HEARTS ARE ON THE GLASS MOUNTAIN

[Groatallar]

I bet you're an Aberblue fan.

 

Or that irish pr**k David O'Boueoa.

 

WTF is Aberblue?

 

I've seen far worse Hearts teams than this although not as boring.

There is no danger the glorious will go down and Jefferies will turn it around.

 

Now will the drama queens please stop ranting.

[Mr Sifter]

WHO CHORIED THE *****IN PIES LAST NIGHT.

 

Bet it was Rolmanoff, he'd love it if we were left starvin.

 

FFS bet hes sellin them oot the bak of his motor over in lith. pie and a beatles record for a fiver. betcha.

 

I am beelin ti f(ck.

[Malcolm Tucker]

The EAST OF SCOTLAND LEAGUE, you mean?

 

You wont be waiting long....

 

 

 

NOTHING BUT A PUB TEAM.

[Guest King]

Cant believe we signed Barron Fart on a pre-contract, joke of a signing. He only came to us as no other club would take him.

 

And dont get me started on Lying Stevensoncollege, who in their right mind would get a player from the first irn-bru joke league.

 

We are a joke of a club even down to the issuing of season ticket smartcards, I miss having a good season ticket book you could chuck at the nearest player. MadVlad must go!!!

 

THIS.

 

I wish we still had season books so I could throw them at the nearest player in a purple jersey on the last day of the season to show how SEETHING I am. What am I supposed to do with a card? Maybe sharpen the edges and slit my throat!?!?

 

The world is laughing at HoMFC for signing a division 1 ginger pubed stain and waste of oxygen. We should be paying this HOBO LOOKALIKE in Party Rings to get him of the COCAINE.

 

He even looks like a Hobo, NO HEARTS FAN HAS A TATTOO, EAR PIERCING OR BLONDE HAIR!!

 

When I see him I am going to tell him where I am from, the capital, and then tell him where he is from, a **** hole.

[Boomstick]

WTF is Aberblue?

 

I've seen far worse Hearts teams than this although not as boring.

There is no danger the glorious will go down and Jefferies will turn it around.

 

Now will the drama queens please stop ranting.

 

There's every chance that the fumuus will go down under gun googlies!

 

We R not gud enuff 4 da spl.

 

It's a shame but we have to face the facts.

 

SERIOUSLY, IT'S A ****ING QUESTION MARK! LOOKS LIKE THIS: ?

[shaun.lawson]

WTF is Aberblue?

 

I've seen far worse Hearts teams than this although not as boring.

There is no danger the glorious will go down and Jefferies will turn it around.

 

Now will the drama queens please stop ranting.

 

Yep. Aberpoo fan. FACT.

 

(Or someone who's been completely whooshed by the thread).

[monkfish1979]

WTF is Aberblue?

 

I've seen far worse Hearts teams than this although not as boring.

There is no danger the glorious will go down and Jefferies will turn it around.

 

Now will the drama queens please stop ranting.

 

Wish I could see how bad they were, my retimals were BURNED OUT by the badness of seeing that chinese guy, Davos Onbuey, trying to skin a Hamilton player and falling over.

[Guest King]

WTF is Aberblue?

 

I've seen far worse Hearts teams than this although not as boring.

There is no danger the glorious will go down and Jefferies will turn it around.

 

Now will the drama queens please stop ranting.

 

Groatallar, take of the maroon tinted specks and have a look at the facts.

 

WE ARE SO ****ED ITS UNREAL.

 

It is so difficult to type when you have a pistol in one hand.

[shaun.lawson]

THIS.

 

I wish we still had season books so I could throw them at the nearest player in a purple jersey on the last day of the season to show how SEETHING I am. What am I supposed to do with a card? Maybe sharpen the edges and slit my throat!?!?

 

The world is laughing at HoMFC for signing a division 1 ginger pubed stain and waste of oxygen. We should be paying this HOBO LOOKALIKE in Party Rings to get him of the COCAINE.

 

He even looks like a Hobo, NO HEARTS FAN HAS A TATTOO, EAR PIERCING OR BLONDE HAIR!!

