Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Hordes of JKB, what to make of this case?:I have a flatmate, Joaqu?n, who is obsessed with opening the kitchen window wide to the wall at all times, day and night. He also keeps his own window open and the door open when he is up so that our flat is freezing. I asked him to close the window after a while if he wanted to air the kitchen, or to close the kitchen door so that the air wouldn't circulate round the house. Fine, he said, but continued as normal. I eventually spoke to the landlord about it and he put up a sign telling him to close the window and warning him that if he continued annoying everybody else, he would be thrown out. So, I got up this morning to find the window wide to the wall as usual (better than recently, when he has removed the window from its frame. What does auntie kickback recommend? PS: some might think that, being Spain, it's warm, but it was 0?C at 20.14 last night, according to the bus stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
va va voom Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Turd in the bed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Turd in the bed! [/quote It wouldn't smell because of the cold air! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brow Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Glue the window shut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe.gausden Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Grass seeds on the carpet (assuming there is a carpet) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Grass seeds on the carpet (assuming there is a carpet) ???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Nail his head to the floor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe.gausden Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 ???? After you sprinkle them you have to water them until they start growing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 GET HIM PUMPED OUT THE FLAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 GET HIM PUMPED OUT THE FLAT I might get him pumped full of lead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambos are go! Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Arrange a spoof burglary before a real one happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 You probably are going to have to move out. Is the flat in a good location? If so I can understand you would be reluctant to leave, but it's clear that window boy is not going to change his ways. What is his chat with that anyway? Does he just love the cold or is his chorizo a bit on the stinky side? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My Left Nut Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Tell him if he opens that window again, he will be leaving via that window!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUG Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Rub his toothrush ....on your rusty bullet wound......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 You probably are going to have to move out. Is the flat in a good location? If so I can understand you would be reluctant to leave, but it's clear that window boy is not going to change his ways. What is his chat with that anyway? Does he just love the cold or is his chorizo a bit on the stinky side? He declared on 3 January that he doesn't mind the cold, when we were enjoying snow. He claims it is to prevent creepy-crawlies from being attracted to the house, but another flatmate is manic about the cleaning and keeps it impeccable. Joaqu?n doesn't eat at home. His clothes are also always perfect. I suspect obsessive-compulsive disorder or some other mental illness. The flat is in a good location and my bedroom is huge so I'm very reluctant to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 He sounds like a bammer who is going to crack one day so unless you are confident you can handle him when he does then I think I'd move out and find a flat full of foxy senoritas who love cleaning and ironing and watching porn and footy. You might be right. He has already told the other flatmate, who has been more in touch with the landlord about this than me, that he has "been warned". And Joaquin's a big lad. I wonder if Doug would jet down to Madrid to show him the way of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaun.lawson Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 He sounds like a bammer who is going to crack one day so unless you are confident you can handle him when he does then I think I'd move out and find a flat full of foxy senoritas who love cleaning and ironing and watching porn and footy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P_API6N4oA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Hmm, difficult. He sounds like a bit of a loon, on the other hand, you're liking the minted flat. How much longer can you take it though? I know that flat disputes can become a bit all encompassing if you let them. You should let some bugs go in his room, get them from the pet shop for feeding snakes. Then when he goes mad about them you can inform him that his theory obviously isn't as good as he thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalMac Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Tell him to stop being a f@#@in tosser or you'll sort him out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedbump Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Get your own place and stop sharing a flat with Suso's boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craigieboy Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Toothbrush round your chocolate starfish mate. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I'd just slam his door shut every night just after he'd fallen asleep just to piss him off. You could also get a mate to start launching stuff through his bedroom window every night - I bet he'd start closing it after he got a water ballon with warm pish in it all over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambojackbilly Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Kick his melt in end of If not pan his window in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regal Kingston Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Turd in the bed! ddd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regal Kingston Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Turd in the bed! Perfect clothes? WTF. You good with colours? If I were you I would dig up a corpse and put it in his bed. Phone the police. That will get rid of him for a few days at least. If you don't fancy getting your hands dirty stick his toothbrush........