JamboJay Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I?m thinking of asking the owner/webmaster/adminisrator of JKB if I could launch a series of merchandise for the exclusive use of the members of this site. I have an idea about launching a series of products that might appeal to a significant proportion of JKBs readers and you could take this message as a marketing exercise. The first product I?d like to present to you is The JKB Hairshirt Yes, Yes I know its just sooo medieval but I think it is so for us just now. These won?t be your standard hairshirts a la Saint Francis of Assisi No, No No. These will be tailored for today?s supporters who have trouble in achieving the correct level of depression endemic around here. The shirts will of coarse be made from organically farmed goats hair and be totally recyclable into punchbags of your chosen Romanov family member. Shirts will be available in a variety of sizes and colours, we need your size so we can send the most inappropriate size in return to maximize the awkwardness. Colours would be as varied as you need, black, white and everything in between (I?m not prepared to do them in the famous maroon, that is a step too far). The next product in the list is aimed at those for whom the Hairshirt just doesn?t reach the level of discomfiture required for today?s woe-is-me people. In a series of unique and undeniably stylish implements guaranteed to put your back in a state I give you the Tynie Crop and Gorgie Cat. Both designed to reach parts of your back other corporal mortification lashes can only dream about. Please note that once used the above cannot be returned for credit given the Health and Safety reasons. For the less angst driven amongst us, can I suggest our bespoke Sackcloth and Ashes, the ideal wear for going down the pub and extolling the virtues of not buying a season ticket and doing unmentionable things to a certain Lithuanian person or persons. A more casual attire this, and of course extra ashes can be bought in bulk at special discount prices. For the true aficionados of the ?we?re-doomed-laddie-we?re-doomed? variety our superb craftsmen have manufactured a Silice (as used in the Da Vinci Code) which comes in three sizes ?The Skinny Malink?, for the wee guy, ?The ?NNNnnnnngg? for Joe average and the ?Wowzer? for the ?I?ll only have one tray of pies thanks very much? well proportioned figure. The same rules that govern the Cat and Crop (fantastic name for a pub if you?re into ?that? sort thing) regarding the use and Health and Safety issues. But this is all marketing speil. Is anyone that hacked of with HMFC that they would actually wear a hairshirt or physically beat oneself with a crop? I had a bit of fun writing this parody up but in my researching was astonished to find this site http://www.cilice.co.uk/ there?s all manner of strangeness out there Apologies if I?ve offended anyone but it?s only a JamboJay ?Flight of Fancy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 ...pardon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legend Claws Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 By the beard of zeus what are you talking about man? Get a grip of yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hearts Heritage Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 For anyone speaking out of turn a Scold's Bridal should be order of the day. Followed by a ducking in the Water of Leith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GhostHunter Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Don't Do Drugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geddy Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 "Don't Do Drugs." How are we supposed to watch Hearts then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K1874M Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 hahah excellent. I found it funny any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wibble Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 From that website ..... "Cilice.co.uk offers a range of cilice belts, from traditional full length and half length chains produced by Italian nuns" :eek: ...... pedo priests and bondage nuns.... whatever next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leginten Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 ...Saint Francis of A...’ I quite enjoy his posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorldChampions1902 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Very funny post - certainly brightened up my day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo Bill Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Interesting! Buffalo Bill . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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