 

When I see him I am going to tell him where I am from, the capital, and then tell him where he is from, a **** hole.

 

Don't you mean HOMOFC? Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! *****.

[Malcolm Tucker]

I hope Aberviolet fans all just get LAUNCHED. The YAMFUDS that they are.

[Tiberius Stinkfinger]

"King" is Sirgay !!

 

Nailed on factamundo.

[Guest King]

"King" is Sirgay !!

 

Nailed on factamundo.

 

Mods launch this fishing trolling imposter ASAP or I will have to TAME the LION myself!!

[Boomstick]

"King" is Sirgay !!

 

Nailed on factamundo.

 

Just checked his posting history, stick on hobbit.

[Guest King]

Just checked his posting history, stick on hobbit.

 

I am no grass but consider yourself REPORTED!

 

So I cant come on this forum and tell it how it really is without being called a HIB?

 

Whatever.

 

APOLOGIES FOR HAVING AN OPINION

APOLOGIES FOR NOT BEING PART OF THE CLIQUE!!!

 

Again, APOLOGIES.

 

(tell me when this has gone too far)

 

[speedbump]

I am no grass but consider yourself REPORTED!

 

So I cant come on this forum and tell it how it really is without being called a HIB?

 

Whatever.

 

APOLOGIES FOR HAVING AN OPINION

APOLOGIES FOR NOT BEING PART OF THE CLIQUE!!!

 

Again, APOLOGIES.

 

(tell me when this has gone too far)

 

 

After post number 1.................................LOLZ.

[Boomstick]

After post number 1.................................LOLZ.

 

ZING!

[Tommy Wiseau]

Great stuff from OP. Says what we are all thinking.

 

Jimchiminee-chimchiminee-chimchimcheree-a-sweep-is-as-lucky-as-lucky-can Jeffreese should be sacked immediately before the inevitable onset of rrrrrrrrelegation.

[Era Macaroons]

BROKEBACKERS, I THINK ITS ABOUT TIME WE GET USE TO IT. WE ARE FOR THE DROP.

 

That is TWO SPL GAMES we have lost in a row, we are now TEN points of bottom place Hamilton - A LESS GLAMOROUS MOTHERWELL FFS.

 

WE HAVE JUST LOST A SEMI FINAL TO THE PEEBLES OF THE WEST.

 

^THIS

 

Desparate times at Tynecastle - the equivelent of HELL according to some posters.

 

^That

 

I fear for the future of our club, we have lost TWO games in a row and because of this I AM A QUIVERING WRECK.

 

DWWWDWDLL <------------- ****!!!

 

LET ME SAY THIS NOW,

 

I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT, be renewing next season when we have been relegated to division 4. IF we have a club to follow that is - The mad one (Or is that Lucifer?) is doing his best to RUIN us.

 

We couldnt score in training, we can defend, MICHAEL STEWART IS A GINGER RADGE, BOUZID is a BOMBSCARE, ZAL FOR CAPTAIN EVEN THOUGH HE IS A BIGGER RADGE THAN STEWART.

 

Add to that the lazy foreigners, GET THEM ALL BACK ON THE FIRST CARGO SHIP HEADED FOR THEIR BACKWATER HOMELAND. BOMBSCARES.

 

SACK Gym Jemmeries and bring back a club legend like KEVIN TWADDLE, he knows how to fight when you are in a basement battle.

 

Our next fixtures:

 

Celtic - away - ZERO points, Robbie Keane (the man who is going to save Scottish football from extinction) will get at least 8

 

Falkirk - home - ZERO, Eddie May, ********* and DAWN the lesbian school teacher from Edinburgh and Your Call fanatic will see to us thats for true.

 

Hamilton - home - MINUS ONE, for being so vile on the eye.

 

sheep - away - WAKE ME UP AT THE FINAL WHISTLE AND BREAK THE NEWS TO ME SOFTLY

 

Dundee Hibernian - away - MARE, get her pumped.

