A Guide to Hobonomics 2008 edition (hardback) Penguin Publishing

[i8hibsh]

Right guys i'm just off the phone to Penguin publishers. They are keen on publishing a guide to Hobonomics as they are going to sell it to Napier University so they can teach it at their Business School.

 

I will get the ball rolling. Maybe if we all do our own little bit, we will have a War and Peace sized book before long.

 

Reckon this could be a huge seller so it could make Jambos Kickback a lot of money indeed!

 

Ok here we go.........

 

Hobonomics was created and devised by a small section of pondlife in and around the City of Edinburgh in Scotland. It was set up to assess the current situation at Heart of Midlothian Football club through the eyes of it's bitter and microscopic neighbours Hibernian Football Club.

 

'Hobonomics' the word originates from the word 'Hobo' which means a down and out, a tramp. This word is Edinburgh slang for the supporter of Edinburgh's local pub team The Hibernian Arms.

 

You will become very familiar with words such as Hobo , dellusional, smelly, AIDS, criminals and teenage pregnancy. meanings of the above will be explained in due course.

 

Also throughout this book you will become very familiar with numbers like 107,22,4 and zero. These are common factors and you must not let them confuse you with any of the calculations in hobonomics.

 

Basically the rule is that everything surrounding Hibernian football club either fiscal or 'professional' you multiply by whatever amount you feel suits the occasion. Conversely anything surrounding Heart of Midlothian Football club you divide by whatever amount you feel appropriate at the time.

 

Example 1.

 

Hibernian Football club are in around ?5 million pound debt and Hearts are in around ?25-?30 million pound debt. In Hobonomic terms Hibernian have about ?40 billion pounds in the bank (in the black) and Hearts have - ?40 gazzilion pounds (in the red).

 

Now say Hibernian had an asset of around the value of ?100,000, for arguments sake let's call him Rob Jones. Hobonomics would place a value of around ?2.5 million.

Now say Hearts on the other hand had an asset of ?9 million pounds, let's call him Craig Gordon for arguments sake, Hobonomics would value him at around ?1 million.

 

Now aswell as the value of the players, Hobonomics sates (quite clearly and in no uncertain terms) that this asset was raised and reard in the Youth Scottish Talent Factory in a factory somewhere down Lochend where there is a conveyor belt that does not stop.

It also states that Craig Gordon by matter of default through the rules of Hobonomics was brought to Scotland by Cargo ship from the Eastern block on loan for one year.

 

Now say a potential club was to come in and purchase these players here is what happens

 

Club A buys Rob Jones for ?100,000 (in real terms)

In Hobonomics this ?100,000 is put in the bank and means that Hibernian debt goes from ?5 million to having ?10 million pounds in the black and with a side add on of the finest Youth Academy in Scotland.

 

Now also the rule is that Club B come in and purchase Craig Gordon and several other assets at the fine club for around ?15 million pounds. This then triples the debt at the club to around ?90 million pounds.

 

In summary to this example the debt as stated by Hobonomics will always decrease for Hibs and increase for Hearts regardless of the value of the asset.

 

Example 2.

 

Let's say in the entire lifespan of Hibernian Football club they had won 3 trophies amd Hearts had won 15. Hobonomics shows us that whatever Hearts win or have won does not matter. The 3 hibernian honours albeit it honours of such might as the Dryborough cup and the Coronation cup of 1952 means that they have won 4 European Trophies, 47 Scottish Cups, 27 League Titles and the La Liga Title and Bundesliga thrown in.

 

Example 3.

Hibernians have around 42 fans (figures taken from 2001 census) and Hearts have around 400,000 fans (figures taken from crowd ar recent Scottish Cup winning parade).

now in hobonomics thus now means that recent figures do not count. The fact that Hearts have always in their 134 year History had more fans, more season ticket holders, bigger crowds etc than Hibernians means nothing.

Hobonomics states that Hibs have 9 million fans worldwide and Hearts infact have 3 supporters in edinburgh, 1 in Shetland and 5 supporters from a small village in Estonia.

 

 

Example 4.

Hibernians for many many years have played with an average of 3 to 4 Scottish players (homegrown talent) around the same as Hearts. As a side note these homegrown players have been of the highest calibre e.g Dave 'Donkey' McNeil and Ian 'Dynamite' Murray.