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 enlist the help of a hot female friend to superglue his tadger to his leg. then get her to wake him up and strip off. some video footage for the kickback loony element would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 You could also get a mate to start launching stuff through his bedroom window every night - I bet he'd start closing it after he got a water ballon with warm pish in it all over him. Genuine LOL moment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 We have a guy at work who sneaks around opening windows. He's already been warned by the boss about it but it hasn't stopped him. Nutters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamdub Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Genuine LOL moment Kick his feckin' heid in, you have listened to everything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArmiyaRomanova Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Sounds like he's trying to get rid of you in a war of attrition. Has he got friends that he wants to move in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamboelite Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Tell the landlord that the rest of you are going to move out and leave just him there unless he sorts it advising that he will get loads of grief from every tennant who moves in to share with this guy till its resolved. If the landlord has any sense and doesnt want this guy staying he will boot this boy out for anti social behaviour straight away and get a quiet life. Unless said spaniard wants his mates in then your daffy ducked and its exactly what he wants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 Sounds like he's trying to get rid of you in a war of attrition. Has he got friends that he wants to move in? I think it is. He works nights as a taxi driver, so that when I wake up the window is open and the house freezing. He then gets up during the day to open the window and goes back to bed. My other flatmate and I are thinking of going to the landlord and saying: "we're both going if he doesn't". Hopefully he'll see the economic reasons for insisting on keeping the window closed. Surely obsessive-comlusive disorder- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudi must stay Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Hordes of JKB, what to make of this case?:I have a flatmate, Joaqu?n, who is obsessed with opening the kitchen window wide to the wall at all times, day and night. He also keeps his own window open and the door open when he is up so that our flat is freezing. I asked him to close the window after a while if he wanted to air the kitchen, or to close the kitchen door so that the air wouldn't circulate round the house. Fine, he said, but continued as normal. I eventually spoke to the landlord about it and he put up a sign telling him to close the window and warning him that if he continued annoying everybody else, he would be thrown out. So, I got up this morning to find the window wide to the wall as usual (better than recently, when he has removed the window from its frame. What does auntie kickback recommend? PS: some might think that, being Spain, it's warm, but it was 0?C at 20.14 last night, according to the bus stop. just lock the windows.. tbh if you haven't thought of that you're probably quite daft but that's what i'd do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beats Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Just kick his ***** in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midloth_Iain Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 If he leaves his bedroom window open, gather up a bag of 'nature', ie , leaves, soil, twigs, occasional dog s#it and tip it on his bed. " Wasnt me senor guv, must have been a crow" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotland Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Hordes of JKB, what to make of this case?:I have a flatmate, Joaqu?n, who is obsessed with opening the kitchen window wide to the wall at all times, day and night. He also keeps his own window open and the door open when he is up so that our flat is freezing. I asked him to close the window after a while if he wanted to air the kitchen, or to close the kitchen door so that the air wouldn't circulate round the house. Fine, he said, but continued as normal. I eventually spoke to the landlord about it and he put up a sign telling him to close the window and warning him that if he continued annoying everybody else, he would be thrown out. So, I got up this morning to find the window wide to the wall as usual (better than recently, when he has removed the window from its frame. What does auntie kickback recommend? PS: some might think that, being Spain, it's warm, but it was 0?C at 20.14 last night, according to the bus stop. Joking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 put dead wasps in his shoes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portobellojambo1 Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Shoot him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hate_hibs Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I'd just slam his door shut every night just after he'd fallen asleep just to piss him off. You could also get a mate to start launching stuff through his bedroom window every night - I bet he'd start closing it after he got a water ballon with warm pish in it all over him. Great idea.. Gather a few of your mates one night, fill a few balloons of pish up and launch an assault of Hot pish balloons through his open window every night and day until he learns to keep the window shut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Pile empty beer cans tins bottles etc infront of the window,make it almost impossible to get to and also put something nasty on the handle incase he gets past the barricade,if that fails threaten him with the severe malky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartsfc_fan Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 My flat mate is a bit of an arse aswell. Whilst he's one of my best mates, he does bog all. Doesn't clean, doesn't do general house work, leaves things lying about. He claims he doesn't have time to do house work because he's never in. I'd hate to see the state of the flat when I get a new job (hopefully) in the next 4 weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 But Mods he is a Sherman t@nker, a Barclays B@nker, a J Arthur R@nker, a Williams H@nker!!!! Lee ma freed alane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Tolbooth Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Start coming onto him and pretend your gay, that's bound to scare the fecker out of the flat and make him look for new digs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 tie a little home made string noose round his plonker (when he's sleeping probably) and rig it up in an elaborate pulley system so that when he jumps out of bed he'll make sausages out of his ******. no video footage is required of this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wibble Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Start coming onto him and pretend your gay, that's bound to scare the fecker out of the flat and make him look for new digs! He's called joaquin and he dresses impecabbly. Do you really think this is a good idea????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 He's called joaquin and he dresses impecabbly. Do you really think this is a good idea????? Aye, good one. He apparently has a BURSD but I have never seen evidence. What she would would see in a bald maniac heaven alone knows. I don't know what's wrong with Joaqu?n, though, he nailed the Johnny Cash role. My flatmate would be better off as Juan Kerr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorgie_rebel Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 I'm still liking the, window boy's toothbrush roond the rusty tea towel holder angle, TBH...... Might not stop him opening the windows..... but at least the knowledge that, every morning, he's rubbing your @rse deposits round his mouth will warm your soul till summertime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cade Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Take his bedroom door off. If he likes the cold, let him bare the brunt of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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