 

Hib - home - DERBY HUMILIATION, I FEAR ANOTHER 7 - 0. MAYBE MORE???? Who knows thats the fun.

 

Our stirkeforce - by far the worst forward line in the British Isles, if not Western Europe. CHRISTIAN NADE IS A TICKING TIMEBOMB AND A WALKING HAMBURGER, I seriously recommend that he visits his local GP re his HEART. HE IS SO FAT.

 

Tynecastle - or is that Swinecastle - NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE. A graveyard that was once the home of football. MAIN STAND is set to fall down at any minute, when I stand in lower N I cant take my eyes of the roof for fear of being OWNED by an IRON GIRDER falling from the sky. Add to that the little creatures who are known as the UJ Brigade - DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR, IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT THEN GO TO IBROX!!!1111!!!!1!!! I HAVE A COFFEE AND YOU ARE IN MY SIGHTS, If however I drink that then prepare to be tamed by 100 degrees of HIV positive Easter Road BOVRIL.

 

GOODBYE HEARTS - IT HAS BEEN FUN AND YOU WILL BE MISSED, 'Rodney' turn the lights out on your way out - we cant afford to pay the bills as it is.

 

Wheesht...Let JJ do his stuff

 

 

 

 

PS MON THE JAMBOS

[Boomstick]

Wheesht...Let JJ do his stuff

 

 

That's a false dawn.

[Era Macaroons]

That's a false dawn.

 

ha

 

arent they all?

 

I'll take ma chances

 

better than no new dawn eh

[Jamhammer]

WERE DOOOOOMMED. Are we doomed? I blame Smirnoff and his ukrainan laccies

[The People's Chimp]

Great stuff from OP. Says what we are all thinking.

 

Jimchiminee-chimchiminee-chimchimcheree-a-sweep-is-as-lucky-as-lucky-can Jeffreese should be sacked immediately before the inevitable onset of rrrrrrrrelegation.

 

His Jacket is on a seveerly sticky wicket and I for one would back the board in making such a brave decizion. He should stick to what he knoes best, sweeping chim chiminees.

[Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC]

:rofl:

 

A PLEASING FRED.

 

Some ****backers are spot on. Boycotting us to watch Tranent juniors is the way forward. Much better than the living hell we are being served up at the PBS.

 

Gym Jephrays and Conrad Balatoni (does he think he's in the Soprano's or sumfing????) are killing this club everyday they are here. Fact.

 

I'll be setting myself on phire and running across the pitch in a MASSIVE SEETH-FEST.

[Tommy Wiseau]

His Jacket is on a seveerly sticky wicket and I for one would back the board in making such a brave decizion. He should stick to what he knoes best, sweeping chim chiminees.

 

 

Genius. And funny because it's TRUE.

 

Incidentally, possibly the wittiest thing I've ever come out with on this forum will be lost in time, like tears in rain, because of the utter scathing genius of the OP.

 

Time to die.

 

[Guest King]

Anyone who doesnt agree with the original post needs to get chained to a radiator and kicked until the cheap and nasty linoleum beneath their pathetic body is dyed red with blood.

 

I am sorry, I hate to be the BERRA OF BAD NEWS, but this had to be said.

 

 

WALLACE IS A CELTIC ******* AND DRIVER COULDNT CROSS HIS LEGS

[Guest juvehearts]

im rageing with shake with this thread,

 

jj aint the answer, i mean since he kame back he has only signed 1 player,

 

we aint won with him in charge,

 

i fear the worst against the next team, keano is going to score 8, kello couldnt kick his way out a wet paper bag, wee JT ar RB aint the answer.

 

i think were going down sugar.

 

im snaping my smartcard in 2 as we speak, im that angry.

 

just BOOOOO.

[Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC]

There will be UGLY SEENS at Timecapsule if Pim Peffraze doesn't sign a striker in the next two daize.

 

 

UGLY SEENS.

[Guest King]

[Tommy Wiseau]

Am their m8.

 

 

 

 

LAUNCHIN A

 

 

 

 

right at DJIM YEAH! FREEZE!