 

Now Hobonomics using the following calculation (known as the Hibernians baw jockey factor 3 calculation) states that Hearts play with 11 Lithuanian players and Hibernians play with 11 Scottish players week in week out.

 

Scottish player + 2 Northen Irish player's + 1 French player + 1 Dutch player + 1 English player + 1player from Burko feckin Faso = 11 Scotsmen (use refernce 54 on page 76 for further examples)

 

Example 5.

Hibernians have been in Europe about as many times as the Sioux native american tribe but Hobonimics tells us that infact they have a pedigree of that of the mighty Liverpool, Real Madrid and AC Milan. The all conquering Hibernians team of 1957 known as the (the McAnespie babes) won the toss at the start of their European tie with viking FC.

Here it would be worthwhile mentioning that Hibernians were the first team to have a floodlight pitch and infact even more boastfully were the first team EVER to don the colour green.

 

 

It is now up to the rest of the JKBers to use examples in completion of this mesterpiece

 

Thanks

 

i8hibsh:hobofish:

[Toxteth O'Grady]

Every time anyone buys anything that is green Hibs receive a royalty payment of 0.000001 pence, because they invented Green before anyone else.

 

It doesn't seem like much but with worldwide sales of green things at an all time high it mounts up to ?5 trillion a year.

 

:107years:

[Guest gorgie kev]

Oh god your back then:eek:

[Pants Shaton]

HIBERNIAN FC - (RIORDAN + O'CONNOR + THOMPSON + BROWN + SPROULE + WHITTAKER + MURPHY) =

NO + WEALTHY

[Guest gorgie kev]

HIBERNIAN FC- (RIORDAN + O'CONNOR + THOMPSON + BROWN + SPROULE + WHITTAKER + MURPHY) =

NO + WEALTHY

 

Shouldn't that read dirty robbing thieving barsteward:p:107years:

[i8hibsh]

HIBERNIAN FC - (RIORDAN + O'CONNOR + THOMPSON + BROWN + SPROULE + WHITTAKER + MURPHY) =

NO + WEALTHY

 

hahaah like it GMAN

[i8hibsh]

Oh god your back then:eek:

 

The mods can take my user access but they will never take my freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

[Guest gorgie kev]

The mods can take my user access but they will never take my freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

 

Gav and stevies coming the day as well

[WorldChampions1902]

Your post certainly made me laugh!

Right guys i'm just off the phone to Penguin publishers. They are keen on publishing a guide to Hobonomics as they are going to sell it to Napier University so they can teach it at their Business School.

 

I will get the ball rolling. Maybe if we all do our own little bit, we will have a War and Peace sized book before long.

 

Reckon this could be a huge seller so it could make Jambos Kickback a lot of money indeed!

 

Ok here we go.........

 

Hobonomics was created and devised by a small section of pondlife in and around the City of Edinburgh in Scotland. It was set up to assess the current situation at Heart of Midlothian Football club through the eyes of it's bitter and microscopic neighbours Hibernian Football Club.

 

'Hobonomics' the word originates from the word 'Hobo' which means a down and out, a tramp. This word is Edinburgh slang for the supporter of Edinburgh's local pub team The Hibernian Arms.

 

You will become very familiar with words such as Hobo , dellusional, smelly, AIDS, criminals and teenage pregnancy. meanings of the above will be explained in due course.

 

Also throughout this book you will become very familiar with numbers like 107,22,4 and zero. These are common factors and you must not let them confuse you with any of the calculations in hobonomics.

 

Basically the rule is that everything surrounding Hibernian football club either fiscal or 'professional' you multiply by whatever amount you feel suits the occasion. Conversely anything surrounding Heart of Midlothian Football club you divide by whatever amount you feel appropriate at the time.

 

Example 1.

 

Hibernian Football club are in around ?5 million pound debt and Hearts are in around ?25-?30 million pound debt. In Hobonomic terms Hibernian have about ?40 billion pounds in the bank (in the black) and Hearts have - ?40 gazzilion pounds (in the red).

 

Now say Hibernian had an asset of around the value of ?100,000, for arguments sake let's call him Rob Jones. Hobonomics would place a value of around ?2.5 million.

Now say Hearts on the other hand had an asset of ?9 million pounds, let's call him Craig Gordon for arguments sake, Hobonomics would value him at around ?1 million.

