Acey Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Right - I get home from an exam, starving. I whack a streak under the grill, and go to get changed. "I'll have a quick peek at KB while I wait for the steak" I think to myself. "Nothing bad could possibly happen, right?" Wrong. Dead wrong. A quick peek turns into an extended glance, then a proper look, then a proper ****-off stare. If this were a film, my glazed face would fade in and out over a shot of a clock with its hands birling like a gyroscope. "Oh yeah - I've got a streak under the grill; I'd better go and see if-oh **** me, the b***tard's on fire!" Yes, followers. As your hero entered his kitchen, this sight greeted him: I panicked, handsomely. My kitchen was ablaze; it was like the Inferno, and I was Virgil (except less calm). Images of insurance claims and furious flatmates filled my head. What did I save first? The PS3? My laptop? The Hearts away top I got signed by Neil Macfarlane et al at the Open Day in 2004? Steadying myself, I fought my way to the hallway cupboard, and dived into it, hoping against hope that I'd find something upon which I could blame this mess. Unfortunately, I could only find a fire extinguisher. I struggled against adversity back into the kitchen, which now resembled the inside of a furnace (except with more fire). I steadied myself, and ruggedly took aim at the grill, which was now spewing out fire, as if to challenge me. It wanted me to fire a creamy stream of justice all over its ches-I mean, grill. And I let that ****er have it. As you may have guessed, KB, I've lived to tell the tale. For the record, the steak is a little wet, but delicious. I'm enjoying it with a can of Strongbow right now. Let this be a lesson to you all; if it can happen to me, then it can definitely happen to you. KB can destroy your life, if you let it. Yours in Kickbackery Sagna, -Acey There may be slight use of artistic license in this cautionary tale. But that ****er was really on fire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 I hope you like your steak well done. Guffaw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Lyon Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Hopefully this will be a rare experience! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsswc Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 BLOODY hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Could argue about this until we are blue in the face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveandal Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 A find this story very hard to SWALLOW............ http://scotsport.podbean.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Winstone Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 This kind of thing must only happen on RARE occasions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Lyon Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Did this really happen or is it a porky pie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Did this really happen or is it a porky pie? I doubt Acey would HAM it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miller Jambo 60 Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 I doubt Acey would HAM it up. Remember about 25 years ago cooked myself some food on the hob. Went to bed and woke up in the morning with my dad going to kill me. I had left the hob on at full blast. WHAT A RODNEY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sexton Hardcastle Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 "What did I save first? The PS3? My laptop? The Hearts away top I got signed by Neil Macfarlane et al at the Open Day in 2004?" Sounds like the stakes were high ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommythejambo Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 "What did I save first? The PS3? My laptop? The Hearts away top I got signed by Neil Macfarlane et al at the Open Day in 2004?" Sounds like the stakes were high ! I hope he would have opted for the top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wibble Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 Ask Nelly Terraces about The Hot Doughnuts Inferno. He'll have some advice for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cigaro Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 I do this every Sunday with bacon. I consider it a hobby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul_C Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 "Oh yeah - I've got a streak under the grill; I'd better go and see if-oh **** me, the b***tard's on fire!" Rather unfortunate typo Acey! Could be nasty, or you could end up the same colour as those in the Calderwood / Sheridan mode Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legend Claws Posted April 29, 2008 Share Posted April 29, 2008 On another note my flat once tried to cook a frozen pizza in a frying pan after being out on the ****. I was most confused when I entered the kitchen to find a soggy pizza in the pan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GhostHunter Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Sounds like you got a Raw Deal there Acey my man. Never Mind, I hear Sandra BULLOCKS is coming over tonight, she'll be Towering Infer, no ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dix Handley Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1532054 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Whittaker's Tache Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Glad to see you outflanked it You'll fillet in your wallet when you have to cough up for the damages... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grumpyjambo Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 This thread is a load of mince!1 In fact I will go the whole hog and call it offal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams bird Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I was making jaffa cakes the other day, put the sponge in the oven came on here and they got cremated..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Whittaker's Tache Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I was making jaffa cakes the other day, put the sponge in the oven came on here and they got cremated..... Is your second name McVitie? Should we expect a shortage and panic buy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redm Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 This thread is a load of mince!1 In fact I will go the whole hog and call it offal. You're not amoosing anyone y'know... An udder thread ruined.... [i'll call my own taxi...hehe] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Therapist Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Steadying myself, I fought my way to the hallway cupboard, and dived into it, hoping against hope that I'd find something upon which I could blame this mess. Unfortunately, I could only find a fire extinguisher. I struggled against adversity back into the kitchen, which now resembled the inside of a furnace (except with more fire). I steadied myself, and ruggedly took aim at the grill, which was now spewing out fire, as if to challenge me. It wanted me to fire a creamy stream of justice all over its ches-I mean, grill. And I let that ****er have it. Why didn't you just smother the fire with your wig and gown? As you may have guessed, KB, I've lived to tell the tale. No comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams bird Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Is your second name McVitie? Should we expect a shortage and panic buy? panic buy jaffa cakes if you like, mine were out a box 'greens' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan_R Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 how well done do you like your steak!? Im bad for this sort of thing too though. Here is my top tip: Wrap it tinfoil and stick it in the oven. Any sort of meat is still delicious roasted and because of tinfoil you can go back half an hour later than you shouldve and it won't be completely incinerated and will still be perfectly edible. I do this with sausages/burgers etc too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grumpyjambo Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 You're not amoosing anyone y'know... An udder thread ruined.... [i'll call my own taxi...hehe] I hope that you will just let me liver and let liver, just kidney really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidRae Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Right - I get home from an exam, starving. I whack a streak under the grill, and go to get changed. "I'll have a quick peek at KB while I wait for the steak" I think to myself. "Nothing bad could possibly happen, right?" Wrong. Dead wrong. A quick peek turns into an extended glance, then a proper look, then a proper ****-off stare. If this were a film, my glazed face would fade in and out over a shot of a clock with its hands birling like a gyroscope. "Oh yeah - I've got a streak under the grill; I'd better go and see if-oh **** me, the b***tard's on fire!" Yes, followers. As your hero entered his kitchen, this sight greeted him: I panicked, handsomely. My kitchen was ablaze; it was like the Inferno, and I was Virgil (except less calm). Images of insurance claims and furious flatmates filled my head. What did I save first? The PS3? My laptop? The Hearts away top I got signed by Neil Macfarlane et al at the Open Day in 2004? Steadying myself, I fought my way to the hallway cupboard, and dived into it, hoping against hope that I'd find something upon which I could blame this mess. Unfortunately, I could only find a fire extinguisher. I struggled against adversity back into the kitchen, which now resembled the inside of a furnace (except with more fire). I steadied myself, and ruggedly took aim at the grill, which was now spewing out fire, as if to challenge me. It wanted me to fire a creamy stream of justice all over its ches-I mean, grill. And I let that ****er have it. As you may have guessed, KB, I've lived to tell the tale. For the record, the steak is a little wet, but delicious. I'm enjoying it with a can of Strongbow right now. Let this be a lesson to you all; if it can happen to me, then it can definitely happen to you. KB can destroy your life, if you let it. Yours in Kickbackery Sagna, -Acey There may be slight use of artistic license in this cautionary tale. But that ****er was really on fire. Sounds more like your negligence burnt your flat, not KB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makween Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Sounds more like your negligence burnt your flat, not KB. You don't say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidRae Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 You don't say. I do say. As seen above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makween Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 I do say. As seen above. Confound it all, so you do. Silly me, must look harder in future. I'm only typing this second sentence because I have to wait 19 seconds before posting anything. **** Celtic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidRae Posted May 1, 2008 Share Posted May 1, 2008 Confound it all, so you do. Silly me, must look harder in future. I'm only typing this second sentence because I have to wait 19 seconds before posting anything. **** Celtic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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