 

if there's nae noo

 

 

 

 

playing on Setutrdae

 

FACT

[Malcolm Tucker]

Jeff Jimjohn oot!!!!!!!!!!11?@!/!321@!!!

 

Hib are laffing at us, Aberindigo are lathing at us, and ULGY SISTSERS are defo lahthfing at us!!!!11!

 

I'm ACHING WITH AGE at this SO CALLED team. Jeremy Kyle could have sorted our season out BUT NO, we HAD to get BRIAN STEFANSON from Ayr Rovers.

 

The loss to Southampton last night was the final straw in the coffin.

 

END OFF NUFF SAID.

[Guest King]

EVEN PISHY PANTS FETUS FACE IS LAUGHING AT US!!!!!!!

 

 

[donnie darko]

EVEN PISHY PANTS FETUS FACE IS LAUGHING AT US!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Is this why so many hobos are so fixated with Hearts?

 

Because they have the IQ of small infants?

[Sterling Archer]

NO HEART OF MIDLITHUANIA =

 

[Samster]

JAMBOS KICKBACK are pleased to announce the board is now being sponsored by CBBC (ya bass).

 

 

I think King has delusions of being Hunter S Thompson reincanated.

[djf]

The "lets all pretend to be i8hbs" thread.

 

Cool

[DikT.]

Never has so much written in jest been so true :-)

[Tommy Wiseau]

If Dayglo Ebola ever plays fur this faymus klub again, I'll be protestant by never, EVER buying a match programme again.

 

For phree weeks.

 

 

PS. JKB is a joke. My pictoor of Matt WE NEED A STRIKER from the ressling has disappeared and now my last post MAKES NO SENSE.

 

I am shaking the sage at this betrayal.

[Wish]

I'm only 17, but I long for they days for forwards like BOND, CAULD & WARDROBE.

 

WILLIE CUMMING must be beelin' in his grave at the lack of fight and spirit in the current Hearts team. This was the man, who in 1956 took on 4 Hibs casuals and all of the HBC and battered them, before leading the happy band of purple headed people eaters across the BRIDGE OF DOOM.

[Tommy Wiseau]

 

Wish, my young padawan, would you care to become my new apprentice? I see great potential in you...

[Guest King]

Kickback is a breeding ground for hate and right wing political views.

 

I cant make my mind up, are HAWRTS fans the posh Edinburgh private school toffs or are they HERTZ, jakey neds from the cities slums who sleep with a rifle under their pillow.

 

If we had a team full of Scots this would not be happening. BRING BACK PRESSLEY IN SOME CAPACITY.

[I.J]

If we had a team full of Scots this would not be happening. BRING BACK PRESSLEY IN SOME CAPACITY.

 

IMO, we should ask him to hand out the Combat18 leaflets outside Tynie. This, as we all know, happens every single home game and auld Adi who has selflessly dedicated himself the last 30 years to the cause of letting us Jambos know that we are all shaven headed nazi thugs could really do with a wee hand.

 

I think Elvis could be that new Aryan leader.

[P-Dizzle]

YER ALL DILUTEDYAMFUDZ

[Sterling Archer]

 

HALE 2 THE SAVYUR

[topcat]

I've been watching Hearts since 1875* and I can honestly say that this is the worst team I've ever seen. They're a disgrace to the jersey. If Andy "wage thief" Driver had any loyalty to the club he'd have shot himself in the Head as soon as he got injured just to get himself off our wage bill. Callum Elliot probably tried to do this and missed.

 

 

*I missed the 1874 season because I was cleaning chimney's on Saturdays

[Guest Bilel Mohsni]

I'd like to put forward a motion that we just forget HMFC and all become fans of Edinburgh City Football Club.

 

I see Victorian and Mothy have been wearing their colours already.

 

 

LOL

[Wish]

 

*I missed the 1874 season because I was cleaning chimney's on Saturdays

 

Part-Time HERTZ supporter

[cashgenerator]

BROKEBACKERS, I THINK ITS ABOUT TIME WE GET USE TO IT. WE ARE FOR THE DROP.