 

Now aswell as the value of the players, Hobonomics sates (quite clearly and in no uncertain terms) that this asset was raised and reard in the Youth Scottish Talent Factory in a factory somewhere down Lochend where there is a conveyor belt that does not stop.

It also states that Craig Gordon by matter of default through the rules of Hobonomics was brought to Scotland by Cargo ship from the Eastern block on loan for one year.

 

Now say a potential club was to come in and purchase these players here is what happens

 

Club A buys Rob Jones for ?100,000 (in real terms)

In Hobonomics this ?100,000 is put in the bank and means that Hibernian debt goes from ?5 million to having ?10 million pounds in the black and with a side add on of the finest Youth Academy in Scotland.

 

Now also the rule is that Club B come in and purchase Craig Gordon and several other assets at the fine club for around ?15 million pounds. This then triples the debt at the club to around ?90 million pounds.

 

In summary to this example the debt as stated by Hobonomics will always decrease for Hibs and increase for Hearts regardless of the value of the asset.

 

Example 2.

 

Let's say in the entire lifespan of Hibernian Football club they had won 3 trophies amd Hearts had won 15. Hobonomics shows us that whatever Hearts win or have won does not matter. The 3 hibernian honours albeit it honours of such might as the Dryborough cup and the Coronation cup of 1952 means that they have won 4 European Trophies, 47 Scottish Cups, 27 League Titles and the La Liga Title and Bundesliga thrown in.

 

Example 3.

Hibernians have around 42 fans (figures taken from 2001 census) and Hearts have around 400,000 fans (figures taken from crowd ar recent Scottish Cup winning parade).

now in hobonomics thus now means that recent figures do not count. The fact that Hearts have always in their 134 year History had more fans, more season ticket holders, bigger crowds etc than Hibernians means nothing.

Hobonomics states that Hibs have 9 million fans worldwide and Hearts infact have 3 supporters in edinburgh, 1 in Shetland and 5 supporters from a small village in Estonia.

 

 

Example 4.

Hibernians for many many years have played with an average of 3 to 4 Scottish players (homegrown talent) around the same as Hearts. As a side note these homegrown players have been of the highest calibre e.g Dave 'Donkey' McNeil and Ian 'Dynamite' Murray.

 

Now Hobonomics using the following calculation (known as the Hibernians baw jockey factor 3 calculation) states that Hearts play with 11 Lithuanian players and Hibernians play with 11 Scottish players week in week out.

 

Scottish player + 2 Northen Irish player's + 1 French player + 1 Dutch player + 1 English player + 1player from Burko feckin Faso = 11 Scotsmen (use refernce 54 on page 76 for further examples)

 

Example 5.

Hibernians have been in Europe about as many times as the Sioux native american tribe but Hobonimics tells us that infact they have a pedigree of that of the mighty Liverpool, Real Madrid and AC Milan. The all conquering Hibernians team of 1957 known as the (the McAnespie babes) won the toss at the start of their European tie with viking FC.

Here it would be worthwhile mentioning that Hibernians were the first team to have a floodlight pitch and infact even more boastfully were the first team EVER to don the colour green.

 

 

It is now up to the rest of the JKBers to use examples in completion of this mesterpiece

 

Thanks

 

i8hibsh:hobofish:

[Guest juvehearts]

ahh another important factor of Hobonomics is the definatition of a giro.

 

Hearts fans have mostly never heard of a giro as we are normally classed as the working class of Edinburgh.

 

for non edinburgh folk with the exception of glasgow & dundee a giro guarntees you a ticket into easter road to see the mighty lochend Brazil play their attacking flair hoofball.

 

now another definition of what lochend Brazil & attacking flair hoofball can be seen in the index section of this glorious book.

[Toxteth O'Grady]

Hobos would say

 

"It is possible for my big sister to make over a hunner quid each evening for being a tourist guide in Leith, she gets paid daily in cash"

[Castle Magyar]

Hobonomics states that wheelchair attendees are clearly upstanding citizens.

 

Hobonomics definition of 'tip top defender' uses Benny Brazil as definition example.

 

Hobonomics was a reference document for GOD during the 10 commandment scripting.

 

Hobonomics R Us is a cinema complex visited by wheelchair attendants, Benny Brazil & GOD who attend for entertainment purposesw - copyright, Blobby !!