Top Ten Transfer deadline cliches

[jambovambo]

http://www.shortlist.com/entertainment/sport/top-10-transfer-deadline-day-cliches

 

 

Top 10 Transfer Deadline Day Clich?s

 

 

 

The last day in August sees the transfer window slam shut (it's never closed gently) and, like Cup Final day, it's one of the most clich?d in the football calendar. When the coverage of transfer deadline day becomes more interesting than the transfers themselves, it's time to wonder if the beautiful game truly has eaten itself.

 

Here are the top ten deadline day clich?s, courtesy of @FootballCliches:

 

1) The hands-off warning

 

With everyone now resigned to the fact that transfer dealings will almost certainly take place in the media glare, the "hands-off warning" has become the defence mechanism of choice for clubs desperate to keep hold of their prize assets until the end of August. Should the hands-off warning fail to deter bidders, it is customary to "slap" a prohibitive "price-tag" on the player.

 

2) The come-and-get-me plea

 

Any hands-off warning is rendered powerless if the player himself issues a "come-and-get-me plea" to his circling suitors. A failed come-and-get-me plea, however, can lead to the awful punishment of being "frozen out", which in turn can leave the player in the hopeless wilderness of "transfer limbo".

 

3) The derisory offer

 

Only one adjective is permitted to be used to describe an inadequate offer for a player, and that is "derisory". Used repeatedly and mindlessly by club chairmen, "derisory" is one of those few words you hear almost exclusively in football but nowhere else.

 

4) Fax machines

 

The unsung hero of deadline day. Apparently obsolete in most other industries, the fax machine can be the pivotal factor in an "11th hour" deal being completed before the aforementioned slamming shut of the transfer window.

 

5) Bid hijacks

 

Clubs unable to swiftly wrap up a new signing risk the dreaded "bid hijack". Usually perpetrated by a bigger club, and often conducted in the guise of a "swoop", a perfectly-executed bid hijack can leave your rivals fuming and your fans delighted in equal measure.

 

6) Snags and stumbling blocks

 

The last hours of the transfer window are a less-than-ideal time to encounter the common obstacles of "snags" and "stumbling blocks". Snags tend to be fee-related - the modern obsession with add-ons is a typical complication - while stumbling blocks are almost always over the player's personal terms. With the clock ticking down, club medicals are often a mere "formality".

 

7) Transfer raids

 

The high turnover of the Managerial Merry-Go-Round? means that clubs are often vulnerable to their previous manager returning to "raid" them of his loyal former charges. It's a particularly violent-sounding entry in the football transfer vernacular, but most raids are surprisingly amicable affairs, despite the inevitable hands-off warnings.

 

8) Spoof transfer rumours

 

Thanks to Sky Sports News and minute-by-minute web coverage, the thirst for transfer rumour is almost unquenchable. To fill the gaps, we rely on amusingly outlandish transfer gossip. It usually involves an airport (or a motorway service station, for the purists) and at least four degrees of separation from the rumour-monger - including family pets. So, if John from Manchester's dog's uncle's owner's hairdresser sees Theo Walcott boarding a private catamaran headed for Liverpool, you'll be sure to read it on Twitter.

 

9) Military terminology

 

The transfer window requires a club to strike with precision. When a "target" on their "radar" suddenly becomes a "contract rebel", clubs are said to be on "red alert". Managers of less glamorous clubs must make do with mere "reinforcements", however, unless they happen to secure a prestigious transfer "coup".

 

10) War chests

 

It's not clear at which point a "transfer kitty" becomes a full-blown "transfer war chest". The latter enables a club to embark on a wonderfully alliterative "summer spending spree", during which they will face a multitude of hands-off-warnings and slapped price tags despite claiming that they "won't be held to ransom over [insert overpriced England international here]".

 

 

It's fair to say we've all heard all of them ... any others ?

[Jason_1991]

The classic 'arry we won't be signing anyone today..misse that this year