down. Telling someone to smile is not complimenting them on their appearance. It's unsolicited advice. Most people don't like getting advice from people they know, advice from rando strangers is even worse. Okay, let me know if I lost you there, but that's a big piece. (I'm not going to get into "compliments" on appearance here, as that will get into catcalling, an entirely different creepy thing to do.) Now beyond that, telling someone to smile is telling them to act happy even if they're not feeling happy. That's not necessarily a sexist thing to do so much as it is just bad and unwelcome advice, but for some reason unbeknownst to me, some men feel compelled to say that to women more often, when they never say it to men. So that's two reasons not to tell someone to smile, regardless of whether you're trying to get laid or not. Good? Now let's talk about why this young fellow is either not trying to get laid or is doing an incredibly terrible job at it. He handed her the note *as he got off the train*. He wrote "wait 10 seconds" to open it. He didn't leave a number. Even if by some unlikely miracle the woman in question found this charming, he's gone. There's no way for her to respond and say, "yes, you're right, my silly woman brain didn't realize I should have been smiling that whole time despite the fact that the dug is sick, would you come over for a roll in the hay this afternoon and maybe give me other tips on life?" So see, he's not even trying to pick her up. Now our actual gentleman Junta with the beer. Here's all the things he did right: - He took an assessment of the situation and took time to figure out what she might actually enjoy (her beer brand). - He offered condolences and hopes that things get better, rather than unsolicited advice. That was a demonstration of empathy rather than criticism. - He offered the beer *on the way out the door*, thereby making it clear he didn't want anything in return. ("See, I bought you a beer, now you have to actually talk to me while I hit on you.") Thoughtful, kind gesture, presented with empathy and without expectation of reciprocation. I mean these are basic social skills, not some deep Secret Code Of Lady Whispering. Not struggling UA, and certainly not being sarcastic either (nice assumption that it must be one or the other though?). I just fundamentally disagree ?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
56anawthat Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Unsolicited 'smile' comment from lassie - true story: Day before my wedding. Me and best man staying overnight at hotel where the reception is to be held the following day. Having dinner together while I ponder the enormity of the situation. Must have been looking a bit pensive, because the nice young waitress came across to me and says "Cheer up, darling, it may never happen!" oops! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 3 hours ago, 56anawthat said: Unsolicited 'smile' comment from lassie - true story: Day before my wedding. Me and best man staying overnight at hotel where the reception is to be held the following day. Having dinner together while I ponder the enormity of the situation. Must have been looking a bit pensive, because the nice young waitress came across to me and says "Cheer up, darling, it may never happen!" oops! Did you cheer yourself up and gave the waitress one?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Governor Tarkin Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 9 hours ago, Mr Sifter said: Not struggling UA, and certainly not being sarcastic either (nice assumption that it must be one or the other though?). I just fundamentally disagree ?? Boom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inch Hearts Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 The note sender didn’t get in the girls face and go “smilllle” they obviously seen what they thought was a girl down on their luck and tried to cheer her up. Where on earth is that creepy? They are not going to stalk the lassie, didn’t leave contact details just said she had a nice smile (which we will never know) and to smile. How the **** is that invading someone’s privacy or crossing a line. Nothing to do with courage to speak to her either, that’s causing a scene based on a reaction. Maybe the person sensed that 1 to 1 confrontation would end in picture taken abused or the silly immature violated response given by the young lady in question? *He must be counting his lucky stars he didn’t get a coffee for her on the train otherwise it would be launched over him and he would be arrested by now. *he I’m assuming was a bloke otherwise if it was a old lady I’m sure the young girl would have thought what a nice old lady, not posting videos feeling violated for some guy trying to brighten up someone’s day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 On 07/10/2018 at 13:41, Justin Z said: You can taste the incel tears, and they are delicious. Note to incels: You are virgins because you are utter failures at life. Not because "women's lib" has stacked the deck against you. I just watched an episode of SVU about incels who were going about raping women because of something like this. I hope this is tv exaggeration, thousands of losers on the Internet planning attacks on women who didn't smile or say hello or made a mistake by being nice to some obsessed weirdo. The world has gone mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watt-Zeefuik Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 On 12/10/2018 at 03:41, Mr Sifter said: Not struggling UA, and certainly not being sarcastic either (nice assumption that it must be one or the other though?). I just fundamentally disagree ?? Fair enough, I'm just gobsmacked that someone with a bit of time to reflect sees no difference between handing out unsolicited advice and politely buying a drink and expressing condolences. Here's the last bit I'll say on the smiling thing -- ask three of your adult female friends or family members that you can trust to give you a straight answer about being told to smile by random strangers. If at least two don't tell you that it's happened to them and they really don't like it, I'll be surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 I once got my arse groped in a club at around 2:50am I was quite drunk and wrongly accused a lovely lassie of attempting to steal my wallet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 3 hours ago, Der Kaiser said: I once got my arse groped in a club at around 2:50am I was quite drunk and wrongly accused a lovely lassie of attempting to steal my wallet. Sure it was a lassie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Did anyone consider that the lassie might have just had the painter in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 45 minutes ago, Bridge of Djoum said: Sure it was a lassie? Yup. My constant failures with the opposite sex are all permanently etched in my brain......i even scared off a women once merely by bringing up Basil Brush in conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jake Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 40 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said: Did anyone consider that the lassie might have just had the painter in? Paint fumes can affect moods ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Just now, Der Kaiser said: Yup. My constant failures with the opposite sex are all permanently etched in my brain......i even scared off a women once merely by bringing up Basil Brush in conversation. I don't think it was Basil per se that put her off, more what you planned to do with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 28 minutes ago, Bridge of Djoum said: I don't think it was Basil per se that put her off, more what you planned to do with him. No word of a lie.....the topic of anal sex had already been discussed. But that little omnivorous deerstalker wearing guy gets brought up and she walks..... No boom boom that night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 1 minute ago, Der Kaiser said: No word of a lie.....the topic of anal sex had already been discussed. But that little omnivorous deerstalker wearing guy gets brought up and she walks..... No boom boom that night. You're in prison now, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 7 minutes ago, Bridge of Djoum said: You're in prison now, right? Not enough evidence......? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridge of Djoum Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 24 minutes ago, Der Kaiser said: Not enough evidence......? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo89 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 (edited) Personally, I feel Louise is being a snowflake on this subject. Thoughts I8? Edited October 19, 2018 by jambo89 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 On 14/10/2018 at 13:03, Der Kaiser said: Yup. My constant failures with the opposite sex are all permanently etched in my brain......i even scared off a women once merely by bringing up Basil Brush in conversation. I once spent a good part of an hour chatting up a lovely girl. Thought my luck was in until she suddenly said "You don't like me, do you?" and just walked off. Nowadays there would have been a witty one-liner fired back at her within microseconds and I would still have hopefully been in with a chance. Back then I was young and just sat there with a glaikit look of complete surprise on my face as she retreated into the distance. Yup, I can empathise with you when you say that these episodes are etched in your brain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 On Friday, October 19, 2018 at 19:53, redjambo said: I once spent a good part of an hour chatting up a lovely girl. Thought my luck was in until she suddenly said "You don't like me, do you?" and just walked off. Nowadays there would have been a witty one-liner fired back at her within microseconds and I would still have hopefully been in with a chance. Back then I was young and just sat there with a glaikit look of complete surprise on my face as she retreated into the distance. Yup, I can empathise with you when you say that these episodes are etched in your brain. No she decided she didn't like you but turned it around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymour M Hersh Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 4 hours ago, John Findlay said: No she decided she didn't like you but turned it around. "It's not you it's me"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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