 

That is TWO SPL GAMES we have lost in a row, we are now TEN points of bottom place Hamilton - A LESS GLAMOROUS MOTHERWELL FFS.

 

WE HAVE JUST LOST A SEMI FINAL TO THE PEEBLES OF THE WEST.

 

^THIS

 

Desparate times at Tynecastle - the equivelent of HELL according to some posters.

 

^That

 

I fear for the future of our club, we have lost TWO games in a row and because of this I AM A QUIVERING WRECK.

 

DWWWDWDLL <------------- ****!!!

 

LET ME SAY THIS NOW,

 

I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT, be renewing next season when we have been relegated to division 4. IF we have a club to follow that is - The mad one (Or is that Lucifer?) is doing his best to RUIN us.

 

We couldnt score in training, we can defend, MICHAEL STEWART IS A GINGER RADGE, BOUZID is a BOMBSCARE, ZAL FOR CAPTAIN EVEN THOUGH HE IS A BIGGER RADGE THAN STEWART.

 

Add to that the lazy foreigners, GET THEM ALL BACK ON THE FIRST CARGO SHIP HEADED FOR THEIR BACKWATER HOMELAND. BOMBSCARES.

 

SACK Gym Jemmeries and bring back a club legend like KEVIN TWADDLE, he knows how to fight when you are in a basement battle.

 

Our next fixtures:

 

Celtic - away - ZERO points, Robbie Keane (the man who is going to save Scottish football from extinction) will get at least 8

 

Falkirk - home - ZERO, Eddie May, ********* and DAWN the lesbian school teacher from Edinburgh and Your Call fanatic will see to us thats for true.

 

Hamilton - home - MINUS ONE, for being so vile on the eye.

 

sheep - away - WAKE ME UP AT THE FINAL WHISTLE AND BREAK THE NEWS TO ME SOFTLY

 

Dundee Hibernian - away - MARE, get her pumped.

 

Hib - home - DERBY HUMILIATION, I FEAR ANOTHER 7 - 0. MAYBE MORE???? Who knows thats the fun.

 

Our stirkeforce - by far the worst forward line in the British Isles, if not Western Europe. CHRISTIAN NADE IS A TICKING TIMEBOMB AND A WALKING HAMBURGER, I seriously recommend that he visits his local GP re his HEART. HE IS SO FAT.

 

Tynecastle - or is that Swinecastle - NOT FIT FOR PURPOSE. A graveyard that was once the home of football. MAIN STAND is set to fall down at any minute, when I stand in lower N I cant take my eyes of the roof for fear of being OWNED by an IRON GIRDER falling from the sky. Add to that the little creatures who are known as the UJ Brigade - DISGUSTING BEHAVIOUR, IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT THEN GO TO IBROX!!!1111!!!!1!!! I HAVE A COFFEE AND YOU ARE IN MY SIGHTS, If however I drink that then prepare to be tamed by 100 degrees of HIV positive Easter Road BOVRIL.

 

GOODBYE HEARTS - IT HAS BEEN FUN AND YOU WILL BE MISSED, 'Rodney' turn the lights out on your way out - we cant afford to pay the bills as it is.

 

Is it just me or is this post Doug-esque in its geniusness? All it needs is MA-HA at the end and it would be the best post ever!

[Guest King]

I've been watching Hearts since 1875* and I can honestly say that this is the worst team I've ever seen. They're a disgrace to the jersey. If Andy "wage thief" Driver had any loyalty to the club he'd have shot himself in the Head as soon as he got injured just to get himself off our wage bill. Callum Elliot probably tried to do this and missed.

 

 

*I missed the 1874 season because I was cleaning chimney's on Saturdays

 

 

Elliot is a total Steven Glansberg like.

[Moriarty]

this thread is sickening.

 

Scabby Lawnmower would be turning in his grave.

[Guest Bilel Mohsni]

this thread is sickening.

 

Scabby Lawnmower would be turning in his grave.

 

PF... That is superb, my new favorite signature pic!